Unchain My Soul
by Mercy2908
Summary: Wrong decisions steered Lou away from her path, and she found herself in the worst place in earth. Regrets were not possible, but would fate help her to straighten her life again?
1. Chapter 1

**Note: This is the first of a series in which Lou goes through a series of events, caused by bad luck and also her bad decisions. It is a quite dark story, and I know many people did not like. Even so, I found it interesting and I enjoyed writing this strange, dark story. I hope at least one of you gives these two poor orphans of stories a little chance. Thanks**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_'Tis a dream that I in sadness_

_Here am bound, the scorn of fate,_

_'Twas a dream that once a state,_

_I enjoyed of light and gladness._

_What is life? 'Tis but a madness._

_What is life? A thing that seems_

_A mirage that falsely gleams,_

_Phantom joy, delusive rest_

_Since is life a dream at best_

_And even dreams themselves are dreams._

_(Life is a Dream by Calderón de la Barca)_

_Winter 1870_

The cold air penetrated her bones and made her shiver. Lou wrapped the old coat tighter and folded her arms over her chest, but she couldn't get warm enough. It was freezing out here. The dress she was wearing was torn and thinning from so much use and wash, and the coat was in almost the same condition. The church circle usually donated clothes for the poor souls in the place and that was all she got to wear… somebody's rags. Because of her petite size she usually got some of the garments of a stout child from town, making her look totally ridiculous. At least those clothes had fit her, but her present dresses had belonged to a woman twice her size and there was no way she could feel comfortable. She had tried to make some alterations, but the shape still looked very awkward on her. Of course she couldn't complain and she should be glad to have something to wear.

Louise looked around the yard, studying the other women scattered in the area. Somehow the fresh, cold air made them look different… jollier if there was something jolly in this place… in any case, there was definitely a change in those usually blank faces that Lou knew so well, a reflection of what this hole turned people into: wild animals. This was much worse than the idea she had of hell. The stench, the dirt, the disease… everywhere, in each corner… one look around and she could recognize the women afflicted by consumption, smallpox and a wide variety of different illnesses. She had learned to distinguish all their signs from the first moments as well as if she were a doctor. Louise tried to be careful and prayed that she never caught her death here… she needed to survive, she couldn't die here and for that reason she took extra care in her habits every day. She made sure she didn't touch her mouth with her dirty fingers and hands, which was something she hadn't realized she did so much until she tried to control herself. She also kept away from those women as long as she could under the present circumstances, and when they were all packed in their cells, Lou always covered her mouth and nose with a handkerchief or a piece of material. Every day passing without signs of illness was a blessing, and after three years it was like a miracle, but she still held on because she had to… she needed to.

Like usual today they had been woken up by the loud, rough voices of the guards but instead of being shoved into the cold showers, they had been pushed out to the yard, which was reserved for the men inmates. Every three or four months the women's quarters were disinfected and for a few hours they were allowed to stay in the yard. Otherwise, they didn't leave those dungeons. That was the general routine for all women in the prison, but Louise knew that she had a privileged position here. She enjoyed some favors, some special treatment… of course she had to pull a few strings and use the rare condition of being white and young in this place for her own advantage. She knew the other women looked at her with evident hostility, but she had nothing to fear. She was safe and strong and nobody would dare to oppose her.

Louise lifted her eyes to the sky and smiled. Black clouds hovered over her, but that didn't diminish the feeling. Even if it started to rain right now, she wouldn't care. Being able to breathe fresh air instead of the nauseating stench of the prison and see the sky instead of that dark ceiling was such a delight, such a pleasure, such a present… A woman like her was now reduced to living behind bars, squeezed, suffocated… Lou sometimes wondered how she had resisted this long, how she hadn't died in this miserable environment… of course there was a single reason, the dream of freedom, that beautiful dream that one day would become a reality... yes, one day she'd be free again. Yes, she would leave this living death and would return to life.

The sound of loud voices nearby cut the moment of relish short. She shifted her eyes from the sky to the big building that housed the men in front of her and made out the outlines behind every single barred window. Lou's stomach churned in disgust as she heard the obscene comments coming from the men. Their arms flung through the grille in desperation as if they could reach for the women below and their hands moved in a variety of rude gestures. Lou ruefully thought that they seemed like dogs in heat, totally revolting. Their poor show didn't surprise Lou; it wasn't the first time she heard those 'sweet' words and she had seen worse things, especially from men who thought the world of themselves but in reality were as lowdown as the most vulgar of these poor devils.

Louise turned away and started walking in the opposite direction. Her face lit up as she saw a woman coming towards her. "Louise, where were you? I missed you," she remarked mockingly as both women knew there was no way they could miss each other in a place like this. Adelaide was the name of the woman in question. She was a black lady, a former slave in her early fifties, twice Louise's height and three times her size. Lou had befriended her soon after being sent here. In the first week she had found herself in deep trouble when a few women had tried to attack her viciously. Adelaide had appeared, standing up against the women, and needless to say, they had chickened out when confronted by such a big lady as Adelaide was. Since then the woman had become Lou's only friend and support in this hole… she had kind of adopted Lou and because of her friendship, Lou's days were a bit more bearable.

"Tell me… everything all right last night?"

"Yeah…" Louise answered vaguely as she looked around and spying a lonely corner at the other end of the yard, she grabbed Adelaide by the arm and pushed her in that direction. "Here, take this," Lou said and produced a chunk of bread, a piece of cheese, some cookies and even an apple from the pockets of her coat and shoved them in Adelaide's hands.

"Louise, I can't accept all that… that is yours… you need to eat," the black woman protested vaguely while her black eyes ravished the food in her hands.

"Don't worry. I had my feast already," Louise replied. "I can take care of myself, but I can't forget you."

"You're such a kind soul and this is heaven… total heaven," Adelaide exclaimed as she bit at the crisp apple. "That gruel they give us and call food is not even suitable for animals."

"We aren't even that, Addy… we are not better than animals for them," Lou replied bitterly as she ran her fingers through her chestnut hair, which she kept very short. She had cut her long tresses long ago to avoid getting uninvited guests like lice or nits or at least that way they were easy to spot and get rid of.

Louise saw then one of the guards walking towards where they stood. "Quick, Adelaide. Hide that. A turnkey's coming this way."

"What are you two doing here?" the guard asked roughly as he eyed the two women.

Louise lifted her scornful eyes to the man. "That's none of your damned business!"

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, the man's fist found her face, which made Lou stagger but she didn't fall. "Go where the others are or I'll send you to the punishment cell for a while."

Lou and Adelaide silently started in the direction the guard had 'kindly' pointed at. When they were at a safe distance, Adelaide said, "You should control your tongue, Louise, or you'll end up in big trouble."

"He's a bastard," Lou replied as she rubbed her sore jaw. The blow had made her bite her tongue and she could feel the familiar metallic taste of blood in her mouth.

"Yeah… they all are," Adelaide conceded, and looking behind her back, she got a good view of the man walking away. "Bastard or not, he's a nice, mouth-watering piece of flesh… I swear, Louise… I'd sell my soul to the devil to have that man between my legs."

Despite everything, Lou laughed. Adelaide's coarse language always amused her; she had that special touch. The same words in another person would sound rude and scandalous, but she made them sound fresh and normal. Adelaide was a worldly woman… after leaving the plantation where she had been born and grown up, Adelaide had to sell her body when there was no way she could make a decent living in this new hostile world. From serving a single master she had come to serve a handful. Things weren't that different for her from before the war. Bad luck then had led her to mess up with the wrong man and she had ended up in jail.

"Addy… he's just a man."

"A handsome man," Adelaide corrected as she licked her lips. "You can afford to despise him because you're young and beautiful, and can have any man you want."

Lou shook her head. "All men are the same. You know one, you know the whole lot."

"There are men and men, my pretty child," the older woman disagreed and after letting out a sigh, she added, "I will always remember Amos… one of the most beautiful slaves in the plantation… he was one man of a kind… passionate, intense, good-hearted… he also had a weak heart and the poor man almost died on top of me. I guess I wore him out." Lou's eyes widened in amusement as she laughed. Adelaide had the strangest stories to tell and she could be talking for hours and hours, and one could never get bored. "But," the older woman continued, "I imagine you also had your dose of romance… memories of a nice gentleman who swept you off your feet… all women have been in love sometime," Adelaide tried. Despite their friendship, she knew very little about Louise's life. Nothing strange in that. Once people crossed the gates of the prison, they left their lives outside, none wanting to mix their treasured memories with this sordid world.

"Not me… never… never ever," Lou replied almost automatically, feeling a jerk in her heart as the images of better times stumbled upon her mind. She averted her eyes from Adelaide's, fearing her friend could see a flicker of hesitation in them.

"Louise, come on…"

"That's just for gullible ninnies… those who believe in fairy tales and all that hogwash. I stopped believing in Prince Charming and Cinderella a long time ago! Love is not for me… not for the likes of us."

"For the likes of us?"

"We're the scum of the earth, Addy. You know that. We live in a different world… not like normal folks. I know I cannot love and I don't expect to be loved. That's not candy for me to taste."

Adelaide kept looking at Louise in silence as she spoke with such vehemence and intensity. For some reason the matter upset her young friend. Whatever Louise said, Adelaide knew she was lying. There was a man in her history… that was as plain as day… a man who surely had broken her heart and had hurt her. Otherwise, she wouldn't get this worked up. Nobody could fool Adelaide… she was an old hen and she could read Louise as an open book. Of course she wouldn't say a word against it… if Louise didn't want to talk, she must have her reasons and who was she to say anything?

* * *

Darkness finally fell over the prison. Louise lay awake in the shabby structure that had been her bed for the last three years. Not even at this time of the day was there peace and quiet in the place; the snores of her other cellmates filled the confined area and she could also hear loud voices from down the corridor. But those sounds weren't what kept her awake, nor even the cold that permeated throughout her whole body. It was the memories… memories of other times… memories of her regrets. Her body shook as the images invaded her mind, and she felt an urgent need to go to that secret corner of her existence.

After making sure that the other women were really asleep, Louise slid out of the bed and tiptoed across, careful of not stumbling against the sleeping bodies. There was a full moon and its light breezed into the cell through the tiny, barred window. With slow motions she lowered her body and sat under the window. The moonlight outlined her frame and for a few moments Lou swept her eyes over herself. Her face remained cold and expressionless as she kept staring at her own body, at the evidence of how this hell had changed her. Sometimes she thought she was actually dead because she couldn't feel anything but a terrible emptiness inside. Nothing of what happened to her affected her anymore; her spirit was defeated and broken and not even that realization moved her at all.

Pushing her thoughts away, Lou slid her hand under her dress where she had sewn a secret pocket on her petticoat. From its inside she took a small square card. She tilted it so that the light fell directly on it. Her lips spread into a smile as her eyes ran over the time-worn photograph. Her heart thumped strongly inside her chest as she studied him once again: his beautiful smile, his sandy hair and his eyes, which, even though the picture was black and white, looked as blue as she knew they were. Her index finger brushed over the image of his face. Did he ever think of her or had he forgotten her? Did he dream of her as much as she did of him? Was he happy? Would he still love her? There was no way she could know. She hadn't known anything about him for these three years because that was the way she had wanted it. She simply couldn't bear the shame of him seeing her rot in this place, a much more bitter pain than not being able to lay eyes on him and feel him in her arms. Hopefully her time here would soon be over. She had been sentenced to four years … one year, only one year left, and she'd get her much desired freedom… she had to hold on for only twelve more months and she'd be free again… free again. They'd be reunited at last , and then nothing or nobody would keep them apart, never again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Two months later_

Louise cringed as she pricked her finger with the needle once again. She brought her sore finger into her mouth and heard Adelaide laugh by her side. "My pretty child, if you keep stabbing your poor fingers, that white fabric will be ruined before you make something out of it."

"I don't do it on purpose," Lou moaned. "I've never been good at this."

Adelaide smiled on seeing the scrunched up face in her friend. Even though she called her 'child', Louise was not a baby. She was a woman in her late twenties but she sometimes acted like a child. The things she had to live and endure were turning her to stone, but Adelaide knew that deep down Louise was soft and there was a very subtle innocence that sometimes came to the surface. "At least, you're much better now. When you first came, you didn't even know how to hold a needle."

"Yeah… that's what I keep wondering every day," Louise replied sarcastically, "how I didn't come to this hole again to learn how to sew."

Adelaide laughed in that raucous way of hers, and Lou found herself chuckling alongside her. The other women in the cell glared at the pair as they hissed them to keep quiet. Lou was about to hurl one of her caustic remarks against the women when the metallic sound of keys and the lock being turned was heard. The women shut up at once as they saw the uniformed guard step into the cell. He was a scrawny man, ugly as a constipated hyena and his insides as dark as a starless night's sky. Lou hated it when he was on duty. The mere sight of him was enough to turn Lou's stomach.

The guard looked around and directed his eyes to Louise purposefully. "You, McCloud, come with me."

Lou didn't bother to hide the repulsion from her face. "What? Now? I…"

"Shut the hell up! Do as you're told!" the man blustered, cutting her off. "Mr. Jackson wants to see you straightaway."

Louise shared a look with Adelaide before she rose to her feet and followed the guard out of the cell in silence. Mr. Jackson was the warden of the prison. Lou knew him by sight because from time to time he came to have a look at the women's quarters, but she had never exchanged a single word with him. As she followed the guard down the corridor lined by cells on each side, the women behind the bars shamelessly showed their hostility as they saw her. Not even did the guard's threats manage to shut them up. It was with great relief that they left the area behind and Lou dared to break her silence, moved by her curiosity. "Alfred, what does Mr. Jackson want from me?"

Glaring at her sideways, the man replied in a rough tone, "It's Warden Morgan for you, McCloud. And I have no idea what all this is about." He paused and looking her up and down, he added, "It's not what you're thinking about."

The comment didn't sit well with Louise. "Who the hell do you think you are? You know nothing about me… nothing."

Before she knew what was happening, the man had grabbed her by the throat and pinned her against the wall. "Mind your manners with me!" he boomed as he pressed his fingers in her neck deeper, his face just a few inches from hers, but Lou didn't budge, and stood there unmoving. "You're the worst creature in this pigsty… a dirty, disgusting, worthless bitch… more despicable than the whole lot between these four walls. Don't go thinking your skin can save you. I'd gladly finish you off right now… you're a shame to our race. Consider yourself lucky I'm wearing this uniform, otherwise…"

The man finally released and as soon the air rushed down her throat, Louise was overcome by a fit of coughing. She was wheezing and panting, doubled in agony, but she had no chance to react as the guard shoved her roughly. Weakly Lou stumbled along before the man, still out of breath and moving with slow motions. She had to bite her tongue and make a conscious effort not to turn round and do something she might regret. She wasn't going to send everything to rack and ruin by letting a man to get to her. That had happened once and she would never let another man ruin her life. Never again. She'd use all her will to control the sheer anger burning her soul. She had to.

As she silently crossed the yard towards the building housing the offices, she stopped as screams reached her attention. Not far from where she stood, one of the guards lay on top of a young black inmate. Under him the woman was screaming and crying at the top of her voice, thrashing with all her strength but to no avail. From her position, Lou recognized her. She was a young woman, not older than eighteen, who had entered the prison a few days ago. And now she was getting her welcome. Lou kept watching them with an indifferent expression, sadly realizing that the sight before her eyes was so common that it didn't shock, disgust or surprise her anymore. She kept watching them as if she were seeing the rain fall, with curiosity and indifference.

"Jealous, McCloud?" the guard behind her sneered maliciously. "You want some for yourself?"

Lou clenched and unclenched her fists. She was so livid that she could hardly utter a single word. Everything in this place revolted her, even herself. Nothing touched by this hell remained pure and if she could, she'd burn the whole thing down, with everybody inside, including herself. If she didn't have a reason to keep alive, she'd have killed herself a long time ago… yeah, without that reason, she wouldn't be able to resist… but she needed to survive and win over this nightmarish place.

Feeling the guard's familiar hot breath on her neck, Lou's stomach reeled in disgust. She crossed her arms over her chest and resumed walking as briskly as she could. The man followed her. No more words were exchanged as they made their way into the building. As she walked through the premises where the guards had their quarters, a new world appeared before her eyes. The air here didn't stink and the light coming through the windows looked real, and not fake like in the rotten world that was her daily existence. It was not painful to breathe here. Yet, Lou couldn't help but shiver as she found herself surrounded by this cleanliness. This immaculate spot gave the creeps and brought about too many bitter sensations that she'd rather ignore and forget.

The guard made her stop before a white door on which there was a shining plaque that read 'Bartholomew P. Jackson'. The warden knocked at the door, opened it to a crack and craned his head inside. "May I come in, Mr. Jackson?"

Louise heard the muffled voice from inside, and immediately afterwards the guard grabbed her by the arm and pushed her into the room. "This is Louise McCloud, sir," he announced, his voice tinged with evident scorn.

"Thanks, Alfred. You can go now."

Louise stood in the middle of the small office as she looked around. She had never set foot in the place before. The office was the same size as the chief of guards', but it looked more cheerful. There was a vase with flowers on Mr. Jackson's desk, and nice curtains on the window. A crucifix hung on the wall behind the man and several framed pictures stood on the desk. The place seemed to have a woman's touch in all its details. Lou knew Mr. Jackson was married and had a couple of children. They lived in town, but Mrs. Jackson probably made sure that her husband's office looked clean and nice.

As Lou stood in the middle of the room, she took her time to study the man. He was a big man, bald and with a neat moustache bordering his awkward upper lip. As the minutes dragged by and the man kept looking at the papers without acknowledging her presence, Lou started to get nervous and uncomfortable. When she couldn't hold her tongue any longer, she asked, "Something I can do for you, Mr. Jackson?"

For the first time the man lifted his eyes and glanced at her with palpable hostility. "Did someone talk to you, woman? Did I talk to you?"

"No, sir, but…"

"Then just shut your trap up until you're addressed… even if you have to be here the whole day, understood?"

"Yes, sir," Lou replied between gritted teeth. She felt her legs cramp and spying a chair before the desk, she ventured to ask, "Can I sit in the meantime then?"

"Don't make me laugh, stupid!" Mr. Jackson replied gruffly and turned his attention back to the document he was reading. He knew what kind of woman Louise McCloud was, somebody who deserved all his spite. Because of women like her, the world was corrupted, deviated… so wrong, and the good deeds of honest Christians like himself didn't amount to anything.

After checking every detail on the paper, Mr. Jackson picked it up and placed it on the other extreme of the desk. "Come here and put your mark on the bottom line."

"What is that?" Lou asked, unmoving from the spot. She wasn't going to sign anything without knowing what it was. Nothing good came about in this place and she had strong reasons to be suspicious of everything and everybody.

Mr. Jackson scoffed impatiently and despite himself, he answered her question. "It's your release… you need to sign it."

Louise took a couple of steps closer and directed his eyes to the paper. "Am… am I free?" she asked in a trembling voice. She was so stunned by the news that she could hardly speak.

"Are you deaf?"

It was true. The document stated that she… Louise McCloud, aged 27, single, of unknown address and profession was to be released as of today's date. Lou could hardly believe it and she had to read the same lines three times to actually realize that it was true. "I… I… I can't believe it," Lou whispered as she took the pen with trembling fingers and signed her wobbly signature on the white paper. "I was supposed to be here for eight more months."

As she lifted her bright face, her eyes stumbled upon the man's black glare. "This is an outrage," Mr. Jackson suddenly exclaimed. "Totally outrageous. A murderer set free… walking among decent people. Simply appalling. I never understood how you weren't hanged for killing that poor man. How could our legal system let you go away with that? How could it make such an unforgivable mistake? You should be dead… you don't deserve the air you're breathing… you don't deserve freedom… you don't deserve anything… nothing at all."

Louise kept quiet, stoically enduring the storm thrown to her face, but she hardly heard him. None of what he said could affect her any longer. She was free… free at last, and she would now be able to escape from this hell. Nothing was going to spoil this glorious moment… the moment she had been longing for so much. She'd go back to life… to real life and nothing else mattered. She was free… free… free. She was going to wake up from this nightmare, from this horrible nightmare, and the dreams would finally start.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"I'm so glad for you, my pretty child," Adelaide exclaimed as Lou told her the news. The woman sat on one of the rickety beds in the cell. Four other women were also there and simply sent envious looks in Lou's direction but didn't utter a single word.

Using a wide, torn shawl, Lou collected her few things and tied the rag's four edges in a knot. She sank down next to Addy and said, "I still can't believe this is happening."

"I imagine so," Adelaide replied, taking Lou's white hand in her black one, and lowering her voice, she asked, "So were do you intend to head now?"

"Richmond… I don't know yet how I'll make it there, but I'll manage somehow."

"That's where your prince is?" Addy asked again.

Louise nodded with a bright smile. For years she had kept her life secret from everybody, believing that she was protecting her loved and treasured memories from getting polluted in this place. The day Addy had discovered the truth she had tried to hide from everybody, Lou had finally unloaded her soul and told her every single detail of her life, joys and regrets, blessings and shame. After baring her soul, Louise had experienced a total relief. She had realized that she was turning into a bitter, miserable self, and opening up to Addy had meant a total cleansing of her soul.

"I'm quite scared too," Lou admitted in a low voice. "It's been over three years. What's he gonna say when he sees me?"

"Don't fret, child. When he sees you, he'll be as happy as a flea on a mangy dog."

Louise laughed at the comment. Sometimes Addy reminded Lou of Teaspoon with that language which was a personal stamp for both of them. They'd surely make a good match. Lou stopped and shushed the thought away; she hadn't seen or heard from Teaspoon in ten years. She didn't even know if he was still alive. What had prompted her to bring him to mind?

"And child," Addy continued, interrupting Lou's musings, "you need to be very careful out there and look after yourself, you hear me?"

"I will, Addy. I've learned my lesson," Louise replied wryly.

"You know I mean more than that."

Louise sighed. Yes, she knew what she meant. "I'm going to miss you, Addy."

Adelaide tutted, shaking her head. "Don't think about it, Louise. When you cross the prison gates, don't look back. Forget everything about this place, what happened here, who you met…"

"I won't be able to forget everything… you know that," Lou added ominously and Addy had to nod with a sad expression. "But," Louise continued, "I choose not to forget you and I want you to find me when you get out of this place."

"Louise…"

For once Lou didn't let her talk and rummaging among her things, she took a yellowish letter and placed it in her friend's hands. "When you leave, go to the post office close to the old market… a woman with a big mole on her left cheek runs it… you can't mistake her. Give her this letter and I will know it is from you. Addy, this letter is very special to me, and I know you'll make sure I get it back. You won't let me down, will you?"

Adelaide was about to protest. She didn't know how much longer she would be locked up or if she'd survive in this place. And even if she did, Lou might be gone by the time she got her freedom. Her mouth opened to talk but her intentions were cut short as a guard appeared, urging Lou to hurry up.

"I have to go," Louise said as she rose to her feet to follow the warden out of the cell, but before she left, she stopped under the cell gate and directed her eyes to Adelaide once again. "We'll see each other again… I promise."

Before Adelaide had the chance to reply, Lou scurried away. Addy was the only good thing in this filthy world. The tears pricked behind her eyes, but she choked them back. She wouldn't let herself to cry here… nobody would see her crumble down, not even now. Tears had been absent during these years and she had borne the pain and all those humiliations stoically. Only in the stillness of the night she had sometimes succumbed and sobbed against the thin mattress when her spirit hadn't been able to resist. Silent tears… hidden tears… shameful tears.

* * *

The dull slam of the heavy gates closing behind her echoed in her ears. "Well, this is it," Lou thought as she watched the green stretch before her eyes. The birds chirped, there was a light breeze and the sun shone in the sky. As if mesmerized, Louise kept staring at the wonderful and simple spectacle of nature coexisting in the town. She breathed in and filled her lungs… free air… the air of freedom. It felt so nice.

She stood there for long minutes as if she were setting eyes on the world for the first time, as if she had been blind all these years and she got her sight back just now. And in a way it was true. She was coming to realize that the world also had beauty and the memories she kept of it were real.

Feeling her legs stiff and sore, she started to walk. A mixture of sensations coursed all over her body. She was afraid of what would happen from now on. She had nothing, nothing at all. Would she be able to join real life? Would she be able to live free and honest? Would the world let her? She didn't want to make the same mistakes. She couldn't lose once again.

Louise had walked a few feet when she turned on her heel. She wanted to have a good look of her residence for the last years. She wanted to imprint its image on her mind. Never again would she set foot in this place. _'Look at it, Louise McCloud. Never forget what this hell means… never.'_ She shouted the words to the air, finally realizing that she was free, totally free, and tears of relief and pain finally trickled down her face. Her mind brought back everything that had happened in there and she felt dirty, cheap and totally humiliated. What was done was done, she thought as she wiped her tears with her worn sleeve.

Whirling around, Lou started running wildly as if leaving the place behind would make her feel better. Her legs soon complained and she had to stop out of breath. She realized that having been confined in that cell for so long made her tired more easily than she should actually feel. When she got her breath back, she resumed walking again. She'd get to the center of Warrenton, and then hopefully she'd try to get a lift to Richmond. Several wagons and riders rode past her, but she didn't even try for help. Being this close to the Old Jail, people knew where this lone, shabby woman came from. Decent, God-fearing people wouldn't stop for her and Lou was aware that she shouldn't trust those who'd be willing to stop. So she kept walking on and on.

The center of Warrenton was full of activity and for a moment Louise felt dizzy. All this bustle which had seemed so normal to her years ago was too much for her disoriented head and she came to rest her weary body on a ledge. Sitting there she kept watching life pass before her eyes; people coming and going; men, women and children, families in their daily routine. This was life, a life she felt detached from. She kept looking as if she were watching a play, which had nothing to do with her. The same question kept burning in her mind. Would she end up rejoining the world she had left? Right now she had a strong sensation of strangeness. She imagined that when she got to Richmond and settled down, everything would back to normal… like it had been before she was condemned.

As all these thoughts played in her mind, a loud voice reached her attention. A heavy man was announcing that the stage would be leaving in ten minutes. Lou had no money but she'd try to resort to people's mercy. The stage didn't get to Richmond and would leave her half way from her desired destination, and then she'd have to find another transportation to keep going. She wasn't going to worry about that now. She'd cross that bridge when she got there. The important thing now was to ensure a place in that carriage.

There were three people handing their luggage to the driver, who passed it to his assistant on top of the carriage. Lou walked closer to them and addressed the teamster. "Sir, is there room for one more in your stage?"

The man looked Louise up and down, and noticing her tatty clothes, he simply said, "It's three dollars."

Lou cleared her throat uncomfortably. "I have no money, but…"

"Then what on earth are you doing here, woman? Go away!"

Lou didn't move. "Those seats are gonna be empty anyway," she continued stubbornly. "It wouldn't make any difference to you if I take one of them."

"Woman, this is a business and not a damn alms house."

Louise then turned to the three passengers. "Please could you help me? I beg you. I need to get to Richmond… I…"

"Didn't you hear me?" the stage driver cut off in a loud voice, grabbing her by the arm. "Stop bothering my customers. Get lost… otherwise, I'll report you to the sheriff."

Louise glared at him, but didn't retort. She had to stay out of trouble and the last thing she needed was problems with the law. Picking up her bundle that had fallen from her hands, Louise started walking in the opposite direction. She didn't know where to go. She needed to get to Richmond at all costs. There was no way she could walk there. Over eighty miles separated the two cities and it would take her days to cover that distance on foot, and she couldn't even afford to buy food. No, that was out of the question. She could always find temporary work in this town and save for her travelling expenses, but she didn't want to wait… she couldn't wait.

As she walked along the street, something caught her eye. There tethered to a post before some stables was a beautiful horse, black as the darkest night, its coat shiny and smooth. Lou approached the animal and caressed its soft muzzle. The horse licked her hand and Louise giggled contentedly. "You're so beautiful," she whispered as her hand travelled down the animal's black coat. The horse reminded her of Lightning, her beloved mare. It was so long ago since she had last seen the animal. Years ago when she had been shaken by straitened circumstances, she had been forced to sell her faithful companion. It had been a hard decision to make and she had cried bitter tears when she had to say goodbye to the mare. Lou had intended to buy Lightning back when her situation improved. However, life had taken her in another direction... She had left Nebraska for Virginia, and her dear horse had remained back in the west like many of her fondest memories.

While she admired the black horse, voices from behind the stables grabbed her attention.

"This is a good carriage and would take you to Richmond safely," a man was saying.

"Let's hope it is," another man replied. "The roads are all bumpy and slippery after the last weeks' rain. We need reliable transportation… and with good, strong wheels."

"I assure you, Mr. Wilson, that you are getting a good deal."

"Come on, Frank. Don't be so grumpy and give Mr. Parris his money," a woman said this time.

Moved by curiosity, Louise inched to the spot and watched the three people, hidden behind the stable wall. There was a middle-aged couple and a younger man, who Lou guessed was in charge of the stables. Money passed from hand to hand, and the man called Parris said, "I'll hitch up the carriage for you then."

The man disappeared into the stables and the couple remained there, waiting for him. Louise kept deep in thought. These people were going to Richmond and if she pulled the correct strings, they would be her passport out of here. With all probability she'd get the same response as she had with the stage driver. She really looked like a beggar, and people tended to distrust poverty, a sad reality she had experienced in her life before. However, she didn't lose anything for trying, and she might even use her poor looks to her advantage this time.

Louise left her hideout and walked to the couple, whose backs were turned to her. "Excuse me," Lou called in a soft voice.

The couple swirled around with surprised expressions. "Ma'am, you startled me!" the woman exclaimed.

"I'm sorry… it wasn't my intention. Please forgive me."

"Anything we can do for you, Ma'am?" the man asked, and Louise noticed how both of them were eyeing her, noticing her ragged clothes and disheveled appearance.

"Actually yes. I couldn't help overhearing you," Lou continued. "If I haven't understood wrong, you're on your way to Richmond, and so am I." She paused, sighed and then carried on. "May I dare plead for your generosity? I… I have no money but I need … I need to go home… to my children."

"Your children are in Richmond?" the woman asked, curious by what Lou had to tell her.

Louise nodded. "They're with my husband. My mother died and I had to come to Warrenton to give her a decent burial. John had to stay with the children at home. We couldn't afford the stage for all of us… we hardly could afford the funeral."

"How many children do you have?"

"Four… my four angels and well… the fifth is on its way," Lou replied as she placed her hand on her belly, and lowered her eyes. She didn't turn a hair as she kept throwing lie after lie. Years had shown her that people were more ready to believe an elaborate lie than the truth. She had often been the victim of harmful lies… lies that had turned her life inside out… but she had also inflicted lies upon others. Lying was so easy and convenient. Years had taught her well; she knew how to invent a good cock-and-bull story and make it sound so real that everybody bought it.

Rebecca Wilson stared at Lou, especially her naked hand. There was no wedding band on her finger, but that didn't surprise her. Many people couldn't afford wedding rings, and it wasn't unusual either for women to sell their jewels in these hard times, and the lady before her looked penniless, to say the least. Rebecca used to say that one could not trust strangers, but somehow this woman inspired her sympathy. A mother in need deserved all her consideration. "What is your name, Ma'am?"

"Louise… Louise McCloud."

"My name's Rebecca Wilson and this is my husband, Frank." Lou tipped her head in acknowledgement and the lady added, "Seems we are going to be traveling companions, aren't we, Frank?"

The man stared at his wife in silence, and Lou prayed that he was as soft-hearted as Rebecca. After a few seconds of intense wait, the man averted his eyes, and walking off, he said, "I'll tell Parris to hurry and see if he can lend us another blanket for the lady."

Louise's face lit up. "Thank you, Mr. Wilson!" She smiled from ear to ear as she met Rebecca's kind eyes and they shared a confidential look. She wasn't proud of her lies, but she had no other way. She had to get to Richmond no matter how. For the first time in years, she felt happy and as her expression remained the same, her insides were shouting in joy. _"Don't worry, my love. I'm coming home… I'm finally coming home."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Rebecca Wilson turned out to be a very amiable woman and her husband, though serious and quiet, was a very kind man. They had shared the food they had with Lou on the way to Richmond and whenever they stopped to rest or water the horses, Mr. Wilson always hurried to help Louise off the back of the wagon before even giving a hand to his own wife. The couple was on their way to the city to visit one of their daughters who was about to give them a new grandchild.

Mrs. Wilson was a very talkative and inquisitive lady. In the first couple of hours of their journey, Louise had learned everything about the lady's past, present and future. Lou welcomed the conversation gladly. In prison Addy had been her only friend and even though Adelaide had the gift of the gab and Lou never got bored with her, she felt all those words passing between them were kind of artificial. There was no real life between those four walls, no reason to talk, no reason to mention anything happening there, no reason to open your mouth. Hearing Rebecca talk about her family was really refreshing. Lou found herself enjoying this journey more than she had bargained for. However, she couldn't relax and kept on tenterhooks. She had to be alert to answer Rebecca's continuous questions. She needed to remember that her imaginary husband was called John, she had four children and her mother had died recently. Louise didn't want to slip and blunder. Rebecca's questions became more and more difficult to parry, and Lou continually had to make up new details for that invented family of hers, naming those four children and stumbling every time she had to refer to them. Lou hated to lie to such kind people but there was no way back now. And of course there was no harm in telling a few white lies, especially when she would never see these people again.

It was in the early hours of the evening that they reached Richmond. The Wilsons' daughter lived on a farm on the outskirts of the city. Lou had to make another excuse when the kind couple offered to drop her at her place since she had foolishly told them that she lived outside the city too. Louise managed to get out of the uncomfortable situation clumsily and bid goodbye to the Wilsons as they left her in town.

When she found herself on her own, Louise set off toward her aimed destination. It was already dark and the city was dimming its usually hectic life. She knew she wouldn't see him tonight, but she'd wait as long as it took her. The white, prim house where he lived appeared before her as the magic castle of those fairytales that her mother used to tell her and she had stopped believing in long ago. The house hadn't changed a bit, impeccable and perfect. The place brought about so many memories, bitter and sweet ones. There was a light in one of the windows, and Louise fought the urge to come closer and peek inside. Actually, she wished she could walk to the door, knock and tell him she was back. Yet, she couldn't… not like this… looking like a vagabond. After these years she wanted their encounter to be perfect… as perfect as it could be expected under her present circumstances. She knew she'd have to answer many questions, answers she wasn't sure she could give. She'd have to get ready for that and she would in its due time. A few weeks was all she needed to find a job and then a place to stay. Then as soon as she made herself decent again, she'd go to find him. A few weeks was nothing compared to the agonizing years she had endured, but she knew the wait wouldn't be easy either.

Lou got ready to spend the night in the open. She had nowhere to go, no money, nothing, and nobody would shelter her for the night. So she'd find a place where she could be comfortable enough and she hoped to catch a glimpse of him. She wouldn't miss him.

Louise spotted an abandoned wagon just opposite the house. Lou walked to the shabby, wheel-less carriage and struggled to climb onto it. It was a very black night and the clouds covered the moon, leaving the earth below in total darkness. Louise groped around the wooden surface of the wagon floor, trying to assess whether it was safe for her. Yet, she stopped her hands instantly. It was silly. She had slept many nights in the wild when she had been a Pony Express rider and no insect or animal had scared her, and considering the place she had just left, it was foolish to be fussy.

She wasn't aware of how tired she was until she lay down on the hard surface of the wagon. She fell asleep immediately. The following morning the sunrays woke her up and for a minute she was disoriented and lost, but when the reality of her new situation dawned on her, a smile settled on her face, illuminating her features. Sore and cold from spending the night under the stars, she sat up and yawned tiredly. Looking around, she realized that it was very early. There was nobody around and all the houses looked as if its inhabitants were still in the hands of Morpheus, but soon everything and everybody would wake up to a new day. Lou eased off the wagon and spying a group of bushes that allowed her a very good view of the house, she walked up to them and knelt behind the plants. Soon she witnessed smoke billowing from the chimneys, curtains being drawn, and windows and doors opening and closing, and people walking out of their houses. Yet, the white, detached house remained intact, no movement, no change, and Lou started to run out of patience. The minutes seemed like hours, and the fear was slowly creeping into her soul.

To her relief the front door finally opened and somebody stepped out. Louise scrunched up her forehead in confusion as she saw a man standing on the porch, a man she had never seen before. He was tall, dark, with a neatly-clipped beard and fine features. Lou started to panic. Had they moved while she was in jail? How hadn't she been told? Maybe they had sent word but those heartless guards and that horrible warden in the prison had kept the letter from her. That was the only possible explanation. How could they do that to her? How could they?

Her reeling mind wound down as a woman came through the door, and on seeing her, Louise breathed out in relief. The woman came to stand beside the man and hooked her arm around his. From her hidden spot Louise watched the scene with curiosity. Had Dorothy Boyle got married? This was really some surprise. Dorothy was a lady in her late forties, a proud woman, who had always boasted of being a virtuous woman, untouchable, incapable of succumbing to carnal temptations. It seemed she wasn't so immune to lust as she had claimed after all, Lou thought ironically as she saw the woman kiss the man on his bearded cheek. Yet, all thoughts about the couple stopped when she got sight of the person coming out of the house. Her mouth split into a wide smile and she had to make a conscious effort to stay put and not to run to him. Her whole body ached to feel him, but she remained rooted to the spot.

He looked so much better than in her dreams. From her position Lou could see the blueness of his eyes, the softness of his sandy hair, the brightness of his smile, the beauty of his face. 'Oh honey, I love you so much,' she whispered to herself. 'I'm here and we'll soon be together.' Lou watched him in total bliss as he talked to the couple. Her joy, though, disappeared when the three of them walked off down the street, vanishing from Lou's sight. A cold shiver coursed over her body, feeling very lonely and sad all of a sudden. She had only needed a glimpse and she was missing him with all her heart. She was dying to kiss him, have him in her arms and let him know how much she loved him. That would happen soon. She intended to do everything possible and also everything impossible to get back her life, starting from today, because she simply couldn't live without him.

* * *

What she had thought wouldn't take long was proving to be an odyssey. A week had passed since she had been released from prison and she was still in the same condition, destitute, homeless and without a job. Every day she went on her search; she had lost count of how many people she had talked to. One glimpse at her, noticing her looks, her situation, and they flatly refused her, without excuses, without an explanation. Lou was starting to feel the desperation invade her.

Her days weren't easy at all. Her job hunting made her walk over the city all day long, feeling weak from the lack of food and proper rest. At night she usually crept to some of the farms around the city and stole a few things from the fields, some apples, onions… anything that she could get hold of. She had to be extra careful in those nightly expeditions. It wouldn't do her any good to get caught and arrested for stealing, and even on one occasion she had been surprised by a couple of watchdogs. Thankfully she had been able to escape… otherwise those dogs might have killed her. She knew it was wrong of her to steal, but what else could she do? Without food she'd get sick and she couldn't allow that to happen…not now. Of course she could always resort to beg, but she was a proud woman, and she couldn't lower herself to that humiliation.

Louise walked around the market, her stomach rumbling and her mouth watering at the sight and smell of food. Who could have thought she'd miss the gruel she was regularly served in jail? Sometimes she had got to eat real good there when she put her mind to it, despite everything. As soon as the thought got into her head, Lou shushed it away. The lack of food was making her have all kinds of crazy ideas. How could she think that life in that prison had something good? Nothing, nothing at all, was good in that place and she'd rather starve than finding herself between those four walls again.

As she passed by the fish stall, Lou's attention got caught as she read a _'help wanted'_ sign in the stand. Lou got ready to try her luck once again. There was a portly lady in her middle forties, still young, but her still beautiful face was covered in subtle wrinkles. The woman was cleaning a big fish behind the counter, and as Lou approached, the strong smell made her weak stomach jerk in protest. Yet, she managed to get a grip on herself as she talked to the woman. "Excuse me, Ma'am. I… I'm interested in the job on this sign."

The woman stopped the task at hand, and looked Lou up and down, studying her, something that Lou was already used to enduring from everybody. Louise could feel the disapproval in the woman's eyes and her next words confirmed Lou's suspicions. "I'm sorry but the job is already taken."

Lou was sick and tired of hearing refusal after refusal, and this time her rebellious, spunky spirit flashed to the surface. "If the job were taken, you wouldn't leave that sign hanging for everybody to see."

"Well, Ma'am, maybe the job's not taken… but you're definitely not what I need. This job is as hard as you can expect. Means being up before the sun has even come up, and being on your feet for hours on end, getting used to this odor, having your hands dirty with this slimy wetness. I don't think you could do that."

"I'm tough… very tough," Louise contradicted her. "I can work as hard as anybody, and I have already shouldered much worse things in my life." Seeing the woman's unaltered expression, she continued, "Please. I'm getting desperate and I need somebody to help me. You're a woman too and must know what is like to struggle in this world. Please."

"I need somebody to work alongside me, who eased work here for me, and not somebody to add to my already long list of duties."

"Please, you have to trust me. If you want… you can try me. I'll work one week for just food… please. I need the job."

The woman stared at Louise, debating with herself what to do. She had had very bad experiences with women she had taken on before, and she had intended to hire a young man this time. Yet, this woman's begging eyes tugged at her heart and she found herself succumbing to her pleas. "My name's Anne Dibbs… you can call me Annie, like everybody around here does. The pay is four dollars a week, and Sundays are off."

"Oh thank you so much!" Louise exclaimed. "You won't regret it… you can count on me."

"I'll wait for you tomorrow… five o'clock sharp."

"I'll be here," Lou replied happily and turning around, she pattered away. She was feeling on top of the world. Finally… she finally had a job, the beginning of her path to real life. She didn't mind how hard work would be, and even though the pay wasn't grand, it was better than nothing. Soon she'd be able to have a roof over her head, a bed under her body and more importantly, she'd be able to stand before that immaculate door and knock. Only a door separated her from happiness, and even though deep inside she was scared stiff, she simply couldn't wait for that to happen.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Louise slid into the hot water and a sigh of contentment left her lips. Every bone and muscle in her body ached after another intense day at work. Just as Annie had told her the first day, the job was exhausting and under her present circumstances Lou suffered the effects of tiredness even more. Yet, she couldn't complain. Annie was a good and honest woman, and Lou found it easy to work alongside her. Even though Louise had promised to work a whole week for just the food, the first day Annie had let her know she freed her from that promise. The woman had even paid Lou an advance when she had learned that Louise had no home.

With that first pay Louise had rented some rooms in the city, the cheapest accommodation she could find and even though the place was small, dark and the furniture ugly and old, Lou felt as if she was living in a palace. Louise had been totally ecstatic the first day she had moved in when she had been able to eat a hot meal, have a bath and sleep in a bed. This was her home… a real home after so many years, and she loved it. No more gruel, no more sleepless nights because of the loud snores around her. Now she sometimes found it difficult to sleep as she kept thinking about him and how close the time to see him was.

Her meager income was delaying her plans. Having to pay for the rent and other expenses, she was left with just a few coins every week. Everything was so expensive in the city. At least, as part of her pay she always got some fish to take home. So she ate fresh fish almost every day, and thanks to Annie's recommendations she was learning to cook it little by little. Lou tried to save her money cent by cent. It was four weeks later that she finally managed to have enough to buy a decent dress, new shoes and even a matching hat. Finally… finally the day had arrived and she was a nervous wreck.

The bath was soothing, and even so, she couldn't shush her fears away. Her eyes traveled over her naked body as she washed it. She never allowed herself to think much about the shame she was marked with. It was as if her mind had decided to detach herself from her body and her reality. She didn't want to acknowledge or think about it even though Annie sometimes brought the subject up. Of course Lou lied to everybody and herself, and tried to disregard the whole thing. But now she'd have to talk about that with him. He'd be curious and want to know. Lou had sworn to herself she'd never lie to him, but in this case she'd have to. The reality was too ugly and there was no way she could let her demons in the open.

The water was getting cold and Lou eased out of the tub. She dried her body energetically and started getting dressed. After donning her new, spotless underwear, she slid into her dress. It was navy blue, a dark shade that almost looked black. She'd have preferred to get herself something more cheerful, but she had to be practical. This color was more convenient since she'd have to use the dress in her daily life. She didn't have enough money to splurge on dresses, and she didn't know when she'd be able to buy another one. After today, she'd have to shoulder more expenses, so she'd need to be very meticulous with her money.

Lou ran the brush through her chestnut hair, which was growing into some awkward shape. She looked horrible with those stiff ends sticking out of her short-haired head. Thankfully, her new hat hid her ugly tresses. Once done, Lou had a look at the reflection in the mirror and she liked what she saw. Simple but elegant, discreet and decent-looking. She was ready now.

It was Sunday and as Lou stepped into the streets, she found herself surrounded by a cheerful atmosphere, which reflected her own high spirits. It was a beautiful day with a spotless sky and a shining sun. Spring was near and this sunshine was the first manifestation of the season. The good weather was welcomed by everybody and families were making most of the day by going for a walk around the beautiful city and enjoying the warm weather.

Lou's quick steps led her to that part of the city where that special house was. Her heart was pounding strongly, her forehead was sweating and her whole body was coursed by subtle tremors as she came closer to her aim. She was very scared but hopeful at the same time. A few minutes later she was standing on the immaculate porch and in front of the door. Her eyes intently watched the wooden white door before her; she could spot the different coats of paint the wood was covered in after years of tender care, the metal knob and the knocker glowed against the afternoon sun and the lattice embedded on the middle board was in perfect condition.

Louise clenched and unclenched her hands several times as she felt her fingers go numb with apprehension. Nervous, she gulped and after a few seconds very slowly her hand grabbed the knocker and pounded at the door. Her breath got caught as she waited. She couldn't hear a single sound inside the house and for a moment she thought there was nobody home. Disappointment was starting to creep into her soul when the subtle sound of steps could be heard behind the door. Lou's nerves got out of control. The few seconds before the door opened seemed endless and at the same time too quick. As she heard the knob turn, she breathed in deeply and tried to get a grip on herself.

The door finally opened and to her delight and surprise, she found herself looking into those blue eyes she loved so much and dreamed of for so long. Her hands linked at her front to prevent their shaking, she smiled and said, "Hello, Joseph."

He looked up at her with an angelical, blank expression and Lou dreaded the worst. Yet, her fears vanished as his face showed recognition and he lunged against her and hugged her. "Oh Mama! You're back! You're finally back!"

Louise squatted down and embraced her son almost in desperation. Her eyes moistened with tears as she felt his small body in her arms. She had longed to be like this for so long that it seemed unreal. "Oh my love! You remember me… you remember me!"

The boy pulled away and looked into his mother's dark pools. "Of course I do, Ma! I have your photograph, the one you left me, and I prayed for you every night like you taught me to! And I always talked to Nana about you."

Louise smiled as she wiped her unshed tears with the back of her sleeve. She stared at her son and cupped his face in her hands, so handsome, so special, so loving. She planted a kiss on his soft cheek and exclaimed, "Look at you, Joseph! You've grown up so much!"

"I'm eight, Ma."

"I know you are, honey. Oh my God, I've missed you so, so much! You can't imagine how much!"

"Have you come to take me with you?" the boy asked with a hopeful expression.

"Of course honey. You and me together like before. What do you think of that?"

"I want to be with you, Mama," Joseph replied, which made Lou smile. "I… I don't like it here."

Lou's maternal instincts kicked up and she got alarmed by her son's words. "Why, honey? Don't they treat you well?"

Joseph looked behind his back and turning back to his mother, he lowered his voice to a whisper. "Dorothy is nice… most of the time, but she … she acts all strange now she's married to Thomas."

Lou was about to continue with her questions, but a voice coming from inside the house stopped her intentions. "Joseph, how many times do I have to tell you not to open the door?"

Louise lifted her eyes and met Dorothy's flabbergasted expression behind her son. It was obvious that the woman had noticed her and she kept looking at Louise as if she was looking a ghost. "Louise…" she breathed in a gasp.

Lou rose to her feet and locked eyes with the woman. "How are you, Dorothy?"

Dorothy's features hardened, especially when she noticed the way Joseph held onto Lou's arm. "It's Mrs. Culpepper now and I'd appreciate if you refrained from using my first name."

Lou's face didn't budge at the comment. It didn't surprise her, coming from the woman before her. Dorothy had always been a very strange lady, so different from her mother. There was something in her personality that Lou had never liked. Years ago when Louise had rented a room in the Boyles' household, she had found a home. Old Mrs. Boyle was such a generous and soft soul; from the first moment the old woman had shown Lou and her child all her kindness; Elizabeth Boyle had loved Joseph as if he were the grandchild she'd never have since her only daughter was past her time of being a wife and a mother. Louise had grown very fond of the lady and when circumstances had led her to jail, she knew her son would be safe and well-cared by Nana as Joseph had dubbed Mrs. Boyle. Yet, Louise had never been close to Dorothy. The woman had never hidden her disdain and shown Lou how she scorned her condition of being a single mother, and the fact that Dorothy's mother had become attached to Louise and Joseph was another sore point.

"How's your mother?" Lou asked.

"She's dead," Dorothy let out impassively.

"Oh…Oh…" Louise exclaimed, unable to form a coherent phrase. "I… I'm so sorry. I didn't know." A lump formed in her throat and she felt a terrible urge to cry. Now she could understand why Mrs. Boyle's letters had stopped coming a while ago. "How did it happen? She seemed healthy and strong."

Dorothy ignored her questions and turning to the boy, she said, "Joseph, get into the house now."

"No, I don't want to!"

"Joseph," Lou cut in, "just be a dear and do what you're told. Dor… uh… Mrs. Culpepper and I need to have a grown-up talk."

Morose, the boy shuffled into the house and when he was out of sight, Dorothy said, "I didn't expect to see you so soon."

"They released me a few weeks ago."

Dorothy studied Lou from head to toe with her sharp eyes. "Seems you didn't waste your time there either… Can't say I'm surprised."

Lou didn't like the venomous comment from the woman but she tried to keep calm. Nothing would spoil the day for her. "Look, Dorothy, Mrs. Culpepper or whatever name you want, I didn't come to discuss my affairs with you. That's none of your business."

"What do you want then?"

"I came for my son of course."

"Don't you think it's a bit late for that? You left him behind and you lost your right as a mother," Dorothy stated, folding her arms over her satin-clothed chest.

"What are you saying? Leaving him wasn't my choice, you know that," Louise exclaimed with a great dose of irritation.

"Well, you should have thought of Joseph's well-being before having your laugh at the law. Joseph already has a family, a decent family, me and my husband, so you should forget about him."

Louise started to panic. "You can't be serious. He's my son and you have no right."

"I have looked after him for all these years… that's my right."

"No!" Louise exclaimed and her hands acted as if on their own will, and she grabbed Dorothy by her forearms strongly. "Give me my boy! Joseph!"

"Thomas! Thomas!" Dorothy called loudly over Lou's voice when she felt attacked and started to be afraid of what Louise could do to her.

The man who Lou had seen the first day appeared and before she knew what was happening, he strongly pushed her away from his wife. Lou fell on her backside on the porch floor. "Get out of our house! Leave us alone!" Thomas barked, pointing a threatening finger at Lou.

Louise managed to scramble to her feet and from behind the Culpeppers she saw her son running towards the door, with a desperate expression and calling her. "Joseph!" Lou screamed as she dashed for him, but the door closed at the same moment she reached the threshold and she bumped against it. She heard the bolt being turned from inside. "Joseph! Joseph!" Lou repeated over and over again as her fists pounded at the door and she could hear similar, softer sounds from behind the door and her son calling after her in a weeping voice. "Dorothy! Open the door! Dorothy!" Joseph's cries became more violent and Lou could hear stomping of feet and in horror she could picture the man grabbing and forcing her son away from the door. Soon she couldn't hear anything, but she kept pounding at the door with both her fists, calling Joseph, her baby while the tears trickled down her cheeks bitterly.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Louise walked briskly along the crowded street. After pounding on that damn door for almost an hour, she had realized that it was useless. They wouldn't open up and hearing her calls and powerful knocks, Joseph would surely get upset. Lou was scared of what the couple would do to her son if he kept calling after her. Joseph had said that Dorothy was acting strange towards him. Lou hadn't had the chance to know what he had meant by that. Dorothy had always been weird and somehow creepy, dressed from head to feet in black since her father had died ten years before, and bearing a constant vinegar expression in her face. Now it seemed odd to see her in that colorful dress and a different hairdo, but despite all these changes, Dorothy was the same.

Despite herself Lou had finally walked away from the house. She was livid, shocked and of course totally scared. How dared they keep her son from her? She wasn't going to allow it and she'd see to it that Joseph was with her this very day. She intended to report them to the authorities without delay and that was where her steps led her: to the sheriff's office.

Lou would prefer not to involve the law in her matters. She didn't have many good memories of the sheriff in this city. When she had been arrested, Sheriff Logan hadn't hidden his opinion and spite during those days Lou had been locked up in one of the cells before the trial. Lou wasn't looking forward to stepping into the office, knowing that the sheriff would question her and doubt her word, but she would endure anything for her son. That couple were holding Joseph against his and Lou's wills. Of course in the mood she was in, she had felt the urge to break into the house by force and take her son. Yet, she had stopped to think of the consequences her acts might mean, and that was not the wisest way to proceed. Lou had sworn to herself that she'd do things right this time, and show Joseph he had a mother who was something more than a jailbird.

Lou marched to the office and as she crossed the door, she was surprised to find another man in the place of Sheriff Logan and new deputies she had never seen before. The sheriff seemed to have been dozing off before she walked in, and her deputies were clearly idle and they almost jumped startled on hearing the door shut.

"Are you the sheriff?" Lou asked straightaway.

"Yes, Ma'am. Anything I can do for you?" the man replied as he studied Louise with his little, green eyes.

"I want to report a couple of people," Lou said, sitting on the chair one of the deputies offered her.

"Very well, Ma'am," the sheriff answered as he opened his entry book to record the complaint. "Please can I have their names and the deed?"

"Dorothy and Thomas Culpepper," Lou stated and noticed that as she had uttered the names, the man's hand had stopped and he lifted his eyes from the book and shared a look with his two deputies.

"What have they done, Mrs.…?"

"I'm Louise McCloud. The Culpeppers have kidnapped my son."

"May I ask you how that happened? How did they take your boy? Did you see them abducting him?" the sheriff asked.

"It wasn't like that. I left my son under the care of Elizabeth Boyle, Mrs. Culpepper's late mother, for a few years. I came for him and that couple don't want to give me my boy."

"And where were you in the meantime… I mean, while Mrs. Boyle looked after your son?"

"I… I was in jail," Louise replied awkwardly.

"In jail?" the sheriff echoed in pretended surprise.

"Yeah, Carl… now that I think of it, I know who she is," one of the deputies said. "She's the missy who killed Gareth Travers."

Lou's features hardened at the comment. "That doesn't have anything to do with this matter. Joseph is my son and that couple of nosey meddlers have no right. You have to help me, Sheriff."

"Well, Ma'am, we'll look into the matter, of course," the sheriff replied.

"Will you talk to them now and force them to give me back my child?" Louise asked with a hopeful expression.

"I'm afraid not. An investigation needs to be carried out first."

"There's nothing to investigate. He's my son and he needs to be with me, his mother. He doesn't belong to them."

"Ma'am, you have to understand we have to follow some procedures. And I'm afraid there are other matters before your case that also need our attention. We're up to our ears in work."

Lou looked at the three men with irritation. They had been idle when she had first stepped into the office. There were not even prisoners in the cells. Lou became suspicious and thought that the invisible mark that the jail had left was on her. The law wouldn't move a finger to help a murderer.

Louise rose to her feet and turned to leave, as it was clear that she wouldn't get anything out of here. "Thank you anyway."

"We'll see to your matter when we can. And please let me introduce me to your properly," the sheriff rose and stretched his arm to Louise. "My name's Sheriff Carl Culpepper."

Lou shook his hand as if by inertia as she looked at the sheriff with a frown. "Culpepper?"

"Yeah, I guess the name rings a bell for you, doesn't it? Thomas is my brother, Louise McCloud."

Louise stared at him in shock. On seeing her expression, the man sneered while his deputies guffawed raucously. Her spirit dented by this unexpected turn, Lou whirled around and dashed out of the office with total desperation.

* * *

After leaving the sheriff's office, Lou felt disoriented and totally lost. She sank down on a stone ledge and from there she kept watching people pass by. She had no strength, no energy as if her soul bore a terrible weight. The street was busy and Lou's heart hurt whenever she spotted a young boy. What was she supposed to do now? She wouldn't give in. Her desperation made her entertain all kinds of ideas. Maybe she could try to find the chance to take Joseph and escape. Nobody would chase after her. She was Joseph's mother. However, she suspected that wouldn't be easier to do. Besides, why did she have to escape like a thief? She hadn't done anything wrong, and she'd have her son back legally. She'd fight for him… in court and would beat those good-for-nothings.

With renewed resolution she rose to her feet and started walking. Minutes later she stood in front of another door, another building. There was a little plaque on the façade_: Frederick Henderson, lawyer_. Being Sunday, the office was closed. From her reticule Louise took out a scrap of paper and a pencil, and sitting on the bench before the building, she started scribbling. Her hand trembled from the frustration she was feeling, now reinforced by the words she was imprinting on the paper. The world seemed to have conspired against her and was trying to make her fall, but she wasn't planning to falter. She was ready to fight and do anything for her son, swallow her pride, walk through hell, betray herself, anything. Once the note was written, she slid the paper under the door, hoping that this might work because otherwise, she didn't know what else she could do.

The following day like usual Lou directed her feet to the market to start a new working day. As soon as Annie saw her, she couldn't contain her curiosity and asked, "So tell me, how did it go yesterday?"

Lou looked at her boss with a sad expression. Annie knew much of what there was to know about her. Lou had thought it sensible to confess her sins to her. In a place like the market where rumors and gossip were present every day, Annie was liable to learn a lot of half-truths and Lou had wanted her to know things as they were from her own lips. That had been a daring step. Annie might have wanted to fire her on learning certain facts, but thankfully, she was very understanding and had listened to Louise with the leniency years had given her.

"Things couldn't have been any worse," Lou said bitterly.

"Why? What happened, Louise?" Lou then started telling her everything that had taken place the day before. When she finished her pained story, Annie added, "Thomas Culpepper… I know him from sight. He has money. His family own several businesses in the city that he runs now. You know, buying and selling stuff."

"Well, he can't own my son, he's not for sale," Lou stated firmly, her eyes shining with fury and determination.

"What are you going to do, Louise?"

"I'm going to fight for my son… I'm going to take that couple of rats to court."

"You need a lawyer for that, don't you?"

"Yeah, I'll talk to Frederick Henderson today. He was my lawyer, you know. I have to admit he's good. Thanks to him, I got a milder sentence. Otherwise, I'd be dead now."

"Henderson? Frederick Henderson?" Annie asked surprised. "He's a high-standard lawyer… his fees must be sky-high."

Lou made a melodramatic gesture. "Tell me about it. He pocketed all my savings back then. Well, I hope we can reach an understanding now… you know, I have no money."

Annie nodded. She knew what Lou intended to do, and couldn't blame or judge her. As a mother herself, Annie could place herself in her employee's shoes. If one of her children were in danger, she'd do whatever it took. Motherhood changed women and nothing remained the same after holding that red-faced child, blood of your blood, flesh of your flesh. Everything was different from that moment on. Annie thought that some reproachable deeds had to be overlooked in mothers, and Lou was one kind of a mother, courageous and praiseworthy. Whatever she did for her son nobody had a right to look down on… nobody.

* * *

Later in the day, after Lou had finished at the fishmonger's, she headed for Henderson's office. His secretary announced her and the lawyer received Lou with a bright smile, and invited her to sit down.

"I was pleasantly surprised to receive your note," the man said from behind his desk. "It's good to see you. I didn't know you were free."

"This is not a social visit, Fred," Lou said curtly as her eyes studied the office and Henderson's desk. It was a big place that reeked of cigar smoke, which was turning Lou's stomach. The desk was impeccable, spotless apart from the ashtray filled with half a dozen cigar stubs. "I told you in my note I need your services."

"You already in trouble, Louise?" the lawyer asked.

Louise furrowed her forehead in irritation. "It wasn't me who broke the law this time… others did." She paused and added in a trembling voice, "It's my son… they won't let me have him." Louise retold the lawyer the incidents that had happened the day before and Henderson scribbled the details down.

"Thomas Culpepper?" the lawyer echoed as he scratched his forehead. "He's a well-regarded citizen… his brother is the sheriff of this city and he has good money."

"He's also a thief… he and his little wife… they stole my child!"

"Louise, let me ask you this. Are you sure you want to go against these people?"

"Of course I am! I want my boy back. He's my son, not theirs. I never signed any adoption papers or anything that entitled them to have Joseph. They have no right to do this."

"But they looked after him all these years."

"That's not true. I left my son with Mrs. Boyle, not with her daughter. I've learnt today that Mrs. Boyle died six months ago and a month later Dorothy married that man. They didn't look after Joseph for years. Besides, Dorothy never cared about him when I lived in that house… she always complained about him, and I heard her call him a bastard on several occasions. I know she wants my son now because she wants to give that oaf of her husband a child. Well, as far as I'm concerned, she might have to look somewhere else. Orphanages are full of poor orphans and Joseph already has a mother, me."

"I'm sure things are like you say they are, but you can't prove any of what you are saying. The fact is that Joseph lived with Dorothy Culpepper for all these years. If they want your son, they won't give in. I know Thomas Culpepper is a fiercely competitive businessman and if he wants something, he'll have it."

"I'm Joseph's mother," Lou repeated as if the sentence was enough to change the depressing panorama before her.

Henderson gave her a crooked smile. "Louise, I thought you were a woman of the world. Are you really so naïve?" he asked as he left his seat and came to stand before Lou's sitting figure, his legs brushing against hers purposefully. "You can't win over them… you can't fight them… not somebody like you… an ex-convict, a murderer, a woman of… questionable moral attitudes. Do you think a judge will let you have your child?"

"He will because I'm Joseph's mother, nobody else," Louise stated stubbornly. "I don't have time to waste Fred. Are you gonna help me or not?"

Henderson kept thoughtful for a moment as he stared at her intently. "Louise, I couldn't pass on anything coming from you… you know that."

"Good then," Lou replied with a blank expression and rose to her feet, pushing him gently to move him out of her way.

"One more thing," the lawyer called and Lou stopped at the door. The man approached her, coming too close. "It might help your case if someone could speak up for you… tell the judge a few good things about you."

"Maybe I could ask Annie… she's my employer now," Lou suggested as she folded her arms over her chest.

Henderson nodded. "Her statement would help but it wouldn't be enough." Lou averted her eyes and Henderson then asked, "What about the kid's father?"

Lou's eyes came back to life and jerked her head as if she had been stung. "That's none of your damn business!" she barked unkindly.

"Well, suit yourself," Henderson replied in a disregarding tone and took a step closer. He slid his long-fingered hand across her right cheek and his thumb brushed against her mouth. Lou kept still, looking at him with cold-steel eyes. "You're so soft," he whispered in a strange guttural sound. Lou removed his hand from her face and mouth, and Henderson sneered, not taking his eyes off her. "Will I see you later then?" Lou nodded somberly and the lawyer added, "I can't wait… it's a real pleasure to discuss matters with you, and I really want to help you."

Louise didn't answer and simply walked out. She was trembling like a leaf, shaken and upset. Things hadn't gone as she had expected. Lou had thought that being Joseph's mother would be enough for her cause, but apparently that wasn't so. Her mistakes and sins would go against her, and she might end up losing her son to those people forever. This couldn't be happening. She couldn't lose Joseph. Otherwise, she'd better die because then the world would mean nothing for her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

There were rings under her eyes, her skin was deathly pale and her head throbbed unbearably. Lately Louise could hardly sleep at night as she kept thinking of Joseph and how close she was to losing him forever. The lack of sleep was playing havoc on her nerves and body, and on top of it all, the long hours at work added to her already weak spirit. She tried to pretend she was fine in front of Annie, but the woman could see through her. Annie scolded her as if she were her mother, insisting over and over again that she needed to get her rest and look after _herself. 'Worrying like that won't bring your son back,' _Annie had said and Lou knew she was right, but she simply couldn't help fretting.

Louise had seriously considered the idea of grabbing Joseph and flying away, but she had come to realize that there was no way she could do something like that. On spying the Culpeppers, she had seen they didn't leave Joseph alone for a single moment, and he didn't even go to school. The couple had hired a teacher that came to the house every day. Lou's heart almost bled to see her son so close and being unable to be with him. She couldn't approach him since Thomas Culpepper was always with him and Lou didn't want to upset Joseph. Nothing she saw led her to believe that the Culpeppers were treating Joseph other than with respect and … yeah, love.

As far as she could see from watching them come and go, Joseph was a happy little boy, well clothed and fed, and every time he carried a different toy or book. The Culpeppers were giving him what she probably couldn't. She was penniless… a poor woman who had to work her fingers to the bone for a meager salary, who lived in a pitiable hole, and who had lowered herself to humiliation for the wrong reasons. What could she have to offer her son? Wouldn't he be better off with the Culpeppers? Wasn't giving up on him the right thing to do? If she loved him so much… As soon as the questions invaded her mind, she had to shush them away. Joseph was her son, her baby, her very special angel. He was her strength during those years she had been in prison. She just couldn't live without him, she just couldn't.

Lou was feeling at her wits' end. Her lawyer didn't give her answers or hope, and she didn't know what to do. All the odds were against her and she was likely to lose her son forever. Every day was a living nightmare for her, locked up in her own loneliness and no key in sight for her liberation. Lately she had started considering Henderson's suggestion. Maybe she needed to contact Joseph's father, but how? She didn't have the faintest idea where he might be. The last thing she heard was he had gone off to fight in the war. Lou didn't even know if he had made it to the end of the war safe and sound. If he was actually alive, where could she start looking? Maybe she could telegraph Rachel and ask her. She might know. Yet, Lou didn't even know if Rachel was still living in Rock Creek. She hadn't seen or heard from Rachel for nine years. It was very likely Rachel wasn't in Rock Creek either, but even if she was and told her about Kid's whereabouts, he might be in the other end of the country. The trial was a month away and there was not time enough to find Kid. Besides, what could she do then? Appear in his life out of the blue and blurt out that she needed his help in her fight for their son? That was simply insane.

All these thoughts kept bouncing in her mind and all she managed was to be going in circles over and over again and end up in a blind alley. There was no solution, there was no way out. Suddenly, she stopped waking as something caught her eye. Her eyes widened in astonishment, and she struggled to see among the crowd of people walking in the street. Just feet ahead of where she stood, a man stood next to a blonde lady. Lou had only got a glimpse of part of his face and right now all she could see was his turned back. _'No, it can't be. It's impossible,'_ Lou's mind kept repeating as her eyes almost popped out to spot a tiny little sign that told her she was just mistaken.

The blonde lady hooked her arm around the gentleman's and they started strolling along the walkway. It took Lou a second to swing into action and follow them at a short and safe distance. As the couple talked and laughed, she got some glimpses of the man's face as he turned to address his companion. He was Kid's spitting image as far as Lou could see… same hair color, same smile, same eyes, but Lou kept repeating mentally that it couldn't be him_. 'It's just somebody who looks a lot like him. It can't be him. It isn't possible,' _she reasoned.

Louise stopped behind a column when the couple halted to talk to an elegant gentleman. It was then that Lou got to have a much better view of the man. Dazed, she stared at him and she had to admit that he could be Kid… an older version of the Kid she had known, but that smile of his was unmistakable, the same smile that lit up her son's beautiful face, identical and so unique.

After a few minutes of conversation, Kid and his lady friend shook hands with the gentleman, bid him goodbye and crossing the street, they got on a carriage and drove off. Lou kept rooted on the spot, deep in thought. What was Kid doing in Richmond? Was he in town for a visit or was he actually living in the same city as her? The lady that was with him was probably his wife… a nice-looking woman, maybe a few years older than him, Lou could guess, but she seemed the type of woman she knew Kid liked, proper and distinguished. Not like her, of course.

Laying eyes on Kid after so many years was totally bizarre, especially under the circumstances she found herself. She had been thinking of him, considering searching for his help, and then he appeared before her very eyes. Most strange. Was this a sign? Did this mean that she had a hope now? She wanted to believe she did, but she was uncertain. What would she do now? Would she help her? Or would she turn her away? He'd probably have a perfect, little family. How could she disrupt his life like this? Right now she didn't care… she was desperate and she was ready to stomp over anybody or anything for her son's sake. Joseph was more important than anything else. She'd talk to Kid… she had to, didn't she? But first, she needed to find out his whereabouts and situation.

Louise approached the smart gentleman Kid had been talking to a few moments ago. "Excuse me, sir."

The man had been buckling the straps on the saddle of his horse and on hearing the female voice, he turned round. "Anything I can do for you Ma'am?" the man asked, lifting his hat in a gentlemanlike fashion.

Louise could see that he was a good-looking fellow; slick black hair and deep dark eyes stood out in the fine-featured man. His bearing and looks smelled of money, a scent that Lou couldn't miss. "Uh… the man you were talking to just now… is his name… uh… by any chance… uh… Kid?" Lou asked clumsily and as the man narrowed his eyes in wonderment, she added, "I just got a quick glimpse of him and I'm not totally sure it was him."

"Well, Ma'am, his name is Alistair Carmichael," the man replied, "but you are right… Kid is what we… his friends call him… funny nickname, don't you think?"

"I guess it is," Lou muttered, silently wondering why Kid had always kept his real name a secret before. Apparently, he went by his given name now, but Lou thought that she would never think of Kid by other name… Kid would always be Kid for her.

"I imagine that you're a friend… or maybe family, Mrs.…?"

Louise hesitated to answer and finally blurted out the first name that crossed her mind, "Uh… Dunne… Rachel Dunne. And yes, I'm kind of family."

"Mrs. Dunne, it's a pleasure to meet you at last. Kid talks so much about you, but I don't know why, I thought you were older."

Louise cleared her throat uncomfortably. She tightened her coat and skillfully moved the basket she was carrying on her front. "Uh… you're very kind, sir," Lou mumbled, cursing herself for this slip. She hadn't counted on this dapper man knowing who Rachel was.

"I don't recall Kid saying you'd be coming to the wedding. I imagine there's been a change of plans then?"

"The wedding…" Lou echoed with a surprised tone, but noticing the man's eyes on her, she quickly got a grip on herself and hurried to explain, "Yeah, of course I've come for the wedding! Yeah, what else? And yes, there's been a change of plans as you say."

"I'll be there too, so it would be a real pleasure to see you on Saturday."

"Thank you," Lou muttered, smiling awkwardly. Apparently, Kid was getting married. He couldn't have chosen a worse moment to decide to get hitched, Louise thought. Well, she couldn't care less. She still wasn't sure if the best course of action was trying to engage his help, but if she decided to go for it, he'd have to help her whether he wanted to or not.

"Well, Mrs. Dunne, I'm afraid I have to leave. I'll see you on Saturday and by the way, my name is Luther Lewis."

Louise shook hands with the man. She had heard of him before. Luther Lewis was a prestigious lawyer in the city. He has a reputation for being honest and brilliant in his profession, and Lou wished she could have the means to hire him for her case, instead of Henderson. After all, Henderson wasn't much of a help or at least, so far she was getting nothing out of their deal.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Lewis," she said, realizing that she hadn't managed to get the information she needed out of this man. She still didn't know where to find Kid, but it would sound very strange to ask him about Kid's whereabouts when she had claimed she was family to him. Lewis might tell Kid about his encounter with "Rachel", and to play it for safe, she added, "And Mr. Lewis, I appreciate it if you didn't mention me to Kid. As you mentioned before, he doesn't expect me and I want to give him a little surprise."

"My lips are sealed then."

Louise voiced her thanks and quickly dashed towards the market. She needed to think what she wanted to do. This wasn't a simple business, and she had a lot at stake. First of all, she needed to find where Kid lived, but now that she knew his real name, it wouldn't be difficult, even Annie might know. Because of the business she ran, she knew lots of people and even if she didn't, she'd know who could tell her about Kid. And then what? Should she just go and drop on him that he had a child? Maybe there was a way she could get his help without telling him everything. In any case, she'd wait for a while before doing anything rash. At least, she wouldn't go to him until he got married. This would surely be an uncomfortable business for him, and she wouldn't spoil his plans. She wasn't so rotten as she sometimes felt and Kid held a special place in her memories. Besides, she still needed to think, and this time would give her the chance to chew over the whole matter and find a way to tackle the situation as easily as possible.

As Lou reached the market and came closer to the fish stall, her steps quickened. "Annie! Annie!"

The woman was chopping chunks of swordfish and without turning her eyes from the bloody white flesh, she asked, "Did you take the Smithsons their order?"

"Yeah, here's the money."

"Go on then," the woman replied, continuing with the task at hand.

"Do you know somebody called Alistair… uh… oh… oh shoot, what was it? Alistair… Alistair… oh yeah, Alistair Carmichael?"

"Carmichael? Let me think…" Annie stopped the job and kept thoughtful for a few seconds. "Oh yes. Alistair Carmichael, a very nice man indeed."

"What do you know about him? Does he live here in Richmond?"

"Yeah, he has a big property outside town. Breeds horses and sells them. I heard he's doing very well."

"That's what he kept saying he wanted to do when we were engaged," Lou muttered under her breath, but loud enough for Annie to hear.

"Engaged?" the woman asked with curiosity, putting down the knife and turning all her attention to Louise.

"Don't get all excited. We never got married. I left him."

"You silly thing!" Annie exclaimed. "How could you do something so stupid? He's such a handsome and nice man!"

"How long has he been living here?" Lou asked, ignoring Annie's last comment.

"I can't really tell for sure. Maybe four or five years… shortly after the war finished."

"That long?" Lou asked surprised. "He was living in this town, in the same town I was living all this time and never before did I come across him!"

"Well, I think he doesn't come to town very often," Annie explained. She paused and unable to hold her curiosity back, she asked, "So what's with him, Louise? Why this sudden interest in your former sweetheart?"

"He… he's Joseph's father."

"So are you going to talk to him about your problem now?"

"I guess… well maybe… I really don't know."

"Louise, you have to!" Annie exclaimed firmly. "He has to help you! He's morally obliged. You've looked after his son for all these years on your own. Now you need his help. He has to take on his responsibility for Joseph as well! Both men and women are equally responsible for their children."

"It's not so simple, Annie. Actually, it's not his fault. How can somebody shoulder a responsibility when you don't know you have one?"

"He doesn't know about Joseph?" Annie asked flabbergasted, and Lou shook her head no. "Why not, Louise?"

"I… I don't know… I guess I didn't get the chance to tell him… It's … it's complicated."

"Well, it seems the time for you to fess up has come, doesn't it?"

"There's something else, Annie. He's getting married on Saturday." Louise remarked in a tiny voice.

"What if he is? That doesn't change the fact that you need his help and he is Joseph's father. Don't you always say you'd do anything for your son? Well, here's your chance. You have a hope you can't pass up. Or do you prefer the Culpeppers keep your baby?"

Lou shook her head. Annie was right. She needed to talk to Kid. If he hadn't changed, Lou knew he wouldn't turn his back on her. He would help her. But how to tell him? No doubt the news about his fatherhood would be shocking, to say the least, and whether she wanted or not, this might mean turmoil in her life. She had thought she would never see Kid again. Of course from time to time she thought of him and wondered how different her life might be if she had married him. But the thoughts disappeared almost as fast as they got in her head. It hurt her to think of that, and it was better not to think much about a time that would never come back. It seemed that she had been wrong, and she'd have to face that past again. The light at the end of the tunnel that had been so dark this morning would be her heaven and hell at the same time. If she could, she'd run away to the opposite direction, but there was no other direction. What else could she resort to? She had nothing and nobody. So her only solution lay on the hands of her ex-friend, ex-lover, ex-fiancé, and she'd better pray that things would turn out better than the last time they saw each other.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Ten days had passed since she had learned Kid was in Richmond and a week since the Saturday on which he had supposedly got married. Yet, Lou hadn't plucked up the courage to go and see him. She kept putting the whole thing, making up excuses when she knew she had none. Annie kept bugging her about the matter every day, insisting that it was high time she did something. And she was right, Lou had to admit. Today the woman had enough of Lou's hesitation and silly justifications. So when Lou had said that it was too long a walking distance to Kid's place, Annie had told her to use her buggy and she wouldn't want to see her face again before doing what needed to be done.

So Lou was finally heading for his place. The sun was low on the horizon, slowly approaching the end of the day, its rays tinted the sky in a beautiful range of orange shades. Lou was a nervous wreck. She had been thinking about the matter over and over again for ten days and she still didn't have a clear idea of what she was going to tell Kid.

The entrance to his property appeared before her eyes too soon and she slowly guided the horse along the path framed by enormous elms and chestnut trees. Annie was right; Kid seemed to be doing well and this place was evidence of that. Lou wasn't surprised. Kid had always been extraordinarily good with horses and had a good head on his shoulders. She had never doubted his capabilities and she was glad that he had been able to make such a good living, considering most folks were struggling to survive in the south after the war.

Lou stopped the wagon in front of the two-story house. It was a pretty place, very different from the buildings she was used to seeing in Virginia. The house reminded her of some of the constructions in the west: made of wood entirely, a wide porch surrounding it, wide windows and simple front door.

Louise climbed the steps leading to the porch and stood before the door. Her hand lifted to knock but she stopped as the same memories that had been bothering her lately assaulted her once again.

_"What are you doing? What's that?" he asked, pointing at the carpet bag on the bunkhouse table._

_"I… I'm leaving, Kid… for good. I'm sorry, but I can't marry you."_

_"Wh…what? Why?" he exclaimed with an exclamation of utter horror._

_"I'm going to New York…"_

_"Are you leaving me for that guy I saw outside?" Kid asked in an urgent voice as he grabbed her by the shoulders._

_Lou disengaged herself from his hold. She wasn't immune to his touch and needed to keep her distance if she wanted to go through with this. "His name is George Peters," Lou muttered as she turned her back to him. "And yes, I'm leaving with him, but not in the way you're implying. He's an important businessman in the city and has offered me a good job there. I can make good money and do something important. You know I always wanted to go to the big city and I can't pass on this opportunity."_

_Kid stalked round her turned body and stopped before her, looking intently into her eyes. "Lou, if you want that, we can go together. If that's what makes you happy, I'm ready…"_

_"No! No, Kid! It's not possible! I want to do this alone!"_

_His eyes started to mist on realizing that she was totally serious and the blueness in them shone more brightly than ever. "Why are you doing this to us, Lou? What about our plans? We want to buy a ranch, raise horses together…"_

_"No, that's what __you__ want."_

_"What about your brother and sister?" Kid insisted. "We talked about taking them with us, giving them a home."_

_"Of course I'll send for them when I settle down."_

_"I promised you I'd never ride on without you, and now you're the one who's leaving me behind… with that fella!" he barked, running out of patience and losing the little dignity he had, appearing jealous and desperate._

_"I'm sorry," Lou replied seriously. "I told you. I'm not leaving you for another man. If I wanted a man, I'd stay with you. In spite of how it looks, I really love you… but maybe not enough to sacrifice everything for you. I need to do this. I don't think I can be somebody's little wife… not now, not ever." She paused. Kid was staring at her with an impassive, stunned expression and she continued, "Kid, I think this is the best that can happen to you, believe me. I'm setting you free. I can't make you happy and one day you'll understand you escaped the clutches of a very sad life."_

Kid had never said a word when she had said good-bye and walked away from his life forever. The memory was too painful, the first mistake on a whole list she had made in all these years. Thinking about it made Lou wonder whether she'd better turn round from this place and leave. Yet, she had Joseph to think of and that hurt more than any other memories.

Breathing in deeply, Lou lifted her hand and finally knocked. She heard a vague _'come in' _from inside and she started biting her thumb nail nervously. The door finally opened, and she stood face to face with Kid. He stared at her with a strange expression, and for a moment she thought he didn't know who she was. "Lou?" he finally croaked in confusion as a smile gradually formed on his lips. "Oh God! Lou!" he exclaimed and threw is arms around her and gave her a quick hug. "What a nice surprise, Lou! Seeing you after all these years!"

"How are you, Kid?" she asked awkwardly.

"Fine… fine, but please come inside. Don't stand there."

Lou followed him to a cozy living room. The place was beautifully decorated with mahogany furniture and a nice combination of colors. As Lou looked around, she noticed his eyes studying her. Feeling self-conscious, she crossed her arms over her now ample bosom and looked at him pointedly.

"Uh… why don't you make yourself comfortable while I make some coffee?" Kid asked.

Louise nodded and Kid dashed to the kitchen. As she stood in the middle of his living room, she started feeling more and or uncomfortable by the minute. She was already regretting coming here but there was no turning back now. It was too late.

Her attention got drawn to a group of framed pictures that stood on the mantelpiece of his fireplace. She walked closer and recognized two of them: one picture was Kid's mother and the other one showed Kid when he was a young boy. Lou's interest was caught by the other two. Kid stood next to his bride in her wedding dress. Lou had a closer gaze at the woman. She was definitely very pretty and looked nice in her wedding outfit. Lou's eyes moved to the other picture and she frowned. In the photo Kid appeared next to the same woman, but what struck Lou was the boy standing between them. The child seemed a bit older than Joseph, maybe a year or so, but he looked so much like her son that there was no mistake who this boy was. "The bastard…" Lou cursed under her breath as she realized that while Kid had been talking to her about love and marriage all these years ago, he had been with this woman at the same time. His son was probably in the world when he had proposed and made love to her back then. "Serves him right I left him," Lou muttered, feeling much better about her own actions in the past and what she planned to do to him now.

Lou kept gazing at the picture. It seemed the woman had finally hunted him down and made him marry her after all these years. _"Nice prize you got,"_ Lou thought. _"He's probably cheating on you like he cheated on me."_

Louise turned away from the photos as she heard his steps behind her. He left the tray with the coffee on the table in the middle of the living room. "Please, Lou, don't stand there. Sit down, please."

Louise sat on an armchair and accepted the cup of coffee Kid handed her. He took a seat on the sofa across from here. "It's so good to see you, Lou. Really good. How did you know I was here?"

"I saw you in town… I live here too."

"Really?" he exclaimed, surprised and his eyes kept looking her up and down, still in disbelief. It was incredible. Lou was actually here in his living room and he couldn't keep his eyes off her. When she cleared her throat to catch his attention, he blushed on realizing where his eyes were. "Sorry. It's just strange to see you like this."

"Like what? Pregnant?"

"Yeah… I occasionally wondered how you'd look… you know, expecting, but I couldn't get the picture, well, until now, of course," Kid replied as his eyes continued looking at her protruding belly which she was caressing. "Is this your first one?"

"No, there's another one… a boy."

"Then your husband must be a happy family man," Kid tried, having noticed there was no ring in her finger, but under the hard circumstances the country was living, that was no indication of anything.

Louise lowered her eyes as she answered, "Yeah… Charles was a proud father."

"Was?"

"He died three months ago," Louise replied without meeting his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Lou."

"Yeah… me too," she let out in a sigh and lifted her eyes back to him. "Kid, I didn't come to pay you a social visit. I have a problem, a very serious problem. I didn't know who to turn to. I have nobody. I know I didn't treat you right the last time we saw each other…"

"Lou, that was a long time ago. You were young… we both were. And we made mistakes."

Lou smiled awkwardly, feeling a sting of guilt for what she was doing to him. Until the very last moment, she hadn't been sure whether to tell him the truth or offer him her story. Yet, as she remembered the boy in the photograph and how there was a time he had also deceived her, she didn't feel so bad about her lies. "It's my boy, Kid. They took him from me."

"What do you mean, Lou?" he asked. "Who took your boy?"

"When Charles died, I was totally devastated," she explained as her eyes focused on her intertwined hands resting on her bulging middle. "I left Joseph with some neighbors and now they don't want to give him back."

Kid was horrified. "How is that possible? Didn't you send the law after them?"

Lou hesitated for a moment, trying to keep track of the bunch of lies she had been telling him. She had rehearsed the speech in her head before coming here, but the questions were dangerous and she might slip. Lou had considered telling him the whole truth, but apart from being miffed for his little secret, Lou thought it didn't make sense after all these years. He had his life and she had hers. A few lies would get her what she needed, and it would be better for everybody. "I did, Kid, but they're powerful people and I'm just a woman on my own. I'm taking them to court and I need somebody to support me as a mother… somebody who has known me for years and can back me up."

"Lou, you know I'll do anything for you," he stated firmly. "If you need me to testify, I will."

"I don't think that will be necessary," Lou replied quickly. "My lawyer thinks that a written statement will be enough."

"Good then. I can do that," he replied with a smile. "Why don't you stay for dinner, Lou?"

"I…I'm not sure I can," Louise stammered. She had been lucky not to find the lady of the house at home, but she would feel very awkward to meet the wife of his old lover. Besides, she didn't know if she would be able to keep her charade all night long and answer his questions.

"Come on, Lou. I'm not going to accept a no for an answer. We have a lot to catch on, and… I need some help in the kitchen… I'm without a housekeeper now and you can give me a hand. And after dinner I can write a draft of that statement so that you can show it to your lawyer."

Despite her reluctance, Lou was unable to refuse Kid's invitation and a few moments later she found herself in his kitchen, cutting tomatoes while Kid kept an eye on the meat he was cooking.

"When's your baby due, Lou?"

"In two months… I guess. You never know for sure."

"Yeah, I imagine so," Kid replied as he lifted the pot lid and stirred the meat with a wooden spoon. "And how old is Joseph?"

Lou didn't reply straightaway. "Six… he's six," she lied again.

"Nice age. He must be a lovely boy."

"Yeah, he's an angel. You can't imagine how hard it is to be without him. It's like living in hell."

"You'll get him back."

"I hope so," she muttered, feeling very sad and miserable all of a sudden. The tears stung in her eyes and she felt like crumbling down and crying against his chest. She didn't know if she was so weepy for talking about Joseph or for the innocent acceptance Kid was receiving all her lies.

Kid noticed her sullen mood, and tried to lift her spirits. "It's really good to see you," he said again. "When I came back from the war, I visited Rock Creek and asked after you, but nobody knew anything… not Rachel or Teaspoon, or Jimmy."

"I haven't kept in touch," Louise admitted. "After the way I left… you know… arguing and offending everybody, I didn't think they'd want to hear from me."

"Too proud to go back home?" Kid asked, looking at her sideways.

Louise felt slightly irritated that he had guessed her true feelings about the matter. After all these years, he still seemed to know her better than she would have expected. "I guess."

"Didn't Charles try to change your mind?"

His question caught her unawares and without stopping to think, she asked, "Charles? Charles who?"

Kid stared at her with a confused frown. "Your husband, Lou." Louise paled, realizing her blunder and felt so awkward that she couldn't articulate a single sound. Kid noticed the change in her and smiled kindly. "You're going through a lot, sweetheart. Losing your husband and now all this with your son. It's natural to be a bit disoriented." Kid drew her to his arms and held her against his chest. "Don't worry, Lou. You'll soon have your baby with you."

Lou let herself be comforted despite her own awkwardness. His arms around her frame felt so familiar and it was as if she had traveled nine years back in time. She had always felt safe and protected in his arms, and the sensation was identical now. There was something very special about him and the way she still fit against his body was amazing. No other man had managed to stir the same sensations in her. Kid would always hold a singular place in her life, mainly for one thing; he had given her the most beautiful gift, her son.

Kid pulled away after a couple of minutes and looked into her eyes. "You feeling better now?"

"Sorry about that," Lou muttered, wiping the few tears that had escaped her eyes.

"Don't mention it," he replied and having a look at the pot on the stove, he added, "Seems this is done. Let's move to the dining room."

Kid took the pot with the stew while Lou followed him with the platter of salad she had prepared. As she saw him set the table for two, Lou casually asked, "Shouldn't we wait for your wife?"

"I'm not married, Lou."

"You're not?" Louise echoed with a frown and her eyes automatically shifted to the mantelpiece where the framed pictures were.

Kid noticed where her eyes were directed. He walked to the fireplace and picked up the picture where he appeared next to the woman in the wedding dress. "This ain't my wedding, Lou. It's Christine's."

"Christine?" Lou asked as she came to stand next to him.

"You remember my brother Jed?" Lou nodded and Kid continued as he picked up the family photo. "Shortly after the war, this lady came looking for me. Apparently, Jed was courting her before he died. My brother never learned she was with child. After the war, Christine was living under very pitiful conditions… had no money, no job, and Matt, her boy, was sick and weak from the lack of food."

"And she wanted your help."

"Yes, and of course I didn't turn them away. They are the only part of Jed left. They've been living here since then… not in this house of course… in a little cottage that is on the property. Christine and Matt have been my only family in the last few years. Last Saturday she married a fella who courted her for a year, and they've moved to live in town."

"You must miss them now."

"Yeah, I do, especially Matt. Seeing him is like seeing my brother. He looks so much like Jed."

"He looks like you too," Lou added as she gazed at the picture he was holding.

"I guess. I'm glad Christine let me get to know my nephew and have a part in Joshua's upbringing," he continued. "Helping them made me feel I was doing something for Jed. It's painful to think he died without knowing he had a child. So unfair, don't you think, Lou?"

Lou simply stared at him in silence as her heart thumped in her chest and her cheeks flamed in shame. She had been okay with the idea of deceiving Kid on purpose, especially when she had thought he was nothing but a cheater. Hearing him talk about his nephew and brother made her feel guilty, but she couldn't undo her lies and acts. What was done was done. No crying over spilt milk. Joseph was hers, only hers. She had been the only one who had undergone long, painful labor all alone, the only one who had looked after him since he was a baby, the only one who had suffered for his sake. Nobody else but her. Of course she was also the only one who had left Kid all these years ago and who hadn't told him about his son. She was partly to blame, but it was true that life had taken her in that direction. Why then change things now? That would only cause a lot of discomfort to both parties. Lou was sure Kid could be a good father, but he had his whole life to find another woman and create his own family. What she and Kid had was in the past and that was where it should remain. And as soon as she had Joseph back, she'd leave Richmond and everything else behind.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"This is worthless!" Henderson exclaimed, tossing the paper on the table.

"Why? Fred, you told me having Joseph's father's statement would help me against the Culpeppers."

"Alistair Carmichael is his father? Are you sure?" he asked, lifting one of his bushy eyebrows.

"Of course he is!" Louise retorted irritated, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Don't get mad at me, beautiful. It was just a question, a logical question. After all, you're not the most virtuous woman in the world, are you?" he replied with a crooked smile, but Lou kept quiet, glaring at him with her fiery eyes. "Anyway, for starters, a written statement is inadmissible in court. It's hearsay and a judge wouldn't accept this." Henderson continued, "And then, this paper goes on and on about how wonderful you are but there's nothing about Mr. Carmichael's acceptance of his fatherhood or his interest in your boy."

"There must be a way we can use it, Fred. You lawyers know tricks to modify what the law says. I'm sure you can fix the contents of that paper too," Louise replied in a fake sweet voice. "Somebody like you must know the right person who can do a little job… It can't be that difficult, and you know I'll appreciate your efforts… very much."

Henderson shook his head. "That costs money… what you can pay would not be enough. And believe it or not, I'm a good, honest lawyer. You would be committing perjury and as long as I'm your lawyer, I won't let you do that."

Louise let out a sarcastic chuckle. "How come you turn all proper and law-abiding all of a sudden? You weren't so scrupulous about committing adultery the other night, were you? Shouldn't your lovely wife get the same respect from you as you have for your profession?"

Henderson rose from his chair and came closer to Louise with a dead serious expression. Unexpectedly, his hand wrapped around her neck and leaning over her, he looked into her eyes. "Watch your mouth. If you weren't Louise McCloud, you'd be regretting your words right now." He let go of her neck and sat on the edge of his desk. Louise rubbed her sore neck with her hand while glowering at the man. "Get this into your thick head, Louise. If Carmichael is your son's daddy, he'll have to justify in court, in person. That paper is nothing."

* * *

After leaving Henderson's office an hour later, Louise returned to the market with a sullen expression. How on earth was she going to find a way round this situation? Kid needed to testify, and it was clear that without him, she'd definitely lose her son. Kid was a well-regarded citizen, a good, honest man who had built up a prosperous business and helped raise his nephew. And what was she? A woman, a despicable woman who had nothing and was worth nothing. Her destiny was in Kid's hands now and she hated with all her soul to depend on a man.

As Louise walked towards the fish stall, she scrunched up her face in discontent when she made out Kid's figure talking to Annie. Her steps sped up and when she reached the stall, she forced a smile into her lips, trying to control the irritation she was feeling, and asked as softly as she could, "Kid? What are you doing here?"

Kid could perceive a small note of irritation in her voice despite the smile on her mouth and the apparently soothing tone in her voice. "I came to see you and ask you how things have gone with the lawyer."

"How did you find me?" Louise kept asking awkwardly.

"I just asked around," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. "Good thing you told me you worked in the market or otherwise, I wouldn't have found you. You never told me your married name."

Louise crossed her arms, feeling that the little control she had so far was gone and before she knew what she was doing, her tongue lashed out. "You have no call nosing around in my business. Apparently, you're still the same annoying busybody who you were back then. But let me remind you you're not my boyfriend now!"

Kid was taken aback by her out-of-the-blue verbal attack. "What's wrong, Lou?" he asked, wondering what he had said to make her so nervous and distraught. Since her visit, he had grown concerned about her and had not hesitated to offer his help. It was obvious that Lou was in a lot of trouble, and he knew there was more she wasn't saying.

Seeing his expression, Lou realized that she had overreacted as fear had taken over her soul, fearing that Kid might find out something before she had the chance to tell him herself. "Uh… forgive me, Kid. I'm sorry. I'm having a bad day. It was wrong of me to take it out on you."

"Didn't things go well with Henderson?"

Louise stretched her lips into a bitter expression. Nothing ever went well when Henderson was concerned. "Seems a written statement ain't enough. He wants you to testify."

Kid rested in hand on her shoulder and gave her a squeeze. "That's not a problem. I can do that. I told you I'd do anything for you."

"Thank you," Lou muttered with a sad expression.

"No problem," he replied. "I better leave now. I have a lot of work to take care of. See you soon, Lou." And turning to Annie, who had been cleaning fish on her usual spot while they had been talking, he added, "And it was a pleasure meeting you, Mrs. Dibbs."

Kid started off, but stopped when Lou called his name. "There's something… we need to talk about."

He looked at her questioningly but when she didn't elaborate, he added, "What do you say about having dinner with me here in town tonight?"

Lou shook her head. This wasn't something she could tell him in a public place. "I'd rather see you at your place."

"Very well then. See you later."

When he resumed walking and disappeared from sight, Annie spoke up, "He's definitely a nice man and you're a silly woman for letting him escape."

"What were you two talking about before I got here?" Lou asked as she rounded the counter and put on her apron.

"Nothing much. He sounds really concerned about you."

"I hope he feels the same when I tell him the truth tonight," Louise let out bitterly, taking over from Annie and starting to clean the pile of fish resting in a basket.

"So are you finally going to spill the beans about Joseph?"

"Do I have another choice?" Louise asked darkly.

"Louise, I don't understand why you are so reluctant to tell him? What are you scared of?"

Lou stopped the task at hand and turned her body to Annie. "Because then he'll want to learn more and more. I don't want him to know who I am… who I've become."

"Why? Are you still in love with him?"

"Love? What's that, Annie?" Lou replied in a scornful tone. "I'm just afraid of the consequences. If he gets to know I'm nothing but rubbish, he might want to keep Joseph away from me."

"Louise, I think you're too hard on yourself," Annie said. "You're a nice woman who's had your share of bad luck in life like many others have. Yes, I grant you that you didn't do right by hiding the truth about your son and not letting him be with his father, but everybody makes mistakes."

"I don't know, Annie. I don't like the person I've become. I really loathe myself. I didn't use to be like this," Louise remarked in a pitiful voice. "Kid is a good and honest man, but he's also very firm in his beliefs. When he learns Joseph is his, I'm not sure how he's gonna take it."

"Well, at least he deserves to learn the truth from you, from nobody else."

"Yes, you're right," Louise conceded and then the conversation stopped when some customers arrived. Lou couldn't stop the fear that invaded her. She knew tonight things wouldn't turn out very nice. Kid had a right to be furious with her and he surely would when she told him her excuses. Right now those justifications sounded so weak to her ears that she wasn't sure if it was better not to try to excuse herself. She was scared stiff and as the minutes passed, she knew the moment of truth was coming closer and closer, and she wished she could flee and leave the problems behind as she had done all those years ago.

* * *

Kid left the market, smiling from ear to ear. He was actually looking forward to seeing Lou again tonight. He knew it was silly to feel this happy, but he did. Lou was in trouble and their encounter had a very specific purpose: to help her get her son back. This wasn't an occasion for recreation or games. He guessed Lou wanted to talk to him because she needed to tell him something more of this situation since he would now testify in court.

Kid scolded himself silently for entertaining other thoughts about her, thoughts that were too embarrassing to even admit them to himself. Lou was a recent widow, and it would be totally improper to think of her in other terms than strictly friendly ones. However, Kid wishfully thought that once the problem with her son was sorted out, they could resume their old friendship and who knew where that would lead. He told himself he was a fool for having those wishes. Lou had hurt and demeaned him in the past and here he was now, considering putting himself on the line for her again. What he had to do was to avoid getting too attached to her, but it seemed impossible. Deep down he knew he had never got over her and the second he had seen her face again after so many years, he was a total goner.

Despite the way they had parted in the past, Kid couldn't hold a grudge against her. Lou was the woman he had loved most in his life and would always have a special place in his heart. She had wounded him deeply those years ago and somehow he still hurt, thinking she hadn't wanted to marry him. Kid would have done his best to make her happy, but he also knew they were too young. Their timing had been all wrong. During all these years Kid had thought of her from time to time and wondered where she might be and whether he was happy. He had desired for years to see her again and when she had unexpectedly appeared before his door, he had been speechless for a few seconds, unable to believe his eyes.

Kid was about to mount his horse and head for his property, but stopped when he caught sight of Dorothy Culpepper and a young boy cross the street. While in conversation with Annie Dibbs, the woman had dropped that the Culpeppers were the neighbors that Lou had referred to the other night and had her son. Kid knew Thomas Culpepper from the citizens' local meetings he attended regularly. Thomas was an active member in the city committee and Kid had a good opinion of him. It surprised him that a well-respected man as Thomas Culpepper was could shamelessly steal a boy from his mother. Maybe all this was his wife's doing. Kid didn't know much about Dorothy Culpepper but it was clear that the woman was past her fertile time. Perhaps, she longed for a child so much that she had resorted to desperate measures, and her husband was simply playing along.

Without stopping to think, Kid decided to follow Dorothy and the boy even though he didn't even know what for. He didn't intend to do anything, but he was curious to see what a son of Lou's looked like. He hoped the child had inherited his mother's pretty features. Kid refused to think of her late husband because, even though it sounded too foolish even to himself, it made him feel very uncomfortable to think that another man had loved her, that she had loved him and they had created two children together.

Dorothy and the boy went into the general store and Kid followed them inside. They were at the counter and Kid watched them from his position a few feet behind. The boy reached way above Mrs. Culpepper's waist and Kid thought that he was a bit too tall for a six-year-old. Still curious, Kid approached the counter and stood next to Dorothy. The woman looked at him, and recognizing Kid, she said, "Good afternoon, Mr. Carmichael."

"How are you, Mrs. Culpepper?" Kid greeted her politely.

"Fine, fine, thank you. Doing some shopping today?"

"Uh… yes," Kid replied, unsuccessfully trying to catch sight of the boy, who was hidden by the woman's portly build. "You know, now that my sister-in-law is married, I have to look after these matters myself."

"Your sister-in-law? I thought Christine Carmichael was your wife," Dorothy remarked. She didn't know a lot about the Carmichaels, and this was the most she had talked to the man in years.

"No… she was my brother's wife," Kid replied awkwardly. Even though Christine never married Jed, she started to use his name after having Matt for a question of propriety. Kid had agreed to keep this little lie, but it made him uncomfortable.

"You should get yourself a housekeeper then… or a wife."

"Yes, I might do that."

A voice came from the back of the store, interrupting the conversation. "Mrs. Culpepper, the fabric you asked me about is here, so if you care to have a look…"

"Very well, Mr. Shears. I'll be with you straightaway," Dorothy said and turning to the child, she added, "Joseph, be a good boy and stay here while I deal with Mr. Shears. Choose a penny's worth of candy from the jars, all right, honey?"

"Thank you, Dorothy," Joseph muttered without lifting his eyes.

When the woman left, the boy didn't move and stayed in the same position, apparently not eager to go for the sweets. His head was hanging low and his little intertwined hands remained on the surface of the counter.

"Aren't you going to do what your ma has told you? Those licorices look very nice," Kid asked, trying to engage the boy in conversation.

Joseph finally lifted his blue eyes to Kid and said, "She's not my mother and I don't feel like having candy."

Kid stared at the boy with a flabbergasted expression: his blue eyes, his soft, sandy hair, his nose, the shape of his face. He looked so much like Matt. _He looks so much like me_, Kid thought in astonishment. He was so stunned that he felt unable to talk, but a after a few seconds, he pulled himself together and managed to ask, "So your name is Joseph then?"

"Yes, sir."

"And how old are you?"

"Eight. I'm eight."

Kid quickly worked out the numbers in his head. Lou had left him eight and a half years ago. _Could Joseph be…?_ He couldn't even say the words. He couldn't believe it. Lou would have told him, she would, wouldn't she? He wanted to believe that but seeing the evidence before his eyes, he just couldn't deny it. It was impossible.

"Something wrong, sir?" the boy asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Kid simply shook his head and smiling awkwardly, he retraced his steps and left the store. He had every intention to find out the truth, the whole truth. He wouldn't stop until he did. The lies were over … he was tired of the lies. No more. The moment of the truth was here.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Richmond streets were invaded by the sounds of shots and screams. Once again riots had broken out, Kid thought as he stopped his horse and eased down. The conflict over the whisky claim had been going on for a while and it seemed there was no end. Right now, Kid didn't care about any of this as the shots kept resounding in the distance. He had a single purpose in mind as he resolutely marched towards a shabby group of buildings where he had been told Lou lived. It hadn't been very difficult to find out her whereabouts. After leaving the store, he had been asking around, and he had discovered a lot about Lou. It seemed quite a bunch of people knew who she was and her reputation didn't picture her in nice colors.

He walked into the last building, climbed the stairs and knocked at the door energetically. After a few seconds, it opened and Louise appeared.

"Kid?" she said, trying to hide her irritation from showing. The fact that he was poking around for some reason didn't sit well with her. Not only had he learned where he worked, but also he now knew where she lived. "What are you doing here? I was about to leave for your place?"

"May I come in?" Kid asked curtly and Lou simply stepped aside to let him enter. As he stood in the middle of her rooms, he looked around. It was a dark place; only a dull light burned on a simple table on one side of the room. There was a bed in the far end, covered by an ugly, faded quilt and on the opposite wall a little stove stood. Apart from the beat-up wardrobe and a few chairs, there was no other furniture in the room.

Kid shifted his eyes back to Lou and he simply asked, "How are you today, Louise _McCloud_?"

"Kid, what on earth are you up to?"

"I know you're not married. You've never been," he finally said in an irritated tone. "And your son is not six, he's eight!"

"Who told you that?"

"It doesn't matter who told me. The thing is that I know."

Louise folded her arms and tilted her chin in a proud, cocky way like she always did when somebody challenged her. "So what? It's none of your business if I have one husband or a thousand, and my son is my concern."

"It's none of my business! It's none of my business! I know I'm Joseph's father! How could you? How couldn't you tell me? Why did you keep him from me?"

Lou started getting nervous. This wasn't the way she had wanted him to find out. She suspected the way he had learned the truth, which made her very annoyed. Yet, that didn't matter now, and she racked her brain to find the words to soothe the situation because she knew it wasn't in her interest to lose Kid's support. "I… I didn't want to cause you any inconvenience!"

"He's my child, Lou! I had a right to know!" Kid barked loudly. "I've been such an idiot! Worried about you… ready to do anything to help you out while you were fooling me with that bunch of lies!"

"I'm sorry, Kid, I…"

"You're sorry now because I caught your deceit!" he replied in the same angered tone. "Lou, I want to know the truth… the whole truth! No more games!"

Louise sighed and feeling her legs cramp she came to sit on one of the two chairs around the table. She brushed her hand over her forehead glumly and lifting her eyes to Kid, she said, "I… for the last three years or so I was in jail. I killed a man. I had to leave Joseph with Dorothy's late mother and when I went to find him, you know, Dorothy didn't let me have my son. And the rest… you already know."

"How could you lie to me like that, Lou? I never did you wrong… yeah, I made mistakes when we were together, but I never tried to hurt you on purpose, but you did… you must have known this would hurt me."

He was right, and for the first time in years she felt ashamed. She couldn't stand looking at his pained eyes, so she rose to her feet and turned her back to him. "I'm sorry, but I don't have an answer for that. I guess I was trying to defend myself."

Kid wasn't going to let her get away so easily and walked to stand before her again. "Defending yourself against what, Lou? Who was attacking you?"

"Everything!" she exclaimed, starting to feel very irritated. "This damn life was attacking me!"

Kid stared at her, not understanding what she was saying. She didn't make any sense and it seemed as if she had no arguments and was simply playing along. His eyes fell on her bulging middle and he asked, "What about the baby you're expecting? Who is the father?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" Kid echoed in a surprised gasp.

"One of the guards in prison. I don't know who. Could be anyone… I couldn't just be faithful to one. There's nothing much more to do in there," she muttered sarcastically, almost talking to herself and forgetting about Kid's presence, and when she lifted her eyes and saw his expression of shocked horror, she exclaimed in irritation, "Don't look at me like that! Don't come to me with your high moral standards! It's easy for you to judge people when you sit in your comfortable "castle" with no problems, no cares!"

"It wasn't easy for me! I had nothing when I came back from the war! I had to work very hard to have what I have now! Nobody gave me anything, but I fought tooth and nail to get what I wanted!" Kid barked, moving his hands frantically. He was so shocked, so upset that he couldn't keep still, fidgeting as if his body were out of control.

"Please don't make me laugh! You can't compare yourself and what I had to go through! You have no idea what it's like to be a single mother. You get nothing but scorn. I had to survive for me and my child… do anything for him… there in jail and here in the real world. I have nothing, Kid, nothing at all… And years have taught me that men will do anything for a good ride. How do you think I can afford a lawyer like Henderson?"

Kid kept staring at her in total shock. "I'm looking at you and I can't recognize you. I can't believe you're the same sweet girl I fell in love with."

"That stupid girl died a long time ago," Louise spat bitterly. "She doesn't exist anymore."

Kid shook his head completely perplexed. "I want you to know I'm going to demand my child's full custody on my own. I'm not helping you."

Lou started to panic. What she had feared all along was actually happening. "Please, Kid, you can't," she begged as she reached to touch his arm.

Kid shoved her hand off him and continued, "I can and I will. I don't want to see you or talk to you again. I don't want my child to be with somebody so… so perverted like you. And you know what? I'd rather he stay with the Culpeppers than with you. At least, they're decent folks, something you can't say."

Without waiting for her answer, Kid turned on his heel and stormed out of the place. "Kid, please! Don't do this! Kid!" Lou cried as she ran after him. She kept calling his name, but her advanced pregnancy made her too slow and when she finally reached the street, he was already riding off in the distance. "Damn it!" she exclaimed in the middle of the deserted street.

This was so wrong and so scary. If Kid decided to proceed against her, she'd lose what she loved most in this life. Louise cursed herself for not telling him sooner. If she had volunteered the truth, she'd have been able to present the facts in a better light, and Kid might not have reacted so harshly. And what was worse was that she had got carried away, telling him things she should have kept for herself, things that he might use against her.

_I was going to tell him today_, she mused furiously. It wasn't fair. She had a right to tell him in her own way and now everything had come out wrong. Irritation soared as she imagined the way Kid had learned the truth. Henderson was the only one Kid might have been talking to, and thinking that puffed-up peacock of Henderson had blundered it made her blood boil. Not only had he done nothing to help her, but he had to spoil everything on top of it all.

Before knowing what she was doing, Lou had crossed the city in the direction of Henderson's office. She didn't bother to knock and roughly pushed the door open once she got there. Henderson was at his desk and on seeing her, he rose to his feet and welcomed her with a crooked smile. "My, what a nice surprise! I didn't expect to see you again today!"

"You blabbermouth!" Louise barked angrily.

"What are you talking about?"

"He knows! Joseph's father knows everything because you told him! Don't try to play dumb with me!"

"Have you gone mad? I didn't tell him anything! I haven't even seen him," Henderson replied. "Louise, you don't need to be a genius to figure out the truth. I imagine Mr. Carmichael is not a fool. I think you should have told him before getting this far."

"He says he's going to fight against me for the custody of Joseph," Louise explained in a tiny voice, feeling very tired all of a sudden. "What am I going to do now?"

Henderson took a few steps closer. "I'm afraid there's not much you can do. You'd better come to terms with what's coming your way. You can't win… not against a couple who have been Joseph's parents in practical terms for the last three years… and not against a decent and hard-working fella like Alistair Carmichael. In any case, after all you're going to have another bastard soon that will help you to forget the other one, aren't you?"

Louise slapped him hard on his face as soon as the words left his lips. "How dare you laugh off my problems? You're nothing but scum. You don't know the first thing about me… Some help you've been! I'm gonna lose my baby and you've done nothing! I don't want to have anything to do with you again!"

At her words Henderson grabbed her arms, bringing her against him. "What are you saying? You can't… you can't leave me!"

"Of course I can! I don't need a low-life lawyer like you!" Lou replied in a shrieking voice, trying to get free, but he steeled his hold.

"Please, Louise. I beg you. Don't leave me. Let's keep this going. We are so good together… so good. I need you and I know you need me. You're the best lover I've had…"

"Don't flatter yourself!" Lou spat angrily. "I've never been your lover. I've never loved you. You only used my body because I let you!"

"Then let me keep using it!" Henderson said and with a strong push he forced her against the wall. He clasped her arms strongly and brought his face dangerously close to hers. Louise cringed at his stench of cigar smoke from his clothes and his breath, and her stomach jerked in disgust. "I still remember the first time I saw you years ago… in that black dress, with the little white apron and the cap. The black material fit your body so beautifully, your waist, your back, your arms, your breasts… and I knew then and there I wanted you. I became totally obsessed with you. I dreamt about you, thought about you, had you in my mind all the time … even when I was with my wife." Lou made a gesture of revulsion, averting her eyes, but Henderson grabbed her face and made him look at him. "And you, arrogant hussy, you refused me over and over again… never gave me a single chance and then… despite your refusals, I accepted to defend you. Because of you, I lost the friendship and contacts of one of the most important families in this city!"

"I paid you every single cent! You didn't do me any favors!"

"But Louise, I don't care! I don't give a damn about the Travers! They can go to hell for all I care!" Henderson paused and stretched his lips in a leering smile. "And when I got your note after all these years, offering yourself to me… that made everything else worth it! Louise, we are both similar and don't allow ourselves to be influenced by trivialities and silly emotions. We both know what we want. I want you… and I know you are clever enough to jump at the chance to better yourself. I have money and I can offer you a good arrangement. I can get you a nice place to live… much better than those shabby rooms of yours… a nice place where both of us can feel comfortable when we meet."

Louise gave him a strong push, freeing herself from his hold. "If you need a whore, go to the brothel! I'm not for sale!"

"I don't need a whore. I need _'you'_."

"Listen to me, Fred Henderson!" Lou said, pointing a threatening finger at him. "I don't want to hear from you again. Ever. Stay away from me or otherwise I'll march to your wife and tell her why her dear husband has been going back home so late for the last few weeks."

Lou sent him a dark glare, implying that she meant every word of her threats and feeling disgusted and totally shaken, she dashed out of the place to the street. It was dark outside and her legs could hardly support her. Her stomach contracted and she felt bile reach her mouth. Hurrying to the alley she retched as the tears flooded her eyes. Her boy, her beautiful boy… she was going to lose the love of her life and there was nothing she could do about it. How was she going to live without him? she thought as she wiped her mouth and leaned her body against the wall. The memories rushed to her mind, laden with unbearable pain. Joseph smiling at her, Joseph telling her I love you, Joseph kissing her good morning, Joseph looking at her with those beautiful eyes of his… How could she simply accept that her son wouldn't be in her life again? He was her baby, her very special baby… How could anybody dare to interfere between a mother and a son, the holiest bond on earth? It wasn't fair. Joseph was hers. She was getting desperate, the pain was too strong, and right now she had to do anything to have her son back because she knew she simply couldn't keep living without him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

After opening another window with the hope the non-existent breeze would get inside, Kid walked to the sofa where his friend Luther Lewis was already sitting. It was too unbearably warm for the middle of April and the lack of rain for the last six months made the air dry and suffocating.

Fifteen days had passed since he had last seen Lou and led by fury and pain, he had gone to his lawyer and friend to find advice about the best way to proceed in his situation. With her stunt Lou had hurt him beyond comprehension. He couldn't understand why she hadn't told him about Joseph in all these years. He could have supported her from the very first moment, at every step. Instead she had run away… away from him and his love. Kid could understand and accept she had stopped loving him… or maybe she never loved him, but that child was also his. That boy was the fruit of the love he had felt for her. Kid suspected that she had hidden the truth for fear that she'd have been forced to be with him just for the baby. She must have thought that he'd used their child to make her marry him. Kid had to admit that if he had known back then she was expecting his child, he would have wanted to do the right thing despite all her refusals, but he would have never forced her to do something she didn't want to. None of that gave her the right to decide for him and steal his child and eight years of the boy's life. It was not fair.

"So, Luther, you wanted to talk to me about something?" Kid said as he poured his friend and himself a glass of brandy and sat across him. "Something about my case?"

"Yeah, I've been doing a little investigation on the Culpeppers," the lawyer replied after having a sip of his drink. "There's something odd in the way he handles his matters… I found some irregularities."

"About what?" Kid asked with evident interest.

"I don't have much evidence yet, but I think I'll get something this week. That would help us with the judge."

"I thought you told me the Culpeppers weren't a threat and the judge will rule in my favor."

"That's right," Luther replied. "Being Joseph's father is a point that gives you the upper hand. And there's another element to consider. The Culpeppers took the law into their own hands when they decided to keep the boy without the permission of his mother. A judge will accept your demand straightaway, but if we have another string to pull, I'd rather use all the ammunition we can get hold of. I like playing to win, and we will, Kid."

"What about Lou?"

"Kid, you have nothing to fear. You've thrashed her already. Her reputation and way of life speak for themselves."

Kid sighed. "She's Joseph's mother," he said softly. "I know she cares about him and I'm… I'm not sure if this is right." When the truth about his fatherhood had revealed itself in such astonishing way, he had been beside himself with fury, but in the last few days he had time to reflect and was doubting if he had the heart to do something so callous as to pull apart a mother and her child. But he wanted the best for his son, and thought the boy needed to have some stability for once and all. In his short life the poor child had suffered too many changes, passing from hand to hand. After Lou, he had been under the care of Mrs. Boyle and now the Culpeppers looked after him. And if the boy came to live with him, there would be another change, thought Kid morosely, but he intended to give his child the stability he needed. Yet, despite his convictions, Kid couldn't help feeling guilty for deciding to go against Lou. He knew she hadn't acted right, but was he doing better by tearing Joseph from her?

"Kid," Luther continued after a beat, "she lied to you for years… maybe she didn't lie directly to you, but she hid the truth, a gigantic truth from you. She's a professional liar. Remember what she told me? All that about her being your friend Rachel."

"I know that, but…"

"Kid, I know you're often too soft-hearted, but this is not the time," Luther carried on, cutting him off. "You are doing your duty as a father… a duty she didn't let you perform for years, a duty and a right she stole shamelessly. Joseph needs a good influence in his life, somebody that won't let him down. Children are too vulnerable, and they are our main priority. Do you honestly believe Miss McCloud can be the mother Joseph needs? She has no means, lives in that pathetic hole and to make matters worse, she's expecting a baby whose father she doesn't even know. Do you think she can look after two children when she has to work for so many hours for a meager salary?"

Kid knew Luther was right, but strangely it irritated him beyond comprehension to hear somebody criticizing Lou. "You know something, Luther? I do believe she could do that and more if she puts her mind to it. Despite the years we've been apart, I know her… she's an amazing woman. I don't know how she turned into this strange, devious being. I really hope there's a reason for that, and I'm sure under her skin there must be something left of the Lou I knew."

Luther raised an eyebrow in surprise at his firm defense of Louise McCloud. "Are you still in love with her, my friend?"

Kid shook his head. "That was a long time ago… but maybe…maybe I still love that young girl I met in the west all those years ago, but I know nothing about the woman who is the mother of my child."

Luther chuckled. "We men can be such prize idiots. We always end up with the wrong kind of woman… those women that bring us nothing but heartache," the lawyer commented lightly. "Kid, you know you're my friend, and my family and I love you. We'd hate seeing you suffer. Please be careful."

"Luther, I don't have any intention to see her at all…much less to start anything with her. I've learned my lesson, and Lou's history. I'm just worried about Joseph."

"Then you're doing the right thing. The sooner we settle this matter, the better," Luther concluded as he rose to his feet. "I'll leave you now."

"So soon?"

"I'm sorry, my friend," the lawyer said, slapping him on the shoulder in a friendly way. "Women's call. I told Margaret I wouldn't be late tonight and she's the boss." He paused briefly and smiled as he carried on, "You know, you should find yourself a woman, a nice, honest one. Follow my advice. Don't turn into a lonesome wolf, my friend."

"That's easy for you to say when your wife is such a darling, but things are not so simple. You know I've tried… I'm just not lucky with women."

Luther and Kid walked to the door, and before the lawyer left, he said, "Think about what we've been talking about. I'll try to find out more about Culpepper and I'll let you know."

Kid nodded his head slowly and bidding his friend goodbye, he returned to the living room. He knew Luther was totally right. Lou didn't deserve his consideration, but all this didn't make him happy. In order to win this case, Luther would have to cross-examine Lou, attacking her with too personal questions, even ridicule her. Kid knew his friend was a tough professional; he had seen Luther in action and he'd do anything to make Lou crumble. Despite everything that had happened between him and Lou, Kid wasn't sure if he could condone all that. He wanted to have Joseph with him, but not at any price, especially if he had to hurt Lou. Things were too complicated.

As Kid stepped into the living room, his eyes fell on Luther's briefcase, which he had forgotten on the sofa. Almost at the same time a knock sounded at the main door. Kid grabbed the leather case and as he opened the door open, he said teasingly, "Luther, your head is like a sieve. I'm gonna have…"

The comment died on his lips as his eyes came to rest on the face of a person he hadn't expected to see. "Lou…"

"Hi, Kid," she said in a strange tone of voice. It was dark outside and Lou's face was wrapped in shadows. Her body appeared in a strange outline, her bulging belly standing out in contrast with her too thin frame.

Kid was speechless for a brief moment. Seeing her always sparked a reaction in him. He was too hurt and couldn't remain impassive as the memories of her lies hit him painfully. "What are you doing here, Lou? I told you I didn't want to see you again and I meant it. Please go back to your world of lies and fantasies, and leave me alone."

Kid pushed the door to close it, but Lou stopped his intentions, placing her body in the doorframe. "Please Kid!" she called in a begging voice and as the light from inside the house slightly fell on her face, he realized that her eyes were red and puffy as if she had been crying. "Kid, they're gone… they took him."

"What are you talking about?"

"The Culpeppers… they've run away with Joseph!"

Kid finally let her in and made her sit in his living room. After a few seconds, Louise met his eyes and started to explain herself, "I wanted to talk to Dorothy… reason with her. I thought I could try again and see if I could talk her into giving me Joseph back. But when I got to the place, the house was in total darkness. A neighbor told me she saw them leave the house, carrying lots of luggage."

Kid stared at her with a serious expression. "And what did you plan to do if Mrs. Culpepper had let you have Joseph back? What Lou? Run off again and leave me behind?" Louise hadn't expected that question from him, and having no answer, she lowered her eyes, admitting the truth in silence. "You're incredible!" he exclaimed sarcastically. "Plotting against me behind my back and you still have the nerve to come to me. I should kick you out of my house right now, but fortunately for you, I still have a heart." He sighed sadly. "Well, what matters now is to find where that couple have gone and get Joseph back."

"They could be anywhere. Oh my God, where is my baby?" she exclaimed in a pitiful voice.

"Lou, we don't know if they're left for good. They might have gone on a visit."

"I know they've run away like two cowardly coyotes because they know a judge will force them to hand Joseph over to you."

"You might be right. Maybe I can talk to Culpepper's friends. He must have told somebody where he's heading. He has business here and he just can't go away and disappear for good. I doubt they'll talk but it's a start," Kid said, sending her a reproachful glare he didn't try to hide.

"What's that look for?"

"We wouldn't be in this fix if you had done things right from the first moment," he said, unable to hide his irritation any longer. "If you had let me know I had a child, nobody would have interfered with Joseph. You had eight years, Lou, eight long years. And you never even tried. And you preferred to leave our son with a stranger to contact me. You know you could have found me easily through Teaspoon or Rachel. I would have looked after him while you were in jail if you had asked me, but you never did."

Louise rose to her feet. "I made a mistake coming here," she muttered as she started towards the door, but Kid ran before her, blocking her in mid-way.

"Where do you think you're going, Lou?"

"To find my son," she stated, folding her arms; her eyes shining with pain and stubborn resolution.

"And how… may I ask… do you intend to do that?"

"I'll find a way," she replied. "If I have to walk to every single town in this country until I die, I will. I'm not gonna let that couple of rotten weasels escape with my son!"

Kid stared at her in silence. She was huge with the child she was expecting and as far as he had seen, she moved around with awkward motions. She couldn't do much in her condition. Yet, the fire burning in her dark eyes told him that she was ready to carry out her intentions. "Lou, you're close to having a baby. You can't…"

"I don't care!" she barked loudly, cutting him off. "I'm not going to sit idle while those two steal our son… I'm not going to lose him."

Hearing her say _'our son'_ for the first time made him soften. He wanted to find Joseph as much as her, and he just couldn't allow her to leave like this. "Please Lou, let me help you. You came to me for a reason and I'm willing to help."

Louise shook her head energetically. "No, Kid. I won't have you throwing in my face continually how everything is my fault. I know myself and my mistakes. I have enough with the voice of my conscience to feel guilty. I couldn't stand another one."

Lou tried to get past him, but Kid stopped her by grabbing her wrist. "Please Lou. I won't say another word about it. Let's work together to get Joseph back."

Louise finally relented to his begging eyes and let him steer her back to the living room and sat down.

"Lou, did that neighbor tell you anything else, Lou? Didn't she know where they might be heading?"

Louise shook her head. "No, nothing else."

"I'll talk to Luther tomorrow. He's my lawyer. We can ask him what to do and he has good contacts in Virginia among the authorities, and …"

"Virginia!" Louise exclaimed suddenly, gaining herself a strange look from Kid. "That's it! Virginia!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Mrs. Boyle had a sister. Virginia Cooper. She came to visit her once. She was a wealthy childless widow… very fond of Dorothy and I remember her saying that when she died all her money would go to her niece. I have a hunch that's where they've gone, Kid! We can find them now!"

"Where does that woman live?"

"Charleston."

"Well, we can telegraph the sheriff and let him know…"

"No! I'm done with trusting the law! A wealthy lady like Virginia Cooper must have friends among the authorities there. Besides, Dorothy and her husband might run off somewhere else if they hear we are after them."

Kid looked dismayed. "Charleston is over 300 miles from here, Lou. It's too far away. It's not for sure they went there and it would be a wild goose chase if your hunch turns out to be wrong."

"They must have gone on the train," Louise reflected almost to herself, and ignoring his comment. "We can ask at the station if somebody remembers seeing them. Thomas Culpepper is a well-known citizen and… I know one of the fellas who sells the tickets at the station. He's one of Annie's customers. If he or somebody else confirms that the Culpeppers took a train, we could follow them without doubts."

"We?" Kid asked in a tone that Lou could identify very clearly.

"You told me you'd help me, didn't you?" Lou replied, going in another direction from the one she knew he was implying with his simple question. "Have you changed your mind?"

"No, it's not that. Lou, you're not in a position to travel. Anybody could see your baby won't take long to join the world."

"The baby is not due yet," Lou contradicted him.

"Even so, Lou. You need to rest before the time comes. If we get the evidence the Culpeppers have really gone to Charleston, I can go there and try to locate them."

"No, Kid. You can't leave me behind!" Louise exclaimed. "I need to find Joseph. I can manage. You know this is not the first time I've been pregnant. I won't be any inconvenience… I need to do this."

"Lou…"

"Nothing you can say will convince me. You can choose. I can go on my own or we go together. But I won't stay here and that's final!"


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Early in the morning Lou and Kid went to the train station. Louise quickly located the man she knew, but he had been off duty the day before and couldn't offer them the information Lou wanted so much. She started to feel discouraged as nobody they talked to seemed to remember having seen a couple with a young boy. Despite the lack of information, Lou was ready to get on the next train out of Richmond, because her heart told her that the Culpeppers had taken Joseph to Charleston. She had no doubts. However, Kid kept insisting that they couldn't rush to Charleston blindly without having some evidence that their son was there. Thankfully, in the end one of the cleaners in the place seemed to remember vaguely the couple Lou had described.

Kid was still reluctant to follow Lou's lead when they only had the word of a man who, in his opinion, didn't seem very trustworthy. Dozens of families came and went into and out of the station, and Kid doubted this man could remember an ordinary couple like the Culpeppers. Yet, Lou was so certain and convinced that they were on the right track that there was no way he could make her reconsider their options.

There was no direct train to Charleston. They'd have to travel to Danville and change trains there. It would take them almost a couple of days to reach their final destination.

"I can pay my own fare," Lou protested stiffly when Kid stepped forward to pay for the tickets. "I don't need your money."

Kid sent her a dark look before he continued in a serious tone, "Don't fret. I ain't doing this for you, I'm doing this for me. I won't be travelling in an uncomfortable third-class carriage. I'm getting a nice compartment in first class."

"I see you like to brag about your money," Lou remarked dryly as Kid handed the money to the ticket seller.

"I told you before. This is the result of hard, honest work," Kid replied, emphasizing the word 'honest' pointedly as he turned his hard eyes to her. "And you won't be able to make me feel bad about something that is my pride."

Lou bit her lip to stop the caustic remark that almost slipped from her lips. She needed to control herself from lashing out or this journey would become a total torture. Kid was treating her with distant coldness, and sometimes dropping these hints that made her blood boil. Lou couldn't blame him for that. He was proving to be more patient than she was. If he had done half of what she had, she knew she wouldn't be able to stand being in the same place as him. Kid had a right to be angry, but what angered her most is that he didn't do anything, he was just there, silent, and that made her more uncomfortable than if he simply shouted or insulted her. Lou foresaw this journey wasn't going to be very easy, and right now she was regretting agreeing to go with him.

The train was scheduled to leave in two hours. While Kid rode to his place to arrange matters with his foreman while he was away, Lou went to see Annie and tell her what was going on. She hated leaving the woman in the lurch, when she had helped her so much. Annie was understanding, wishing her luck to find Joseph. Lou didn't know how long she'd be away, but she wouldn't come back without her son. It wouldn't be fair to ask Annie to keep the job for her. She had a business to run and needed somebody to help her. So Lou had told her to find a replacement for her. It saddened her to say goodbye to Annie. The job wasn't grand, but since leaving the prison, Annie had been the only person who had helped her and she'd never forget it.

Lou showed the conductor the ticket and followed him to the compartment Kid had paid for. He was nowhere to be seen and she settled to wait for him on the soft seats. Her back was hurting and she kept shifting on the seat, unable to find a comfortable position. Se hadn't been able to sleep last night, and the lack of rest was now evident in her sore body.

The idea of not seeing Joseph again lurked at the back of her mind, making her scared and miserable. Louise turned her eyes to the window. The gigantic mountains were visible beyond the rail lines and she could hardly see its end. The world was so wide, so immense. Joseph could end up anywhere. What if her hunch was wrong? What if he wasn't in Charleston? What if they couldn't find him? He would grow up without her… without his parents… each day forgetting a little bit about her until he couldn't remember her at all. The thought was too terrifying and she didn't want to think about it because it would simply kill her.

After a few minutes, she heard the door slide open and saw Kid behind the same conductor. The man placed Kid's carpet bag on one of the racks above the seats and accepted a tip from him before walking out. Kid was also carrying a small basket he left on top of one seat, and looking around and at her with curiosity, he asked, "Where are your things, Lou?"

Louise moved her legs to reveal a bundle under the seat. "This is all I have," she muttered and then turned her eyes back to the window. The train started to draw out of the station. Kid sat across from her and from the corner of her eye she faintly saw him lifting the lid of the basket and taking out what looked like a sandwich. Louise pressed her hand against her empty stomach. She didn't have dinner last night or breakfast this morning, and her stomach was already complaining. Yet, she'd rather starve than ask him for a bit of that sandwich he was holding in his hand.

"Lou, this is for you," Kid said to her utter surprise, stretching his hand to her. "You need to eat."

Louise looked between him and the sandwich. Suddenly her eyes filled with tears at this simple gesture of his and she started to cry softly. Here she was thinking the worst of him, acting like a proud harpy, and he was generous enough to share his food with her. "Please, Lou, don't cry. We'll find Joseph."

Hearing his words, Lou's cries turned into sobs and hid her face in her hands. Kid came to sit on the empty seat beside her and awkwardly slid a hand on her back, caressing it comfortingly. "Please, Lou, calm down." Seeing his words didn't seem to appease her, Kid drew her against his chest. "It will be all right, Lou. We'll get our boy back. We've always been a good team, haven't we?"

Louise's tears subsided little by little and pulling away she lifted her red-rimmed eyes to him and said in a thick voice, "How can you be this good to me after what I did to you?"

Kid cleared his throat uncomfortably, "Whatever happened between us, you are the mother of my only child and there's no way I could treat you otherwise." He paused and uncomfortable at feeling her so close, he moved to the opposite seat again. "Come on, Lou. Eat your sandwich," he said, placing it in her hand.

While Kid had a bite as well, he studied Louise as she tore the sandwich into tiny pieces with her bony fingers and brought them to her mouth. She looked so vulnerable and weak. Despite her advanced pregnancy, her hands and arms were too thin and her big eyes stood out in her pale, sullen face. Kid had never seen her like this… so small, looking like a little bird. There was nothing of the cockiness she had shown these past days and Kid wondered who the real Lou was: the bitter, devious woman of lately or this pain-stricken being.

As Kid watched her, he noticed her shifting and fidgeting on her seat while trying hard not to show her discomfort. "Are you feeling all right, Lou?" he finally asked.

"Yes… I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You don't need to put on a brave face for me."

"It's nothing… my back is bothering me, but it's nothing new. It's been hurting lately and I imagine that the lack of proper rest makes it worse."

"Didn't you sleep well last night?"

Louise shook her head. "Not only last night," he muttered as she kept her eyes downcast.

"Because of the baby?"

"Partly… these weeks haven't been easy at all," Louise explained.

"Why don't you try to have a nap now?" Kid offered and Lou nodded. He went to find the conductor and asked for a blanket for Louise and when he returned to the compartment, she was sound asleep. Kid covered her with the blanket and settled back on his seat. He kept watching her sleeping figure with curiosity. She looked so peaceful now. He remembered he used to love watching her while she slept, especially after they had made love. Those times were too far away, but here he was, watching over her sleep again, and a tiny part of his heart told him that he could spend his whole life just like this, looking at her peaceful figure.

His eyes involuntarily fell on the bulge under the blanket, the evidence of the kind of woman she had turned into. He still couldn't understand. Lou had always been so true in her feelings and convictions, and when they had been together, she had always been so romantic. She had even acted as a matchmaker with the boys a few times, although without much success. And now… How had she been able to get involved with a bunch of men at the same time? The mere idea was revolting. The Lou he had loved would never have done something so despicable, so low. Who was this woman before his eyes then? Where was sweet, brave Lou?

At some point in the course of these thoughts Kid fell asleep. The moans and cries woke him up, almost startling him. For a few moments he was disoriented, wondering where he was. The moans continued and it was then that he realized they came from Lou. "Please, no! I beg you… please no, please no!"

She was having a nightmare and as Kid noticed the tears trickling down her face, he leaned over and shook her. "Lou, wake up, please. Open your eyes and everything will be gone."

Louise woke up and looked confused as she found Kid's face staring down at her. "You were having a nightmare," he explained.

Lou nodded as she wiped her eyes with a handkerchief he handed her and tried to find a comfortable position on her seat. "I don't have dreams anymore… only nightmares. And to tell you the truth, my life is not very different from when I'm sleeping."

They relapsed into silence. Lou turned her eyes to the landscape passing behind the window. "How long until we get to Danville?"

"Three hours at least."

Lou made an impatient gesture and continued looking out of the window. Kid kept his eyes on her as he debated with himself whether to use this moment to bring to the open what he had wanted to know since they had met again. His wishes won over him and he finally mustered the courage. "Lou, can I ask you a question?" Louise turned to look at him, waiting for that question and then he asked, "What happened after you left Rock Creek?" She kept staring into his eyes with a serious expression and he added, "Did that fella you were with leave you when he found out you were pregnant with Joseph?"

Lou shook her head. "Long before that. Kid, I told you I wasn't interested in him in that sense… but apparently he had the same perspectives you suspected. He tried to trick me… get me in his bed, literally speaking, … and when I said no, he simply ditched me. I never made it to New York." She decided to keep other details for herself… how in the night she was supposed to have been enjoying her new husband she had been fighting that man instead. He had thought she was a mild little thing, and got a surprise when she had broken his nose and kicked him out of her hotel room.

"And then you found out you were pregnant."

Lou nodded.

"Why didn't you come back to me, Lou? Why?" he asked in an urgent voice.

Louise met his pained eyes. Unlike other times, he didn't sound reproachful, but just interested in her answer. Louise sighed and said, "I… I did." Kid frowned in disbelief and Lou continued, "After I had Joseph, I went back to Rock Creek, but you were gone… you had left for the war. I… I knew I had no right to demand anything from you, but I wanted you to know your son."

"But nobody told me anything. Rachel should…"

"She didn't know, nobody knew," Lou explained, cutting him off. "I was too ashamed to face them. They never learned I was in Rock Creek during those days."

Kid nodded. He remembered the way Lou had left. She had reacted harshly when everybody had taken his side and tried to change her mind, and convince her that she was making a mistake. Not even Jimmy had supported her decision, which had made her livid. From those days Kid remembered how hurt he had been, but he also had recollections of Lou fighting everybody and offending more than one with her words. "Lou, I'd have done anything for you. If you had given me the chance…"

"I… I know that."

"You never tried to contact me when the war finished."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't know… I guess I thought too much time had passed and I… I don't really know," she replied sincerely.

They relapsed into silence once again and kept looking at each other for a few minutes. Lou told herself that she couldn't stop here. She needed to tell him everything. He only knew part of her story, and he had a right to know about her miseries. "The first year after Joseph was born was hard… The money I saved during the Express gradually ran out and it was so difficult to care for a baby and work for us to survive. I did all kinds of odd jobs for a while… decent jobs," she clarified when Kid gave her a strange look. "My life revolved round my son, he was my whole life. I wasn't interested in romance, men or anything else. Joseph was all I cared about. When he was two, I started working for a rich lady from St. Louis as a maid. A year after her eldest daughter got married… her new husband, Gareth Travers, was from a wealthy family from Richmond. The new Mrs. Travers asked me to go to Virginia with her as her personal maid and I accepted."

"Gareth Travers? Isn't that the man you…?" Kid started, but his voice faltered, feeling unable to complete the question.

"Killed? Yes, you can say it. I did it. I killed him. I killed that bastard… because it happened again."

"What happened again?" he asked with curiosity.

"The same thing that Wicks did to me!" she spat bitterly. Kid's eyes widened in horror and she continued, "Kid, I never suspected a thing… nothing at all. He wasn't like other men I had to keep at arm's length back then. He seemed respectable and I even liked him better than his wife. Mrs. Travers was a spoiled brat, whiny… so nasty. She didn't even want to have Joseph living with me in the house, and that's why I rented the room at Mrs. Boyle's." Lou paused briefly to draw breath and continued after a few seconds, "One day when his wife was away, he asked me to go to his offices in town and clean them. As soon as we got there, he starting acting like a disgusting rat, trying to touch me, entice me. When I refused his advances, he knocked me down, beat me and… well… you can imagine the rest."

"Lou, you don't have to say anything else," Kid said as he dared to hold her hand and give her a good squeeze. She was getting upset and he wasn't sure he wanted to hear anything else.

Lou ignored his words and continued regardless, "I remember lying on that cold floor, naked, dirty, humiliated… I had sworn to myself a long time ago that no man would ever use me like this again, but it happened." She sighed and furiously wiped off a single ear that had managed to escape. "I don't remember all the events clearly… I know I found him in a room he had in that office, snoring like a pig, sleeping peacefully after what he had done to me. A blinding fury like I'd never felt before squeezed my heart and my body reacted on its own, without control. The gun he always carried was hanging from a chair… I don't remember taking it, but it was in my hand and I shot… not once, but three times and killed him."

"I… I'm sorry," Kid uttered clumsily, unsure what he could tell her.

"I don't regret killing him, but that moment meant losing our baby," Lou added with a mournful voice. "They sent me to that horrible prison… you can't imagine what life is like in there. It's worse than a living hell… and… and … and the same thing I had rebelled against was happening there too. The first night a guard… a horrible guard did the same as the man I had killed… there in that dirty cell, on that filthy floor, in front of all those women." She paused for a second to continue almost immediately. "I was raped three times in the first week, and the fourth time it happened I realized I had two alternatives: endure that living hell or try to scrape my way there. I decided I'd live with rules of my own and give them what they wanted. I even got used to it after a while. I didn't have to suffer the pains, the beatings, the humiliation in front of everybody, only in my soul… and I even got to enjoy certain advantages. And yes, I survived that hell, at least my body survived because I think my spirit died the day I got in there."

There was nothing left to say. Feeling awkward but at the same time immensely relieved, Louise turned her eyes back to the window. She could feel Kid's gaze upon her but she refrained from looking at him. She could imagine what she would find in his blue eyes: pity…for sure, disgust, even anger. Everything she already felt and that was enough for her soul. She just couldn't see the reflection of her soul in somebody.

After hearing her, Kid was too stunned to react. What Lou had told him was horrendous… beyond horrendous. He felt a terrible urge to cry; he wanted to reach for her, but he was paralyzed, and didn't even know how he should be feeling. Saying he was paining for her was a clear understatement. This was too huge… too much. Kid was going through such turmoil in his mind that he didn't notice that the train had stopped and when he managed to find his own voice to call her name 'Lou…", a shot rang above his soft whisper and was soon followed by many others.

* * *

**Note: I did a little research about women's prison at the time and there were accounts of women treated hideously there. Sexual assaults were apparently common. Maybe my story and Lou's account are an exaggeration, I really don't know. I tried to be as accurate as the information I got from my research, but since I wasn't there at the time, I can't tell if what I'm telling you in this story is believable, or you think it's not plausible. Thanks to those who are sticking to ****this story****and taking their time to comment. It means the world to me. You can't start imagining how much it means. Thanks**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"Lou! Quick! Duck!" Kid ordered and helped her to lower her body onto the floor. The shots ricocheted against the metal frame of the train and one stray bullet managed to crash through the window, sending the splintering glass over their bodies. "Are you all right?" he asked worriedly, brushing the pieces of glass off her head and shoulders. Lou simply nodded as she wrapped her arms around herself.

Screams were heard all over the train and a loud male voice kept repeating that they were being held up. Kid took his gun out of his bag and after whipping off the last pieces of glass from the broken window with its butt, he positioned himself and aimed at the attackers.

There were three masked riders still shooting at the train, and Kid could see that another man had been hit and lay on the ground. Kid fired. Another man fell and hit the ground. Kid could hear shots coming from the train. The gang would soon be beaten. After all the robberies the trains were suffering, the companies had equipped their staff with the means to defend themselves and the passengers. By the looks of them, Kid guessed that the gang was just a bunch of desperate poor devils who were taking a chance by assaulting the train and all they would probably get was their untimely deaths.

Kid's prediction turned to prove right and the gang was soon subdued. The shots had stopped and from his position, he could see that one of the train workers had caught a badly-hurt robber while the rest of the gang lay on the ground, apparently dead. They were young, too young, Kid thought. It was a real shame that the terrible situation that the South was facing after the war was filling the state with new outlaws, who were simply ordinary people forced to cross the line because of the circumstances.

Kid finally turned from the window to Lou, who was still crouching on the floor. "You all right?"

Louise nodded. "You?"

"I'm fine," he said and took her hand to help her back to her feet.

The conductor craned his neck in the compartment and asked, "Are you all right in there?"

"Yes, thank you."

"And your Missus?" the worker asked, tilting his chin towards Lou.

Kid stumbled as he tried to answer, feeling somehow awkward at the idea the man had confused Lou with his wife, and in that brief hesitation, Louise talked instead, "I'm perfectly fine, thanks."

"I'm afraid I have bad news," the man continued as he stepped into the compartment. "Those bandits damaged the rail tracks and we won't be able to continue our journey until they are fixed."

"When will that happen?" Kid asked.

"Hard to say… one of our men will ride back to our main headquarters to give a full account of the damage as soon as he can get a mount in Bensley, which is the nearest town. Then the company will send the mechanics and the required equipment to repair the tracks."

"That could take days!" Kid exclaimed unhappily.

"I'm afraid so, sir."

"Kid," Lou called as she looked out of the window, "people are leaving the train." She could see some passengers get off the train and walk away.

"Yes, you're right, Ma'am. Some people have decided to find other transportation in Bensley."

"How far is that from here?" Kid asked.

"About five miles. Sir, if you allow me… I would stay here if I were you. It's not safe for you and the lady to venture outside, especially in her condition. Those roads are full of tramps and undesirable people. You have a comfortable compartment and hopefully, this might be fixed before we expect."

"Thank you," Kid replied and as the man left, he sank down on one of the seats with a sigh, foreseeing a long wait.

"What are you doing, Kid?" Louise asked, her standing figure hovering over his.

"Uh?" he let out awkwardly, not sure what she meant with her question.

"We aren't going to wait. Who knows how long this train will be marooned here! You know we can't wait. We can get a wagon in that town and drive to Danville. Hopefully, we'll get there in time for the train to Charleston."

"Lou, you heard that man. It's five miles from here and you…"

"I can manage. Come on, let's go!" Lou exclaimed and without waiting for him, she walked out of the compartment. Kid made an impatient gesture, and had no other option but follow her out of the train.

The sun was shining strongly above them. They had been walking for over an hour, pausing every now and then for Lou to rest. She easily got tired and out of breath, especially under the warm rays of the sun, and even though she tried not to show it, Kid knew she was uncomfortable. He noticed from time to time she surreptitiously slid a hand over her back to rub it briefly. On top of it all, they had no water and Kid was already feeling his throat totally dry and he suspected Lou was going through the same. This was crazy. They should have stayed on the train… he should have been firmer, but who could do anything when Louise McCloud had made up her mind?

Kid watched her at her from the corner of his eyes. She looked flushed and was wiping the sweat from her forehead with a handkerchief. "How are you, Lou?" he asked.

"Fine! Fine! Fine! Fine! Fine!" she snapped loudly. "Does this answer the five times you have asked me the same question?"

"I'm just worried about you and your baby," he retorted annoyed.

"You should be worried for Joseph instead," she said curtly, her eyes directed ahead.

Kid stopped walking, dropped his carpet bag and came to stand before her. "What does that mean? Are you implying I don't care for him? I haven't had the chance to be with my son, but I do care. If I didn't, I wouldn't be following you in this crazy journey."

"I'm not saying you don't care," she replied in the same tone. "What I mean is that the sooner we get to Charleston, the better."

Kid stared at her coldly and turning from her, he resumed walking. Once again she had managed to enrage him. He didn't understand why she was like this. For some reason she always made everything good appear in a bad light. His worry apparently was unsuitable for her, his love was possessiveness, his desire to be there for her was suffocating control. Why was she like this? Did she really think so little of him? Why couldn't she accept that his intentions and feelings were genuine? Why did she have to belittle everything?

They hardly talked the rest of the day and it was in the first hours of the evening they reached the town. Bensley was a small place, with just a couple of streets, so it didn't take them long to locate the stables. Even though they'd have to spend the night here, they decided to sort out the transportation for the following day first.

"Sir, let's get into my 'office' to talk money," the stable owner told Kid, pointing at the edge at the end of the stables once Kid decided to buy the horses and the wagon the man offered him.

Kid followed the man while Louise remained in the stables, admiring the horses in the stalls, the view bringing her back to those so special Pony Express days. About twenty minutes later Kid walked back in. "Lou!" he called when he didn't see her around. He vaguely heard her weak voice coming from behind the wagon he just paid for. As he rounded the carriage, he found her leaning against the wagon frame; her hand holding the edge so strongly that her knuckles were white. The expression of her face instantly told him that something was not right. "Lou?"

"Oh Kid!" she let out in a pitiful voice. It was then that he noticed a puddle below her feet. "My… my water broke. The baby's coming. I'm… I'm so sorry."

Her words spurred him into action. He rushed to her and sliding an arm around her shoulders, he helped her move. "Don't worry, sweetheart. Everything's gonna be fine. Let's get you to the doctor and …"

"There's no doctor in this town," the stable owner informed them from behind him, getting a panicky look from Kid. "Dr. Williams comes once a week," the man carried on, "but only on Thursday. I'd advise you to take the lady to Miss Pearson's guest house just at the end of this street and I'll go find Widow Ronaldson. She helps our women when they go into labor."

The man hurried out of the stables and Kid kept steering Lou towards the door. She was in too much pain, and could hardly take a step, so Kid ended up scooping her up in his arms and rushing to the guest house.

Louise was barely aware of what was happening. The pains were too strong and close together. When she felt her body being lowered onto a soft bed, she lifted her eyes to Kid. "It's too soon, Kid. I thought I had another month. That's what the doctor in the prison told me," she cried worriedly.

Kid sat down on a chair, and brought it closer to the bed. Taking her hand softly, he said, "It's all right, Lou. That fella is bringing a midwife to help you."

Lou was hit by another contraction and she doubled in pain. "Oh God! I don't remember it being so bad with Joseph!" she cried in agony as she squeezed Kid's hand strongly.

Kid was at a loss, feeling powerless at seeing her suffer this ordeal and incapable of doing anything to help her. "What can I do for you, Lou? Tell me, please," he said awkwardly, as his eyes kept shifting to the door and he wondered what was taking the midwife so long.

"Just stay with me, please. I don't want to be alone," she begged with a tiny voice. When Joseph was born, she had felt so lonely, only with the doctor that had assisted her, and she remembered feeling very miserable and wishing Kid would be there with her even though it was her fault that he wasn't with her. Ironically, her wishes had been granted eight years later when she was having another child who wasn't even his.

"I'll be here for as long as you need."

Lou's eyes filled with tears. "I'm so scared… so scared."

"Everything's gonna be all right, Lou."

"It's coming too soon," she repeated in a cry as another contraction struck and left her breathless.

Kid dipped a cloth in the washbowl and wiped her sweaty forehead. "You told me things like this happened and one never knows when babies are ready to come. I guess this one thinks it's time now. You shouldn't worry."

Her trunk was awkwardly lifted in a strange angle, supported by her arms resting on the bed, and every time she had a contraction, her body hit the mattress. In a bold move, Kid left his seat while he said, "Lou, I think I can do something to make you feel more at ease. Please let me." He slid behind her and let her body rest against him. "Better, Lou?"

Louise nodded, smiling despite everything, and feeling the beginning of another contraction, she cried, "Where's that darn woman? I feel the baby pressing and if she doesn't show up, you'll have to deliver it!"

Kid panicked at her words, praying that things wouldn't go as far as that. And right on cue, a knock sounded and Widow Ronaldson appeared. "How are you feeling, love?" the woman asked as she lifted Lou's skirts straightaway to check the baby's progress.

"Never felt better," Lou replied sarcastically. Her body was wracked by horrible pains, and she was so afraid that she couldn't even think.

"Seems this baby will be with us very soon," the woman explained. "Daddy, you better leave us women alone. We'll let you know when the little one gets here."

Kid didn't try to correct the woman's misconception and as he shifted in the bed to do what the woman had asked him to, Lou grabbed him by the arm strongly, stopping him. "No, Kid, you can't leave me!" she begged with desperate eyes. "You promised. Please don't go! Please!"

Kid and Widow Ronaldson shared a look. The woman shrugged her shoulders and he said, "Of course I won't leave you." As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt her relax in her arms and he had to smile. All this was so strange. Not in a million years would he have imagined that he'd find himself in this situation, being present at the birth of Lou's baby. The feelings running through him were definitely very unusual; he was very concerned and excited at the same time as if the baby she was having was his. It was totally bizarre. He imagined that his son had been born in similar circumstances, so it made him feel better to think that he could be here for Lou now, which kind of made up for the special moment he had lost when Joseph was born.

"I'll ask Miss Pearson to boil some water," Widow Ronaldson said and left the room.

Lou was panting after another contraction had passed and turned her head to him. "Kid… can … can I ask you a favor?"

"Anything."

"If something happens to me, I want you to find a family for my baby… a good, honest family that can raise the baby as their own."

"Lou, nothing's gonna happen to you," Kid protested in an urgent voice. He didn't even want to imagine what she was saying.

"Please Kid. You have to promise," Lou insisted, her fingers grabbing his shirt front. "This baby is not to blame for my mistakes… for my miseries. I don't want it to suffer because of me and end up in an orphanage. Joseph has you, but this baby…"

Her voice faltered as another contraction hit her. Kid held onto her, rubbing her arms comfortingly as she contracted in pain against his chest. When the pain subsided, she turned her sweaty pained face to him. "Kid?" she asked, eager to hear his answer to her request.

"Lou, nothing's gonna happen to you, but… if something happened, I promise I'll raise that baby myself. I promise you that much."

"Thank you," she whispered weakly, thinking that her words were too unsuitable to express the gratitude she felt. The energy seemed to escape from her body and she was feeling so tired that she didn't know how she could undergo labor. This was too much and she genuinely feared that all this would defeat her.

Widow Ronaldson came back shortly and after having another look, she informed Lou it was time to push. Kid stared in silence as Lou went through labor. Her screams filled the room and with each one Kid's heart went out for her, praying that her suffering finished soon. Her naked feet buried in the soft mattress, she pushed her body against him strongly. It was amazing how strong she was. The pressure of her back against his chest was such that the wrought-iron bars in the headboard painfully sunk in his back.

Suddenly, a powerful wail broke at the same time as she collapsed against his chest, totally worn-out. "Look what we have here… such a cute thing!" Widow Ronaldson exclaimed as she lifted the baby and turned back before Kid had the chance to have a good look. The woman walked to the dresser and while humming contentedly, she started to wash the baby.

Kid slid away from behind Lou and carefully helped her lie down. "Are you feeling all right?" he asked in a whisper. Lou nodded, feeling there wasn't an ounce of energy left in her body. "You were incredible, Lou. Amazing," he added as he dropped a kiss on her matted hair.

Lou didn't answer and closed her eyes, who felt heavy and tired. Kid inched to the woman that was busy with the baby. "I'll leave you now," Widow Ronaldson said as she accepted the coins Kid placed in her hand as her payment. "Congratulations."

Before Kid could react, the woman placed the baby in his arms and scurried away. He held the tiny child as if it were made of glass and could crack at any moment. His eyes kept staring at the beautiful baby in wonder and little by little the apprehension vanished. "Oh Lou, you have a beautiful baby daughter! So pretty!"

At his words Lou opened her eyes and held her breath, trembling with fear when she saw him walk towards her. The idea that she had a daughter and wasn't sure what she'd feel about her terrified her. She had never wished ill to the baby that had been growing inside her, but since the moment she had learned she was pregnant, she had been reluctant to acknowledge that little person. This pregnancy had been so different from when she had been expecting Joseph. That had really been a sweet time. She used to sing and even talk to her special baby, dream about him every night, imagine what he'd look like, and her heart had beaten with love since the very first moment. The news of that pregnancy had also been unexpected; she hadn't planned to have a baby, but despite everything, she had loved the child she and Kid had created since the beginning. So different from this time. Lou had barely thought much about this new baby, not wanting to admit the evidence of the kind of immoral woman she had become. These months had been nothing special, acting as if she only had air inside her body, instead of a little person. But she couldn't, she just couldn't go to that place where the reality could actually devastate her.

Louise watched Kid approach with a scared expression. She had never felt so afraid before, but she did now. She feared to face her baby daughter, or rather herself. What if she couldn't feel anything for her child, who would be a constant reminder of the terrible place she came from? Louise couldn't bear the thought she might abhor her own daughter. Wouldn't the baby then be better off without her than with a mother that didn't love her? What was she supposed to do? There was a time when Lou had entertained the idea of abandoning the baby, but she didn't find the heart to do something so callous to a small child. But maybe she could do what she had asked Kid in the middle of labor. She could find a nice family that could love her baby daughter, thought Lou, but as soon as the idea got into her mind, she felt miserable and ashamed of herself. What kind of person was she? That was even worse than anything she had done in jail, and she despised herself for just thinking about it.

Unaware of the tumult she was going through Kid smiled and placed the baby on the bed next to Louise. "Isn't she beautiful, Lou?" he asked as he carefully sat on the edge.

Louise's eyes quickly flooded with tears as soon as they caught sight of the small baby by her side. She could only nod at Kid's question and her hand crept closer and caressed the pink, soft cheeks of her baby daughter. She kept staring at her mesmerized. The baby's head was covered with a soft fluff of dark hair, her face, her hands, her feet… so perfect and small. Suddenly, the baby's eyes opened and looked at her. Louise's heart jerked as she found herself looking at two dark, beautiful pools that were a perfect reflection of her own eyes. One single look from her baby daughter and her heart had melted and filled with immense love.

"I… I want to hold her," Louise pleaded as she wiped her tears with her hands. Kid helped her to sit up and rest against the headboard, using some pillows to support her body. He placed the baby in her eager arms, and as soon as Louise felt the baby against her skin, the tears overflowed and she started sobbing.

"Lou…"

She lifted her glazed eyes to him when she managed to control her sobs. "She's so small, so lovely, so perfect," she managed to say among tears. "My poor little girl! She looks so innocent, so pure… and she was conceived in such an ugly, dirty way!"

Kid stiffened at her words. Since Lou had opened up to him, he hadn't been able to think about anything else. He still hadn't digested all that information and right now he thought he couldn't. He didn't want to talk about it and said, "Lou, you shouldn't think about that."

"I thought I couldn't love her, Kid," she continued pathetically, fresh tears trickling down from her eyes. "But I do… I love her… so much." She looked down and placed a kiss on the baby's head.

"I know, Lou. I know you do… She's so pretty… just like you."

Louise managed to smile and shifted her eyes back to the baby who had fallen asleep in her arms. Despite everything, today she felt happy. "Kid," she called after a few moments, "I… I want to name her after you. I would've wanted Joseph to carry your name, but I didn't know what it was…"

Kid frowned in confusion at her strange request. "You want to call your baby daughter Alistair?"

Louise smiled at the expression of his face. "Almost… just part of it… Alice."

Kid returned the smile to her. "Alice sounds nice, and I'll be proud to share part of my name with somebody so special. Thank you, Lou."

"It's the least I can do," she muttered, feeling her cheeks flush in shyness. "You've done so much for me… when I don't deserve anything."

"Lou, don't think about it. Let's leave the past behind us and start from scratch. I want us to be friends again…like we used to be when we met… I really want that."

"I want that too," Louise replied sincerely, and held out her free hand for him to take. Kid didn't hesitate and intertwined his fingers with hers and met her smiling eyes while baby Alice slept peacefully between the two of them.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Kid knocked at the door softly and on hearing the soft 'come in', he let himself in. As soon as he stepped into the room and realized Lou was nursing the baby, he blushed and quickly turned his back to her. "I…I'm sorry, Lou. I thought you'd be decent."

Louise smiled at his reaction. "Kid, you sound as if I was in the middle of some dishonest activity. I'm just feeding my baby. It's something natural," she said as she caressed Alice's soft head.

"I didn't mean it like that," Kid replied, blushing even more and glad that she couldn't see his red cheeks. "It's not right for a man to intrude in that intimate moment between a mother and her child."

"If you say so," Lou said, trying to stifle the laughter bubbling in her throat. It was silly that Kid should be so prudish around her. He had seen her naked body many times before, and just three days ago he had witnessed when she gave birth. It was ridiculous to feel awkward because he could see her breasts while she nursed her baby… but Kid was Kid, nobody like him.

He kept his back turned to her and heard her hum a soft tune to the baby. "You know you have an older brother, Alice?" Lou said in a soft voice after a few minutes. "Yeah, you have. His name is Joseph and he's gonna love you so much. He's not here but we'll soon be together… you, me and Joseph." Annoyed, Kid stiffened at her comment, which clearly left him out once again and revealed Lou's clear intentions. He didn't say anything as she continued talking to the baby. "And do you see this shy man here… you know, the one who has bought you all those nice clothes and kisses you good morning and night every day? He's Joseph's daddy and we'll have to make room for him… because he's part of our family, Alice."

At her words Kid swirled round and smiled brightly, feeling like a fool for having thought the worst of her just seconds ago. Lou had finished nursing the baby and held her upright against her shoulder to help her burp. She met Kid's eyes and smiled back.

The intensity in her gaze made him blush once again. He moaned inwardly, realizing he was acting like a silly teenager in front of her more and more. Since when did he blush so easily?

"How are you feeling today?" he asked after a beat.

"Fine… fine."

Kid wasn't surprised by her answer and wouldn't have expected another one. Since the first day after having Alice, Lou had repeated the same words, she was fine and was ready to leave. For once Kid had managed to persuade her to stay in this town for a while, using the baby as his argument. He could understand she was eager to find Joseph; he also was, but it was crazy to go back so soon to the search when she had just had a baby. Kid had told her that they should wait for the doctor who visited the town every Thursday and make sure Alice was healthy.

Yesterday Dr. Williams had finally examined both the baby and Louise, assuring that they were both in perfect health. So her next question didn't surprise Kid one bit. "Kid, when are we leaving?"

Kid sighed and sat down on the bed. "Lou, maybe we should wait…"

"No!" Louise exclaimed, cutting him off. "You heard the doctor. Alice and I are both fine!"

"Yes, I know, but you're still sore, Lou. Don't deny it because I have eyes."

"But, Kid, we'll be travelling in the wagon, not on foot. I'll be comfortable enough and so will Alice, and then you know the journey on train from Danville will be easy."

There was nothing Kid could say to change her mind, and that very day they left Bensley. Kid helped Louise lie on the back of the carriage comfortably while he drove it. They reached Danville late in the evening and stayed the night in a hotel. Early in the morning they boarded the train that would take them to Charleston, and this time the journey was smooth and without problems.

As they got off the train and joined the crowded city, they were overwhelmed by a sensation of strangeness. "And now what, Lou?" Kid asked.

They had reached their destination, but they hadn't talked about how they'd find the Culpeppers in a huge city like Charleston. It would be like finding a needle in a haystack. "We need to locate Virginia Cooper," Lou stated.

"How?"

Lou sent him an irritated look. He wasn't making things easy. If he simply stopped to think for a bit… "In church," she replied as she rocked Alice in her arms, who had started to complain. "The holy ministers in this city must know their parishioners, and I remember Virginia being a church-going kind of lady. So we just need to ask."

"There must be a bunch of churches in this city," Kid protested. "It could take us very long to check all of them."

"Well, the sooner we start, the better chances we'll have to find Virginia," Lou replied stubbornly.

Before starting their search around the city, they rented a couple of rooms in a hotel. Despite her desires to tag along Kid, Louise had agreed to stay in the hotel while Kid made the necessary inquiries. The baby needed her rest, to be changed and to be nursed every two hours. So Kid was to find out about Mrs. Cooper's whereabouts and then they would go to see her together.

As he had foreseen, the mission he had at hand wasn't simple or easy. The city was much bigger than he had thought, and locating the ministers wasn't a piece of cake either. He managed to talk to a few of them, but at the end of the day he hadn't managed to get the information they needed.

When Kid returned to Lou without news Louise felt her heart crumble and her hopes weaken. The fear that they might be after a ghost like Kid had warned her at the beginning of the journey became more of a possible reality. What if Virginia Cooper didn't live in Charleston anymore? Lou hadn't known anything about the lady long before she had gone to jail. So much could have happened in those years… for all she knew, Virginia Cooper might even be dead now.

Louise didn't voice her concerns to Kid, not wanting to jinx everything with her fears. Early the following morning Kid went on his search again. Louise stayed in the hotel like the day before, waiting an agonizing wait. At mid-morning unexpectedly her door burst out open and Kid ran inside. "I found her, Lou!" he exclaimed happily.

Louise took the paper that he gave her and read the address on it. You were right," Kid added. "She's stinking rich and lives in a very wealthy area."

"Oh I'm so glad and relieved!" Louise exclaimed, kissing the paper in her hands almost reverently. "Let me change Alice and we'll go now."

Kid nodded. This time he wouldn't try to dissuade her to let him handle the situation. If would be easier if Lou talked to the lady since she already knew her. As Lou changed the baby's diaper, Kid looked at her and noticed her expression. He could tell she was feeling the same apprehension as him. Even though they were closer to their aim, they were also close to learning whether Lou's hunch was right or not. If the Culpeppers weren't in Charleston, all this odyssey would have been a waste of time, which would leave them broken and lost about how to find their son from then on.

About half an hour later they stood before a tall, white house with an imposing iron fence. A wisteria vine lay entangled through the metal engravings and beyond that, the whiteness of the house shone in all its splendor. Kid pushed the ajar gate open and they crossed the beautiful garden, in full bloom at this time of the year. When they reached the spacious porch, Lou passed Alice to Kid and rang the bell. A few seconds later, the door opened and a portly, black maid appeared. She looked at Lou questioningly and Lou said, "Good morning. Is Mrs. Copper at home?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Would it possible for us to see her? We've come all the way from Richmond just to talk to her."

"I'll ask my missus first."

The maid let them in and while she went inside, Lou and Kid waited in the luxurious hall. Rich, oriental carpets covered the floor; a gilt wood console table stood against the smooth, lined wall, a matching, carved mirror hanging above it. Beyond the hall a magnificent staircase rose gracefully and above them bright chandeliers hung from the ceiling.

"You were definitely right, Lou," Kid whispered. "She's rolling in money."

The maid returned a few minutes later and told them that the lady of the house would receive them. Lou and Kid followed her to a drawing room which was as richly decorated as the rest of the house. In the middle of the room stood a white, satin sofa on which a fierce-looking lady sat. Her grey hair was pulled up in a neat bun, her face full of wrinkles and her posture proud. Despite the elaborate dress she was wearing in perfect harmony with the rest of the house, Lou quickly spotted a patch on the lady's sleeve and noticed the lack of luster in its color. It seemed that all this luxury was a façade and Mrs. Cooper was going through similar hardships like the rest of the South.

"Oh I remember you," the woman said, pointing her finger at Lou when she saw her. "You were my sister's tenant, weren't you? What was your name? I forgot."

"Louise, Mrs. Cooper."

The lady shifted her eyes to Kid and the baby in his arms. "So I see you finally found somebody who made you a decent woman."

Lou ignored the remark, annoyed that the woman could imply that her virtue was questionable in front of Kid. Of course it was, and Kid knew everything about it, but she couldn't help feeling uncomfortable. She hated when people judged her so freely, especially when they had no idea what they were talking about. The comment, though, made her fear. Virginia Cooper seemed not to have any idea about why she was here or anything else. If Dorothy Culpepper was here, Mrs. Cooper had learned her involvement in this matter from her niece. Or maybe she was simply putting on this act to cover for Dorothy. "Mrs. Cooper, I came to ask you if you had seen Dorothy lately."

"My niece Dorothy?" the woman asked and at Lou's nod she carried on, "Yes, she was here a few days ago, but I sent her packing. She knows she's not welcomed in this house. I told her so in a letter long ago. She shouldn't have married that oaf Culpepper. Stupid woman! As far as I'm concerned, she's no family of mine anymore."

"Mrs. Cooper, she has my boy," Lou muttered, her heart sinking at the knowledge that she wasn't nearer to know where her son was than she had been before coming here.

"That boy with her was yours?" Virginia exclaimed. "Then she's more stupid than I thought. What is she thinking about?"

"Ma'am," Kid spoke up after being quiet all this time, "do you know if they are still in the city or where they were heading?"

"I'm sorry but I can't help you," the woman replied. "I really don't know."

Lou and Kid left the house in low spirits. They had reached a dead end and it seemed there was no easy way out of this. "What are we going to do now, Kid? The Culpeppers were here days ago and might have gone by now. Where do we look now?" Lou asked bitterly, a black perspective rising before her.

"I know, but let's not despair," Kid replied absently as he kept deep in thought. He finally turned his whole attention to Louise and said, "Lou, whatever your feelings are about it, we're going to the sheriff now and report those two. If they're still in Charleston, the odds of locating them will be higher if we count on the sheriff's help. The law is in our side, Lou, and I'm not going to fold this time."

Louise lowered her eyes to her baby, bitterly wondering if she'd ever have her other child back. Things weren't very optimistic now and she was very scared. "Yeah… you're right," she admitted in a whisper.

"Good… let's go."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

The sheriff turned out to be more friendly and eager to help them than Lou had expected. It had taken them almost an hour to explain everything and give a detailed description of Joseph and the Culpeppers. The sheriff had promised to send his men to check every hotel and guest house in Charleston as well as the station and the port in case the Culpeppers had left the city. So as soon as he had some information, he'd notify Kid and Lou.

The pair had left the office in higher spirits than when they had left Virginia Cooper's house. They hoped that the sheriff might find where their son was, or at least, if the Culpeppers had left Charleston, they would then be sure about it. When Lou entered her hotel room after a long, discouraging day, she felt the tiredness in her body more tangibly. As she checked if Alice's diaper was dry, she couldn't help yawning. Kid watched her. He knew that, even though she didn't complain and pushed herself alongside him, her body was still too tender after her recent childbirth. Besides, the baby didn't let her rest properly since she had to nurse Alice every few hours during the night.

"Lou, why don't you go to sleep?" Kid offered.

"Now? It's too early," Louise protested as she placed the baby in her bassinet. "And Alice…"

"I can look after her," he insisted, cutting her off. "I think I can manage… you know, she and I have hit it off since the first moment." Lou smiled and Kid continued, "Come on. Humor me and have a long nap. I'll wake you when it's time for dinner."

"It's true I could do with some sleep," Louise admitted.

"Get into bed then. I'll watch over you and your baby," Kid said, smiling at her.

Louise hesitated for a second, but she was so exhausted that she couldn't resist accepting his offer. So without bothering to change out of her dress, she got under the bedding while Kid sank down on a chair, next to the bassinet where Alice lay. As Louise closed her eyes, she muttered, "It'll be a short nap."

"Very well… as long as you want."

"And if Alice bothers you too much, don't hesitate to wake me up."

"Will you just hush up and try to sleep?" Kid scolded her in a light tone.

"Yes, Pa," Lou replied mockingly without opening her eyes for a second. She finally kept quiet but sleep didn't come easily to her. She couldn't shake off the fear she was feeling after the day's occurrences. Joseph's image kept replaying in her mind and the idea of not seeing him again terrified her. She just couldn't lose him. All this situation was her fault, she knew as much. If she had done things differently from the beginning, like Kid had said, nothing of this would have happened. She had been such an idiot… such a selfish idiot. Somehow all this felt like a divine punishment to her sins and mistakes. Losing Joseph was the worst that could happen to her.

A thought kept whispering in her mind… _If you had married Kid, you wouldn't be in this fix_, Louise McCloud. It was true. They would be living in peace and quiet, with their children because Joseph would have been followed by others, but she would have been a happily married woman. Things would have been so much better. Or maybe not, Lou reflected. Alice wouldn't have been born, and despite the circumstances she had been conceived under, Lou couldn't think of her life without her sweet daughter. And she feared that somebody like her could never have made a good man like Kid as happy as he deserved. She'd have turned his life into a miserable existence, because she knew she wasn't an easy, nice woman but a twisted being. Kid would have ended up hating her guts, and right now Lou was relieved that hadn't happened. He had a good life thanks to the fact that she was not part of it, something that filled Louise with bitterness and a great sense of relief.

Her thoughts gradually weakened until they merged with her dreams and nightmares. The soft sound of a door closing woke her up and as she opened her eyes and saw the room in darkness, she realized she had been sleeping more than she had intended. Kid had been the one closing the door as he entered the room, carrying the baby in his arms. "Alice, are you going to be a good girl?" Kid whispered, not noticing that Lou was awake. "Mama needs her rest. You are not going to cry anymore, are you? Just a little more and Mama will feed you." The baby let out a soft purr at his words. "There, that's my girl."

Unknown to Kid, Lou kept watching him, moved by the scene between him and her daughter. She couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt to think of how many moments Kid and Joseph had missed from each other because of her.

Kid placed the baby in the bassinet and started to hum a soft lullaby. Alice finally fell asleep and as Kid was about to move away, he got startled when he felt an arm over his back. "What time is it?" Lou asked as she leaned over to have a look at her sleeping daughter.

"About eight, I guess. Did we wake you up?"

"You shouldn't have let me sleep so long," Louise replied, turning her eyes to him in the dark room.

"You needed your rest," he simply said, totally aware of her arm still wrapped around his back.

"Do you know something, Alistair Carmichael?" Lou asked, smiling at the use of his name. It still felt funny to call him something else other than Kid. "You will be a wonderful father for Joseph."

"I really hope so," Kid replied wishfully, hoping to have the chance to get to know his son.

"I'm surprised you never tried to have your own family or get married."

"I did."

"You did?" Lou asked with a surprised frown.

"Yeah, about three years ago," Kid explained. "It didn't work. My marriage only lasted six months. She's happily married to somebody else now. I guess I'm not good with women."

"Don't say that, Kid," Louise replied. "It's us women who can't appreciate a good man like you. We are the fools."

Louise smiled as she met his bright eyes. Kid's heart started pounding with such force that he thought she could hear it in the silent room. Her face was so close to his and her hand was still on his back, sending a myriad of sensations throughout his body. She was too close, so dangerously close and before he knew what he was doing, his lips captured hers impulsively. Louise let out a moan as soon as his lips touched hers and his arms enclosed her frame in a tight embrace. She responded to the kiss with overwhelming intensity, opening her mouth to meet his demanding lips and wrapping her arms around his neck. Without breaking the sultry kiss, they stumbled towards the bed. Lou pushed him towards it and Kid fell on the soft mattress. His mouth only missed hers for a second because quickly she covered his lips once again as she placed herself on top of him. After having a good taste of his kisses, her lips traveled to his neck while her skilful fingers started undoing his shirt buttons. He was surprised by the demanding ferocity of her assault, but he liked it more than he could say.

"Lou," Kid whispered in a husky voice, feeling his body on fire at her ministrations, "it's too soon. You had Alice…"

Louise stopped to look at him and placed a finger on his lips. "Yeah… but that doesn't mean I can't take care of you."

Kid smiled and his hands reached for her and brought her lips against his again. Lou kissed him with such a passion and force that Kid felt as if he was in heaven. She was acting so different from her mildness years ago, but she tasted just the same. For the first time in years Kid felt alive again. No woman had made him feel so strongly, not one of them. His lips kept ravishing hers as the pair moaned in pleasure. "Oh Lou!" he mumbled against her mouth. "I love you. I think I never stopped."

Suddenly and to his surprise, she pulled away roughly and without even looking at him, she got off and turned her back to him. Confused and almost groggily, Kid sat up and stared at her standing figure. "Lou… what… what's wrong?"

"Don't ever say that again," she said in a serious tone.

Kid rose from the bed and came to stand before her. "Say what?" he asked, totally lost at the meaning behind her words.

"All that about love."

"Why not? It's the truth. I love…"

"Don't!" Lou cut him off in a trembling voice, lifting a menacing finger towards him. "Don't say that! You don't know what you're saying. I'm not good … I'm incapable of loving a man back. Don't go wasting your feelings on somebody like me."

"But, Lou…"

"I can provide you with some good entertainment, but that's it."

"I can't believe that, Lou," he replied, looking at her with wide eyes as if she had lost her head. "I know you loved me once."

"As you told me, that was a long time ago and we were young, and maybe too naïve," she continued in a soft voice. "Kid, I can't honestly say what loving a man means. I really don't know. I might enjoy part of the physical thing at times, but nothing else."

"Lou, I'm not like other men… other men you've known. I really…"

"I know you aren't," Louise replied with a sad smile, cutting him off in mid-sentence before he repeated those three words she so dreaded. "You are too special. That's why you need to keep you and your heart away from me. You know I'm no good. You know what my life is like… what I'm like. You deserve something really good, an honest and decent woman who you can give all that love your heart is so full of. I'm not that woman… I can never be."

"Lou, I know you're not a bad person."

Louise smiled. "Same old Kid. Never thinking ill of anybody," she said in a whisper and pushing herself up on her tiptoes, she placed a soft peck on his lips. "Go to bed, Kid. It's been a hard day and there's nothing here you need."

Louise turned away from him. Kid stood for a few minutes watching her with a broken heart as she returned to the bed and lay down. For a moment he entertained the idea of joining her, begging her to take him, telling her that he was happy with anything she could give him. The brief, sultry moment they had shared had left him wanting more. He needed her, and if she could only give him physical satisfaction, he'd take that. Yet, in that same moment he had a revelation. He just couldn't deny to himself that he wanted more than a moment of release, he wanted everything from her, not only her body. Even though he had been reluctant to admit it until this moment, he knew he loved her and fooling himself would only lead to more heartache. He had already suffered too much when Lou left him years ago, and he didn't want to go through the same again. Lou had been clear about it. She didn't want his love and even though he knew nobody would ever love Louise McCloud as much as he did, he had to step aside and choke his feelings for her. His whole self cried in pain as he left her room and dropped on his lonely bed, as big as empty as his miserable heart.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Louise opened the door the following morning. Kid greeted her awkwardly and as she granted permission for him to come in, he straightaway walked to the baby, who was lying on the big bed where Lou had been dressing her.

Standing by the door, Louise watched Kid with Alice. She noticed that he was doing everything possible not to look in her direction and kept cuddling and talking to Alice. Lou knew that after last night it was logical that he was feeling uncomfortable. She shouldn't have let things go that far, but she thought they could comfort each other after all they were going through and remember old times. It had been a total surprise to hear Kid's love declaration. She couldn't understand how he could claim he was in love with her after what had happened in their lives. Lou couldn't deny that there had been love between them years ago and she still regarded those times as the best in her life, but that time was over. She was a different woman now… too different. Love was not for her and she doubted anybody could feel true love for her, only lust, and she had a wide experience in men's lust. Lou understood that Kid was just smitten with the idea that they could end up together. It was a romantic image that also tugged at her heart, but it was a stupid mirage. Kid needed to accept she wasn't the same person he remembered and he had to forget his infatuation. It wouldn't be fair for him. Lou sometimes felt like a curse and nothing she touched remained unpolluted. Kid didn't deserve that and should be spared of her bad influence.

"Kid…" she called after a few minutes.

He turned his eyes to her questioningly and Louise walked closer and sat down on the bed across from him, baby Alice between them. "About last night…"

"Please, you don't have to say anything," he replied, cutting her off and lowering his eyes to Alice's sweet face.

"I'm really sorry. It was sweet, but…"

"Yes, I know," he added, not letting her finish the sentence once again. He was feeling too humiliated and didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Kid, we're getting along quite well, considering our past history," Louise continued. "Let's not spoil it. Let's be good friends."

"Sure," he replied curtly without lifting his eyes to her.

Louise eyed him with concern. She could tell he was annoyed, but she just didn't know what else she could say. She already told him everything the night before. Didn't he see how rotten she was? What did he want? What couldn't he understand?

A knock at the door cut her train of thought short and she rose to answer. Expecting it to be the maid that came to tidy the room, she plastered a smile on her lips that faded as she came face to face with the person at the door. "Dorothy?"

On hearing the name, Kid left his position and came to stand behind Louise just as the other woman said, "All right, you win."

"Wh…what?" Lou asked with a stutter.

"You can have Joseph back… but on one condition," Dorothy replied.

"What condition?" Lou asked warily, not trusting the woman before her at all.

"Stop sending the law after me and my husband."

Louise folded her arms and fearing the woman was trying to play a trick on them, she asked, "Why should I do something like that?"

"You want Joseph, don't you? Then drop those charges. You can have the boy…"

"Why now, Dorothy?"

Dorothy lowered her eyes, looking humble in a way Lou had never seen her. "Thomas is a good man but he's human. He's made mistakes in his life… secrets nobody can ever learn. If the truth comes up, he might end up in jail. Please have mercy on us, I beg you."

"How do you have the nerve to come here after what you did to me… to us?" Lou exclaimed in irritation. "Can you even imagine what I went through? You kept my son from me, his mother."

"I thought I was doing him good. I really love him; he's a good boy," Dorothy muttered.

"That doesn't give you the right to steal him. Dorothy Culpepper, I'm not sorry for you and your pathetic husband and…"

"Lou…" Kid called, stopping her angry tirade. "Please let it rest. It's not worth it."

Louise stared at him for a brief moment and nodded. He was right. What mattered now was to have Joseph back. "Where's my son?" she asked Dorothy in a serious tone.

"In the lobby."

No sooner had the woman uttered her answer than Lou stormed out of the room, eager to reach her child. She almost fell headlong in the staircase in her hurry and when she got to the ground floor, she stopped dead in her tracks. There he was, sitting shyly on a chair and holding a bag in his small hands.

"Joseph!" Lou called in a bitter cry.

The boy turned his eyes to her and smiled when he saw her. "Mama!"

Louise ran to him, fell on her knees and squeezed him in her arms. "Oh Joseph! Oh my sweet baby!" she kept repeating, holding her against her. She was still in disbelief that her search was over. It was incredible to hold and kiss her son and the tears spilled from her eyes.

After a while the boy pulled away and took Lou's face in his small hands. "Please, Mama, don't cry. Dorothy said we're going to be together now."

"Yes, nobody and nothing will keep us apart… ever."

"I missed you, Mama"

"Me too, baby, so much."

The child raised his eyes above Lou's head and she followed the direction of his gaze to find Dorothy. Louise rose to her feet and almost automatically she passed her arm around Joseph's shoulders in a protective stance, bringing him against her.

"Well, Joseph, I'm leaving you now with your Ma. Remember, be a good boy."

"Yes, Dorothy."

"I'm going to miss you, honey," Dorothy said as her hand caressed the boy's head and feeling the tears start moistening her eyes, she mumbled a quick goodbye and burst out of the hotel.

"I'm gonna miss her too, Mama."

"I know, sweetheart," Lou said and once again she brought him against her, wanting to make sure that he was really here and wasn't a dream. "I love you so much!" she exclaimed and lifted his body to her, realizing with a heavy heart that he was so much bigger now than the last time she had tried. She had missed so much. "Oh baby, you're surely grown up! You'll soon be taller than your old Ma." The boy smiled proudly and taking his bag in her hand, Lou said, "Come on, honey. Let's go upstairs."

Louise held Joseph's hand in hers as they headed for the room. "Mama, are we going to stay in this city forever?"

"No, Joseph. We're going back home."

"I don't like this place. It's too big."

"Yes..." Lou admitted with a new smile. Silly, but she couldn't stop smiling for a single moment. She couldn't help herself as she felt on top of the world. "Joseph, you know something? I have two surprises for you."

The boy's eyes widened in excited anticipation. "Two surprises? What are they, Mama?"

"You'll soon find out. I'm sure you'll love them."

When Lou reached the room, the door was still open since she had bolted away. Joseph followed her inside and frowned when he saw a man that his mother shared a smile with. "Hello, Joseph. How are you?" Kid asked a bit awkwardly.

"Good morning, sir," Joseph greeted him politely, but looking at Kid with a wary, serious expression.

"Honey, this gentleman is one of the surprises I was telling you about," Lou explained, crouching before her son. Joseph kept watching Kid with a set jaw, a couple of wrinkles forming on his forehead, which made him look just like Kid did when he was worried. "Remember when I told you Pa was fighting in the war?" Joseph nodded at Lou's question, and rising back to her feet, she brushed her hand over Kid's arm while she said, "Well, honey, this is your father. He's finally back."

Kid stood frozen, unsure of what to do or say, and waited for the boy's reaction to the news. The last thing he wanted was to scare him. Joseph looked at him once again. "You're my father?"

"Yes," was all Kid managed to answer.

Joseph's forehead creased in confusion. "Miss Stephen, my teacher, told me that the war finished long ago. Why didn't you come back before?"

Lou and Kid shared a look and Louise decided it was her turn to shoulder her responsibility. "Honey, I'm afraid it was your Mama's fault. Pa didn't know where we were because… because I didn't tell him."

Joseph kept his eyes fixed in Kid. "And are you staying for good?"

"Would you like that, Joseph?"

The boy nodded. "Yes, sir."

Kid ruffled his hair affectionately and smiled. "I really hope we can become good friends," Kid said. It was really strange to make his son's acquaintance in such a formal way. He knew he still had a long way to go until Joseph really regarded him with love. At least, this was a beginning. All this mess had a positive side after all. If the Culpeppers hadn't meddled with Joseph, Kid might never have learned about his son's existence. Kid tried not to linger on the thought too much. Things were as they were, and he had to do his best to remain friends with Lou for the boy's sake. After last night he had understood that she was as unreachable as ever. His ridiculous dreams of love had been cut short with her flat refusal and his longing for a normal family with her would have to remain a fantasy.

An unexpected wail sounded in the room, startling Joseph. Lou picked up the baby from the bed and walked back to her son as she said, "And this is the second surprise, honey. Let me introduce you to your baby sister, Alice McCloud."

Louise bended over so that Joseph could have a better look at the girl. The boy stared at the red-faced baby while Lou softly tried to appease her daughter, who was complaining because it was her time to eat. "My sister?" the boy replied in awe. "Do I have a sister?"

"Yes, honey," Louise replied, gazing into his eyes to see his reaction. "Isn't she lovely?"

"She's so small and… loud."

Lou laughed at the comment. "Yes, she is. That's why we need to look after her and give her lots and lots of love." Louise added and as she noticed the boy's trouble expression, she asked, "What happened, Joseph? You look worried."

The boy lifted his eyes from the baby to meet his mother's. "Do… do you still love me, Mama?"

Lou briefly looked at Kid and straightening up, she passed the now-calmer baby to him. "Come here, Joseph," Lou said as she took her son by the hand and steered him to a corner in the room where the rocking chair was. She sat down and made the boy perch on her lap. "Talk to me, Joseph. Why did you ask me that, baby?"

The boy lowered his blue eyes to his fidgeting hands. "Now you have Pa… and the baby."

"Listen to me, Joseph," Lou replied, putting a finger under his chin and tilting his face to her. She decided to ignore the part about 'Pa'. She didn't _'have'_ Kid as Joseph imagined. It was too complicated to explain to a child and she'd sort out that matter later, but she needed to reassure him that he was as loved as ever. "I know it used to be just the two of us, and you didn't expect all these changes. But, Joseph, I've never stopped loving you for one single second and I love you more than I can even express. I'm really sorry for not being with you all this time. You know I couldn't."

"Because you were in jail," the boy added in a neutral voice.

"Yes," Lou admitted bitterly. She had never hidden that bit from her son. She'd thought that it was better he learned the truth from her other than from malicious lips. It had been easy to explain some things to a five-year-old, using that special language for small children, but now Joseph was eight and knew much better what being in jail meant. "Does that bother you, Joseph?"

The boy shook his head. "When I used to go to school, the older children picked on me, but Nana explained to me I shouldn't let them upset me. They were just mean boys who didn't understand. I know, Mama, you didn't mean to be bad."

_God bless you, Elizabeth_, Lou thought, bitterly realizing how far her actions had affected her son. At least, she knew that while Elizabeth Boyle had been alive, her son had been in the right hands, and she also had to admit that Dorothy had probably done some good too. "Joseph, being away from you has been so, so horrible. There wasn't a single moment I didn't think of you. I love you, my boy, and I always will."

"I love you too, Ma, and I'm glad to be with you," the boy said and placed his head on her shoulder. Lou smiled and wrapped her arms around her small boy, who wasn't so small anymore. She closed her eyes, inhaling his soft scent as she rocked back and forth on the chair, wanting to imprint this moment on her memory for all eternity.

Kid stood in the middle of the bedroom, with the baby in his arms, watching the scene between Lou and their son as if he were watching a play. Longing and jealous feelings mixed within him. He wished he could be part of them, but he was still a strange element in this equation. Until now he hadn't realized how much he had missed… how much harm Lou's silence had caused. He didn't want to get angry and wished he could forget. Despite his feelings for her, he couldn't help feeling powerless and miserable. He would never get back those years… they were lost forever. He was nothing but a stranger to his son and his son was also a stranger to him. He hated feeling like this, but he hoped that from now on he could build up a real relationship with Joseph. He wanted to love him and hoped that one day his son could say to him those magical words he had just told his mother_, I love you._


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

The corridor was dark and Louise had three failed attempts before she finally managed to get the key in the lock and open the door. They had spent the whole day in town with the children. They had taken Joseph to a fair in town and he had a terrific time. Lou had enjoyed seeing her son laugh, talk, smile… sounds that brought back so many dear memories from years ago. She had missed him so much that it hurt, and until this moment, she hadn't realized how much she might have lost. Louise was also glad that Joseph was opening up to Kid. Since he was a small child, Joseph had been a receptive boy and after the first awkward moments in the hotel, he was acting as if he had known his father all his life, calling him Pa and all.

Kid followed Lou into the room, carrying a sleeping Joseph in his arms. The boy was so exhausted after so many thrills and surprises in the day that it was natural that at some point during dinner he had fallen asleep over the restaurant table. Kid hadn't let Lou wake him up when they were leaving for the hotel and insisted on carrying him back to the room.

Louise placed Alice in her bassinet while Kid left Joseph in the bed. Lou sat down on the rocking chair and watched Kid cover their son and place a kiss on his forehead. It was a sweet scene and she couldn't help feeling moved by the image.

"I'm so glad we have Joseph back," Lou whispered, a thought she had repeated many times over the day, but Kid nodded anyway. They kept looking at each other in the short distance separating them. There was a palpable awkwardness between them since the night before, which had softened in Joseph's presence. Yet, now they were alone again, the sensation returned full force.

Uncomfortable, Kid cleared his throat. "Uh…I better go to my room and try to get some sleep."

Without waiting for her reply, he stalked to the door but stopped when Lou called his name. "Can we talk, please?" Kid nodded hesitantly and Louise rose to her feet and walked to him. "Kid… what… what are you going to do now?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, not understanding what she was referring to.

"You intended to fight against me in court, remember?" Lou elaborated and Kid nodded again. "We haven't talked about that since we set off on this journey."

"I know," Kid replied, his face not revealing a hint of what his feelings about the matter were.

"Kid, I have to admit I can't brag of being a praiseworthy person, but I love my … our son. I'm a good mother… a mother who has made too many mistakes. Please don't take Joseph from me. My children are all I have."

Kid stared at her in silence for a few moments. "Lou, do you honestly believe that after the last few days I plan to go against you? We agreed to be friends. What kind of a friend would I be if I intended to tear Joseph from you?"

Louise smiled, feeling ashamed of herself. "I… I wasn't sure. I needed to hear it from you."

"I have a proposition to make," Kid added after keeping deep in thought for a few seconds.

"A proposition?" Louise echoed with a surprised expression.

"Tell me… did you learn how to cook after all these years?"

Louise shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah… I guess. I'm not a wonderful cook, but I can manage."

"Lou, I've wanted to hire a housekeeper for a while… since Christine got married," Kid explained. "If you want, the job is yours."

"I… I don't know," Lou replied with hesitation.

"Of course we can reach an agreement about your pay," Kid continued. "I'm ready to offer you ten dollars more than what you earned at the fishmonger's."

"That's very generous of you, Kid, but…"

"It would be convenient for both of us, Lou," Kid carried on. "We would both be around Joseph as he grows up. I already missed too much, and I don't want my relationship with my son to be reduced to visits on Sundays and national holidays. I really want to be part of his life. I want you and him to live with me."

"What? Live with you?" Lou exclaimed in shock. "Hold your horses, Kid. I don't think…"

"Not in my house…" Kid clarified, realizing how his words had sounded, "in the property. You and the children can live in the cottage that used to be Christine and Matt's home. What do you say, Lou?"

"Uh… Kid, can I think about it first?"

"Sure… of course… you need to think about it."

"Have your rest now," Lou replied with a smile. "It's going to be a hard couple of days before we get to Richmond."

"Yes, you're right," he agreed and as he was about to step out of the room, Lou stopped him and locked eyes with him. The same sensations from the night before coursed over him as he stared at her bright eyes. Suddenly, she broke eye contact and inched her face to him. He thought she was going to kiss him and his lips automatically parted in anticipation, eager to taste her sweet mouth again. Yet, to his bitter disappointment she moved further and simply placed a chaste peck on his cheek.

"Night and thank you, Kid," she whispered. "You're a good friend."

Before he could react, she had turned away, so he had no to other option than to slide out of the room and close the door, feeling his heart was shrinking as he walked away from the woman who literally drove him crazy. He would have to do something to take her out of his heart… of his mind because this was simply insane.

* * *

Early in the morning they left Charleston behind, both feeling satisfied with the result of their journey but at the same time worn-out after the nerve-wracking days they had endured. They had both feared that they wouldn't find what they had set out to locate, but luckily their fears hadn't come true and they had Joseph with them.

Lou hadn't said anything about Kid's offer the night before. He longed to hear her accept his proposition, but she wouldn't talk about it. Kid wished he could ask her again, but he didn't want to press her. She had a right to consider his offer at her own pace, and it wouldn't help him at all if he behaved like a total pest, continually bugging her. To be totally honest with himself, Kid didn't know what she had to think about. She needed a job, and he was offering one as well as a better place to live than the rooms she had in town. This would the best arrangement for both of them and of course for Joseph. The boy would be able to enjoy being with both his parents; he didn't need to keep living like an orphan as he had been doing till now because his parents were good and alive. Kid wanted to spend as much time with him as possible and he hoped Lou would accept his proposition. It would be the best gift she could give him now. Yet, if she declined his offer, he wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

Kid decided to put the matter at the back of his mind for the moment and focus on Joseph instead. The boy was a little chatterbox. Kid wasn't sure where the trait came from since neither Lou nor he were very talkative. Joseph kept asking Kid all kinds of questions about everything. Kid was glad that his son wasn't feeling too awkward around him and was actually interested in what he had to tell him. Kid had to admit that the old saying was true. 'Blood is thicker than water'. Strangely, he already loved Joseph in this short time and could even feel he belonged to him.

Joseph was eager to learn everything about his father, especially what he could tell him about the war. Kid tried to explain to him what he had lived in those years as well as he could to an eight-year-old. Kid hated remembering that time in his life and if he could, he would erase it completely from his memory. He had witnessed too many deaths, suffered too many pains, seen too many miseries… There was nothing glorious or praiseworthy about the war, and his decision to take part in that cruel game was his biggest regret. He had been one of the lucky ones to return from that hell but he knew he could have died. The last year he had been wounded real bad and sent to a prison, but miraculously he had survived against all odds. And right now as he saw his son listening to his account in total awe, he was glad he had.

Kid noticed that Lou was also listening to his tale attentively. Her serious countenance made him wonder what she was thinking. Her awkward gestures at some points during his account showed that she was uncomfortable with some parts. Kid hoped his words didn't make her feel guilty of anything. Of course, if Lou had married him, he wouldn't have gone off to war. It was something they had talked about in the weeks before she had left him, and Kid had to admit that Lou was part of the reason why he had finally left for the east. But it had been his decision, only his, and Lou shouldn't feel she was to blame. Things had simply happened that way and Kid liked to think that in the end everything made sense.

To everybody's delight, they arrived back in Richmond after a couple of very tiring days. As they gladly stepped off the train and into the station, Lou turned to Kid. "Shall you walk with us to my rooms, Kid?"

His face fell in disappointment that she wasn't going to come live with him. "Then that means no," Kid muttered, unable to hide his bitter mood.

"That," Lou replied slowly, "means I have to collect a few things I have there and sort out the end of my lease with my landlord."

At her words Kid's head jerked towards her and his lips widened in a bright smile. "Oh Lou, you accepted then!" he exclaimed, suddenly feeling as happy as if she had agreed to marry him. It was silly to feel this blissful, but having his son near was what mattered most now.

"Well, I'm ready to give it a go," Lou added. She had many doubts about this situation. She feared that living so close and working for her former lover would be awkward. She wasn't an easy person to deal with, and in their past they had collided more than once. Most of all, Lou was afraid that problems and confrontations might arise and upset Joseph. However, she told herself that she and Kid weren't silly teenagers anymore and they both understood how important their son was. It wouldn't harm her to try her best. She owed Kid the chance to get to know his son, and it would do Joseph good to have his father in his life. And if things failed, she could always break their agreement, but at least she'd have tried.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

After loading the wagon with Lou's things, Kid drove to his property. He pulled over outside the cottage and helped Lou and Joseph to get off the vehicle. They stood before the cottage and looking at Lou sideways, Kid asked, "Do you like it?"

"Yes, it looks nice… cozy."

"You'll be comfortable here," Kid replied. "I built the place myself… it has solid walls and a good roof. I made sure I used good materials."

"Is this where we're gonna live?" Joseph asked, sweeping his blue eyes over the façade of the cottage with evident curiosity.

"Yes, that's right."

"The four of us?" the boy asked again.

Lou and Kid shared a worried look. "No, honey," Lou decided to step forward. She knew the moment to answer Joseph's curiosity would arrive sooner or later, and this was one of the many questions he might ask her in the following days. "Only you, Alice and me. Pa lives in the big house over there."

Joseph followed the direction his mother was pointing at, taking a few moments to study the house, but since his curiosity wasn't satisfied, he continued with his questions. "Why can't we live there with you, Pa? Won't you feel lonely all by yourself?"

"Yeah… sometimes it's lonesome there. It'll be better now knowing you aren't far away. And you'll spend most of the day in the big house and I'm sure Ma will let you spend some nights there when you feel like it, but we can't live all together because things are different between Mama and me."

"How different?"

"Joseph, honey," Lou continued where Kid had left off. "Pa and I aren't married."

"Why not, Ma? Why aren't you married?"

"It's difficult to explain. You will understand that when you grow up. All you need to care about now is that we both love you and we're going to be happy here… the four of us."

Joseph wasn't too happy with his mother's answer, but he knew he was expected not to insist. His father smiled and Joseph returned the gesture as they made their way inside the cottage.

"The place needs a good cleaning," Kid remarked as he opened the shutters on the ground floor to let the light in. "Nobody has set foot here for over a month."

"It won't be a problem," Lou agreed as she looked around the small living room. It was really a welcome sight after the place she had been living in for the last two months.

"The beds and a wardrobe are in my storeroom… I put them in storage when Christine left. I'll tell one of the men to move them back in and assemble them."

Louise nodded and looking down at the baby in her arms, she said, "And what do you say, sweet Alice? Do you like your home?"

The baby suddenly let out a deafening wail that surprised everyone. Joseph and his parents burst out laughing and the boy said, "I thinks she's hungry, Mama."

"Yes, you're right honey," Lou said as she brushed her finger through the baby's mouth and Alice started to suck it. Kid removed the sheet he had covered the sofa with and Lou sat down on it to nurse the baby.

"Come with me, Joseph," Kid spoke up, walking to the door to give Lou the privacy she needed. "I'll show you the rest of the property while Ma takes care of Alice, all right?"

Both father and son left the cottage. As they walked around, Joseph looked at everything with big, excited eyes, especially when Kid showed him the stables and the magnificent horses. Joseph was thrilled to see so many beautiful animals together. Kid had promised to teach the boy how to ride as it was something the boy had always longed for. He was very fond of horses and animals, but when he had been living with Dorothy and her husband, she had never let him come close to one. She was scared of animals and always told him that animals were dangerous and he should stay away from them. And Thomas never contradicted her, always doing what she said.

Joseph stared at his father as they walked out of the stables. He was so happy to have a pa now… his real pa. He had always desired to have a father like other children. Ma had told him that Pa was fighting in the war and that was why he wasn't with them, but as the years passed, Joseph had thought that his father had been killed in the war like other children's. There was nobody Joseph had been able to ask about pa because neither Nana nor Dorothy knew anything about him and Ma had been away in jail. So with time Joseph had stopped thinking about his father as he was pretty sure he was gone forever. Fortunately, he had been wrong. Pa had come back to him and the boy couldn't feel any happier.

Joseph didn't know a lot about his father other than he had met Ma out west and then had gone to war, so now he was eager to learn everything about him. Joseph knew he liked him very much. His pa was much better than anything he could have imagined. He had this big place with beautiful horses and animals, but what Joseph liked most about him was the way he talked to him… softly and answering all his questions as if Joseph was a grown-up. His father was so different from Thomas, reflected Joseph. Thomas had wanted the boy to call him father and Dorothy mother, but Joseph had stubbornly refused. They weren't his parents and he had never really liked Thomas. He was too serious and never listened to him, never considered what he had to say, so unlike his father.

As they crossed the yard, Joseph saw a smiling man coming towards them. "Hey, boss! You're back!"

"Hi, Paul," Kid greeted his foreman with a handshake. "Everything all right around here while I was away?"

"As usual… you know, the only thing is the drought we're suffering and it seems the clouds are not in the mood to be generous yet," Paul replied and shifting his eyes to the young boy next to Kid, he remarked, "Is it safe for me to say that everything went as you expected?"

"Much better," Kid replied as he placed an arm on his son's shoulder affectionately, smiling from ear to ear.

"I'm glad for you, Kid," Paul said sincerely and as some voices were heard nearby, he added, "You know, I've been discreet about the reason why you were away."

"Thank you, Paul."

Two other men were walking towards them and when they reached Kid, they greeted him warmly. They didn't hide their curiosity and kept looking at Joseph as they exchanged a few words with their boss. Kid knew it was time for him to speak and let his workers know about the changes in his life and the new situation on his homestead. "Men, there's something I need to tell you. Let me introduce you to Joseph," Kid said, resting his hand on the child's shoulder. "Joseph's my son."

Paul's face remained unchanged, but shock was visible in the other men's expressions. "Your son? My, my! That's really a surprise!" one of the men exclaimed.

Kid made an indifferent gesture to the comment. He didn't plan to say anything else. Joseph was his concern and business, and he didn't have to explain his son's circumstances to anybody. Kid turned to the boy and said, "Joseph, these men here work on the ranch with me. Paul… Mr. Vaughn is my foreman, and Bob Rush and Daniel Parker look after the horses and the stables."

"Pleased to make your acquaintance," Joseph greeted them politely with a light inclination of his head.

"Do you like it here, sonny?" asked the one called Daniel, a blonde man with green eyes and whose mouth turned into a strange shape whenever he smiled.

"Yes, sir."

"This is a great place. You'll be happy here," Bob added, his black, lively eyes fixed on the boy.

"Joseph will be living in the cottage with his mother," Kid explained and as he caught sight of Lou behind the men walking towards them, he added, "Here she comes now. Let me introduce her to you."

The three men turned their heads to have a look at the woman their boss had a half-grown child with. "This is Louise McCloud," Kid started and Bob and Daniel shared a snicker when they recognized her name. Travers' murder had been one of the most talked-of events in the city in the last years, and at the time the papers had been full with details of the crime and the murderer's trial. The recent rumors that Travers' killer was back in town had spread everywhere. Louise McCloud wasn't a total stranger to them and her reputation as a loose woman was known all over Richmond. It surprised both men that an honest, upright man like their boss had been involved with a woman like her.

Kid made the proper introductions, explaining that Louise would be working as his housekeeper from now on. As he talked, Lou noticed the knowing looks and gestures passing between Bob and Daniel. It was hardly surprising… she was used to that reaction from people. Louise decided to ignore them and focus her attention on Kid and Paul. "So you'll be seeing Miss McCloud very often from now on," Kid finished explaining.

"It's going to be a real pleasure to see a woman that brightened our days with her beauty," Bob commented, sending her an appreciative look.

Annoyed, Kid bit his tongue at the comment. The remark might be just harmless praise, but Bob's tone of voice and eyes expressed an intention that Kid didn't like. Louise smiled at the flattering, and he forced himself to ignore the feelings squeezing his heart. Bob was a hard-working man in his middle thirties, who was to marry his lovely fiancée in a couple months. It would be his third marriage after two previous disasters. Bob was a sweet talker and for some reason ladies adored him. Kid knew Bob could a good man to have as a friend, but he wasn't trustworthy in his relationships with women. He liked all ladies, and despite his commitment to his fiancée, Bob liked to brag about all the women that fell in his trap. He never talked about his conquests to Kid directly, of course, he was his boss after all, but Kid always caught wind of the men gabbing about their racy affairs. Whether all those stories were actually true, Kid couldn't tell.

"Louise will need the beds we put away tonight. Can you please take them out of the storeroom and reassemble them when you can?" Kid asked.

"Sure, boss. Right away. Come on, Bob," Paul replied, nudging the other man on the side.

"Thank you," Louise said as the two men walked away, and turning back to Kid, she added, "There's something else, Kid. I tried to open one of the windows, and it's kind of stuck. Would you mind having a look?"

Kid was about to reply, but Daniel spoke up before he had the chance. "If you allow me, Ma'am, I'll be very obliged to be of assistance. I'm sure that window just needs a strong yank and it'll open," the man said politely.

"Uh… if… if it's not a bother," Louise replied awkwardly.

"None at all. If you show me the window in question…" Daniel added motioning for her to follow him to the cottage.

"Uh… yeah," Louise answered in a low voice. She hadn't counted on this man offering to help her in the house, and couldn't think of a way to get out of this one. She wanted to keep as far away from all men as possible. Louise was wary and didn't trust any of them… none of them… the whole lot was a bunch of poisonous snakes…Lou had to stop the thought, feeling she wasn't fair. There was a man she could trust… her son's father. He had never given her reasons to distrust… in fact, she had been the one who had betrayed him with lies, and despite everything he still wanted her friendship. If she had to trust somebody with her life, that would be Kid.

Suddenly, she realized that Kid was looking at her questioningly because she had been staring at him like a fool. "Uh…," she started awkwardly, almost laughing at her own clumsiness, "thank you for everything, Kid. I appreciate all you're doing for me. Honestly."

"My pleasure," Kid replied with a smile, but that smile faded as soon as Lou turned away from him and started towards the cottage. Lou had been leading the way, but at some point Daniel quickened his steps to catch up with her, and they walked side by side. Kid kept watching them with a troubled expression. It was silly but he felt annoyed by any man coming close to Lou. Even though he knew there would never be anything between Lou and him other than a past history and friendship, he couldn't help the feelings of jealousy burning his soul.

Lately he kept torturing himself with the image of Lou sharing her body with all those men she had told him about… the guards in prison, Henderson. It made him feel sick to think that others had touched, kissed, explored the glorious treasure of her body. It was insane to feel jealous about it, especially when he knew the circumstances under which those encounters had taken place. Kid couldn't help himself and he wondered what other men had also enjoyed her pleasures, what other men would. She had said she couldn't love anybody, but admitted that she often enjoyed being with a man physically. What did that mean? Would she willingly pursue that comfort, that closeness? What men would she be interested in? His men? Bob? Daniel? Daniel was a new addition, and all Kid knew about him was that he was married and a recent father. The Lou he used to know would never get involved with a married man, that would be out of her line, but since then she had an affair with Henderson, didn't she? And a lot of those guards were probably married too.

Kid shook his head. This was crazy. He had no right to think about Lou like this. She was free and could do whatever she chose to. And even though she had been involved with all those men, it had been for a very specific reason… to survive. Lou couldn't be so different from the girl he had fallen in love with so many years ago. She was kind, caring and brave. That was her real self, and he was sure he'd see Lou's personality resurface soon. Kid told himself that he had to forget about all those silly ideas he had about her. Lou was out of bounds, forbidden. She was just a friend, only a friend. He needed to think of her as if she were Christine… yeah, his relationship with Lou would be like that. Yet, somehow his own thoughts betrayed him and he knew he could never regard Lou the way he saw his sister-in-law. Like Jimmy had told him once, he had never looked at Lou with the eyes of a brother. Why would he be able to do it now?


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Kid made his way down the stairs once he had made sure Joseph was comfortably tucked in bed. After having their first cooked dinner in the cottage, the boy had asked Kid to go to the bedroom with him. Of course, Kid was thrilled to do anything for his son. The fondness Joseph was showing for him warmed his heart and Kid could hardly express the new feelings pouring from his soul. Just a few weeks ago he had been a lonely heart, without any more cares than his business which took all his time. It was very long since he had last courted a woman and he had got used to being on his own. Christine and his nephew had filled that vacuum, and because of them he had felt loved and not so terribly lonely. But now with Joseph things were so different. Kid hadn't realized how senseless and empty his life actually was. Now everything had a meaning, a sense.

It had taken Kid almost half an hour to get Joseph settled in his bed. The boy didn't stop talking as he slowly got undressed and put on his nightshirt. Kid couldn't help but laugh at everything he said. He was so witty and clever, and hearing his continuous chatter was like music to his ears. When Joseph was finally in bed, he had wanted water and then asked his father to tell him one of those stories from when he was a Pony Express rider. Just as Kid was starting his narration, Joseph had succumbed to sleep.

"Is he finally asleep?" Lou asked as she saw Kid reappear. He nodded and sat down next to her on the sofa. "It's been a couple of exciting days for him. He must be exhausted."

"He's a very good boy," Kid remarked, trying to keep his voice low as not to wake Alice, who lay asleep in her bassinet.

"He takes after his daddy," Lou replied with a smile. "And I'm glad he does."

Kid started to feel awkward with her again. All day long they had been together making the cottage fit to live in. while Lou cleaned everything, Kid made sure there were no other problems, oiling windows and doors, and checking that the stove and the pump worked properly. Lou then had suggested they have their first dinner here and Kid had to admit he had enjoyed their time together, but as soon as they were all alone, without the safety of Joseph's presence, there was always something that triggered his awkwardness… a gesture, a word, a look.

Kid purposefully glanced at the clock on the opposite wall. "I think I better leave. It's late."

He was already on his feet, his hat on his head when Lou asked, "Kid, do the memories ever go away?"

He looked down at her questioningly. "What memories? What are you talking about?"

Louise lowered her eyes and fixed them on her hands toying with one of Alice's bibs. "I… I've been thinking about what you told Joseph on the train… about the war… about the prison. I never gave it a thought to what you had gone through. I look at you and I can't see any of that on your face. You seem to have got rid of those memories, and I want to know how."

Kid sighed. "Lou, the war was more horrible than you could ever imagine," he explained as he sat back down on the sofa. "That wasn't life… it was so unreal, so horrendous and I sometimes feel as if I had a nightmare that lasted four long years. It wasn't easy to wake from that when it finished, but I decided I couldn't keep dreaming if I wanted to live in the real world."

"I… I sometimes feel as if I were still locked up in that prison and need to do something to escape," Louise admitted.

"Why, Lou?"

"I… I don't know. And… and the funny thing is that I think I was a captive way before going to jail."

"Lou, I really wish I could understand you," Kid added. "You baffle me most of the time."

"I know."

"All I can say is that you're the only one who has the key for your freedom. Just use it, Lou."

"It's not so easy, Kid."

"Why?"

"I… I don't trust myself. I can't control what's in here," she exclaimed as she posed her hand on her heart. "It scares me."

Kid looked at her in confusion, not sure he understood what she was trying to say. The baby let out a wail and Lou quickly rose and picked her up in her arms. She rocked her daughter against her chest and said, "Thank you for listening to my ramblings. I think I'm not making much sense, am I?" She chuckled, trying to disregard the feelings of shame permeating all over her, and added, "Go home now, Kid. As you said, it is late."

Kid wanted to stay and keep listening to everything she was ready to tell him. She intrigued him more than ever, and somehow he felt Lou was screaming for help. Maybe he couldn't be able to do much but at least he could offer his friendship. Yet, as Lou sat back on the sofa and started to undo her blouse buttons to nurse Alice, Kid knew it was his cue to leave.

Kid crossed the dark yard towards his house and as he came closer, he noticed there was light in one of the windows. He halted as his eyes gazed at his house, in total darkness, but for that single lit up room. He was sure he hadn't lit any lamps since he had been with Lou and Joseph in the cottage since the afternoon.

Creeping to the house, he had a careful peek through the window but he couldn't get a good view because of the lacy curtains. Kid doubted there was a burglar at home, but in these times one could never be sure about it. He'd better be safe than sorry, especially now that his son lived on the property. So he opened the door and took the shotgun he always kept in the hall. "Hello! Somebody there?" he called but only silence responded his words. His hands held the gun strongly as he inched towards his living room where the light came from.

"Got ya!" a voice resounded from behind.

On hearing the voice, Kid almost jumped out of his skin and was even close to pulling at the trigger. He swirled around and exclaimed as he recognized the person standing at the kitchen door. "Gosh, Christine! You scared me to death!"

Christine burst out laughing on seeing his expression. "Who did you think you'd find? A bear? You seemed ready to hunt one right now," the woman remarked among giggles.

"Very funny," Kid muttered as he lit out one of the lamps in the hall.

"Is that the only thing you have to tell me? I haven't seen you for a month and I hoped for a better welcome."

"Yes, you're right," Kid admitted with a sheepish grin. "Shame on me! Would it be totally improper if you gave me a hug, Mrs. Blake?"

"Not at all, Mr. Carmichael," the lady replied, joining in his teasing. After exchanging a more suitable greeting, Christine said, "I missed you, Kid."

"Yeah… sure," he answered sarcastically as they moved to the living room and sat down. "I'm sure you were thinking of me while you were traveling with your husband and seeing all those beautiful places. And mind you, I'm not saying anything about your nights."

Christine mockingly punched him on the arm. "Kid, I'm serious."

"Me too," he added with a grin, and after a pause, he said, "So tell me, Chris, how was the honeymoon?"

"Perfect," Christine breathed with a wide smile. "And, Kid, I now understand what you always say about the west. I loved it and Matt was thrilled to see the places his uncle has told him so many stories about."

Kid chuckled, imagining the excitement in the boy. Just before setting off with his mother and her new husband, Matt hadn't stopped talking about the wonderful adventures he was about to live. Kid would have liked to see the child's excited face… it sure must have been a sight to behold. "And did you see Rachel and Teaspoon?"

"Oh yes. We stayed in Rock Creek for three days," Christine explained. "Rachel was beyond kind. She really pampered the three of us while we were there."

"That's Rachel."

"She told me she wants to come to Richmond to pay you a visit. She doesn't know when, though. Remember how much fun we had when she and Teaspoon came the first time?"

"Yes." Kid replied with a smile. After deciding to settle down in Richmond and starting his ranch, Kid had invited Rachel and Teaspoon. That visit had taken place two years later when Kid had already turned the piece of land he had bought into a decent place. The month his old friends had spent in Richmond had been one of the best times since the war had finished, but at the same time they also brought about a bitter sense of melancholy Kid couldn't help.

"And you…Alistair Carmichael, where on earth have you been?" Christine continued, going straight to the matter that had brought her here at this time of the day. "I came back a week ago to find you gone and nobody would tell me where you were. I saw Bob in town an hour ago and he told me you were back."

"And couldn't you wait till tomorrow to see me?" Kid replied, trying to joke with her. "I'm gonna have to believe that you really missed me."

Christine didn't move a muscle. "Come on, Kid. What's going on? What were you doing in my cottage?"

Kid kept silent for a moment. "Something happened while you were gone, Christine. I… I found out I have a son."

Christine's face remained impassive. "That's what Luther told me. Kid, are you really sure the boy's yours? I know you tend to be a bit too… merciful."

"Of course I'm sure, Christine!" Kid exclaimed, annoyed. He adored Christine, but he hated it when she acted all mother-like, making him feel he was a young boy who couldn't look after himself. "I have no doubts. Do you remember what I told you about the girl I almost married in Rock Creek?"

"The one who broke your heart?" Christine asked.

"No, the other one. Sheesh, Christine!" Kid exclaimed.

"Louise McCloud is the one who stood you up?"

"Uh… yeah."

Christine stretched her lips in a disapproving gesture. Luther hadn't told her that point, but she knew who Louise McCloud was, somebody who she wouldn't trust for anything. And on top of it all, she was also the woman who had hurt her Kid so much, which added to her already bad opinion of the woman. "Luther told me you're going to demand custody in court," Christine continued.

Kid made an unhappy gesture. Luther was a good friend, but he should have kept that information to himself. Of course, Luther wasn't revealing any secrets, but Kid had intended to tell Christine about Lou and Joseph in his own terms. His sister-in-law tended to be a bit opinionated and judged people with her own special views. Kid wanted Lou and Christine to get on well. It would do Lou good to have a friend who had also gone through the experience of raising a child by herself. "Not anymore. The Culpeppers gave in and we have Joseph back."

"We?" Christine echoed, her voice tinged with obvious disapprobation.

"I'm not gonna fight Lou, we…"

"Kid!" Christine exclaimed, cutting him off roughly. "Are you out of your mind? That woman is a murderer and a total immoral being."

"Christine, you don't know anything about her."

"I know what everybody knows," Christine continued stubbornly. "She killed that poor man… I remember reading about it in the newspapers."

"Oh please… poor man, my foot!" Kid replied, silently wondering how on earth he hadn't known about Lou and her problems at the time. It seemed everybody was familiar with the event. If he had known, things might have been different. He'd have gone to see Lou and Joseph could have been with him for all these years, instead of those strangers. "That man assaulted her!"

"I doubt you can call that an assault! A woman of easy virtue like her has to expect things like that to happen all the time! "

"I can't believe what you're saying, Christine! A woman of easy virtue!" Kid repeated in astonishment. "How can you say that? You don't even know personally! What do you know about her virtue? That she had a child out of wedlock? Well, you did too!"

The comment didn't sit well with the woman. "How dare you compare me with her? My case was totally different! Your brother died!"

"But the result was the same! You both had children out of wedlock!" Kid insisted.

Christine shook her head. "I didn't expect this from you. I'm nothing like your friend and you're insulting me, Kid. I even heard she's having another bastard."

Kid sighed, feeling this was a lost battle. "Please, Chris, let's not fight. You know I love you and Matt. I'm just doing what I think is best for my son."

"I still think he'd be better off without a mother like her."

"Nobody can beat you in stubbornness," Kid remarked in light mockery, ignoring her comment. He didn't want to argue with Christine any longer, especially when he was feeling so happy for having Joseph in his life. He knew that a lot of Lou's decisions and acts were indefensible, but Lou loved Joseph and Kid believed that the boy needed his mama.

"So I imagine she's in my cottage with the boy."

"She's going to be my housekeeper now. You know I wanted to hire one," Kid explained.

Christine stared at him in silence for a while and then said, "Tell me the truth, Kid. What's really going on between you and her?"

"Nothing you're imagining. We're friends."

"Only friends?"

"Yes… what Lou and I had is in the past. She's Joseph's mother and she'll always be special for me, but nothing else," Kid explained, voicing for the first time the lack of expectations with Louise.

Christine smiled widely. "Oh, I'm so glad to hear that!" Kid didn't reply and kept a serious expression. The woman suddenly felt tired of talking about Louise McCloud, and as a plan started brewing in her mind, she added, "You know what, Kid? I'm in the mood for one of our special dinners here. How about having one next Saturday? We can have Luther and Margaret, and of course my Malcolm."

"That sounds good. I want you all to meet Joseph."

"Great then," Christine exclaimed. "And I'd better go home now or my men will get worried."

Kid walked to the door with her and before she slid out, Christine took Kid's hand in hers and said, "Please, Kid, be very careful, I beg you. You know I love you and I don't want to see you hurt."

"I'll be fine, Chris. Don't worry."

"I hope so," the woman muttered sincerely and without another word, Kid followed Christine to the stables. He then hitched the wagon and drove her home.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Days followed and Kid gladly felt that the arrangement between him and Lou was actually working. They had set a routine and it seemed as if Lou and the children had been there all along. In the morning Lou came to the house and started breakfast. When Kid left for work, she stayed, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and cooking lunch which she later served to Kid and his men. Her day finished in the evening when she returned to her cottage with her children after dinner. Kid was happy to have the chance to get to know Joseph. The boy seemed content in his new home, something that had worried both Kid and Lou. After three years living in Dorothy's house, Joseph might have found it difficult to adapt to the changes. Thankfully, so far he hadn't shown any problems and seemed to love living with his parents and on the ranch. Soon he'd have to start school. The boy had stopped going when the Culpeppers had hired a private teacher. Kid and Lou had let the boy a few days to settle down before starting his lessons but they knew that going back to school and being in contact with other children would do Joseph good.

That morning Kid was checking his books in the little room he had in the stables. "Good morning!" he heard Lou greet the men who he knew were cleaning the tack.

"Morning, Louise." Bob replied. "To what do we owe the honor of your presence?"

"I'm going to town for some provisions and I need the wagon."

"Then let me hitch it up for you," Daniel offered.

"Oh please no. I can manage. You keep doing what you have to," Lou refused.

Silence followed her comment and from inside the shed Kid could only hear the creaking of a door stall opening and the soft sound of the leather as Lou presumably placed the harnesses on the horse. Once finished with the books, Kid rose and walked to the door. From there he had a good view of the stable corridor. Lou was still busy harnessing the horse and behind her Bob and Daniel kept ogling her, forgetting about the tack they were cleaning. Kid had to admit that it was natural she sparked men's admiration. Two weeks after giving birth and now that she had started eating well, Lou had a new softness in her curves that Kid also liked watching. He saw that she was much more womanly and shapely now than when he had first met her, and it was an attractive development. No wonder the men were staring at her, but Kid still didn't like it.

Kid decided to make his presence known to stop the unsettling looks Bob and Daniel sent in her direction. As soon as the two men saw him, they averted their eyes and turned them to the tack in their hands, resuming their work.

"Hey!" Lou greeted him with a smile as she took a few steps closer to him.

"I hear you're going to town?" he asked, stopping before her.

"That's right. I need a few things for the dinner with your friends tomorrow," Lou explained as she steered the horse to the wagon that stood at the far end of the building.

Kid followed her. "Lou, you don't have to make a lot of fuss about it. It's just an informal gathering."

"Yeah, but I want to do a good job tomorrow," Lou replied with a proud expression. She was well aware that Kid had hired her because of their son. Otherwise, he'd have chosen a better person for the post. Lou was trying her best to show Kid and herself that she was fit for the job. It wasn't the first time she had worked in housekeeping, but she felt she still had too many deficiencies.

"I wouldn't worry," Kid insisted. "And it's going to be a good chance for you and Joseph to know my friends, especially Christine," Kid added good-naturedly. Even though Christine had expressed a very unfavorable opinion about Lou, Kid knew his sister-in-law would give Lou a chance. Christine seemed too strict at times, but she was a good and kind woman, who was the first to admit her mistake when she was wrong. Kid was sure that once the two women met, they would like each other.

"Yeah, it will be nice," Lou remarked without conviction. She didn't like meeting people. It made her feel awkward and even though she had agreed to stay for dinner tomorrow, she wished she could back out of it now. She would be doing it for Kid and Joseph, and she hoped things would be better than what her negative intuition was whispering.

"Paul and I are going to the bank now. Why don't you wait a minute and we go together?" Kid asked and Lou nodded in agreement.

When they got to Richmond, they left the horses and the wagon outside the general store. While Lou headed to the store to do her shopping alone, the men went on their errand. Joseph had insisted on going with his father and Paul to the bank, and Kid had agreed. The boy and Kid were getting closer and closer; Joseph was around Kid all the time. Lou was happy for the blooming relationship between them even though she had to admit it ached not to have her boy just for herself. Joseph needed his father and now she realized the huge mistake she had made by keeping them apart.

When Lou was loading the wagon with the provisions he had bought, Kid came back from his errand and started giving her a hand.

"Where's Joseph?" she asked, not seeing him with Kid.

"He went with Paul to the post office. They won't be long."

Louise nodded and they continued loading the wagon in silence. So immersed she was in the task that she never noticed the man coming closer until his voice resounded closely. "Look who we have here… none other than Louise McCloud."

Kid lifted his eyes and his whole body stiffened as he saw who the voice belonged to. Lou had stopped and was looking at Henderson with a neutral expression. "How are you, Fred?" Lou asked between gritted teeth. After the way they had parted the last time they had met, she didn't think he'd dare to talk to her, but here he was again.

"Much better after seeing you," Henderson replied with a flirtatious voice, his hand holding a cigar; the stench from it made Lou cringe.

Kid had resumed loading the wagon, trying to keep busy but his ears perked, attentive to the conversation between Lou and the lawyer by his side. "I heard you have your son back."

"Not thanks to you," Louise answered curtly, folding her arms over her chest as if trying to protect herself from his presence.

"Louise, even though you don't believe me, I did everything I could to help you."

"Whatever you say."

"You know I value your… special friendship greatly," Henderson remarked and Lou had to make a conscious effort to keep her composure and not to punch him in his nauseating grin. "I see you're a mother again," Henderson added as his eyes casually looked down at the baby lying on her basket on the back of the wagon. "I guess congratulations are in order."

"Thank you," Lou replied tensely. She was getting irritated and wondered when Henderson would take the cue to leave her alone. She was feeling totally awkward, having Kid so close. Louise could tell that Kid was upset. As soon as Henderson had appeared, his amiable expression had darkened. Of course she knew that she shouldn't care what Kid thought about her, but despite everything, she did. Louise tried to catch Kid's eye to help her to get rid of Henderson but it was impossible. Kid was purposely ignoring her.

"You know," Henderson continued in a very soft voice, "this is a very happy encounter. Maybe we can meet and getting reacquainted one of these days since you're obviously in a much better shape than the last time we saw each other."

_"Yes, sure, and then you can shoot me too, and I'll have the time of my life,"_ Lou thought sarcastically. She was tired of the man's presence. He could dream all he wanted, but never again would she go near him again. She felt the bile reach her mouth, as the images of his hands and his body touching hers filled her mind. The street was busy with people coming and going, and not wanting to make a scene which might spark more speculation about her, she tried to keep calm. Without changing the expression of her face she simply said, "Sure, Fred."

The man sneered, pleased with himself. "I'll see you soon," he said, inclining his head mockingly as he took his leave, and then he noticed Kid for the first time. "Mr. Carmichael."

Kid didn't bother to answer. Henderson walked away to Lou's relief. Kid was not pleased after hearing the exchange between her and the lawyer. He couldn't believe Louise could talk to that rat after everything that had happened. Nobody could miss the hints and insinuations, and instead of the blunt refusal he would have expected, she had agreed. Kid was aware he had no right to poke his nose in her matters, but he couldn't help himself. "Lou, do… do you intend to meet him?" he asked, even though he knew he shouldn't be asking her the question.

Lou's first inclination was to tell him to mind his business and she could see whoever she chose to, but the intensity of his staring eyes, the same eyes as Joseph's, tugged at her heart, and she said, "No, of course not."

"Then why didn't you tell him clearly?"

Lou shrugged her shoulders. "There's no sense being too direct and making an enemy of him. Who knows, maybe I'll need a lawyer's help again."

Kid wasn't pleased by her answer and stared at her with a shocked expression. "Lou, don't you realize what you are doing? What do you think people will think if they see you around married men? You have to consider your reputation!"

The disapproving tone in his voice didn't sit well with her and before she could pause to think, she barked angrily, "I don't care! And it's none of your damn business!"

"You don't care! You don't care!" Kid retorted angrily, lowering his voice to a furious whisper. "You're nothing but a selfish, self-centered being! Don't you know that all this will affect Joseph… both your children? And I'm compromising my reputation for you… the least you can do is to be a bit discreet!"

"You can't give me lessons about my children! I know what they need! And if I'm such a stain to your perfect, spotless life, I can walk away but Joseph's coming with me!" she exclaimed loudly; she was so angry that she didn't care about the looks the passers-by sent to them.

"You haven't changed completely, I see!" Kid spat bitterly. "Always biting like a snake when you feel cornered. It's such a shame, when you were changing so much that you only got rid of the few good things about you and kept all the bad stuff!"

Lou glared at him, ready to show him how nasty her tongue really was, but at that moment Joseph and Paul came back and she had to choke back her words. She was fuming and turning away from Kid, she helped her boy onto the wagon seat, got on the carriage herself and flapping the reins energetically, she sent the horse into a light trot, leaving the men behind as they were climbing onto their horses.

As she drove the wagon, she kept cursing Kid under her breath, hating the way he had angered her. And the funny thing was that she wasn't really angry with him, but with herself. Why did she have to talk to Henderson and let him look down on her? The way the lawyer had addressed her had annoyed her more than she could express. He had implied that she would be ready to service him as a common prostitute and worst of all, for once she hadn't given way to her quick tongue when Henderson deserved that and more. Shame flooded her spirit and she felt like crying. Her shame had turned into fury and once again she had to vent her frustration on the wrong person because he had simply told her the truth.

Kid watched the wagon disappear in the distance and shook his head. He was still trying to figure out Lou and the person she had become. She was a total stranger in many ways. Hearing her talk to Henderson had been more than he had been able to stand. He shouldn't have flown off the handle, and he felt like an idiot right now. Lou wasn't his concern but he needed to make sure Joseph wasn't affected. When he started school, he would probably hear the other children repeat the gossip their parents talked about at home. Kid planned to talk to him about the situation at home as best as he could, but if his mother kept this attitude, things could be worse for him. Kid had suspected that things could get strained between him and Lou, but he hoped they could work. Lou was the mother of his son, not his wife or his girlfriend, but since Joseph's wellbeing was all he cared about, he had a right to talk to her about what she did in her free time if those activities affected their son; he wouldn't keep quiet and she needed to get into her thick head that she couldn't do as she pleased because she had two children, for goodness sake, and as soon as she understood that, things would go much better.

"She surely has spunk," Paul remarked as they rode side by side.

"Yeah… she always had. That hasn't changed."

"Something wrong with her, Kid?" Paul asked.

"Everything… everything is wrong. She used to infuriate me beyond reason and she still does."

"I guess those who have a special place in our lives have the knack for that."

Kid stared at Paul with a frown. "You're totally mistaken there."

"Oh come on, Kid. You can't fool me. I know you too well. And I can't say I blame you. I'd also feel affected if she were the mother of my son."

"Paul, she's a mistake. I've just realized she's not the kind of person I choose to fall in love with."

"And since when do we have control over who we fall in love with? If that was true, I would have been saved from a lot of heartache," Paul commented.

"You're right," Kid replied in a low voice. "Maybe we can't choose but I can decide not to obey. And for once Lou and I agree in something. She doesn't want my love and today I've realized I don't want hers."

"Good luck with that then, my friend."

* * *

The coughing started the following morning and before lunch Louise realized that Joseph had a temperature. She had called Kid urgently, who had sent one of the men for the doctor. They settled the boy in one of the spare bedrooms in the big house and not long afterwards the doctor had arrived. On examining the boy, the physician had told them that Joseph only had a cold, so he needed plenty of rest, to keep warm and to get as much liquid as possible. Dr. Morris had also left them some medicine to help bring the fever down, and said that probably the boy would be better in a couple of days.

After walking the doctor to the door, Kid entered the kitchen where Lou was making some broth for their son. On seeing her troubled expression, he couldn't help but try to appease her. "Lou, don't worry. It's just a cold."

Louise lifted her eyes from the steaming soup she was stirring. "Yes, I know. I just can't help fretting when Joseph is sick."

"Yes, I understand what you mean."

Louise sighed. "And I'm sorry he has to miss your dinner today. He was so looking forward to meeting his cousin."

"Do you think I'd better send word and call it off?" Kid asked.

"No, of course not. As you said, it's only a cold. Joseph will be fine and you can have your fun with your friends," Louise replied.

Kid eyed her with a frown. "Yeah, Joseph can stay in that room upstairs and we can both take turns checking on him."

Louise stared at him in silence for a few seconds. "Kid, I want to apologize for what happened yesterday. I wasn't very nice to you."

Kid considered her words seriously and despite his hard attitude after their confrontation, he felt his heart melt on hearing her apologizing words. This was the first time they had really talked since yesterday. "I wasn't very nice either," he admitted, as he shamefacedly remembered letting his anger control his tongue and calling her a snake.

"I'm really sorry, Kid. You know I'm too quick-tempered… of course that doesn't justify my behavior."

"Let's forget about it," he said as he picked up the bowl with broth Louise had served, ready to take it to Joseph. They smiled at each other awkwardly and Kid walked to the door, but stopped when she called his name.

"Kid, I want you to know I like Henderson as little as you do. What happened with him…"

"Please Lou, I don't want to talk about him," he cut her off roughly. "I don't need an explanation."

"But…"

"Please Lou. What you and Henderson had isn't my business. I don't want to hear about it. All I ask you is to think what you're doing. Joseph's happiness is at stake and that's what matters. You can sleep with one man or a hundred for all I care, but you're not alone, Lou. You have to think about your son and I'm not going to let you make him miserable. Understood?"

Louise nodded sadly. She wanted to tell him that she didn't sleep with men the way he was implying, that she didn't intend to see Henderson again or anybody else; and she understood what her already tainted reputation might do to Joseph and Alice. For some strange reason she couldn't find her own tongue and kept quiet. She felt very miserable and wanted to cry. Kid walked out of the kitchen and once on her own, Lou plunked down on a chair, burying her face in her hands, as if right now she wasn't strong enough to support the weight of her heavy soul.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Luther and his wife were the first ones to arrive that evening. Kid introduced Lou to them after greeting his friends. Margaret shook hands with her and as the lawyer followed suit, he remarked, "I believe we have met before, Ma'am, but I seem to recall you called yourself something else then."

Louise blushed uncomfortably, unsure of what to respond to the comment. When she had used Rachel's name, she hadn't counted on meeting Luther Lewis again. "I… I'm sorry," Lou finally stuttered, feeling totally stupid.

"Let it go, Luther. Please," Kid added, noticing Lou's discomfort. Lou hadn't acted well, lying and pretending to be somebody else, as it was her custom lately, but he thought it wasn't fair for Luther to bring up the matter in a social gathering.

There was a knock at the door and Kid went to answer. As soon as he opened it, he was welcomed by a loud, excited shout. "Uncle Kid!"

Before Kid knew what was happening, Matt lunged against him and hugged him round his waist. "How is my favorite nephew today?"

"Fine. I missed you," the boy answered.

"Me too."

"Ma told me I have a cousin. Where is he? I've never had a cousin," the boy exclaimed excitedly.

"I'm afraid he's a bit under the weather today," Kid replied, meeting Christine's eyes over the child's head. "He's in bed with a cold." Matt looked disappointed, and Kid added, "You'll meet him when he gets better."

Matt's head bobbed up and down and lifting his eyes to his mother, he said, "Ma, I'm thirsty. Can I have a glass of water?"

Christine nodded. "Go inside and get your water. You know where it is," Kid added, ruffling the boy's hair as he rushed inside. "Thanks for coming," Kid said as he turned to the couple. He shook hands with Malcolm and kissed Christine on her cheek. It was then that he saw another person next to his sister-in-law.

"I took the liberty of inviting Helen to our dinner," Christine explained with a smile. "I told her you would be delighted."

Kid smiled, feeling amused and also annoyed. Christine couldn't be more obvious. She kept trying to fix him up with a woman and despite her failures, she never gave up. This wasn't the first time she had hinted or rather bluntly told him that he should try his luck with Helen Patrick. Kid had met Helen at a social about a year ago and since then, they had kept a friendly relationship. Helen was a good friend. She was a charming lady, a widow and a mother of a lovely girl. Kid liked her, but he had never considered to approach her with romantic intentions, and he didn't really know the reason for his reticence. Helen was somebody he could see himself learning to love, and maybe he could consider his options with her.

"How are you, Helen? It's been a while."

"Yes, it's true," the woman said, lowering her eyes. "I hope I'm not bothering you with my unexpected presence."

"Of course not. You know it's always a pleasure to see a lovely lady like you." Helen smiled, pleased by the compliment and Kid added, "But please don't stand there. Come inside."

Kid introduced Lou to the newcomers and soon the women gathered to talk while the men did the same. However, Louise remained outside either circle, just watching the animated conversations going on. She tried to approach the women, but none of them even cared to look at her, purposely snubbing her and talking about people and matters Lou had no idea about. Strangely, only Helen Patrick looked at her from time to time curiously, but she made no attempt to address Louise either. Feeling suffocated and self-conscious, Lou finally decided to leave and check on Joseph.

The boy was serenely sleeping and Lou felt relief wash over her when on touching his forehead, she realized the fever was gone. Lou sat down on a chair opposite her son and watched him sleep. She loved to see his peaceful expression when he was asleep. With each passing day he looked more and more like Kid. He was going to be a very handsome man one day and many girls would sure fall for him. Lou hoped that when the time came, her son would choose a better woman than his father had when he had fallen in love with her years ago.

Fifteen minutes later Lou left the bedroom. She needed to check on Alice, finish the dinner for Kid's guests and remember to take a couple of bottles from the wine cellar as Kid had told her. As she made her way down the stairs, she could hear Luther Lewis's voice.

"I still think you made a mistake. You could have won easily. She had no chance against you in court."

"Luther, this is the best for Joseph. He's the one who needs to win, not me or his mother. I can't just pull him apart from her, because all boys need their mamas."

"I can't understand how you can trust her after all she did to you," Luther insisted. "Having her around isn't your smartest move, Kid. People are starting to gossip. They say you're keeping her as your mistress."

"I don't care what people say!" Kid exclaimed annoyed.

"You should, my friend. And for all you know, she might have a change of heart and take the boy away from you. What are you going to do then?"

It was then that Lou reached the foot of the staircase, revealing herself to the men. She stood there, her hands folded over her chest and directing her angry eyes to the lawyer, she said, "Mr. Lewis, I grant you I've made many mistakes in my life. I'm aware you don't know anything about me, but let me assure you I'm not planning to run away. I learned my lesson."

"Your word isn't very trustworthy, Miss McCloud," the lawyer answered back. ""In my experience, tigers don't change their stripes. You've done nothing to Kid but hurt him and keep his son from him for the last nine years. I don't want to see any more harm done, that's all."

"Luther…" Kid tried, but Lou cut him off.

"No, Kid, let him… let him have his say," she said, fixing her eyes in Luther's eyes. "I imagine you must be a model of perfection to judge others like that, Mr. Lewis. Pray, Mr. Lewis, you are never judged so harshly."

"Thanks for the concern, Miss McCloud, but you needn't worry about that happening. By the way, I'm sorry if you were offended by what you heard, but I was only speaking the truth to my friend and client here," the man insisted. . "The only words you've ever spoken to me were lies, weren't they? And now you've added eavesdropping to your repertoire as well, haven't you?"

Lou made a bitter gesture and turning from them, she started to walk away. "Lou, where are you going?" Kid asked after her.

"To get your wine before I get sick and vomit right here," she replied without stopping or looking back. She went down the stairs to the basement, picked up a couple of bottles and made her way upstairs, taking the other staircase leading to the kitchen.

The three female guests had moved to the kitchen and attracted by Alice's soft purrs, they had gathered around her basket.

"She's such a lovely baby," Helen exclaimed, brushing her finger over the child's soft cheek.

"And it's such a pity," Margaret added.

"Pity? What are you talking about?" Helen asked with a confused frown.

"Because of the mother she has, of course. Who knows who the father of this angel is?" Margaret continued. "That woman's a total disgrace… one of those women if you know what I mean." She paused and lowering her voice, she said, "I heard Annie Dibbs, the fishmonger, discovered her and her husband in her own bed. Can you believe it? No wonder she fired her."

"Do you really think that's true?" Helen asked in shock.

"Of course. Why would people say something like that if it wasn't true?" Margaret insisted. "And I know she is or was also Fred Henderson's lover. Poor Susana Henderson told me everything about it. She found out that her husband was cheating on her with that woman and was totally shattered. I'm so sorry for Susana. She's a good and honest soul."

"And silly Kid picked her up from the gutter. Sometimes I can't understand how naïve he can be," Christine remarked.

"Chris, honey, he's just a dear, but he's just an easy prey for a vulture like that woman."

Helen stared at Margaret, wondering if she should voice her curiosity without offending the women in the room. "Do you think Kid and she are still…? I heard something in town that he was _'keeping'_ her…"

"Oh dear, don't believe those tales," Margaret replied with a soft voice, clearly contradicting what she had said seconds ago. "He's a good soul and wants to be a good father to that boy. That's all."

"He made the mistake to mess around the wrong kind of woman," Christine continued, "and he's now taking responsibility for his son. He's a good man, you know that."

"Yes, I know," Helen admitted softly.

"And you like him."

"Oh Chris, don't start with that, please."

"Oh come on, don't be shy," Christine continued.

Louise had stayed before the door eavesdropping again, paling on hearing all the gossip that was spreading about her; her reputation, already in tatters, was growing beyond even what she had really done in her checkered past. She was feeling nauseated and her eyes filled with unshed tears, fearing what Joseph might hear. Louise had to admit she had the reputation she deserved. Kid was right. She was coming to realize how her sins and mistakes would affect her son… and also Kid. Her shame was polluting their world and Lou thought in horror that Kid's good name would now bear her bad stamp. She guessed that his business partly depended on his image. What if he started having economic problems because of her? The idea of going far away and saving him from that hurt tempted her; she didn't want to create more difficulties. Yet, she knew she couldn't leave Joseph; she couldn't live without him and she would do anything but tear her son from his father.

The fear and shame were making her dizzy, and she clumsily climbed the last steps to the kitchen. "All I know is that some women shouldn't be allowed to be mothers," Christine was saying when Lou stepped in and made her presence known.

On seeing Louise, Margaret and Helen exchanged a mortified look and uttering an excuse, the two women quickly scurried out of the kitchen. Christine stayed and her eyes kept watching Louise like a hawk's. Lou left the two bottles of wine on the table and then took Alice in her arms, cooing and squeezing her against her chest.

"Miss McCloud," Christine called and when Lou's serious face turned to her, she continued, "you needn't bother to stay and serve dinner. I can manage on my own. I know my way in this kitchen well so you can go home and take care of your children when you want."

Louise stared at the woman. Christine was clearly telling her that she was not welcomed here while she was around. On any other occasion, Lou would have lashed out and let her have a taste of her sharp tongue. Yet, this wasn't the time. She was tired of fighting like a cat and in a way Christine Blake was doing her a favor. She wouldn't stay where she wasn't wanted, and she had got too many hints about what all these people thought about her. "Very well, Mrs. Blake," Lou replied as she placed Alice back in the basket. "Enjoy your dinner," she added between gritted teeth and marched out of the kitchen.

Just as Lou stepped into the living room, she stopped dead on her tracks and strangely she felt a stab in her heart when she caught sight of Kid and Helen Patrick talking amicably. He was smiling from ear to ear, and the woman was looking at him with eyes that clearly showed what her heart's inclinations were. They looked charming and cute together, Lou had to admit. Helen Patrick seemed a nice lady, one that would be good for Kid. The image, though, hurt her eyes and Lou felt suffocated and overwhelmed. She needed to leave and quick.

Louise crossed the room and said, "Kid, we're leaving. Mrs. Blake told me she'd see to the dinner and didn't need my help."

He turned his surprised eyes to her. "But… I thought you would join us at the table."

"I… I'm very tired… so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open," she explained clumsily. "Alice was very fussy last night and I only managed to sleep a couple of hours, and I'm not really hungry."

"Well, of course if you want to go home, it's fine."

Louise nodded, without looking at him or Helen, who was watching her and listening to everything she was saying. "And could you check on Joseph from time to time? He was sleeping and I don't think he will be a problem. His fever is down"

"Sure," Kid replied and before he could say another word she was gone. As he turned his eyes back to Helen, she said, "She's a strange woman."

"Yes, she is," he admitted with a sigh.

Helen nodded and smiled. She and Kid had known each other for a while now and she had to admit that what Christine had teased her about before was quite true. She liked Kid more than just a friend, but unfortunately, he had never done anything that made her believe he was interested in her romantically. Yet, Helen wouldn't give up so easily and had hopes that maybe one day things might change between them. He was a dream of a man, attractive, kind, honest, easy to talk to. Helen knew that his new situation, having an illegitimate child with that McCloud woman, who he kept on his property but had never married, was not an acceptable situation in good society. In all honesty, Helen had felt bitterly disappointed in him when she had heard the shocking news. Yet, she couldn't be so fussy. After all, she wasn't an untouched maid. She was a widow with a daughter. Helen knew Kid was a decent man and wouldn't lie to his friends about Louise McCloud. If he said she was here as his housekeeper then it had to be true. Helen wished with all her heart that he would return her feelings and one day he'd want to have a child, a legitimate one with her.

Louise dashed across the dark yard as if she was running away from hell itself. The tears started flowing from her eyes and at some point a sob escaped her lips. She stopped, left the basket with the baby on the ground and her hand came to rest against the stable outer wall. She cried in her free hand in the silence of the night when suddenly a voice resounded nearby, startling her.

"I guess you could use this."

Lou lifted her eyes and saw Paul offering her a handkerchief. He was sitting on a bale of hay just outside the stables, wearing his Sunday suit and holding a bottle of whisky in his left hand.

Louise walked to him, took the handkerchief and wiped her eyes. "Thank you."

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" the man asked, his voice slurring from the effects of alcohol.

"I… I'm fine."

"It doesn't look like that to me," Paul contradicted. "You know, there's no need to pretend you're so strong."

"I'm fine, really," Lou insisted, picking up the basket again, ready to continue towards her cottage.

"Excuse my boldness," Paul carried on, "but I think you're not what you want us all to believe you are."

"What do you mean?" Lou asked, stopping and leaving the basket on a bale of hay while she stood before the man.

"You walk around here proudly, pretending you don't need anybody, but I have the feeling you're really dying for some love. I know everything there is to know about pretending. Let your mask down, Louise. If you need somebody, I…"

"You're mistaken, Mr. Vaughn, totally mistaken about me," Lou replied with a shocking expression, taking a step backwards and folding her arms over her chest protectively.

Paul chuckled, amused, on realizing the way his comment had sounded. "I wasn't talking about me, for Pete's sake. Just look closer, Louise. Kid needs somebody in his life too. And please call me Paul."

Louise relaxed after hearing his words. She was used to men's shameless advances and her first reaction was to jump to the same conclusion. Paul's comment didn't please her either, though. "Please don't go that way."

"Why not? You have a child together and I imagined you loved each other years ago. I think you could be good for each other," he insisted despite Lou's request. "I do know Kid better than most people and I can tell what he's not saying."

Lou felt curious about the relationship between Kid and Paul all of a sudden. From what she had seen, Kid didn't treat Paul as a simple employee. He consulted everything with Paul and the way they were around each other reminded Louise of the friendship Kid and Jimmy had once. "Where did you and Kid meet, Paul?" she asked as she sat on the bale of hay where she had placed Alice's basket.

"In the war. We were in the same unit. We grew close and watched each other's back… and we managed to survive day by day. Then Kid was caught and made a prisoner. The war finished and life made us meet again. I wasn't in my best shape back then. He was starting his business with horses. You should've seen this place at the time. It was nothing but a dirty chunk of land. I accepted when Kid asked me to join him in his dream. It was hard and we sometimes didn't even have enough for a decent meal. It was a long road but here we are finally."

Louise listened to Paul's account with rapt attention. Kid had always dreamt of having his own ranch and making a living out of it. Lou had loved hearing him talk about those plans and there was a time she had thought she could be part of that dream. That dream was a reality now, but she didn't belong to it. She had ruined everything and the train had left the station without her. "Don't you have family, Paul?" Lou asked, trying to divert her mind from disturbing thoughts.

"I used to be married. My Celia was a bit like you… stubborn and independent… that is, until we fell in love. We could hardly live without each other. We were always together. She died in childbirth twelve years ago. The baby didn't make it either."

"I'm sorry," Lou muttered sincerely, her hand automatically caressing her baby's small body. "Haven't you ever thought of re-marrying?"

Paul took a swig at the bottle in his hand and silently offered it to Lou, but she declined. "Actually, I fell in love again," he said after a few seconds. "I thought she felt the same, but she ended up marrying another fella."

"Oh," Lou uttered, unsure of what to answer.

"Don't worry. I have grown stronger since then," the man replied, smiling wryly. "I'm quite lucky, actually. I have more than many others, a home, friends, good friends and a job I adore."

"And why aren't you inside the house with your friends? Kid was expecting you to show up."

The man looked her in the eyes. "I might be stronger, but my heart isn't. I'll go of course and play my part. I'll smile and pretend all that happiness doesn't affect me. As soon as the food on my plate is gone, I'll go too. She won't even notice anything amiss."

Louise stared at him in surprise as the truth dawned on her. "So you and Christine…?"

Paul gazed at her with an expression that clearly showed that he hadn't planned to let the cat out of the bag. He had another swig at the bottle and added, "I guess I fooled myself. She never said anything about love, but I thought she looked me out for something more than human warmth. Kid doesn't even know there was something between us."

"I won't tell him. You have my word even though some people think it's worthless, coming from me," Lou replied, remembering all the comments she had heard tonight.

"Thank you. It's good enough for me," Paul said and casting a look at the main house, he rose to his feet. "I think it's time for the show to start."

He took a few steps and staggered, but Lou quickly grabbed him by the arm, preventing him from falling. "Are you sure you're all right? Maybe you should stay at home and lie down."

"I'll be fine… I can hold my whisky."

Paul kept walking towards the house, this time at a steadier gait. From her position under the stars Lou kept watching him. It seemed she wasn't the only one who was a fake around these parts. She was tired of the lies her life was so full of, but she was so deeply immersed in them that she couldn't tell apart what was real and what wasn't. Who was she? Who was the real Louise McCloud? She didn't quite know and as she saw Paul get into the house, she rose to her feet and headed for her home where every night she could be herself a bit more and forget about the strange being she walked with every day.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Joseph finally resumed his lessons in the local school after a few days when he was totally recovered from the cold. The boy had been all smiles and excitement when he got ready to go to school. He had been talking non-stop the night before, expressing his wishes to play with other children and learn new things. Lou was glad to see him sound so happy but at the same time she was very worried that his expectations would be broken. She knew children could be very cruel, especially when there was somebody different among them. And Joseph was clearly different. His family was not like other children's. His parents weren't married and his mother was an ex-convict who had two illegitimate children.

That afternoon Lou picked the boy up from school and drove him back home. Her fears vanished when she heard Joseph go on and on about how much he liked school. He talked excitedly about the other boys and what a good teacher Mr. Edwards was. When they reached the ranch, Paul came over to help them off the wagon. Louise smiled her thanks when he offered to see to the horse. Since the night they had talked, Lou understood that Paul was a good man. Somehow she felt she now had a friendly soul to fall back on, the only one, because Kid was drifting further and further away from her with each passing day, becoming a total stranger.

When they got into the main house, Louise gave Joseph a glass of milk and some cookies. "Do you have homework, honey?" she asked when she finished changing the baby.

"Yes, Ma," the boy replied as she followed Louise to the kitchen with the empty glass and plate.

"Then you should finish it before doing your chores," Louise said.

Joseph sat at the big table in the living room and started working on his homework diligently. Louise started getting dinner ready and after a few minutes she heard the front door open and close. From the kitchen she could hear Kid and Joseph talking and she smiled, pleased. Kid and Joseph got on so well, but things between her and Kid were in a very cold point. She had realized that they couldn't remain friends as if their past history didn't matter, because it really did. So she had opted for talking to him only when it was strictly necessary and he seemed to have adopted the same position. It was a real pity because having him so close and so far all at once filled Louise with a deep sense of regret. Kid had been her best friend before they had taken romantic steps in their relationship, maybe steps they should never have taken. Right now they limited their conversations to her duties in his household and of course Joseph. Lou imagined that if they didn't have a child in common, Kid would have cut off those ties forever.

Louise wiped her hands in her apron and walked into the living room. Kid lifted his eyes and greeted her in his usual, neutral way.

"Uh… Lou, I'm not having dinner here tonight. I'm meeting with Christine and her husband in the city."

"Mrs. Patrick too?" Lou asked casually.

"Uh… yeah, why?"

"Nothing. Just curious," Lou replied. "You're away tomorrow too, aren't you?"

"Yeah, Paul and I are going to the horse auction. We're leaving early and will be back in the evening."

They remained in uncomfortable silence and as Kid turned to go, Lou called him. "Kid, are you staying in for a while?" she asked.

"Yes, why?"

"I wonder if you could do me a favor. I left some sheets in hot water and need to hang them. Would you mind keeping an eye on Alice? She's been colicky and has vomited a couple of times today."

"Has she?" Kid replied surprised. "Oh poor dear!"

"She's a bit better, but I don't like her leaving her unattended when she's like that."

"Sure, Lou. Go ahead and do what you have to do. I'll stay with the children."

"Thanks."

Louise quickly walked out of the house and Kid approached the bassinet where Alice was peacefully sleeping. He smiled tenderly. It was so strange the way he felt about the baby. Whenever he looked at her, he felt his heart melt. She was so small and beautiful and he felt an urge to cuddle her. Despite the circumstances under which Lou had conceived her, the girl only inspired tenderness and love in him. He knew that some tongues said that Alice was also his, but in truth he didn't mind that gossip because deep down he actually wished the girl was his daughter for real.

Kid covered the baby with the blanket in the basket and placed a soft kiss on her little head. Joseph was still busy with his homework and Kid walked to the window. He frowned as he looked out and saw Lou talking with Daniel. She was pointing at her cottage, smiling from ear to ear, and the man nodded. Then she picked up the laundry basket from the ground and hurried to the lines. From his position Kid could see Daniel's eyes following Lou's brisk figure. Kid felt tempted to march to the man and punch him senseless.

Gosh, he was going crazy! They had only been talking, that was all. Lou wasn't his concern and besides, he was seeing more of Helen lately and was considering courting her properly. He liked Helen more than he had thought and the woman seemed not to have any problems with the fact that he had an illegitimate child. Kid had talked to her sincerely, explaining that Lou was just the mother of his boy, nothing else anymore. Yet, there must be something wrong with him because it was not natural that Lou still had this effect on him.

Kid moved from the window when Joseph called him. "Can you help me with this, Pa?" the boy asked, pointing at his notebook.

"I'll see what I can do, buddy," Lou replied as he sat at the table across from him. "You must know your father wasn't the smartest boy in school. You might need to wait for your mother."

The boy chuckled amusedly, thinking that his father was joking. Kid had a look at the boy's notebook, a page of which was full of multiplications. Kid was relieved to see he could give a hand to his child with his homework. Keeping the books in his business had made him proficient in math operations and he handled numbers and figures as easily as he could saddle a horse.

"So tell me, Joseph, did you make many friends today at school?" Kid asked when the boy had completed all the multiplications.

"You know what happened, Pa?" the boy exclaimed in an excited voice, his eyes as big as saucers. "Nicholas Chase used to be my best friend when I went to school. He was there today and he sat next to me and we played together!"

"That's good! And did you see Matt?"

"Yes, but he was with other older boys."

"My friend… you know… Mrs. Patrick… her daughter also attends your school. I think she's about your age. Her name is Violet."

"I don't remember the girls' names, Pa. There were a lot," Joseph replied with an indifferent tone.

Kid paused for a moment and eyed the boy carefully, wondering if he could address the matter he had tried to talk to his child about for the last week. He wanted to talk to him about the comments other children might make about Louise or about the abnormal situation between his parents. However, Kid had felt tongue-tied whenever he had attempted to broach the subject. How could he tell Joseph some things that he was too young to understand? It was too hard but he needed to make sure Joseph was good at school. "Joseph, I need to talk to you about something."

"Yes, Pa?" the boy replied, fixing his eyes on Kid.

"Uh… when you go to school, you might hear some things you don't like. Other children might say bad things about your ma but…"

"Oscar Watson and Tyler Morgan already did," Joseph stated, cutting his father off. "They're older boys. They used to be mean to me too before I dropped from school."

Kid paled and placing his hand over his son's, he said, "I'm sorry, Joseph. Were you upset?"

"No," the boy answered. "Ma talked to me and told me to ignore what other children might tell me. She said if I didn't heed them, they'd get tired and leave me alone. And Pa, she was right."

Kid kept watching the boy, unsure whether the boy was telling the truth. He wondered what those boys had said, but he didn't dare to ask him. Joseph didn't seem upset at all, but he needed to be sure about it. "Are you sure you're fine, buddy? You can tell me and if you don't want to go back to school, we can arrange something."

"Please, no, Pa! I'm fine, I'm fine. Don't make me stay here. I want to go to school! Dorothy and Thomas made me stop going and I don't want that! Those boys didn't upset me, they didn't, they didn't!"

Kid gazed the boy into his eyes and noticed his bright eyes and his set jaw, trying to look strong, resembling the same expression in Lou when she wanted to appear tough. "Oh Joseph, I'm really sorry."

Something in Kid's voice made the boy break down and he started to cry. "Oh Pa! Why are those children like that? They said Ma wasn't a good woman, that she was wicked and they called her bad names! And…" The sobs took over and he couldn't talk. Kid brought him against his chest and comforted him. This was what he had feared most and it had happened. Lou's conversation with their son had been useless. Joseph was a very sensitive boy and it was understandable he got upset when others insulted and bad-mouthed the most important woman in his life. He was just a child and Kid knew he would get distraught himself. They could not expect Joseph to remain impassive.

Joseph's tears subsided and Kid wiped his face with his fingers. "Please, Pa, don't tell any of this to Ma. Please. She'll get sad."

Kid smiled sadly. "Listen to me, Joseph. Ma and I love you very, very much. You know Ma is good, kind, generous, but I doubt those boys know her at all. So like your mother told you, you needn't pay heed to what others tell you."

"And why then are they so mean, Pa? Why do they have to say those things?"

Kid sighed. "I'm not sure, Joseph," he answered. "You know Ma had to go to jail and some people like to pick on those who make mistakes."

"But we all make mistakes, don't we, Pa?" the boy asked. "That's what Nana used to say."

"That's right, buddy," Kid replied in a soft voice.

"And we mustn't judge others."

"You know what, Joseph? You're a very clever boy," Kid said with a smile, ruffling his hair. "Are you sure you want to keep going to school?"

"Yes, Pa. I'll do what Ma says. I'll ignore them. Please Pa."

Kid nodded. "Yes, your Ma is also very clever." Despite everything, Kid had to admit Lou was very good with her children. She was so tender and patient with Joseph, and Kid liked to watch her with Alice when she didn't know he was around. In those moments, he could see the old, sweet Lou back, and wondered why she couldn't be like that at all times.

A loud wail resounded in the room and Kid and Joseph quickly approached Alice's bassinet. Kid picked the baby up and tried to appease her.

"She's been poorly since yesterday," Joseph said.

"Hey, sweetie pie, beautiful, calm down. Your mama will soon be here," Kid tried, rocking the baby, unsure what to do when she was like this.

"Alice, you have to be nice to Daddy. Stop crying," the boy said above his sister's loud wails.

"Joseph, she's too small and doesn't understand. Her tummy hurts and that's why she's complaining."

Little by little, the baby's cries subsided after a while and her dark eyes fixed on Kid's face as if she were hypnotized. "Pa, she's looking at you. I think she understands some, and she's happy because she's with her daddy like I am when I am with you."

Kid smiled wryly. Joseph often referred to him as Alice's father and Kid felt uncomfortable, not knowing how to answer. In fact, he didn't mind. Sweet Alice had no father and would never have, and he was happy to fill that vacuum, and maybe have the same role as he had with Matt.

Suddenly, they heard the door slam closed and he turned his eyes to find Lou standing there, looking visibly annoyed. "Joseph, honey, why don't you go do your chores now?" she said without averting her angry eyes from Kid.

"Sure, Ma," the boy exclaimed and dashed out of the house. Lou walked to Kid, took Alice from his arms and placed her back in the basket. "What are you doing, Kid?" she asked in an irritated voice, her eyes meeting his in a challenging stance.

"What?" Kid let out with a confused expression.

"You're not Alice's father!" she barked loudly. "I don't want you to confuse Joseph!"

Her attitude infuriated him. Once against she was attacking him without letting have the chance to explain his actions. "I haven't told him Alice is my daughter!" he replied in the same angered tone.

"But you never opened your trap to put him right!"

"And what the hell was I supposed to tell him? That his mother has rolled in so many beds that she doesn't know who his sister's daddy is?"

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, her hand came into contact with his cheek, slapping him hard. Kid brought his own hand to touch his sore face, cursing himself for his insensitivity and nasty comment. "Go to hell, Kid!" Louise growled as she picked up the basket and started walking away. "With each passing day I'm more and more certain I made a mistake letting you love me! I haven't felt so cheap in all those beds as you just made me feel!"

The door slammed shut behind her loudly and Kid ran after her. He wanted to apologize and he was afraid that after his horrible comment she might want to leave, taking Joseph with her. From the door he called her, but she didn't stop or turn around. To his relief she simply kept walking towards the cottage and when she disappeared into it, Kid walked back into his house and closed the door. This wasn't the right moment to talk to Lou, and he'd wait to apologize.

Kid felt very angry with himself. He should have been able to control his tongue. Fighting with Lou was something he should avoid at all costs. He needed to do his best to have a civil relationship with her for Joseph's sake, but he just couldn't help the demon who nagged him inside and the least thing made him lose his temper, especially today after hearing Joseph cry.

Kid was learning not to care about her, but it was more difficult than anything he had ever done. His thoughts kept torturing him, imagining Lou with other men. He told himself that he was over her, he didn't love her, but the strong tug he felt in the pit of his stomach whenever he saw her smiling and talking to other men was impossible to ignore. He was beyond jealous, and he had even started to watch Paul warily. His foreman and Louise treated each other with too much affability lately, but Paul was his best friend and it was stupid to have this attitude towards him. If Paul and Lou became a couple, Kid knew he shouldn't mind. Lou had a right to move on and find a good man who could love her and her children. That was better than hearing all that salacious gossip that she was the focus of. Yet, despite his reasoning, he didn't like to think she could get entangled with another man, even a nice man like Paul.

It was insane and he was trying very hard to overcome his unnatural state of mind. Why couldn't he just forget about her? She had proved she was a woman he couldn't trust. She had lied and deceived him too many times and he still hadn't learned his lesson. He needed to treat her with respect as the mother of his child, but other than that, there was nothing else. Kid often thought of their times together years ago and his soul cried whenever he remembered the sweet girl she had been. Where had she gone? Who was this stranger who looked like her but acted so differently? His Lou was so generous, so grand, so fresh, and this woman was nothing but a bad reflection of her. Where was his Louise McCloud? Where on earth?

Lou had reached the cottage and slammed the door shut with bigger force than when she had closed Kid's. She was fuming as she plonked down on the sofa and kept remembering his words. "Bastard!" she wheezed as she felt the tears prick her eyes. Yet, as the curse left her mouth, her anger dissolved. She had no right to get angry because he had simply told her the truth. She knew she was nothing but a whore, and the fact that Kid had uttered that truth, thus admitting he had the same opinion of her as everybody else, hurt her too much. Lou felt like dying inside. What had she done with her life? She had reached the lowest point possible and even though she tried to rise and climb up, she just couldn't. Nobody wanted to help her but stomped on her, making her sink back in the dirty mud. Was this the punishment she was getting for all her sins? Was this what she had to endure for the rest of her life? She knew she deserved it and if her suffering would mean her children could be happy, then let it be. Joseph definitely looked happier than ever and Alice…

Remembering how she had attacked Kid when she had heard Joseph calling him his sister's daddy, Louise started to cry in silence. As she had watched the scene between Kid and the children, she had dared to imagine that they were a real family, that Kid was her baby's pa, that they could be 'normal'. Yet, as soon as the image had entered her mind, the realization of what she had lost and could never have struck her painfully. Her pain had turned into rage and before she could stop herself she had gone for Kid's jugular. It was no wonder he thought so little of her. He might even hate her and she couldn't blame him for that. She was simply reaping what she had sown in her life. What was left for her to do was to keep living and being there for her children. They were the only reason she continued on this earth; they were her whole life because the rest of the world had started to disappear for her long ago.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

"Tell me how things went last night," Paul said as he and Kid crossed the yard on their way to the stables.

"Last night? You mean last night's dinner?" Kid asked and at Paul's nod he added, "It was quite nice. The food was good. Paul, you should try that restaurant…"

"Kid, I'm not asking you about the darn restaurant!" the foreman replied, cutting his friend off in mid-sentence. "I just want to know how things went between you and Helen."

"Paul, don't start. You know we are just friends."

"Friends, my foot!" Paul exclaimed in a mocking tone. "This is the fourth time you've arranged to meet her in less than two weeks. And I'm not blind. I've noticed how interested you seemed in her conversation that night we had dinner here."

"I…maybe there's something… I… I'm considering courting her," Kid admitted.

"Just considering?" Paul repeated with a crooked smile. "Kid, she's been craving you since the first time you met her."

"Really?" Kid asked, dumbfounded, and Paul chuckled at his friend's blindness. Kid asked, "Anyway, I just want to make sure I don't blunder this time. You know, my history with women is not really something I could brag about."

"So you haven't even shared a little kiss yet?" Paul insisted and Kid shook his head. "Not even last night?"

"To tell you the truth, I had too much on my mind last night," Kid explained. "I and Lou had a bad argument yesterday."

"What happened?"

"I blew my top again and told her something I should have been more tactful about. I still haven't worked up the courage to apologize."

"Well, you'll have more than enough time to think about what you want to tell her on our way to and back from the auction. We should have left already."

Kid smiled. "How many more times are you going to rub it in that I overslept?"

"Almost as many times as when you kept bringing up that I had mislaid the key to the tack room."

"It took us three days to finally find it," Kid replied, grinning from ear to ear. Yet, his happy expression turned into a serious frown all of a sudden when he caught sight of something across the yard.

"Come on, Kid. Let's go," Paul urged but when his friend didn't move, the foreman followed the direction his eyes were looking. He saw Daniel walking to the cottage and knocking on the door. A few seconds later, the door opened. Lou and Daniel exchanged a few words and immediately afterwards, the man disappeared into the house and Louise closed the door.

"Daniel must be asking her where we are," Paul said, trying to sound casual. "You know that man. His head is like a sieve and he must've forgotten we're going to the auction."

Kid plastered a smile on his lips. "Yeah, that must be it," he muttered. He kept watching the cottage, wishing the door would open, but it remained closed.

"Come on, Kid. It's late," Paul said and as Kid didn't move, the foreman had to yank him inside the stables. "Kid, come on!"

Kid finally followed Paul into the stables and they both started saddling the horses. Paul kept talking animatedly, but Kid was barely aware of his words, answering with monosyllables. His mind was somewhere else, not far, just in the cottage he had seen Daniel disappear into. It was driving him crazy. There must be a logical explanation why Daniel had gone to the cottage but Kid just couldn't find one.

He was acting like an idiot once again. There was nothing strange between Lou and Daniel. It was impossible. Daniel was married and Lou knew better than compromising her reputation once again.

Kid didn't think about what he had seen for the rest of the day. He focused on enjoying the ride and the conversation with Paul. He loved the occasions he could ride freely, even a short distance like today. And then his mind travelled back to the time when he had been a Pony Express rider. He had been so happy then, especially because he had discovered true love for the first time. Lou had gripped his heart so strongly that he found it hard to let go of her.

* * *

"I think you made a good deal today," Paul remarked as they walked up the stairs to the study on the second floor of Kid's house after returning from the auction that evening.

"Yes, and here's your share," Kid replied as he opened his pouch and gave Paul the money he had made from the sale of the horses they had taken to the auction.

"You're far too generous, Kid," he foreman replied as he pocketed his cut.

"As somebody once told me, a good job mustn't be done for nothing."

"And that also includes housekeepers?" Paul replied, clearly implying the too high salary he paid Louise.

Kid shrugged his shoulders as he wrote the figures in his book. He didn't want to think about her right now, and he was dreading facing her later. Both men remained in silence as they tasted the drinks Kid had poured for the two of them and a couple of minutes later, they heard the voices of Bob and Daniel coming from below outside the window. The day was warm and Kid had opened it to let the breeze in, so now the voices of the two men sounded in the room as clear as if they were inside.

"Come on, man. Tell me. I'm dying to know!" Bob said in a whining tone.

"I'm sorry. I'm a gentleman. I don't kiss and tell."

Inside the study, Paul and Kid exchanged a look. "Oh please, Dan. Don't make me beg. You were in her cottage and I am so curious! Tell me. Was it good?"

Kid stiffened. The cottage Bob was talking about was clearly Lou's and they had both seen Daniel go into it that morning.

"She's a wildcat, Bob, lemme tell ya. She did things no woman's ever done to me before. It was the best morning of my life."

Paul was trying to get Kid out of the study and prevent him from hearing anything else. Kid shoved him away and stood his ground, wanting to hear everything however much it hurt.

"Oh Dan, I'm so jealous!" Bob exclaimed. "So tell me, what are your plans for her now? Are you planning to keep her on the side?"

"You kidding?" Daniel replied, guffawing loudly. "She's a slut. I wouldn't complicate my life with a woman like her. Of course, I wouldn't mind a roll on the hay from time to time… I'm sure she'll like that. I hope she doesn't expect anything else. I love my Ursula and besides, I don't want any problems with the boss."

"Then you better not breathe any of this to Paul."

Kid had had enough and stormed out of the room. Paul following hot on his tracks, calling his name repeatedly. "Kid, please, where are you going?"

"Where do you think? I'm going to see somebody and have a little conversation."

As he reached the front door, Paul finally caught up with him, and grabbed him by the arm. "Kid, please, don't do anything rash. What are you planning to do? Fight with Daniel for a woman who is not even yours? Or do you intend to fire him?"

"Daniel?" Kid repeated in a mocking tone. "I don't give a damn about Daniel Parker! I'm talking about her… and she's going to hear me out!"

"Please, Kid, think about what you're going to do. You're too excited. Think of your son."

"He's all I think about," Kid replied and opening the door, he marched across the yard before Paul could stop him. The foreman watched him reach the cottage, and shaking his head, he went his own way, foreseeing that this matter wouldn't end up well.

As soon as Kid stood before her door, he knocked loudly several times. When she appeared and saw him, she folded her arms over her chest and said, "What do you want, Kid?" She was still hurt from what he had said yesterday. Maybe she had deserved it but she was proud and would show him she didn't welcome his presence gladly.

"Can we talk?" he asked in a voice that sounded too calm for the anger and pain he was feeling.

Lou stood aside and let him walk into the house. She followed him to the sitting room and said, "I hope you've come to apologize."

Kid's head jerked as if he had been stung and looked at her with eyes full of fury. "Tell me, Lou, did you have fun today?"

Lou was taken aback by his question and all she managed to utter was a surprised "What?"

"With Daniel. I heard he enjoyed you very much," Kid replied, his voice tinged with sarcasm and bitterness. "He wasn't very discreet about your tryst and was explaining in full detail what you and he did. Soon half of Richmond will know when he brags about it with his friends in the saloon."

"Oh," Lou let out clumsily, staring at Kid with a flabbergasted expression.

"Oh? Is that all you have to say?" he replied angrily.

Feeling like a cornered cat, Louise drew her claws, ready to attack once again. "I'm sick and tired of your damn lectures. Why don't you leave me alone?"

"How can you, Lou? Wasn't it enough to get entangled with Henderson? Daniel is also a married man!"

"So what? He's the one who has to be faithful to his poor wife, not me!" she replied spitefully.

"And you have two children!" Kid barked. "I told you to stay away from married men! But you… here in the same house your children live… my son lives. It makes me sick!"

"I told you… steer clear of my matters!" Lou retorted in the same angered tone. "After all, you frolic around with your dear Mrs. Patrick all the time and I don't say a word. Is what you do any better, Kid?"

"Helen and I are only friends! We have a wholesome friendship!"

Lou looked him up and down with scornful eyes. "Yeah, I imagine your wonderful 'friend' will never find herself in a frowned-upon situation like this," Lou said sarcastically. "She can't be as rotten, devious and dirty as I am, can she?"

"I don't get you, Lou," he replied, shaking his head and feeling drained of all energy. "I really can't."

"There's nothing to get. I am a human person and also have my needs. So get that in your thick head, Alistair Carmichael. I don't need to ask you for permission if I feel like having a little fun! I'll do what I please and with whom I please!"

Her words managed to exhaust the last ounce of patience in his body. He grabbed her by the arm and looking into her eyes with his firey ones, he said, "Listen to me! I'm very close to kicking you out of here and asking Luther to continue the process we started! Don't tempt your luck, Lou! If I hear the vaguest comment about you and your activities again, I won't be so understanding the next time!"

Lou pushed him off her roughly, breaking loose. "Leave me alone!"

"You should think of Joseph more often. He was crying yesterday because of a comment he heard about you. So the next time you feel like having a little recreation, don't think of me… think of your son."

His remark about Joseph alarmed her and she felt her heart thumping fearfully. "What did Joseph say?" Kid had already turned away from her and was on his way to the door. "Kid, wait! What did you tell Joseph?"

Kid never stopped and left the cottage in a hurry. He needed to stay clear of her and not see her for a while. He had to get out and breathe some fresh air. His head was in a chaos. So he dashed to the stables, saddled a horse and rode away. Galloping on his horse like the wind had always managed to soothe him, but this time it wasn't working. He felt unable to get Lou out of his head and his mind kept bugging him with the image of her and Daniel Parker together like animals in heat. Kid felt nauseated and his eyes pricked with unshed tears of frustration.

An hour later he found himself in town. Kid started walking, wandering aimlessly. He ended up in front of the building where Helen Patrick lived. It was a red-brick block with comfortable apartments. Her late husband had been a well-reputed doctor and when he was alive, it was said that Helen's old house was one of the most popular venues for social gatherings in the city. Things had changed after the war, especially when Michael Patrick had died. Helen had to move to a rented place since she had been left with a reduced income and tried her best to make ends meet. Consequently, her status had suffered and her social activities were now limited to a very small circle of acquaintances.

Kid knew it was too late and it wouldn't be proper to visit an unchaperoned lady in her place. Yet, he felt a too strong need to see another face that made him forget Lou, so without considering anything else, he climbed the stairs inside the building and knocked. Seconds later the door opened and Helen appeared. Her lips smiled and her face lit up when she saw him. "Kid!" she exclaimed happily. "Is… is there something wrong?" she asked warily, wondering what had made him come to her place at this time.

Kid stood there, staring at her pretty face in silence. Despite all his efforts, he was still seeing Lou and Daniel Parker in his mind, and without being fully aware of what he was doing, he stood a step forward, put his hand behind the back of her neck, and brought her mouth to his, kissing her hard. His arms tightened around her voluptuous frame and Helen automatically responded to his kiss, opening her mouth to feel his tongue. His hand wandered from her waist upwards and cupped her breast. They stood under the threshold of her door, kissing, touching, groping, and with each passing second Kid felt his mind go numb and his torturing thoughts disappear.

The sound coming from the floor just above them startled them. They suddenly pulled away and Helen yanked him inside, closing the door behind them. "Helen, I'm… I'm sorry," Kid tried clumsily when realization of what he had done dawned on him, but she silenced him by placing her fingers on his still wet lips.

"I'm not. I have wanted to do this for so long," she admitted and pushing herself on her tiptoes, she met his lips once again. Kid was surprised by her brash initiative and passion. He had always had the impression that Helen was very submissive but this was a different kind of woman, and he liked it.

Helen kept suckling and kissing his lips at the same time as she moved towards the loveseat under the window. Her mouth left his lips and started tracing along his jaw line towards his neck. "Violet is a heavy sleeper," she panted among kisses. "We are all alone… with no interruptions."

At her words Kid stopped and taking her by the shoulders, she pulled her off gently. Helen looked at him in confusion. "This is not what I came here for."

"Isn't it?" she asked in a flirtatious way, brushing her body against his.

"I… I mean," Kid replied awkwardly. "I want to do it properly and not rush things. I'd really like to court you if you let me."

"That's nice. I've never doubted you are a gentleman and I feel much honored."

Kid smiled. "So, Mrs. Patrick, will you grant me the honor to be your escort for the spring dance?"

"I'd love to," Helen replied, feeling so happy she wanted to jump. "But, Kid, that's still weeks away."

"Yes, but I didn't want anybody to get here first."

They both laughed happily. The anger he had felt minutes ago was gone and he was relaxed and enjoying Helen's presence. "So, Kid, since it's still too far for the dance, I was wondering if we could start getting to know each other better in the meanwhile… you know, like now." Helen smiled seductively and hooking her hand around his neck, she covered his mouth in a long, sultry kiss.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

In the days that followed, Kid did anything in his power to avoid Lou at all costs. He got up earlier than usual, had a bite and before she came to the house, he left. When Joseph was ready to go to school, he hitched up the wagon and took him to town, and in the afternoon he also picked him up. If he could, he skipped lunch, but on those occasions he had to sit at the table with all his men, he tried his best not to look at her and keep his eyes focused on the plate. Yet, that was easier said than done and he ended up watching her as she moved around the table. Kid felt his blood boil when she approached Daniel and stood over him as she served his lunch. The torturing thoughts kept bugging Kid even though almost a week had passed and he tried his hardest not to think about them. He noticed the cold looks that Lou sent Daniel, and Kid imagined that their story, or whatever they had, hadn't ended up too well. Daniel always seemed oblivious to Lou's subtle glares and acted as if she wasn't even there. A little part in Kid's heart felt glad that Louise was getting the punishment she deserved. Maybe Lou had hoped for something more with the man, and he had turned her down as Kid had heard him say, or she was simply angry for Daniel's indiscreet mouth. Kid hoped that taught her not to get entangled with married men anymore because, otherwise, he fully intended to carry out his threats, to kick her out if he heard the least detail about her compromising her reputation.

Evenings never found Kid at home. He spent them with Helen either strolling around the city or enjoying dinner in one of the local restaurants. Kid had to admit Helen was a very pleasant woman and wondered how he hadn't taken this step before. She was really a surprising woman. Kid had never thought she could be so assertive and direct in her relationship. She was always the one who started with the kisses and caresses, always finding the perfect location to give free rein to her desires without prying eyes. It was Kid who always had to stop her or otherwise, they'd already have done something that compromised her virtue.

That afternoon his thoughts accompanied Kid while he waited for Joseph to leave the schoolhouse. As certain memories from Helen entered his mind, Kid started smiling from ear to ear and he hardly heard his nephew telling him about school. "Uh," Kid replied clumsily when the boy kept staring at him, obviously expecting an answer, "that sounds really good, Matt."

"Oh there is Ma!" the boy exclaimed suddenly and before Kid could react, he scampered across the school yard. Kid turned to locate the woman and lifted his arm in greeting and when he realized that Christine was not alone, but Helen was with her, his smiled broadened and he was about to approach them when a voice stopped him.

"Pa!"

"Hey Joseph!" Kid exclaimed, ruffling the boy's hair when he stood before him. "How come you are always the last to leave the schoolhouse?"

The boy shrugged his shoulders in indifference. He always lagged behind, talking to his friend Nicholas, and Mr. Andrews always had to remind him it was time to leave. "I don't know."

From his position Kid saw Helen silently voicing the word 'tea' at him, motioning for him to stay and have tea with her and Christine. Kid nodded and turned to his son. "Joseph, let's go with Aunt Christine and Mrs. Patrick to have a nice cup of hot chocolate and a piece of cake. You like that, don't you?"

Joseph pouted. He didn't like Mrs. Patrick, especially since his father hadn't been at home all week because of her. And her daughter was a bit strange and Joseph didn't like the way she usually stared at him. "Do we have to, Pa? I'm very tired and I want to go home to Ma and Alice!"

Kid really wanted to stay, but noticing Joseph's unhappy expression, he decided not to insist. "All right then. Let's go home."

Kid drove the wagon towards his property and like usual, Joseph kept talking about his day at school. The boy always found something interesting to tell his father and expressed everything with so much excitement that made Kid smile. At some point the boy was quiet and Kid said, "Matt told me you had your natural history class in the woods one day. That must have been quite nice, wasn't it?"

"I don't know, Pa," the boy replied. "I couldn't go. My belly ached that day and Ma let me stay at home. I'm sorry I missed it."

"Really?" Kid asked, surprised that he hadn't heard about this before. "When was that?"

The boy remained thoughtful for a few seconds. "It was the day you were away and Mr. Parker came home."

Kid turned his horrified eyes to his son as he said in a nervous voice, "You were home when Daniel went to the cottage?"

"Yes," the boy replied breezily, not noticing the unsettled expression in his father, "but he was in Ma's bedroom all the time… and he made so much noise. Alice wasn't happy and was crying a lot."

Kid could hardly think or find the words to carry on. What had Joseph really understood from what had happened that day at home? This was ten thousand times worse than what he already thought. What kind of mother was Lou? How could she expose Joseph to such depravity? He was just an innocent child. "And… and… Joseph, were… were you also upset … like Alice?"

The boy glanced at his father, creasing his forehead in confusion. "No. Why should I, Pa?" he replied, thinking that Kid was pulling his leg. "I'm not a baby. I didn't like the noise but Mr. Parker finally fixed Ma's dresser. The drawers were so difficult to open."

Kid remembered the dresser. It was true that while Christine had been living in the cottage, she always complained of the drawers and Kid knew that Daniel had been a good carpenter before the war. Yet, this made no sense. Lou had admitted her involvement with her and Daniel had talked about it shamelessly. "So Ma was with Mr. Parker in the bedroom?"

"No, Pa. We were in the sitting room. We were having breakfast when Mr. Parker came. Then when he started making noise, Alice cried and cried. Ma tried to calm her down. And when Mr. Parker finished, we went to see the dresser and Ma paid him some money. The drawers are so smooth now!"

"That… that is good," Kid stammered and focused his attention on the road. He was sick with shame and guilt. He didn't understand. Why had Lou admitted something that was a lie? Why on earth? He didn't know why Lou had reacted like that. This was so wrong. They had fought for a bunch of lies and he had insulted her by believing a lying braggart. Right now what mattered was to fix all this and he wasn't going to let Daniel get away so easily. How could he invent such a dirty story about Lou? How dared he? Kid planned to let him know that nobody had a right to play with the reputation of his child's mother.

After driving in the property, Joseph jumped from the wagon and ran straight to the house. Kid left the carriage there and headed for the stables. "Paul, gather the men and you three come to the shed," Kid asked his foreman when he saw him.

Paul noticed the weird expression on his friend's face and before Kid could scurry away, he stopped him. "Something wrong, Kid?"

"Just do what I told you, please," Kid replied in a dead serious tone and Paul knew that he'd better not argue.

Minutes later the three men stepped into the shed. Kid was sitting at his desk, furiously scribbling on a piece of paper. He lifted his eyes when the men greeted him and he watched them with a serious expression. "Daniel, I heard you did a little job for Miss McCloud a few days ago."

Bob snickered while Daniel remained serious. "That's right, Mr. Carmichael."

"Could you tell us what exactly you did in the cottage?" Kid continued, shifting his eyes back to Daniel. "I'm quite curious."

The man cleared his mouth nervously. "I don't think it matters."

"It matters to me," Kid insisted. "And I want the truth."

"Kid, please, do you think this is necessary?" Paul cut in, not sure what his friend intended with all this. Kid hadn't talked about the matter since they heard Daniel, and Paul had thought he had forgotten about it. And this sudden interest surprised the foreman.

"Paul, let me handle this, please," Kid answered. "Daniel, I'm waiting. What job did you do for Miss McCloud?"

"I… I fixed a piece of furniture," Daniel explained in a low voice, which gained him a confused look from Bob.

"Is that all? You fixed a piece of furniture?" Kid insisted.

"Yes, sir."

"Maybe you had a conversation… and who knows, she's a beautiful woman and we men are not difficult to tempt… even a married man like you. And she gets lonely. I just want to know," Kid continued.

"No, sir," Daniel replied, feeling more and more awkward by the minute. "She asked me to fix her dresser. I did and she paid for the job. End of the story."

"But that's not what you've been saying, is it?" Kid added, trying the impossible to keep calm because he felt like lunging and knocking the man down.

"You know what we men are like, Mr. Carmichael… we talk and talk, but it means nothing," Daniel said, sounding casual and disregarding the matter.

"Nothing?" Kid echoed loudly, jumping to his feet and walking closer. "Don't you know the kind of trouble she might get into if false stories about her spread? You have no right to taint her reputation for stupid male pride!"

"She already has a tainted reputation," Daniel replied, not flinching at Kid's angered words.

Kid took a deep breath. He was too close to exploding and he knew he needed to handle this matter in civil terms even though he wanted nothing more than choke the man before him. Turning to his foreman, Kid said, "Paul, pay Daniel what we owe him. He's leaving us."

At his words Daniel panicked. "Please, Mr. Carmichael, you can't fire me! I need this job. I have a family to support!"

"You should've thought about it before spreading all those lies about a person who has never done anything against you. Miss McCloud is the mother of my son and I won't have any disrespect to her from anybody."

Daniel's fear for losing his job turned into anger when he realized he was at a losing end. "I didn't disrespect her!" he said poisonously. "Maybe I didn't get to taste her, but I'm sure others do!"

"Get off my land, Parker!" Kid barked, pointing threateningly at him.

"What angers you so much, Kid?" Daniel asked, scorn pouring from his mouth. "Is she giving others what you want for yourself?"

As soon as the words were out of Daniel's mouth, Kid couldn't control himself anymore and he punched Daniel straight on the nose. The man fell down on the floor and blood started trickling from his nose. Bob helped him back to his feet while Kid said in the same furious tone, "I want you out of my place right now or I'll call the sheriff!"

Daniel's spiteful eyes stared at him challengingly as his hand tried to stop the blood seeping from his nostrils. "You'll regret this, Alistair Carmichael. I swear. You will regret it one day."

Kid cast a last angry glare at him and unable to stand the sight of the man anymore, he stormed out of the shed and almost ran out of the stables towards the house. Lou was surely there and he needed to see her, talk to her.

Louise was dusting the furniture in his living room when he got there. Hearing steps behind her, she stopped, had a quick glance at him, but realizing who it was, she continued with what she was doing. Her attitude didn't surprise him. She had been doing almost the same all week. He stood there, watching her back as she worked. He was feeling so horrible that he felt like crying. It pained him to think how vulnerable she was, how easily people could harm her and there was nothing he could do. What he didn't understand was why she remained so impassive to everything that happened around her.

"Lou," he finally called. Louise stopped and turned to him with a surprised expression. This was the first time he had addressed her in days, and she wondered what he wanted. "We… we need to talk."

Louise sighed tiredly. "What have I done this time?"

Kid felt a stab of guilt on seeing her resigned expression and if the matter wasn't so serious, he'd smile at her adorable face, looking as if she were a little girl in trouble. "Nothing, Lou. I… I came to apologize."

"Apologize?" she echoed in surprise.

"Yes… for what I said the other day… for the way I acted. I was wrong. I know nothing happened with Daniel."

Louise folded her arms over her chest and felt a shiver course over her skin. "Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me, Lou? Why did you let me believe all that?"

"You didn't ask," Louise reminded him. "You came to me, accusing me, not asking me. You believed those tales about me like everybody else does. You already have an opinion about me. Why waste my energy to convince you when you didn't want to believe me? It saddens me but I can't blame you."

Kid had to admit she was right. He had never questioned whether what Daniel had said was true or not, and had simply believed all that. "I'm really sorry. I acted like a jackass… I'm so, so sorry, Lou."

"I also lost my temper and told you all that rubbish about satisfying my needs," Louise said in a soft voice.

"I want you to know I've fired Daniel. He won't cause you more trouble."

Lou shook her head as she sat down on the sofa. "You shouldn't have bothered, Kid. He's just one mouth in the whole lot and people aren't going to change their opinions about me. It's a lost battle. You know what they think? People say I was Travers' lover and I killed him because he refused to leave his wife for me. Good thing the judge did believe me or otherwise, I'd be dead now."

"I'm sorry, Lou," Kid repeated, sitting next to her on the sofa. She was right. He had heard those opinions about her and Travers, and even Christine believed all that.

"Well, that's the way things are. I used to get worked up about what other people thought, but I don't care anymore. I know I will never stop them talking, and all I worry is about the children and what Joseph might hear." Louise sighed again and added, "I sometimes wonder who I am, Kid… the woman people talk about, the murderer, the victim, the whore… I have no idea, Kid. Funny, don't you think?"

He took her hands in his, squeezing them affectionately, and gazed at her eyes. "Lou, that's not like you at all. You are a fighter… you used to fight for what you believed in. I hate to hear you sound so defeatist."

"Kid, fighting hasn't gotten me anywhere. I'm really tired of everything."

"Lou, don't say that! You fought and got Joseph back. You survived in that prison!"

"Did I, Kid? I'm not really sure."

"Lou, you're here… you're alive and you have two wonderful children."

"I know," she replied slowly.

"Lou, what do you want? Tell me. What do you really want?"

Louise looked into his deep, blue eyes. "I want to be free," she said and suddenly her own eyes filled with tears.

Kid stared at her, strangely feeling her suffering in his own soul. He brought his hand to wipe the few tears that had escaped her beautiful eyes and whispered, "You know something, Lou? I think I have a remedy and I think it might help."


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Kid smiled from ear to ear as his eyes swept across the wide field in front of him. A rider galloped along it, flying like the wind and Kid followed the brisk figure with his intense gaze. It was a beautiful sight. "Pa, I'd love so much to ride like Ma!" Joseph exclaimed by his side.

"She's one of the best riders I've ever known and I'm sure one day she'll teach you," Kid replied without averting his eyes from her tiny figure, clad in male clothes, and riding one of his best horses. After their last conversation, Kid had felt that surely Lou's strange behavior was a cry for help, and her attitude reminded him of the time after he had been released from the war prison. He remembered feeling trapped in his own soul. For some reason he didn't understand at the time, he was totally miserable, buried in sadness, the reason for which he didn't know. He had fought against it but he had felt unable to control his own feelings, especially when the nightmares kept disturbing his rest. Then he had discovered that the times he didn't feel so rotten took place when he was riding. In those moments he didn't need to think about anything; his mind went blank and he only had to experience the thousands of sensations in his body: the fresh air in his lungs, the wind on his skin, the smells invading his nose, the pain from the physical effort. Riding had been the first step to leave the memories behind and he finally managed to escape from his personal imprisonment.

Lou had always loved riding and thinking of his own personal experience, Kid reckoned she might learn something. Her life was clearly too limited and she hardly did much other than working for him and looking after the children. She didn't even leave the property often, only when she had to do some errand for Kid, but otherwise, she simply stayed at home. It was natural that she felt suffocated and crowded.

Kid really wanted to help her because despite all the problems between them, he was very fond of her. He might not understand her most of the time, but he wanted to believe that behind her strange behavior, behind that anger, behind that coldness there was a reason, and he wished she could open up to him. What he missed about her most was her smile. Kid used to love her beautiful smile that lit up her face so lovingly. Yet, that had disappeared. Of course, she still smiled, especially when she was with her children, but Kid had noticed how her eyes looked almost teary and dead in clear contrast with her smiling mouth. It was after that last conversation that Kid had realized some things that he had been blind to. He was starting to look deeper… beyond her mask, beyond her reputation, beyond her fake smile. Things were more complex and he really wanted to find out who Louise McCloud was.

When Kid had suggested she could go riding, Lou had been reluctant, even refusing at first, but she had finally accepted. He was glad she had, because riding might not help her at all, but from his position he could see clearly she was enjoying the ride, and for that reason alone all this was worth it.

After twenty minutes Lou trotted towards them. She stopped the horse and as she dismounted, she almost fell in Kid's arms when her legs didn't respond from the lack of practice. She laughed as Kid had to help her to walk and she finally dropped on the blanket they had spread on which Alice's basket lay. "Are you all right, Ma?" Joseph asked with a worried voice.

"Just fine, honey. It's been so long since the last time I rode, honey, that your mother can hardly walk," Lou explained, as she flexed her legs and hugged them against her chest.

"How long, Lou?" Kid asked as he tethered the horse to a tree.

"Years… I'm not sure how many."

"So tell me, has my girl behaved?" Kid continued as he patted the mare's dark neck affectionately.

"Oh yes… Duna's a wonderful horse," Lou remarked with a wide smile.

"Wonderful and all yours," Kid said as he sat next to her on the blanket.

"What are you talking about?"

"From this day Duna belongs to you."

"Oh no, Kid!" Louise exclaimed. "I can't accept. You've done too much for me already!"

"Nonsense!" Kid replied. "Duna likes you and she needs a good rider and there's nobody better. Joseph, what do you say? Don't you agree Ma should keep Duna?" The boy nodded with a big smile and Kid continued, "You see, Lou? And if Alice weren't sleeping, she would agree with us too."

Louise grinned, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and pleasure. "I… thanks, Kid, but I'll pay for her, and I…"

"Will you stop it? It's a present and I'll feel offended if you don't accept it."

"I don't deserve your present," Lou muttered. "But I won't offend you."

"Then there's nothing else to talk about," Kid concluded.

"Ma, can I go play with my kite?" Joseph asked as he picked up the colorful kite he and Kid had worked on together for the last couple of days.

"Yes, you can, but stay where we can see you, all right, young man?"

The boy instantly ran away, holding the kite over his head, trying to make it fly. Kid and Lou shared a smile, and once alone with Kid, Lou started to feel awkward, especially under his intense stare, so she shifted her eyes. "You were right. Riding feels wonderful," Lou said. On the horse, she had felt as if she was eighteen again and working for the Express. The magic feelings from back then had flourished but as soon as she had dismounted, she was back to her world… back to Louise McCloud, ex-convict and murderer, and the awakening was worse than the dream that had lasted for those barely twenty minutes.

"You can now do it more often with Duna," Kid suggested.

"I don't know," Louise admitted, not sure if she wanted to fool herself for just a few minutes. The world wouldn't change and she wouldn't either, and riding held too many happy memories that hurt too much in the long run. "I have a baby to look after and I can't just leave her at home alone while I ride."

"I can always stay with her if you want, Lou," Kid offered.

Louise looked down at the sleeping baby and smiled sheepishly. "Thanks." She knew she didn't deserve his kindness, but she felt unable to talk and express her real fears. Sometimes she was totally overwhelmed by the opposing feelings coursing throughout all her body that she wanted to cry, go hiding to a dark corner and burst out in tears. Yet, this was not the place and taking a grip of herself, she tried to change the direction of their conversation. "Kid, what happened to Katy? You know, I still find it quite strange to see you riding another horse."

"Well, Katy is in Rock Creek." Lou sent him a questioning frown and he elaborated, "When the war ended, I went back there to retrieve her. I had decided to settle down here in Richmond and I wanted my special mare nearby. Did you know Buck, Teaspoon and Rachel turned the old way station into a good business?" Lou shook her head and he carried on, "They extended the bunkhouse, added a couple of stories and divided the place into rooms… it's a good guest house in Rock Creek and they also sell, buy and rent horses… you know the stables there are huge. Anyway, when I was in Rock Creek, I decided to leave Katy there. Call me a fool but I felt I would be tearing Katy from her home."

"Oh… that's great… I mean I'm glad Buck, Teaspoon and Rachel are doing so good," Lou replied awkwardly. Talking about anything from those years made her feel uncomfortable and guilty because of the way she had parted from those who she had considered her family back then.

"Lou, I've been thinking I'd like them to know I have a son," Kid said, studying her reaction. "If you let me, I can take Joseph to Rock Creek this summer. I'm sure he'll love to be there."

"Sure… yeah, I'm fine with that."

"And," he continued in a slow voice, "I'm sure they'd love to see you too and know you are fine, especially Rachel and Teaspoon. They have been worried about you for years, not knowing what happened to you."

Louise fidgeted nervously, wringing her hands together and not daring to meet his eyes. "I… I don't think that's possible," Lou muttered.

"Why not, Lou? Don't you want to see them? It's Teaspoon and Rachel!"

"Because I don't want them to find out the kind of person I've become like I didn't want you to know!" Lou exclaimed in a loud tone, her eyes looking into his this time. "I couldn't `prevent that in your case, but I can't face anybody else. I just can't."

"Lou, nobody's gonna judge you," Kid insisted. "You know we all love you and…"

"Please, Kid, let it go. Don't ask me that, please," Lou cut him off, feeling her stomach squeeze painfully as she heard him utter her forbidden word. Didn't he understand? Lou wanted to scream and shout in frustration, but instead of her own voice, it was Alice complaining, her weak protest resounding in the place. Lou was glad of her opportune interruption and picked up her daughter from the basket. "Hey, Apple Pie, awake already? Are you complaining that Mama isn't paying you any attention?" Lou said as she caressed the baby's soft face.

Alice let out a gurgling sound as if answering Lou's question, which made her smile. Kid and Lou shared a look over the baby's tiny body and he said, "She's so cute, Lou. And she looks more and more like you with each passing day."

_'Thank God she does,'_ Louise thought but she refrained from voicing her feelings and kept cooing the baby in her arms.

"Lou…" Kid called after a few minutes and when she looked up, he added, "I… I wanted to talk to you about something we haven't had the chance to."

"Yes?"

"It's about Joseph and Alice," he started, which drew Louise's whole attention. "I know you were right the other day… I don't want to confuse Joseph, but I'm not sure what you want me to say when he calls me Alice's daddy."

Lou turned her eyes to their son, who kept playing with his kite contentedly. She sighed and shifting her gaze back to Kid, she added, "I know it's my responsibility to talk to him and I'm really sorry I took it out on you that day. I haven't told Joseph anything yet and to tell you the truth, I don't know how to do it. He's a clever boy and if I tell him you're not his sister's father, he'll want to know why and who his sister's daddy is. I'm not ready to answer those questions. And I'm scared that he discovers that what people say about his ma is true."

"Lou, I know it's hard," Kid replied, unsure of what to say to her because he was as clueless as she was. "I really can't tell you what you can do. All I know is that I love little Alice and she's been part of my life since she was born. I know I'm not her father… unfortunately. I'm not saying you should let me be her daddy when I'm not, but Lou, allow me to love her because I already do."

Louise smiled sadly. "The children are very lucky to have you," she uttered, meaning each word, and hurting as she realized that compared to Kid she had too many deficiencies as a mother and as a person.

"And I'm lucky to be part of their lives," Kid added with a smile.

It was getting late and they decided to return home. They called Joseph and the boy ran to the wagon while Kid and Lou followed at a slower pace. Louise carried Alice whereas Kid pulled the mare towards where they had left the carriage. He was smiling happily after spending a delightful afternoon with Lou and the children. Today had been the proof that he and Lou could really become friends again. They had been able to talk without getting at each other's necks as they had been doing lately. If Lou could always be like this, everything could be so easy because she was a charming woman when she wanted. They needed to behave towards each other in civil terms. Joseph couldn't have parents who were always fighting.

Kid knew he had to assume his responsibility in the situation and do his best to get on with Lou. Maybe he needed to talk to her more often and discuss everything with her. In fact, he would like to enjoy more afternoons like this one, but it wouldn't be possible. It wasn't proper for him to spend time with Louise when he was courting Helen Patrick. All he and Lou had in common was Joseph and their friendship had to be limited to their son's matters. The last thing Kid wanted to do was to endanger what he had with Helen. He was satisfied with their relationship, and when they were together, he was quite happy. Even though there was nothing wrong between him and Lou, he was sure Helen wouldn't see it that way. Helen was already putting up with so much. Most women would have refused him because of his special circumstances. The trust Helen had him showed how much she cared for him and Kid intended to prove to her that he was trustworthy. So his friendship with Lou should be kept in a discreet position, which didn't lead to innuendos or misunderstandings.

"Kid?" Lou called, stopping his train of thought and when he turned his whole attention to her, she cleared her throat uncomfortably. "I… I've meant to tell you something, but I haven't dared yet."

"I'm listening," Kid said, and they stopped, turning to each other. "You know you can tell me anything."

Lou threw a look to the wagon, and noticed that Joseph was safe on the back of the carriage, apparently playing some personal game of his with his hands. Her eyes shifted back to Kid and she started awkwardly. "It's … it's about what happened with Daniel."

On hearing his former employee's name, Kid stiffened. "What about him? Has he been bothering you?"

"Oh no! I haven't even seen him!" Louise hurried to explain. She paused and taking a deep breath, she whispered, "I want you to know that whatever you hear around… I'm not interested in men… married or unmarried… not even for a single dance. I swear to God it's true. Joseph and Alice are my whole life… my only life, Kid. I know I've given you more than enough reasons not to believe a word I say, but I assure you I'm telling the truth now. I'm done with lies."

"Lou, I do believe you," Kid said, putting emphasis in each word. "And I'm seeing the old Lou back… finally, and I'm so glad."

Louise winced at his words. She didn't want to talk about the person she was. "And I'm sorry about what I said about you and your friend Helen," Lou added. Now that she had started with the apologies, she'd better cover all of them and repair the damage she had caused with her irrational behavior. "I have no right to judge what you do, Kid. It's your life and you're a free man," she paused momentarily, feeling her cheeks color. "You and she are getting serious, aren't you?"

"Uh… I guess," Kid replied awkwardly. It was so strange to talk to Lou about another woman. "It's still too soon… we're actually getting to know each other."

"I think she's a nice woman. You're a good and decent man, Kid, and deserve the love of somebody exceptional," Lou remarked, smiling as naturally as she could.

"Thanks," he replied and before resuming walking, he decided to ask her what he had been putting off for almost a week. "And Lou,… uh… next Saturday is the spring dance in town. Would you mind terribly to look after Matt and Violet that night? I'm sure they won't be a problem, but if you don't want to do it, I understand."

"No… I can do it… no problem."

"I'll pay you extra of course," Kid added.

"You won't. I'm fine with keeping an eye on the children that Saturday," Lou replied.

"You sure?" Kid insisted. His request made him feel very uncomfortable. Lou had every right to refuse to look after two almost strange children while he and Helen were having fun. In fact, Kid had been all against it when Christine had come up with the idea. Yet, he had been forced to consider her suggestion when she had kept asking why Lou couldn't look after the kids when she was his housekeeper. He had tried to find an explanation, but when he had hesitated and faltered, getting strange looks from a quiet Helen, he hadn't been able to turn down Christine's suggestion.

"Of course I'm sure," Lou exclaimed, laughing amused.

"Pa! Ma! Come on! I'm bored!" Joseph complained from the wagon.

"We're coming!" Kid replied and giving a smile to Lou, he added, "Thank you, Lou."

Louise smiled back and when he turned his back and started to walk towards Joseph, her smile froze and a bitter expression settled in her face instead. That was her life, always hiding the ugly face of her soul…she had learned the hard way that she had to stay under the water and never come up to the surface again. She had to play her part for Joseph, only for him and maybe for herself as well. One day Mrs. Helen Patrick might become Mrs. Helen Carmichael… that woman would become part of her son's family and Lou needed to smooth the road for him. Even though Lou told herself she didn't care Kid was in love with somebody else, she knew that if she didn't, it wouldn't hurt so much. She was so selfish. Why couldn't she feel happy for Kid? Why couldn't she be true and sincere in her wishes? She really wanted to share his joy for having found love in a good woman like Helen Patrick. What was wrong with her? Kid wasn't hers and she could never be Kid's again. Why couldn't she harbor nice feelings like everybody else? Why was she so crooked and self-centered? She was a bad curse… a curse that she had started when she had abandoned him years ago. That moment had been the mistake that had sent her to a hole she was unable to escape from. The hole seemed to grow deeper and deeper, making her sink lower into the ground and one day she'd try to scream and her voice wouldn't reach anybody anymore. She'd remain in her hole and the whole world would disappear completely.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Saturday came and that evening Malcolm Blake stopped the carriage in front of Kid's house. His wife was on the front seat next to him and behind them Helen Patrick and the two children sat. After easing off the wagon, Malcolm readied to help the ladies and the children down. They were all smiling pleasantly, foreseeing a wonderful evening. The women were wearing new dresses that they had bought especially for the occasion, completed with some flowers on their hair and their best jewels.

"Hello, Joseph," Christine greeted the boy, who was sitting on the top step of the porch. His elbows rested on his knees and his hand held his face, which looked bored and sullen. "Where is your father, honey?"

Before the boy could answer, the door opened behind him and Kid stepped out, dressed in his best Sunday suit. He smiled when he saw his friends and came closer to them. "My goodness," he exclaimed. "Aren't you the most beautiful in Richmond or what?"

The two ladies grinned, pleased by the compliment and Helen said, "Well, I must say you look quite nice yourself, Kid."

Joseph watched everything with rapt attention, but feeling quite annoyed. He hated it when his father went out and didn't stay at home with him. Why did he have to go to that silly dance with Mrs. Patrick? Didn't he have fun playing with him? And on top of it all, he now had to endure Matt and Violet all evening. Joseph didn't mind Matt; actually, he liked his cousin and had fun when he came to the ranch and they played together. However, Violet was another story. She was one of the weirdest girls Joseph had ever known. Joseph didn't know why but lately she kept bugging him, following him everywhere as if she were his shadow. Joseph had run out of patience more than once and had cried to her to leave him alone but the girl had ignored him completely.

"Joseph," Kid called, turning to his son, who remained in the same position on the porch. "Look who's come tonight. Aren't you glad you can play with Matt and Violet all evening?"

The girl grinned at Joseph and the boy averted his eyes with a bitter expression, not answering his father's question. The adults shared a smile at the silent exchange between the children and Kid added, "Why don't you get inside to play, children? Miss McCloud is collecting the dry laundry in the back yard, but I imagine she'll be back soon."

Matt and Violet dashed into the house after kissing their mothers goodbye. "Aren't you going with your friends, Joseph?" Kid asked when the boy remained seated on the porch step.

"I want to stay here and wait for Ma," the boy replied.

"All right," Kid said as he stood before his son. Joseph lifted his eyes to him and Kid added, "Be a good boy while I'm out, okay?"

"Yes, Pa."

"I'm going then," Kid replied, ruffling the boy's hair, and then turned from him. He joined Malcolm and the ladies and they walked to the wagon. Kid helped Helen and Christine onto the carriage. They now sat together on the back seat while he took his position next to Malcolm at the front. It was then that he saw Lou coming from the left side of the house and carrying a laundry basket full of dry sheets. On noticing the wagon, she stopped, left the basket on the ground and waved at Kid. He responded to her gesture whereas the women simply nodded their heads stiffly.

Louise glanced at them with dreamy eyes. The women looked so beautiful and elegant, and the men so handsome. How she wished she could be one of those women, especially Helen Patrick. Louise kept telling herself that she didn't feel anything for Kid. They were learning to be friends again, but she knew she couldn't erase the past. They had a beautiful past history, sprinkled with bad memories. It was normal to feel nostalgic when she thought of Kid.

It was silly to wish she could go to the dance. She wasn't a young, naïve girl anymore and she had too many problems and responsibilities to think about trifles. Yet, somehow the girlish side of her sometimes made her feel as if she were in her teens again. She remembered the socials she had attended in Sweetwater and Rock Creek when she was working for the Pony Express. Dressed up as a man, she didn't have many occasions to join the celebration, but somehow she and Kid always snuck out of the building and had their private dance. Lou remembered that the most special kisses between them had taken place during those socials. There had been just one time Lou had been able to go to a dance as a girl, but on that occasion she and Kid were broken up. They had danced together a few times but a part of her wished she and Kid had had the chance to enjoy a likewise occasion as a couple. After she left Rock Creek, the only parties she had been part of were the ones that the Travers had thrown, and of course she had simply been the maid serving refreshments. Entertainment was for others like Christine Blake and Helen Patrick; she couldn't afford to indulge herself in social events… that was out of her line, but that was how her life was.

Louise picked up the basket and started towards the house just as Malcolm flapped the reins and the horse started trotting away. From the carriage Helen kept watching Lou discreetly as Malcolm maneuvered the wagon past the house. The woman couldn't say she was indifferent to the presence of Louise McCloud in Kid's life. No woman could. Anybody would find it intolerable to see her beau's former lover and child so close. Under other circumstances, Helen wouldn't have considered a man with as many burdens as Kid had. She was aware that her old friends looked down on her because of the man she allowed to court her, but right now she couldn't care less of the opinion of others. Her situation was complicated. She wasn't so young, had a daughter, and there weren't too many men that wanted to gain her affections. Men preferred younger, uncommitted women, and Helen needed to find a man who wished to marry her. Her economic situation was more precarious than people thought, and she was tired of living on her meager income. She was used to a better life and this poor existence wasn't for her. Kid was her only chance right now. If she married him, she wouldn't have to worry about money. Maybe Kid wasn't as well off as her late husband, but he had a good, profitable business, and Helen knew he would provide for her and Violet. And of course, he was a good man and she loved him.

Her only problem was Louise McCloud. Helen didn't mind his son; after all, she'd also bring a daughter to their future marriage, but Helen wouldn't put up with that woman. When she and Kid married, she'd make sure Louise wouldn't be around like a black cloud to her harmonious life. Helen told herself that she wouldn't prevent Kid from assuming his responsibilities with his son, but he could always give Louise the money she needed to raise that boy and she could go far from them.

The wagon disappeared in the distance. Louise started towards the house and on seeing Joseph, she said, "Come on, honey. Let's go inside and have some dinner. Remember we have guests tonight."

The boy stared at his mother with a serious expression and asked, "Why is Pa going to the dance with Mrs. Patrick, Mama?"

"I guess he likes her," Lou replied as she stood before her son.

"Doesn't he like you, Ma?" the boy asked again. "Why doesn't he go to the dance with you?"

Lou left the basket on the porch and sat next to Joseph on the step. "Honey, you know I can't go. I need to look after you and your sister."

"And Matt and Violet!" Joseph exclaimed unhappily. "Why doesn't Mrs. Patrick look after her own daughter?"

"Hey, hey, Joseph! That's not a nice way to talk about an older person," Lou scolded. "What do I keep telling you?"

"I'm sorry, Ma," the boy apologized but his annoyance didn't vanish. "But I don't understand why Pa prefers going to the dance with Mrs. Patrick to being with us."

"Listen to me, Joseph," Lou said, taking his small hand in hers. "Your father loves you more than anybody else in this world. You know Pa and I aren't together in the same way your friends' parents are. We are not married, you understand what that means, honey?" Joseph nodded and Lou continued, "There was a time when Pa and I were very close friends, but…"

"Aren't you friends now?" Joseph asked, interrupting her in mid-sentence.

"Yes, but it's different, sweetheart," Lou replied, struggling to explain to her son something that was too difficult. "Sometimes grown-ups fight and fall out for silly reasons. It happened to Pa and me. We are now friends because we share something very special… you."

"And Alice."

Lou didn't respond straightaway. As she had told Kid, she didn't know how to explain to Joseph that his father wasn't his sister's daddy. In reality, if nothing changed, Kid was going to be the closest thing to a father Alice would have. So despite everything, Lou ended up saying, "Uh… yeah… and Alice." She paused again to gather her thoughts. "But Joseph, one day Pa might want to get married… have a special lady friend and that won't mean he loves you less."

"Is Pa going to marry Mrs. Patrick?" Joseph asked with a surprised expression.

"I don't know. Maybe… maybe not. Maybe somebody else." At her words Joseph kept thoughtful and Lou asked, "What is that little head of yours thinking now?"

The boy lifted his blue eyes to meet her dark ones and said, "Why can't that somebody else be you, Ma?"

Louise smiled, feeling totally moved by her son's tender comment. "Oh my boy, I love you so much!" she exclaimed, planting a sonorous kiss on his cheek and hugging him tightly. Joseph looked at her, expecting an answer to his question, but to his disappointment, Lou said instead, "Come on, honey. Let's go inside and see what your cousin and Violet are doing."

Louise rose to her feet and picking up the laundry basket, she marched into the house. Joseph took his time to follow suit. Despite what Ma had said, he still didn't like Pa to go with Mrs. Patrick. He wanted his father to stay at home and do things with them all the time. It had been so nice when they had gone together and Ma had ridden Duna. They had all had fun. Why did Pa need another lady when he had Ma? Joseph was sure his mother would feel happier, less sad if Pa wanted to stay with them instead of going with Mrs. Patrick. Ma was lonely and Joseph was sure she would feel better if Pa told her she was pretty as he had said to Mrs. Patrick and Aunt Christine. Maybe he should tell Pa. He listened to anything Joseph told him and Pa always said he could talk to him about what worried him. And right now he was worried… very worried and he'd talk to Pa, oh yes, he would.

* * *

The hall was especially beautiful that night, decorated with flowers and banners, and the light set in the right places to give the room a romantic and cozy atmosphere. The hall was huge and swarming with dancing couples. Richmond was living one of its worst years as tragedy had struck its citizens. A month ago dozens of people had been killed and hundreds had been injured when the balcony on the first floor in the State Capitol had collapsed. It had been a blow that added to the hard path they were walking after the war and this year they were also suffering the lack of rain. Many farmers had seen their crops going to rack and ruin as well as their means to support their families. 1870 had become a terrible year, so people made most of the moments in which they could have a release from problems for a while. So it was no wonder the spring dance was so crowded.

There was an orchestra on a makeshift stage at the end of the hall, playing tune after tune tirelessly. Kid kept dancing, changing partners between Helen and Christine. The atmosphere was jovial, and everybody smiled, clearly having a great time. However, Kid couldn't bring himself to enjoy the event completely as his mind kept wandering to Louise and the children. He was feeling guilty, thinking that while he was having fun, Lou had to stay at home, looking after the house and the kids like some kind of Cinderella. Kid told himself hat he shouldn't worry about that. After all, Lou was his housekeeper and she was just doing her job. Yet, the thought didn't make him feel better, especially as he remembered Joseph's unhappy face. The boy had been sullen since Kid had told him that he'd be going to the dance. Kid understood that at his age Joseph felt jealous of the people who kept his father from him, especially since they had lost eight years in their life in common. Kid intended to make it up to him and give him a special treat, and maybe they could go fishing tomorrow and spend some father-son time together.

After the tenth dance or so in a row, Helen and Kid stopped and walked to the refreshments table where Malcolm and Christine already were.

"Isn't it a lovely dance?" Helen exclaimed after taking a sip from the glass of punch Kid had served her.

"Beautiful indeed," Christine agreed and after a short pause, she added, "Helen, you look a bit flushed. Are you all right?"

"I guess it's because of all the dancing I've done," Helen answered, unfolding her fan and fluttering it with quick movements.

"And it is quite hot here," Malcolm remarked.

"Kid, why don't you walk with Helen outside?" Christine said, turning her eyes to him. "Let her breathe some fresh air before the poor thing faints."

"Sure," Kid replied promptly, and leaving the two empty punch glasses on the table, he led the way outside. Helen paused for a brief second to share a mischievous look with her friend. Christine winked at her and Helen smiled before following her beau.

Once outside Helen hooked her arm around Kid's as they started strolling. "Oh I feel so happy!" she exclaimed and Kid smiled timidly. They walked in silence for a while and Helen asked, "Kid, are you all right? You are kind of quiet tonight."

"I'm fine."

"Are you worried about the children?" Helen asked again.

"The children? No, why should I?"

"Three children together can cause a lot of trouble and turn your house into a little battlefield."

Kid chuckled at her comment. "They'll be fine," he added, but he avoided mentioning Lou's name. Somehow it didn't feel proper to bring up her name before Helen, especially when he had been thinking about Lou when he and Helen had been dancing. Kid was trying to forget his silly ideas about Lou, and courting Helen was helping him.

"Joseph is a good boy. Violet never stops talking about him," Helen remarked.

"Yes, he is," Kid replied, but refrained from commenting anything on Helen's daughter. He was aware that Joseph wasn't very fond of Violet.

"And it's good he has you in his life," Helen continued. "You're a good influence… a nice contrast to his mother."

Kid stopped walking as soon as he heard her comment and turned to her with a serious expression. "What do you mean by that?"

"It's obvious," Helen replied with an indifferent shrug. "It's popular knowledge what kind of woman she is."

"You don't know her, Helen," Kid said in a slightly angry tone. "I doubt you've ever crossed two words with her."

"I know what everybody knows."

"That is… nothing," Kid continued. "I grant you Lou's made mistakes and she's not perfect. But I know she's trying very hard to be a good mother. It's easy to judge others from the seashore, keeping dry, but I'd like to know what many would have done in the middle of the sea like Lou has found herself."

Helen realized she had blundered, talking about Louise in such a free, careless way. That woman was apparently a sore point in Kid's life and her casual comments hadn't sat well with him. Of course she didn't like to see that her beau was ready to defend Louise McCloud so passionately. In any case, Helen had to admit that he would do the same if somebody dared to speak ill about her late husband. However, there was a world of difference. Michael had been an upstanding man whereas Louise McCloud was a despicable being. "Please Kid, forgive me," Helen said between gritted teeth. "I'm sorry. Please let's not fight."

Noticing his set jaw and serious expression, Helen realized he was really upset. So she dared to lean forward and kiss him fully on the lips, letting him know how sorry she was. Kid responded to the kiss, taking her all in. Helen stopped and pulled away momentarily when she realized they were in the middle of the street, and pushed him into a dark alley. Kid leaned against a wall as Helen continued with her attack. He reacted to her caresses automatically but his mind was far away. His head was full of images of his daily life, of Joseph running to hug him like he did every morning, of Alice looking at him with her big eyes as if she could understand him, and memories of Lou riding on Duna that day in the fields.

The images multiplied with common moments, overlapping one another, Joseph, Alice, Lou; Alice, Joseph, Lou; Lou, Joseph, Alice… And suddenly, he had a strong revelation, hitting him overwhelmingly. He didn't want to be here; he didn't want to kiss Helen or be kissed. What he wanted was to be sitting at home in his living room and hear Joseph talking non-end, Alice gurgling in contentment or Lou's light steps as she busied herself around the house. That was what he longed for, a simple moment in his daily routine. All he wanted was to be with the three people that were his family and it didn't matter if Lou couldn't love him as he did. He couldn't deny the truth any longer; he was in love with her and trying to disguise his feelings with another woman was a mistake.

Kid opened his eyes. His mouth was still but Helen kept kissing him, and when Kid pulled her off him carefully, she looked at him with a confused expression. "What?" she asked, panting.

"I think we should stop this," he replied in a low voice.

"Why?" she said in a disappointed tone. "Kid, I know you're a gentleman, but you know I'm ready for you. We needn't wait. We can drop by my place for a spell. You know, Violet isn't around and nobody will miss us in the dance. I can even sneak you out of my rooms … I know a way."

Kid sighed. This was going to be harder than he had thought. He was ashamed of having misled Helen when he wasn't sure of his own feelings for her. He had simply been angry with Lou and he had turned to Helen out of spite. Kid realized he had made a terrible mistake. "Helen, I don't mean that. I think we … we… we have to stop seeing each other… as a couple."

Helen's eyes widened in horror. "But… but… Kid, I told you I was sorry. Please don't get angry with me! Don't punish me!"

"Helen, I'm not angry. I just know that continuing our romance would be a mistake," he replied. He had thought that he was doing right with Helen, but he had simply been fooling himself. And strangely, he had realized that their brief story had many similarities to Irene's. She was also a nice woman he had got on with superbly in all senses, but he had learned the hard way that nothing could be a substitute for real love. The worst thing was that he had ended up marrying Irene, a marriage that had lasted as long as a soap bubble, and now he didn't want to make the same mistake with Helen.

"I… I don't understand," the woman muttered with a flabbergasted expression. "We are great together."

"Maybe, but that's not enough reason for me," Kid said. Helen kept staring at him as if he had turned crazy all of a sudden, and he added, "I'm not in the mood for the dance anymore… shall I walk you walk home?"

Helen was so shocked that she could hardly find her own voice. She simply nodded and they left the dark alley where they had been kissing passionately seconds ago. Helen didn't understand what had happened. She had travelled from heaven to hell in a matter of minutes, and she didn't know why. The tears pricked her eyes, but she wouldn't cry. She was a lady and could not give in to that weakness. This seemed a nightmare and she wanted to believe that everything would look brighter tomorrow. Kid was just upset because of their disagreement, but tomorrow they'd sort out their problems. It was a misunderstanding and tomorrow he would be hers again.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Pleased, Joseph smiled as he unwrapped the sandwich his mother had made for him today. "Ham and cheese!" he exclaimed happily. "My favorite!"

Nicholas Chase, his best friend, was sitting next to him on their usual bench in the school yard, and looking at Joseph sideways, he said, "Lucky you! I have fish."

"That's good too, Nicholas," Joseph replied, and seeing the expression on his face, he said, "What if I give you half my sandwich and you give me half yours."

"I'd love that."

The two boys split their lunch and as they ate their sandwiches, they kept watching the older boys playing ball a few feet away from them. Nicholas then spied somebody approaching from the other side of the yard and said, "Look who's coming this way."

Joseph turned his eyes towards the direction Nicholas pointed out with a tilt of his chin, and made an unhappy gesture when he saw Violet Patrick walking towards them. "Why doesn't she leave me alone?" he exclaimed sullenly. He had to bear her annoying presence all evening on Saturday and once again she had to come bothering him at school.

"I think she likes you," Nicholas remarked, chuckling amused. Joseph sent his friend an annoyed look, but didn't say a word as the girl reached them at that moment.

"Hi, Joseph," Violet said in a sugary voice. She stood before the two boys, her hand holding the bottom of her azure dress and her body swinging to and fro as if she wanted to emphasize how lovely she felt and looked in her impeccable dress.

"Hi," Joseph replied roughly, looking anywhere but her.

Nicholas swallowed the last bite of his sandwich and exclaimed, "Charlie and the boys are playing tag. I'm going with them!"

Nicholas dashed away and Joseph rose to his feet, ready to follow his friend. Yet, Violet stopped him by grabbing him by standing on his way. "What do you want?" he asked with obvious irritation.

"Don't you think it's very romantic that your Pa and my Ma are in love?" the girl asked in a too sweet voice.

"No, I think it's silly."

The girl ignored Joseph's words and continued, "When your father marries my mother, we'll be brother and sister. And your Pa will be my new father and my Ma will be your new mother."

"Stop talking nonsense, Violet! I have a sister and I don't need a new Ma! I already have one."

"But you can't choose, Joseph," the girl replied. "We will all be living together, you, me, my Ma and your Pa. And then your Ma won't be your Ma anymore."

"That's not true!" the boy cried angrily.

"Don't be silly, Joseph! Of course it's true. I overheard my Ma telling Mrs. Blake before the dance that your father was going to marry her soon. I imagine he's probably proposed to my Ma already and they're waiting for a nice occasion to announce their engagement."

Furious as he was, Joseph impulsively gave Violet a strong push. The girl fell on the floor on a puddle of water, formed by the extra liquid coming from the big flowerpots that spread over the yard. Her beautiful azure dress and white pinafore got smeared in dirty mud and Violet started sobbing and wailing loudly when she found herself on the floor. Before Joseph knew what was happening, he felt acute pain in his left ear as Mr. Andrews pinched it strongly. "Young man, you're going to receive a proper lesson," the teacher said solemnly. "There's no hitting, pushing or mauling in this school."

Mr. Andrews pulled Joseph towards the building after instructing some other girls to take care of Violet Patrick. The boy let himself be steered into the schoolhouse, morosely thinking that he had got himself in serious trouble and Pa wouldn't be happy with him.

* * *

Like every day Kid drove the carriage to town to pick up his son. He stopped the wagon in the ample yard and jumped out of it. The children were not out yet and several parents were waiting too. Kid sighed when he spotted Helen a few feet from where he stood. After their awkward breakup a couple of days ago, he hadn't seen her. Christine had come to see him and talk about it yesterday, but Kid hadn't wanted to discus the matter with her and had practically sent her away. There was nothing to say and he was getting tired of Christine's meddling in his business.

Kid cringed internally when he saw Helen approach him. There was no way he could avoid the encounter and he braced himself for what was coming.

"Hi, Kid," the woman greeted him sheepishly.

"Hello, Helen."

"I… I wanted to tell you that I'm very sorry about the other night," she continued awkwardly. "I know I shouldn't have said all those things about Louise. I understand she's the mother of your son. Please forgive me."

"Helen, I told you I wasn't angry."

"Kid, I know we have something… something special. Please don't throw everything overboard."

Kid sighed tiredly. "I'm sorry, Helen, but it's not possible. You're a nice woman, but I… I... I don't feel the way one is supposed to feel for your sweetheart."

"We can learn to love each other. Michael and I were almost strangers when we got married. We were young and you know, we were always chaperoned during our courtship. But we learned to love."

"Helen, that doesn't work for me," Kid replied. "I want to be with a woman because I love her and not because I have to love her," Kid explained and Helen lowered her eyes, defeated. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have started courting you when I wasn't sure about my feelings. Right now I think I'd rather be on my own and focus on my son."

Helen dared to lift her eyes back to him. "Is it because you are still in love with his mother?"

Kid shook his head. "Nothing can happen between Lou and me."

They vaguely heard the school bell, followed by a murmur of children's voices as they flocked out of the building. Kid and Helen were so immersed in their conversation that they almost got startled when they heard a male voice next to them. "May I have a few words with you?"

They turned at the same time to see Mr. Andrews in front of him, looking at them with a stiff expression. Next to him stood Violet, her face smudged with dry tears and her dress covered in brown stains. "Violet, honey, what happened to you?" Helen asked with a worried expression.

"Joseph hit me," the girl replied pitifully.

Kid's eyes opened in surprise and as he looked at the teacher, Mr. Andrews said, "I'm afraid it's true, Mr. Carmichael. I saw him myself."

"I… we teach him not to get into fights or hit anybody," Kid replied in disbelief.

"Maybe he's not very receptive to those teachings and he's apparently more prone to other _'influences'_ at home," Helen remarked sarcastically.

Kid decided to ignore the catty comment. Helen was upset after their previous conversation and it was natural for her to get irritated to learn her little girl had a problem with Joseph. "Where's my son?"

"Inside. I had to impose a punishment on him. He needs to know that behavior is unacceptable."

Kid marched towards the schoolhouse and when he entered, Joseph was at the blackboard, writing _'I must not hit girls'_ over and over again. The boy stopped when he heard steps behind him and on realizing it was his father, he blushed and hung his head in shame. "I'm sorry, Pa."

Kid took a few steps closer. "What happened, Joseph?" he asked, resting a hand on the child's shoulder.

"Can we go home now? Please."

Kid noticed the boy's bright eyes. It was obvious he was very upset and Kid decided to let him cool down before he tried to talk about what happened today. So he simply nodded to Joseph's request and minutes later they were on their way home.

It was an unusual drive. Joseph was a very chatty boy and every day he talked and talked tirelessly as Kid drove the wagon. Yet, today he kept silent and sullen. Kid tried to engage him in conversation, talking about anything but what had happened in the school, but it was useless. After a few minutes, Joseph suddenly blurted out, "I don't like Violet Patrick! She's a silly girl!"

"What happened today, buddy?" Kid asked, hoping his son would open up now.

"I didn't mean to push her, Pa. Honestly."

"Joseph, you know you mustn't hit anybody, let alone a girl, whatever the circumstances," Kid said in a serious stance.

"I know, but she made me so angry… so angry."

"Did she say anything that upset you?" Kid asked and at the boy's nod, he added, "What was it?" Joseph hesitated. "You know you can tell anything to your father, Joseph."

The boy didn't reply straightaway but after considering his father's words for a few seconds, he finally said, "She said you're going to marry her mother and then I'll have to leave Ma. I don't want another Mama. I love Ma and I want to be with her forever!"

"Joseph, Lou is your only mother, nobody else… now and forever. And I'm not going to marry Mrs. Patrick," Kid explained, now understanding why Joseph had got so upset by Violet's comment.

"I don't like you to go to dances and parties with her," Joseph continued in a passionate way. "I want you to be always with us… with me, Alice and Mama."

"Joseph, Mrs. Patrick is just a friend. I'm not gonna marry or court her."

"Are you going to court Mama instead?" the boy asked with a hopeful smile.

"I don't think so."

"Why not?" Joseph insisted, his brow puckered in a disappointed frown. "Don't you love Ma?"

Kid sighed. He could lie to himself and the rest of the world but he couldn't do the same to Joseph, and he ended up yielding to his son's deep eyes. "I do," Kid replied in a whisper.

"And she's very pretty."

"The prettiest," Kid agreed with a smile.

"And smart and good and kind."

"Yes."

Joseph looked at his father in total confusion. "Pa, you need to court her and tell her nice things. That's what girls like!"

Kid grinned, amused by the odd situation. Here he was, being lectured by his eight-year-old son. "Pa! Stop! Quick!" Joseph cried out of the blue, startling Kid.

"Wh… what?"

Before Kid could react, Joseph had jumped off the carriage and was running to a cluster of flowers a few feet away. "Daisies! They're Ma's favorite! Let's pick a bunch and take them to her!" the boy exclaimed as he started plucking the flowers. Kid watched him from the wagon and as he made no attempt to move, Joseph said, "Come on, Pa! Give me a hand!"

Kid slowly made his way to where the boy knelt, busily picking the flowers. He squatted next to his son and followed his lead. "Ma'll love them, Pa. She'll be happy and you must bring her flowers every day and … and chocolates too. She has a sweet tooth." The boy paused and looking at Kid in the eyes, she whispered, "She'll like that and maybe she'll stop crying."

At the boy's words Kid asked with concern, "What do you mean, Joseph? Does your mother cry?"

The eight-year-old nodded with a gloomy expression. "Every night. She doesn't know I can hear her," he explained. "I think Ma's sad because she's lonely. She has no friends like you and I have, daddy. But if you become her special friend and her beau, she won't feel so sad and lonely."

The boy continued picking up the flowers and Kid kept watching him with a stunned expression. Joseph was a clever boy, who understood his mother more than Kid seemingly did. It was so beautiful to realize how much Joseph loved Lou, and it was logical that he had reacted roughly about what Violet had said. Kid wasn't sure how he had to proceed with his son now. Joseph needed to learn that hitting wasn't allowed under any circumstances, but was it fair to punish him for defending his love to his mother? Maybe he should ask Lou and see what she thought.

Lou… Lou… she was another complicated point. Kid didn't know what to do about his undeniable feelings, but that wasn't what worried him the most right now. He was concerned about what Joseph had said. Lou was apparently miserable. Kid knew she had problems, but he had no idea what exactly was eating her. What did she have in her mind? If she only would talk to him… Kid knew that if he asked her too much, he'd run the risk of angering her, but maybe the risk was worth its while now. Lou was having it hard, and he couldn't simply stay idle as if he didn't care.

As soon as they were back on the ranch, Joseph ran into the house, calling Lou loudly. She appeared from the kitchen and laughed when Joseph surprised her by lunging against her and hugging her waist tightly. "Hi, my boy," she said, caressing the mop of soft hair on her child's head. "Everything all right at school?"

The boy hesitated and turning his eyes to his father who was then crossing the door, he exclaimed instead of answering his mother's question, "Pa brought you a present!"

Lou sent him an odd look and when he came closer, he said, "These are for you. Joseph and I picked them for you in the woods."

The boy wasn't happy with his father's words. "It's Pa's present, not mine," he corrected pointedly. "Do you like them, Ma?"

"Of course, honey. You know daisies are my favorites," she said as she stared at the pretty flowers. "Thank you, Joseph."

"It's Pa's present, not mine!" the boy repeated, protesting energetically, not understanding why his father wouldn't speak up but simply kept still there.

"Uh… thank you, Kid. It was very kind of you," Lou replied, sharing a confused look with Kid and he simply smiled.

"And you look so pretty today, Ma! So pretty!" the boy continued. "Isn't she pretty, daddy?"

"Yeah…"

Lou chuckled amused as she self-consciously swept a hand over her face. Her hair, which had grown a few inches, was in a mess, her skin sweaty from having been in the kitchen all morning making preserves, and her clothes weren't surely the most enhancing she could wear. She could guess she looked anything but pretty right now, but if her sweet son said she was pretty, she had nothing to say against it.

Joseph was getting irritated because of his father's attitude. Ma wouldn't be impressed with him at all. Why didn't Pa pay Ma compliments similar to the ones he had said about Mrs. Patrick on the day of the dance? Ma was ten times prettier than Mrs. Patrick or Aunt Helen, and even though she was not wearing a pretty dress or jewels right now, she still was more beautiful than all those women together.

"Time to do my chores," Joseph announced as he got ready to leave. He stopped at the door and said, "But Pa, you stay here with Ma, all right?"

Kid smiled, amused as the boy finally dashed outside. "What's with him today?" Lou asked as she placed the daisies in a vase she had filled with water.

Kid walked up to her. "He has the idea you and I can be together," Kid explained, studying her reaction to his words, but when her face remained impassive as she arranged the flowers neatly, he added, "Maybe you should talk to him about it."

Lou sighed, turning from the mantelpiece where she left the vase. "He went on and on about the same the other night. He saw you and Helen together and got upset. I guess it's natural for a boy to want his parents to be together, but he needs to know that you and Helen are…"

"Nothing," Kid cut in before she could finish the thought. "Helen and I are nothing. We aren't together."

"Did you break up?" Lou asked with a surprised expression, scolding herself mentally for the sudden feeling of joy surprising her.

"Yes…" Kid replied in a low voice.

"I… I'm sorry."

"I'm not," he said sincerely. "Helen is a good woman but I came to realize I wasn't in love with her."

Louise nodded. "One day the right one will appear, I'm sure."

Kid stared at her in silence, his eyes looking with such intensity that made Lou blush. She could read something in his expression that she dreaded and decided to play dumb. "Uh… I'd better start… uh … dinner."

Louise turned to leave, Kid stopped her. "Lou… can… can we talk?"

She didn't know if she wanted to listen to what he had to tell her. Suddenly, the room seemed to suffocate her and she felt the urge to run away. Yet, she remained there despite herself. "Uh... yeah… sure."

"Lou, maybe I'm stepping out of my field, but Joseph told me something that got me worried."

"Yes?"

"He… he said that he hears you… cry every night."

At his words, her eyes filled with tears and blood rushed to her face. "I… I… I'm sorry," she cried. "I'm sorry. I never meant for him to hear me… I…I'm sorry."

"Lou, I don't want an apology," Kid replied. "I want you to talk to me… I want to know what problems you have and help you. Please open up to me, please. You can't keep everything that hurts you within you."

Lou stared at him and realized she couldn't bury her head any longer. Kid had listened to her other times and he needed to know the whole truth about the mother of his son.

Louise sank down on the sofa and directed her eyes to her lap, where her intertwined hands rested. "Kid," she started after a while, "have you ever hated somebody so much you wanted to harm them… I mean, really harm them?"

Her question brought a single image to his mind. Wicks. The day years before that Lou had told him about the abuse she had suffered as a young girl had been totally abhorrent. And the notion that he couldn't do anything to release that profound hatred had been totally frustrating. Kid had met many nasty people over the years, especially during the war, but none had made him harbor the loathing Wicks had. "I guess I have," Kid answered her question vaguely as he sat down next to her. "Who do you hate, Lou?"

Louise lifted her glazed eyes to him and said in a trembling voice, "Myself." Kid stared at her with a stunned expression as Lou continued, "I hate myself so much I can't even express it in words. You can't imagine what it is like. I'm trapped inside a woman I hate, I despise, I abhor. I can't even stand my own reflection in the mirror… I simply can't."

"Lou…"

"I keep living for my children, only for them. I breathe for them, move for them, eat for them. When they grow up and don't need me anymore, I don't know what's going to happen to me."

Kid was horrified and taking her hand in his, he said, "Please, Lou, don't talk like that! It scares me and you're too hard on yourself! You're trying to punish yourself for the mistakes you made in your life and it's not right! Lou, you have to move on and leave the past behind!"

"I… I don't know."

"Lou, I know there's a great woman inside you! I know you are..."

"People…"

"Stop thinking about other people!" Kid cut her off in a firm voice. "All you have to care about is what Joseph, Alice and I think. We care for you, we love you and we want you to be happy… you've gone through too many miseries and it's time some joy entered your life, Lou."

"I don't know if I can."

"Then let us help you," he continued. "Lou, you stay isolated here and that's not healthy! You don't even talk to me! And I want to be your friend, Lou! I've told you too many times! Let me in your life, please! Let me help you!"

Louise stared at him in silence. A sudden surge of bitterness and tenderness invaded her and she suddenly burst out crying. Kid brought her against his chest and stroked her back affectionately. "Just let me and we will beat that demon inside you. We will, honey, we will."


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

Louise fastened the last button of her dress with her slender fingers, and brushed her hand over its skirt several times to make sure there were no visible creases. It was a new dress, discreet and elegant, one that covered every inch of her body but her hands and face, one that would make her look decent. She was ready to go to town now. There was a fair in Richmond and Kid had insisted that they both take Joseph. Louise would rather stay at home in peace and quiet. She hated going to the city, but after Kid's insistence she hadn't been able to refuse.

Lately Kid was acting in a very bizarre way, fussing over her all the time and seeking out her company. Since the open-heart conversation they had a couple of weeks ago, Kid came to find her at the end of the day to talk and see how she was doing. Lou had to admit it was nice to feel that she really had a friend in him. Her days were less sad or lonely even though her demons were as alive as usual. It was nice to know she had his support.

Louise picked up Alice and made her way downstairs where Kid and Joseph were waiting. Kid was sitting in the armchair and smiled as he saw her appear.

"Are we going now, Ma?" Joseph asked eagerly, jumping up and down.

"Yes, honey. In a minute," Louise replied as she crossed the living room. When she was about to place Alice in her basket, a subtle whiff reached her nostrils. She sighed tiredly and said, "I'm afraid it will be more than a minute. I need to change Alice."

"Again?" Joseph asked with a disappointed voice, knowing that they wouldn't be leaving yet. "Why are you so naughty, Alice?" he said, bringing his head closer to his sister.

"Honey, she's too young and that's what babies do," Lou explained as she unpinned the girl's diaper. "Kid, why don't you and Joseph go without us? I don't want to delay you and I'm not in the mood, anyway."

Kid lifted an air in the air and swung it to and fro. "You won't get out of this one, Lou. We'll wait," he said and turning to Joseph, he added, "Joseph, why don't you go and see if Mr. Vaughn is ready to go? We'll come out soon."

"All right, Pa!" the boy exclaimed and ran out of the cottage.

Kid rose to his feet and walked closer to Lou. "Do you need a hand?"

"Uh… yeah… can you keep an eye on her while I go to the kitchen? I need some water to clean her and I heated up some before."

When Louise returned she started to change the baby and instructed Kid to get some clean clothes she kept in a closet downstairs. Kid watched her attentively. He had seen her do the same dozens of times but the tenderness in the way Lou handled her baby never ceased to amaze him. He had always known that Lou had a special gift for children, but he had never been able to picture her as a mother before. And now he couldn't imagine her without Joseph and Alice. For somebody who had a quick temper as Lou had, she possessed a great dosage of patience. Kid had never seen her exasperated or losing her temper with the children. When Joseph was in one of his special moods, he could be a bit tiring, and Alice was sometimes fussy like all babies were. Yet, Lou always kept calm and never complained.

"I'll go wash my hands," Lou announced when she had finished. "Then we can go."

Kid was standing in the middle of the living room when Lou returned from the kitchen. "Lou…" he said in a soft voice. "Don't move."

Louise looked at him with a questioning expression. Kid came to her and sliding an arm around her waist, he made her turn around and she found herself looking at their reflections in the mirror hung on the wall. "Look at you, Lou. So pretty."

Louise knew what he was trying to do. "Please, no," he muttered and lowered her eyes, unable to stand the image before her.

Kid gently put one finger under her chin and lifted her face, forcing her to look in the mirror. "Lou, tell me, what do you see?"

Louise stared at her own image. Her shortish hair framed her face, which looked pale but for her rosy cheeks. She could see the differences that time had brought about, and something much deeper than her physical features, there was something ugly, something too abhorrent to admit. "I… I see a nobody," she muttered clumsily, too aware of his hand on her waist and his finger under her chin. She wasn't comfortable with the image before her eyes, and Kid's presence and touch made it worse.

"Do you want to know what I see?" Kid asked but he didn't wait for her answer and continued, "I see a mother, a courageous mother who could go down to hell for her children. I see a survivor, one with enough strength and will to overcome everything. I see a friend, I see a beautiful, special, sensitive woman."

"What about a cheat, a criminal and a whore?" she exclaimed loudly as she turned her eyes to him. "Why don't you add those to your list?"

Louise disengaged herself from his hold and walked back to Alice. Kid kept looking at her with a powerless expression, his hands resting on his hips. "Lou, why do you keep calling yourself those names?"

"Because they're what I am. Stop treating me as if I were some kind of untouched princess and leave me alone!"

"I want to help you, Lou!"

"Can you help me to change the past?" she asked sarcastically. "Can you make all my mistakes disappear?"

"Lou, I learned to forgive and forget. We can't undo our actions but we can learn from our mistakes."

"I can't forget, I will never forget," she muttered as her eyes automatically fell on her beautiful baby and she felt like crying.

"Lou…"

"Please Kid. I really thank you for your good intentions, but let's not talk about this," Lou said in a pitiful tone. "Let's take Joseph to that fair and that's it, all right?"

Kid wanted to protest. He hated to hear her sound so pessimistic. She shouldn't be living in the past. It wasn't healthy and she needed to start from scratch. It wasn't fair she kept punishing herself so hard. She had to leave the past behind and learn to live with it. Otherwise, she would never be able to enjoy what life had given her. Kid wanted to tell her all this and more, but he knew Lou wouldn't hear him now. So when she picked up Alice's basket and walked out the door, he simply followed her with a resigned expression.

* * *

Lou pushed Alice's carriage through the crowd of people while the two men and Joseph walked in front of her. A few days ago Kid had surprised her with the pram. It was much more convenient and less tiresome than carrying her baby in the basket everywhere. Alice was growing up too quickly and Lou's arms got really sore from the relative increased weight at the end of each day. The carriage would make the task easier, especially when she had to bring her to town. It had been a thoughtful detail from Kid, but at the same time Lou felt awkward accepting his presents. He was spoiling Joseph and Alice rotten and even though Lou was glad that her children had somebody so generous as Kid in their lives, she also felt confused. She knew that Kid had kind of adopted Alice in his heart, but it was scary to think of the likely complications that could arise. Whatever the circumstances, Alice wasn't Kid's daughter and Lou was afraid what the future might hold for them. After his brief courtship with Helen Patrick, Kid was a free man, but Lou was sure his situation as an uncommitted man wouldn't last. One day Kid might find a woman he wanted to join his life to, and then that woman surely wouldn't accept that her man would care for a girl who wasn't his. Lou didn't want her daughter to suffer but she didn't know how to address the situation without hurting Kid.

And this wasn't the only thing that worried her. There was another matter that was more and more noticeable with each passing day. Lou could see in Kid's eyes that he thought they formed a perfect little family of four. The way his blue eyes looked at her with the same intensity she remembered years ago was totally unnerving. She knew that she and Kid had grown closer lately but things wouldn't go any deeper. She had told him clearly once and Lou hoped he wasn't deluding himself into thinking that she would eventually change her mind. It would be very easy to close her eyes to reality and let herself get carried away. She was sure that if she made the least indication, he'd fall captive in her arms. Lou had to admit she wasn't immune to him.

She remembered the kisses they had shared shortly after Alice was born, leaving her to long for more. He had always been such a good kisser… such a good lover and there were days she had problems controlling her racing heart and sensitive body when she was around him. She really lusted for him and she wouldn't mind being a guest in his bed from time to time… actually, she was dying for a taste of him. Yet, she knew she had to drown those lecherous thoughts and desires. She had promised she would remain as chaste as a nun for her children, and getting entangled with Kid would be too complicated. It was clear he had feelings for her and Lou sometimes got to believe she also cared for him because of the intensity of her longing. Nobody but him had ever sparked such strong sensations in her. Yet, Lou knew it was simply lust. Nothing could happen and Lou hoped Kid could forget about his feelings for her. That was why she tried to let him see the kind of woman she was instead of the ideal image he had about her.

The sun was sinking, dark shadows falling over the earth. It was time to go back home. Lou was happy to see the wide smile on her son's face after enjoying an exciting day and only for that reason, it had been worth coming here. She didn't like coming to town and enduring all those whispering and gossiping people. That was the reason why she remained at home almost all the time, away from people's judgment and scorn. Everybody knew who she was. When she had been released from prison, her plan was to stay in Richmond just long enough to have her baby and save enough money to start afresh with her two children somewhere else. Yet, those plans had to be forgotten. She couldn't pull Joseph and Kid apart. After hiding the truth for years, Lou felt she owed Kid the opportunity to be a father to Joseph. And they were so good together; Joseph adored his father and had Kid around his little finger. Lou couldn't escape this new prison in the outer world. She'd endure a place and people she loathed, but she couldn't ask Kid to leave. His house, his business and his friends were all here and after all, she had nothing.

"Pa, can I ride back with Mr. Vaughn on his horse?" Joseph asked.

Kid looked behind her to check Lou's expression as he said, "Of course you can."

Louise smiled in approval and added, "But do everything Mr. Vaughn tells you to, all right, young man?"

"Yes, Ma."

"Don't worry, Louise," Paul remarked, "he's a good boy and we get on well." The foreman opened his mouth to say something to Joseph but stopped as he spotted the group of people coming from the other direction.

"Hey!" Kid exclaimed as he saw his friends. Christine and Luther were with their respective spouses and behind the two couples was Helen framed by Matt and Violet. Kid was feeling awkward. He hadn't talked to the lady since their break-up, but he tried to sound and act as unaffected as he could.

"Kid, how are you?" Luther greeted him and Kid shook hands with the lawyer and Malcolm and tipped his head to the ladies politely.

Paul followed suit and as his eyes fell on Christine, he stiffened and said in an unsteady voice, "Hello, Christine." Today he didn't have the protection of a couple of drinks, and he realized that he was still affected by her presence.

"How are you, Paul?" the woman replied without meeting his eyes.

Paul averted his eyes, trying to locate Joseph who had wandered off to talk to his cousin. "Ladies and gents, you'll have to excuse me, but I have to leave. Joseph, buddy, come on, let's go."

Nobody said a word and Paul scurried away in a hurry, followed by the boy. Kid remained there while Lou had stopped just a few steps behind, trying to remain in a discreet position. Nobody had tried to acknowledge her presence and in a way she was glad of it. Helen Patrick soon followed Paul's example, excused herself and quickly walked past Kid.

"Enjoying the fair, Kid?" Luther asked.

"Yeah, I brought my family but we're leaving now," Kid explained and behind him Lou cringed on hearing him.

Kid noticed the strange look Luther and his wife shared. He knew Luther didn't have a good opinion of Lou, more or less like the rest of his close friends. Yet, Kid told himself nobody would make him feel ashamed. He had felt Lou was family long before they even got serious in their relationship. The six orphans who had come to work for the Pony Express in Sweetwater had formed a strange makeshift family around Teaspoon and Emma, and later Rachel, and no matter how many years had passed, Kid still considered every one of them as a brother or a sister. And Lou was extra special, extra close, since they had a child in common.

On hearing Kid, Christine directed her cold eyes to him. "Your family? Don't you think your choice of words is totally inaccurate? You must have come with your illegitimate child and your works of charity. Of course I understand you being a gentleman cannot use certain names to refer to your company."

Lou took a deep breath as she glared at the woman. Christine held her stare proudly and Lou made an extraordinary effort not to lash out. She needed to keep calm and not make a show of herself. "Kid, I'll wait for you at the stables. Excuse me."

Kid nodded awkwardly and as Lou went, he turned to Christine angrily. He had missed the others leaving too and he found himself alone with her. "Who do you think you are to pass judgment on Lou? You have no right to undermine her or insult her!"

"Of course I do because I care for you, Kid!" Christine retorted, trying to keep her composure. "I hate to see how naïve you can be! I thought you were a different kind of man but seemingly, I was wrong! Is it worth losing your family… your real family… me and Matt for a… a tart? Is what she does to you so grand you're ready to spoil everything?"

"Lou is the mother of my son, and I strongly request you not to refer to her on those terms," Kid replied in a cold manner. "We're not doing anything of what your dirty mind is thinking about. We respect each other and have a friendly relationship. And if we decided to take another step, that would be our business, nobody else's."

"I know you, Alistair Carmichael," Christine counterattacked. "I know you want her."

"What do you want me to say?" Kid exclaimed. "That I'm crazy about her? Well, I am. Happy now, Christine? I do want her and if she gave me the least sign that she wanted me too, I wouldn't hesitate for one second to be with her."

"Kid, don't you know the kind of woman she is! She hurt you and lied to you! Who knows what other things she's still hiding? How can you lay your heart out for her again? Haven't you learned anything?"

"I know you can't understand me," he simply said, folding his arms.

Christine shook her head, feeling frustrated and sad at his stubborn attitude. "It hurts me so much to see how you are ready to break your ties with your nephew… your brother's son for that woman because I won't consent my son to keep seeing you. You've changed, Kid, and I'm so sorry. And only for that, that woman deserves all my hatred."

Before Kid could answer, Christine was gone as the tears overflowed her eyes. Kid looked at her fleeting figure with a sullen expression. Why was life so difficult? He wished Christine could make the effort to understand he was doing what Jed hadn't been able to do with his son. Why didn't she understand? Why did he have to choose? Why did Christine force him to take sides? Why couldn't he have Joseph and be a good uncle to Matt at the same time? Joseph was his first responsibility and the fact he was in love with Louise was a totally different matter. Nobody could understand him because they only saw what rumors had spread. Lou wasn't the cold and horrible woman everybody believed she was. Kid really knew her. Their past love story was a beautiful one… the most beautiful. Maybe there would never be a repeat of that, but even so, nobody could tell him he couldn't love her. He was very fond of Christine, but she was wrong… totally wrong.

Kid turned round and started towards the end of the street. He had left the wagon at the stables and Lou would be waiting for him there. As he walked along the large wooden wall in the building, he heard Lou's voice coming through one of the high windows. "What do you want?"

"Finally I find you alone without your watchdog," replied a booze-laden voice, which Kid recognized at once. Daniel Parker. Kid ran to the door which seemed too far away while inside the stables the conversation continued. "How the hell can you keep living knowing that you've ruined my life?" Daniel barked.

Louise bristled in disgust as the man came closer and she could smell his fetid smell. "Leave me alone! You're drunk!" she exclaimed and tried to go past him, but Daniel grabbed her and pushed her against one of the stall doors.

"Not so quick, Louise!" Daniel said and came to stand before her, his stretched legs framing hers so that she couldn't escape. "Because of you, I lost my job, my way of living, and my wife left me when the gossip about you and me reached her!"

Louise tried not to show him that she was actually very scared. She kept her chin up proudly as she said, "Serves you right. You shouldn't have told all those disgusting lies about me. It was all your doing, not mine!"

"You egged me on!" Daniel continued in the same tone. "I know you had planned to seduce me with that silly excuse of the dresser, but your brat spoiled our fun!"

"You're crazy!" Lou exclaimed with a shocked expression.

"It's payday, Louise," Daniel carried on. "You owe me big time and I hope you make it worthwhile."

Louise wanted nothing more than spit her scorn to his face, but she was afraid of angering him. Daniel was clearly disturbed and she feared for her baby who lay a few feet from them, so she said, "All right then."

"All right?" Daniel echoed in astonishment.

"Yes, come on. I'm in a hurry. Make it quick!"

The man leered in satisfaction and as he leaned over towards Lou, his legs relaxed and it was then that Lou's knee came into contact with his most tender parts. Daniel let out a yelp as he doubled in pain and breathless.

"Lou!" Kid called as he finally reached the stables.

"I'm fine, Kid," she replied as she picked up Alice and held her against her bosom.

Without a word, Kid grabbed the man roughly and forced him to the door. "If you come near her again, I'll kill you, understood?" Kid threatened in a low tone before giving Daniel a strong push which made him fall on the ground. And without another look, Kid went back inside, eager to go to Lou.

* * *

"I can't believe that cretin had the nerve to threaten you!" Kid said angrily as he drove the wagon towards his property.

"Yeah…" Lou replied vaguely.

"I'm glad you showed him your claws," he continued, his scowl turning into a grin as he remembered the blow Lou had delivered to Daniel. "I guess he'll think twice before he considers approaching you again. I imagine he didn't think you weren't as mild as you look. But, Lou, you must be careful and if he comes bothering you again, let me know and we'll report him to the sheriff," Kid concluded. He had wanted to tell the sheriff but Lou had persuaded not to since no harm was done.

Lou nodded and after a silent lapse, she said, "Kid, I'm really sorry for spoiling the day."

Kid turned his surprised eyes to her. "What are you talking about? What happened with Daniel wasn't your fault."

"I don't mean only Daniel… I'm sorry you had a disagreement with your friends and Christine because of me."

"That isn't your fault either," Kid replied. "She's the one who showed no manners. She must understand Joseph is part of my life now and you belong here as well."

"You shouldn't get in trouble with her because of me. I don't want to disrupt your life. She and your friends have been here for you for years."

"If they are my friends, they should accept my new responsibilities," Kid replied. "I don't want friends if they only accept me when I follow their rules. My son is above anybody else."

"Yes, I know. But Christine was your brother's wife," Lou reminded him.

"No, she wasn't," Kid replied before he knew what he was saying, and at Lou's confused look, he added, "Can you keep a secret?" At Lou's nod, he carried on, "Jed never married her."

"She had Matt out of wedlock?" Lou asked, surprised. From the way Christine acted, Lou had imagined she led an impeccable life. "But everybody says she was a widow."

"I know… that's what she let everybody believe since she used Carmichael as her family name."

"And you supported that… that… that…?"

"Lie," Kid finished for her. "Yes, I did. How could I not? Lou, you know better than anybody what it's like to be an unmarried mother. I didn't want that for her or my nephew if I could prevent it."

"Yes, I understand," Lou replied in a soft voice. "I guess she didn't have another option. Your brother died before he could do right by her. At least you did a good job with your nephew."

"I thought you and Christine could understand each other. You went through the same."

"No, Kid. It wasn't the same. And I'm sure she knows that," Lou replied. "I chose to run away and things turned against me. I made bad choices and too many mistakes."

"But that's in the past, Lou. I told you. What counts is what you do from now on."

"I guess," Lou muttered in a voice that told him she wasn't convinced, but he didn't insist.

They drove in silence for the rest of the way home. Once on the property, Kid helped Lou down and both of them took the pram down from the back of the wagon. Alice was asleep and Lou smiled at her beautiful baby with tenderness.

"Let me walk you home," Kid offered.

Louise nodded and as they started off, she said, "I imagine Joseph is in Paul's hut."

"Yeah… I'll go and bring him later."

As they got to the cottage, they stopped before the porch and turned to each other. There was a full moon and its light reflected timidly on both their faces. Kid felt drawn to her bright eyes, which looked more beautiful than ever, and was overcome by an irrepressible urge to kiss her.

Louise noticed the signs, his clear intentions in all his features, and breaking eye contract, she muttered, "I better go." Actually, she had no desire to leave but she needed to avoid danger, so she started to move very slowly.

"Lou!" he called and she turned back to him. For a moment he didn't know what to say. All he wished was to lengthen the moment and he finally said, "I… I wanted you to know that despite everything, I had fun today."

"Yes, me too," she admitted with a smile and one look in his direction and she was paralyzed by the intensity of his stare. The strong sensations she kept trying to repress started at the pit of her stomach and quickly permeated throughout all her body. She wanted him to kiss her, maybe only this time, and then she'd be satisfied. Just a little kiss, a soft kiss that cooled down her burning soul. Her desires seemed to have got to him and Lou noticed his head lower toward hers. She wetted her lips in anticipation and her heart raced wildly. He was so close, so very close. She could feel his breath on her skin and as his lips timidly approached hers, she closed her eyes and opened her mouth to welcome him.

"Ma!"

Joseph's loud cry made them pull apart quickly and then they saw their son running towards them, followed by Paul. The boy reached them like a small gale, and exclaimed, "Oh Ma, I love riding! Paul's horse is so great!"

"I'm glad, sweetheart," Lou replied, stroking his head. Her cheeks were burning with embarrassment and Lou was thankful that being night her face wasn't so apparent to the two men. "Uh… let's go home then. It's late and you should have been in bed an hour ago."

"Lou, would you like me to give you a hand with the children?" Kid asked before she left.

The sound of his voice was enough to make her body tremble and her heart jerk. She lowered her head, to hide her nervous condition and bit her lower lip. It was obvious what he was asking her. They could continue what they had almost started after the children were resting. Maybe they could… she desired that more than anything. She wanted to spend the night with him… why shouldn't they? They were free and uncommitted. Yet, despite all those reasons, Lou had to chide herself as she remembered his declaration of love a couple of months ago. Getting involved with Kid would lead to complications. Kid would want more and she could only give him lust-filled encounters, nothing else. So they shouldn't start anything that would bring them a problem they didn't need. "Thanks, Kid, but I'll be fine. Don't worry. Good night to you both."

Paul and Kid replied to her in the same way and Louise got into the house with her children, shutting the door behind her. Kid kept staring at the closed door, wishing with all his heart she would reappear and tell him to come in. They had almost kissed and Kid was sure that they would have if Joseph hadn't interrupted them. Kid had felt her desires for him as strongly as he experienced his own. That gave him some hope because he really wished they could try to be a couple again.

"Come on, lover boy," Paul said teasingly, nudging him on the side. "You heard her… she said no."

Kid silently followed his friend away from the cottage. "Am I that obvious, Paul?"

The foreman chuckled. "More," he said. "By the way, Kid, what happened with all that you told me? _'I can decide not to fall in love with her'_ Remember?"

Kid shrugged his shoulders. "I guess it was just a lot of rubbish," Kid replied. "I don't think I've ever been not in love with Louise McCloud, even during all those years we were apart."

"But are you sure it's real? Maybe you're simply smitten with the girl she was once?"

"But she's still that girl in so many ways, Paul!" Kid exclaimed. "I'm seeing her old self resurface more and more often."

"Well, then all I have to say is to be careful."

"You too, Paul?" Kid asked with an unhappy expression. "Are you against her like everybody else?"

The foreman shook his head. "Oh no. I like Louise and I think she can do you good. I'm only saying you should be sure about what you do because of the children."

"Yes, I know. And thanks, Paul." Kid replied and both men continued in silence until they went their different ways to their very lonely dwellings.

* * *

The smoke filled the place, hovering over the crowd of people as a thick layer involving the room. The music from the piano and the guitar flooded the bar thunderously, merging with the voices of the dozens of customers gathered in the place like every single day.

"Another one, bartender!" a raucous voice clambered, thumping his glass on the stained counter. When the glass was refilled, he lifted it and exclaimed in a slurry voice, "Let's have a toast to the ruin of Alistair Carmichael and his minx."

The man downed the whisky in one go and feeling the burning sensation in his throat, he let out a satisfied grunt. Another man, an elegant gentleman, smoking a cigar, who had listened to his ramblings, turned his attention to the drunkard. "Did you say Alistair Carmichael?"

Daniel looked at the dapper man up and down. "Yeah, the same. He and his whore ruined my life."

"Are you talking about Louise McCloud?"

"Exactly. I fell into her trap like a poor, innocent animal. I lost everything because of her! But I'll make them pay. Yes, I, Daniel Parker, will and they'll regret having tampered with me!"

The man looked a Daniel with a surprised expression. "Will you? And have you planned what you're going to do?"

"Not yet, but I will, Mr.…."

"Henderson. Frederick Henderson. And let me tell you, Mr. Parker, that we have more in common than you think."


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

May was proving to be an exceptionally hot month. The spring was walking towards its end without the appearance of the much longed-for rain and people were getting nervous. Summer was around the corner and everybody wondered how they'd manage if the rain didn't show up. Wells were getting dry, rivers and streams had lost their usual volume and the lack of water was causing devastation in farmlands and fields. Kid was also one of the many suffering from the drought. Water was in short supply despite all the wells he had dug on his property over the years and lately he had to pick up water from the River James to get by. At least, the river was quite near his place, which was a real relief. And apart from the lack of water, the heat was unbearable. It was a total pain and seeing little Alice suffer the heat was especially heart-breaking. Lou tried to keep her cool, fanning her or having her in light clothes, but it was impossible.

Days had flown by after the incidents at the fair. Neither Kid nor Lou had dared to mention the intimate moment they had almost shared. Lou had been awkward around him just after that night, and noticing her strange mood, Kid had understood that he should leave things as they were. If something was meant to happen, it would, but he wouldn't force the situation. He'd be patient. Paul was right; he needed to be careful and think things through because there were two other people to consider, the children, who were the most vulnerable in this equation. He thought that maybe it was better if he forgot about his infatuation. Things would be easier for everybody. He and Lou were getting along perfectly and it would be a real shame to spoil their friendship. After all, their other attempts to be a couple had always failed. They were perfect to each other as friends, but when they were lovers, for some reason or other, everything went wrong. Yet, Kid couldn't erase from his mind that brief moment when he had almost kissed her. His lips had briefly brushed against hers, feeling her softness, her sweet scent, her uniqueness. Kid could swear she had also wanted it, but then she had turned him down when he had offered to stay. Kid had a certain idea of what her problem was, but since they hadn't been able to have a serious conversation about it, they simply continued like usual.

Kid brushed his handkerchief over his sweaty forehead as he stopped to rest. He opened the door and then picked the wood boards and the tool box he had left to rest on the porch. As he entered the house, he found Louise sitting on the sofa, busily mending some of Joseph's clothes. She lifted her eyes from the trousers in her hands and smiled at him. "What are you up to?" she asked when she noticed everything he was carrying.

Kid left the boards in the middle of the living room. "Remember Joseph wanted to have some shelves for his books? I plan to build an extension to my bookcase, and that way he can keep his school things here," he explained as he pointed to the shelves in question.

"You're spoiling him too much," Lou remarked as she continued with her sewing. "He only told you yesterday."

"Can't help it, Lou. He's my boy."

"I know."

"Will it be all right if I start now?" Kid asked as he threw a look at the bassinet. "I don't want to wake Alice. She looks like an angel."

"Do you plan to make too much noise?"

"I don't think so. I just need to screw the boards to my shelves."

"So it won't be a problem."

"All right," Kid said and walking to the far end of the living room, he removed his shirt, remaining in his long john top, and took the measuring tape to make sure he had cut down the boards in the right size.

Lou casually lifted her eyes from the garment she was mending. She made an unhappy face as she saw that for some reason sawdust had fallen on the floor, the same floor she had swept and washed that morning. Kid was a very nice man, but he was a little disaster too. Lou wondered how he had managed to keep his house tidy and cleaned when Christine had left and he had no housekeeper.

Louise shook her head in resignation, and suddenly her eyes got drawn to his hands as they held the board. The sensations she continuously tried to drown rushed to her full force. What was wrong with her? Just the image of his hands turned her on. Her mind was full of memories, very vivid memories of how his hands felt against her skin, of the places in her body those hands had touched, of the overwhelming stirring they had caused on her. Lou took a deep breath as she started feeling out of control. She told herself to look away, but she couldn't and kept staring. Her eyes traveled from his hands up to his arms and back. His muscles contracted and showed the beauty of his body. The years had diminished his build slightly, but he was as enticing and tempting as ever. How much she used to love caressing and kissing those well-formed muscles! And how much she wished to run to him and sneak her hand under the material of his long johns and feel his skin!

A grunt escaped her lips as the needle grazed her index finger. Kid heard her and looked over his shoulder to meet her hungry eyes. They stared at each other for just a few seconds in silence and then Kid resumed the task. "You know," Kid said without stopping, "we should heed Joseph and stop hiding away."

His voice startled her and she quickly looked down back at the trousers. "What… what are you talking about?" she asked in an awkward voice.

Kid stopped and came to sit next to her on the sofa. "I see it in your eyes, Lou. That's the way you used to look at me. We should admit it once and for all," he said, carefully studying her reaction.

"Admit what, Kid?"

"That we like each other very much."

"I… I… maybe I do," she admitted, her eyes still downcast and her cheeks hot, "but that doesn't make it right."

"Why not, Lou?"

"I told you once… I can't love."

Kid placed a finger under her chin and made her meet his eyes as he scooted closer on the sofa. "I don't believe you."

Louise swatted his hand off and jumping to her feet, she scurried to the kitchen, eager to escape. Kid shook his head sadly, fearing that he might have scared her away and when she didn't reappear after a few minutes, he walked to the kitchen. "Why are you so scared, Lou?" he asked as he stood under the threshold.

Louise turned around, surprised to hear his voice. "I'm not scared!" she retorted as she folded her arms over her chest and stared at him with a serious expression.

"Yes, you are! You are terrified! You are afraid to admit you care because of what that means… of what that involves."

"You aren't making any sense," she retorted, locking eyes with him challengingly.

"Aren't I? You are as scared as when you left me years ago." At his words Lou stared at him with a flabbergasted expression. "Yes, Lou, I know that. I know you better than anybody else. You used the first excuse you came across because you were petrified. You preferred to sacrifice what we had back then to facing that fear."

"May… maybe you're right," Lou stuttered.

"I know I am," he said and in a bold move he took a few steps closer and his hand dared to stroke her cheek softly. Louise simply looked at him with big eyes, gulping as her whole body lit up at his touch. "Lou, life is giving us another chance. Let's grab it!"

His face slowly lowered to hers and this time their lips finally met. Louise moaned as she felt him, but the alarm in her head kept telling her that this wasn't right, that she had to stop it. She wanted to resist, but she had no strength or will. She wanted him so bad that as soon as his kisses had surprised her, she was a goner. Her soul was on fire and he was the only one who could suffocate the burning flames in her spirit. She hadn't felt so alive for a long time. Her mouth moved at his pace and her hands moved to touch the muscles and skin she had been drooling over minutes before. Her hand snuck between both their bodies and found its way to his belt. It was then that Kid stopped and took her hands in his. Lou was breathless as she stared at him in confusion.

"Lou, no. I want to prove to you I'm not a grabber like all those men you've known. I don't expect you to do anything."

"But I want…"

"Let's not rush, Lou," he said, placing a finger on her lips to shush her. "Let's walk step by step together. Let me show you how much I love you and I know you will love me one day too."

"I… I don't know, Kid," she replied sincerely.

"Please, Lou, I'm planning to court you like I couldn't years ago. I want to show you my respect and devotion, and we have all the time in the world to start from scratch. Please Lou, let me court you."

"I…"

"Please, Lou," he begged as he brought his face closer to her, almost touching her, and Louise couldn't resist his presence anymore and nodded her permission just as his lips finally brushed against hers once again, and they kissed, softly, intensely, just like those first times they had shared when they were nothing but a couple of naïve teenagers.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Louise drove the wagon to town, something which she didn't do as a rule. Despite Kid's insistence that she should leave her isolation, Lou did everything to avoid the city like a plague, especially since the night of the fair. Whenever she was in town, she felt as if she was wading through mud, and the sensation felt more and more real as time went by. All heads turned to her, all eyes fixed on her and she wasn't blind or deaf to the exchange of nudges, sneers and whispers among those who called themselves decent and honest. She hated to be on the lookout or go through judgment whenever she set foot in Richmond. She had already done her sentence and had a right to live her life in peace.

Louise sighed as the first buildings appeared before her eyes. Today she hadn't been able to avoid coming to town. Kid usually took upon himself anything that had to be done in the city. However, it was foaling time on the ranch and everybody was extra busy. So despite her reluctance, Lou had volunteered to do some errands for Kid and pick up Joseph from school.

Two weeks had passed since Kid had made his move and she had succumbed to his charms. As he had said, Kid was courting her all proper like, which was something Lou wasn't used to. They went for walks, spent time together alone and with the children, talked endlessly, and apart from the passionate kisses and cuddles they relished in, they hadn't gone any further. Kid always stopped when things got too heated up and even though Lou really wanted to go all the way to the end, she had to admit that she liked the way he treated her, so tenderly, so differently.

Louise felt as if she were on seventh heaven whenever they were together. Everything seemed to disappear and it was just the two of them. The world could be such a wonderful place to live if they were left alone, free to love. Louise sometimes had such intense sensations as she was in his arms that she wanted time to keep still and forget about everything else. Yet, when she was alone, far from his protective presence, Lou had to fight a hard battle against herself. Her own conscience didn't stop nagging her. It wasn't right. An honest man like Kid couldn't waste his time, his life with a woman of her kind. He deserved somebody better, not a tainted woman, not a stain that would pollute everything around him. She wasn't a good choice and she'd bring him nothing but more shame.

So every day he got up with the firm intention to stop the sweet story she and Kid were living. Her conscience couldn't hold back the guilt she was continually been hounded with. However, her attempts had all failed. As soon as she started, Kid always knocked down her arguments and she felt completely defeated when his kisses assaulted her senses. So days went by and the snowball was growing bigger and bigger, and more complicated.

Joseph was obviously delighted because Pa was courting Ma as he had wanted to. Lou would have liked to be more discreet about their relationship but Kid had another opinion and whenever he felt like, he showed his affection for her, hugging and giving her a peck even when their son was around. And on top of it all, he didn't bother to hide their new status from others, especially his men, calling her his sweetheart. Louise McCloud, his sweetheart? Ridiculous. Her heart was as rotten and black as hell and there was nothing sweet about her. Kid only saw what he wanted to see, and never thought ill of her. Would he ever wake up to reality?

Louise stopped the wagon and quickly headed for the post office. A couple of ladies were inside and Lou greeted them politely but she just received a cold nod from the two customers and the woman behind the counter. While Louise waited she noticed how the older woman was staring at Alice with a scornful expression as if she was looking at a disgusting insect. Her protective instinct as a mother kicked in and she quickly picked up the baby and turned, removing her daughter from the woman's angle of vision. She didn't care what people might do, say or think about her, but Alice was untouchable. Louise could still feel the woman's eyes boring onto her back, and swirling around in a flash she asked angrily, "What the hell are you looking at? Haven't you seen a baby before?"

Hearing the furious rebuke from Lou, the woman recoiled and it was the younger lady who spoke up, "How dare you talk to my mother like that?"

"The same way she dares to look down on an innocent baby! She can't defend herself from vultures like you but I… her mother can and will!" Louise retorted passionately.

The older woman pulled herself together and staring at Lou in the same way she had been looking at Alice, she added, "It's a total disgrace. You should be ashamed of yourself… flaunting your two bastards around when you should keep them away from decent folks!"

"My children are my pride, not my shame! Only if I were such a narrow-minded, bigoted harpy like you, I'd be ashamed, but never of my children!"

The comment touched a sore point and feeling insulted, the woman exclaimed, "Come on, Susan. Let's go. I'm a lady and I won't stand such insolence!"

To Lou's relief, the two women left the place quickly. She cursed herself for losing her temper so easily. Now she'd be moody and sullen for the rest of the day. This kind of occurrence always put her in a bad mood even though she tried to tell herself that she shouldn't care.

Louise finally approached the counter and without looking at the woman behind it, she said, "Can I have Mr. Carmichael's mail, please?"

Without a single word, the woman placed five letters before Lou and then she said, "There's another letter for you."

Louise looked at her with a confused frown. She never got any mail because there was nobody who would write to her. The woman showed her the letter. Lou was about to lash out when she noticed the envelope was ripped open. But then she recognized the letter she had left Addie, her friend in prison, months ago. It was an old letter that Kid had written to her years before. This meant that Addie was free and in town. Louise raised her eyes to the post office clerk and asked, "The woman who left this letter… what did she tell you?"

"Nothing."

"Didn't she say where she's staying?" Lou insisted.

"Not that I remember," the woman replied stiffly.

Louise sighed. "Mrs. Mason, if that woman comes back, could you please tell her where she can find me?"

"That's not my job… I'm not your messenger. If you want to communicate with that…that woman, write her a letter."

"You know as well as I do she can't read or write," Lou replied and sliding her hand into the pocket of her dress, she produced a dollar, which she left on the counter. "Please."

Mrs. Mason nodded, quickly taking the coin and Louise walked out of the building. Outside she sat down on the bench attached to the post office and placed Alice comfortably back in the basket. Then Louise had a look through Kid's letters. He was expecting an urgent communication from one of his customers and that was why he had asked Louise to come to the post office and let him know as soon as that letter arrived. Lou scanned through the mail, not finding the missive Kid wanted, and when she reached the last one and read the name and address, her eyes opened in surprise. Jeremiah McCloud, East Meadow, Cottonwood, Nebraska.

Her brother had written a letter to Kid! What on earth for? Louise hadn't heard anything from either of her siblings for almost ten years now. She was the one who had broken the ties, and had never tried to contact them. She imagined that both of them must hate her guts for disappearing without a word. And what about this letter? She imagined that for some reason Kid knew Jeremiah's address and he must have written to him to tell him about her. Lou didn't know whether he should be annoyed or not. Actually, she was scared and excited. What did Jeremiah say in his letter? Would he want to know from her… from his nephew and niece? What would his life be like? Lou remembered how angry Jeremiah had been when she had shown up after five years' absence. He was probably feeling the same. But, Lou reasoned, he wasn't a child anymore. Jeremiah was now twenty-one years old and he could surely understand that things had got in the way for her. She had no excuse but a little part in her heart wished her brother could find one for her.

Louise kept looking at the letter unblinkingly, feeling the urge to rip it open and read its contents. It wouldn't be right. The letter was Kid's and he was the only who could read it. Lou was sure he would tell her about it, wouldn't he? Yeah, he would or otherwise, she would ask him. She wanted to know… needed to know, but she had to wait, to keep guessing, something which she hated. The day now presented itself too long and Lou could hardly wait for tonight when Kid would tell her about the letter and she would finally know something about her brother after so many years.

* * *

Louise was almost done with tidying the kitchen in her cottage when a pair of hands slid around her waist, and strong arms hugged her from behind. She smiled as she felt his lips nuzzle her neck and he said, "Gosh, Lou. I've missed you so much."

Louise turned in his arms to face him. "You tired?"

"Very," Kid replied. "I'm glad the day's finally over. Two colts were born today and five more mares are almost on the point to go into labor. Paul and Bob are there, and I will relieve one of them later."

"I wish I could help," Lou remarked wistfully.

"You already help, Lou," Kid said, brushing his hand up and down her back. "Is Joseph in bed?"

Louise nodded. "You must be starving. Want to eat something, Kid?"

Kid grinned as he said, "Maybe later, but now I'm in need of something else." And immediately his lips claimed hers and like every night Lou fell captive of his charms. Louise hooked her arms around his neck as they kissed fervently non-stop. A weak moan left her throat as she felt her body being lifted. Without losing contact with her mouth, Kid scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the living room. When they pulled away breathlessly, Lou laughed when she found herself cocooned in his arms like a baby. "What are you doing, Kid?"

"We'll be more comfortable here than in your tiny kitchen," he said as he put her down and they moved to the sofa.

Kid took her hand in his as they sat down together. "So tell me, did you have a nice day?" he asked like he always did every night, genuinely interested in her answer.

"Could have been better," she answered vaguely and before he could keep asking her about today, she added, "I picked up your mail as you told me to." She motioned to the table where she had laid the small pile of letters.

"Thanks, Lou. I don't know how I managed without you before," he said with a smile and he leaned over to continue what they had started in the kitchen, but Lou moved her body away from his grasp.

"Aren't you gonna read them?" Lou asked, and something in her voice told him that she wasn't asking but telling him. Kid took the letters and scanned through them and when he reached Jeremiah's, he finally understood the reason of her interest in his mail. Kid sent him a sideways glance and Lou smiled. "That one is from my brother."

"Yes…" he said in a low voice, and knowing she wanted him to read that particular letter, he ripped the envelope and took out the paper. It was brief, just a few paragraphs, and it took Kid only a few minutes to finish it.

"What… what does he say?" Lou asked eagerly.

"He says he's fine."

"Doesn't… doesn't he mention me?" she asked again and when Kid shook his head, she felt disappointed and added, "I thought you had written to him to let him know I'm here… that you have found me."

"Lou, your brother and I write to each other regularly … two or three times a year," Kid explained and at Lou's confused expression, he carried on, "When you left Rock Creek, a letter came from the orphanage… from your siblings. Needless to say, none of us read it, and when a second one came, I thought I should pay them a visit the next time I was in Saint Joseph."

"Why?"

"I wanted to let them know you were gone but planned to send for them," he replied. "And before I went to the war, I visited them again and explained to them I was going east to fight. I also hoped they had heard from you and could tell me you were okay." He paused for a second and then continued with his account, "When the war finished and I went back to Rock Creek, I dropped by the orphanage. One of the sisters told me that Jeremiah was working for a farmer and Theresa had been employed as a maid for a wealthy family. It was nice to see them again and we've kept in touch since then."

"How are they doing now?"

"Fine. Jeremiah got married last year. He owns his own farm and Theresa's living with him and his wife," Kid replied.

Louise was feeling totally ashamed and humiliated. Kid had kept in contact with her siblings while she hadn't even bothered to let them know where she was or if she was okay. Naturally she had thought often of them over the years, wondering how they'd be doing, but she had never tried to look for them. "Do they ever mention me?" Lou asked in a low voice.

"Not after they realized you weren't coming," Kid replied, not voicing any of the comments Jeremiah and even Theresa had made about her. They had been naturally hurt and disappointed, but as years had gone by, Louise had become a memory of their past, nothing else. "Lou, I really believed you would send for them."

"I couldn't, Kid. You know that soon after I left, I found out I was pregnant and when Joseph was born, I barely had enough to support us both. I couldn't afford two more mouths to feed."

Kid decided not to say that she could have always come to him when she learned she was with child, and things would have been easier. They had already discussed it and it was no use going over the same again and again. "But why didn't you write to them at least? You could have explained your situation."

"I… I don't know, Kid. I didn't forget about them, but I was so angry with myself. I let so many people down because of my damn selfishness: you, them, my mother. I promised my mother I would take care of my siblings, and I didn't… I didn't."

Lou was getting too excited and worked-up, and Kid tried to appease her. "Hey, hey, honey. Calm down," he said as he cupped her face in his hands. "That's in the past… no use thinking about it. We can work out a way to smooth things with them, all right?"

Lou was feeling hurt, bitter and over all very lonely and miserable. The vacuum invading her spirit was huge and painful and she wanted to fill it up in any way she could. She moved her head forwards and kissed Kid full on the lips hungrily, aggressively, avidly. The cloud started to fade as she felt Kid responding to her ministrations with the same passion. Her hand pushed him down on the sofa and Lou kept kissing him as she straddled him. Her lips left his mouth and traveled down towards his neck while her fingers started to undo his shirt buttons. "I need you now, Kid, all of you."

"Lou…" Kid tried to protest as his body responded to her touch automatically.

"I want this… I need it," she stated in a firm voice.

Something in her tone told Kid that this was wrong. He longed for her with all his heart, but not like this. With an enormous effort, he sat up and stopped her, gently moving her off him. "Lou, no, not this way."

"Why not? It's not like we haven't done it before and my body needs it! I'm not a virgin and neither are you!"

"Lou, I don't want to make more mistakes. I don't want to ruin what we have. I long for you and your love and I want to prove it to you."

Lou's mood was getting out of control; she was angry with herself, miserable and his flat rejection didn't sit well with her at all. She jumped to her feet and barked angrily, "Why do you keep teasing me? Why do you keep doing this to me? Aren't you a man or what?"

Kid slowly got up from the sofa and stood before her. "Lou, try to understand. You're not thinking straight. You're hurting and want a release. But I won't have you regret something that should only take place for love."

Lou cringed mentally as he described exactly how she was feeling. How on earth did he know her so well? "Don't you dare to judge me. You know nothing! Who do you think you are? You are nothing special. You're just a man, only a man and there are millions out there. Maybe one of them will be ready to accept what you just refused!"

Kid saw her walk to the door resolutely and he just kept staring at her with stunned confusion. He didn't understand what had just happened. One minute they were kissing, almost devouring each other with kisses, and now she was threatening to turn to another man.

As Lou reached the door and grabbed the knob, she stopped, feeling deflated. Tears sprang to her eyes as a sob echoed in the room. "Oh God, what am I doing?" she cried as she pressed her head against the door.

Kid stood there watching her in silence, unmoving. Louise turned her head to him and her tearful eyes searched his. "Oh Kid, I'm sorry… so sorry." She took a few steps towards him but fell to her knees as the sobs shook her whole self and she felt weak. "Please, forgive me, please," she wailed desperately.

Kid rushed to her side and knelt down as he brought his arms around her shivery frame. Louise lifted her eyes and Kid felt goosebumps all over his body as he saw the profound pain he found there. "Kid, I'm so horrible… I'm a horrible woman! You should leave me and stay away from me. I'm bad news… very bad news!"

"Please Lou, don't' say that. You're not horrible. I don't understand what is in your head that makes you act like this. But I know you're far from being horrible."

"I really want to love you and I want to be good to you and the children, but I don't know if I can," she continued in the same pathetic way.

"Of course you can. You're not alone anymore. You have us and we'll help you."

"Please Kid, hug me. I want to feel you. Please," she begged as fresh tears started cascading down her face. Kid embraced her against his chest as tightly as he could. Lou was trembling and weeping and she looked so small and vulnerable. Kid told himself that now more than ever he needed to focus on her. She wasn't fine and even though he still didn't know what was wrong with her, he swore he'd do everything to clean her soul from all the stains and shadows she carried.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

A knock sounded in the cottage and Lou hurried to open it in eager anticipation, hoping it would be Kid. Last night after her totally bizarre behavior, Kid had stayed with her for hours, holding her as she had asked him. No words had been exchanged but his presence had been enough to make her feel better. Then Kid had left to relieve one in the men in the stables and the sensation of loneliness had been worse than ever. Lou hadn't been able to get any shuteye and then morning had finally come; she had only seen him on his way to bed after being up all night with the mares. She couldn't wait to lay eyes on him and tell and show him how sorry and thankful she was about the night before.

Louise opened the door with a wide smile, but she didn't' come face to face with the person she expected to see. "Addie!" she exclaimed happily after a brief pause when she saw her friend in front of her. Impulsively she hugged the woman and then welcomed her inside. "When did they let you go?" Lou asked as they walked into her living room.

"A couple of weeks ago."

"Oh I'm so glad to see you!" Louise exclaimed.

"I promised we would see each other again, didn't I?" Louise smiled and Adelaide curiously dropped a glimpse at the bassinet where Alice was peacefully sleeping. "A girl?"

Louise smiled proudly. "Yes, my Alice, the sweetest and most beautiful baby in Virginia," Lou exclaimed and when Addie kept staring at the girl, Lou frowned and said, "Stop that, Addie!"

The woman looked at Louise in confusion. "Stop what, my child?"

"Stop trying to find a resemblance with one of them…my daughter has no father, understood?"

"I was curious, that's all. Don't you ever wonder…?"

"No, never. I don't want to know," Lou stated firmly, cutting her off. "And please let's not talk about that! Just let me make some coffee and we can chat about something else, all right?"

When Lou returned with the coffee, the front door suddenly opened and Kid's voice resounded inside, "Lou?" When he realized she wasn't alone, he stopped and apologized, "I… I'm sorry. I didn't know you were busy."

"Kid, this is Adelaide. Remember I told you about her?"

"Oh yes… nice to meet you, Ma'am," Kid greeted the woman politely. "My name's Alistair Carmichael."

"How do you do, Mr. Carmichael?"

"I better leave you ladies alone," he said. "Sorry for the interruption. I'll see you later, Lou."

Louise walked to the door with him. "Did you want to talk to me about something?"

Kid threw a glance behind Lou and realizing that Adelaide was busy, pouring herself a cup of coffee, he quickly gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "I just wanted to tell you I miss you."

Louise kept smiling happily as Kid bid them good bye and walked out of the door. The smile, though, gradually faded and a bitter expression settled in her face instead, as she fought the urge to cry. "Who's Prince Charming, Louise?" Addie asked, interrupting Lou's journey to her inner world.

"He's Joseph's father," Lou explained as she came to sit on the sofa next to her friend.

"And you two are…?" Adelaide asked again, meaningfully swinging her index and middle finger to complete the question.

"It's a long story, but yes, we're together…kind of."

"And then what's that sour face for, child? Isn't he treating you right?"

"No! It's not that… rather the opposite," Louise replied. "He treats me too well, better than I deserve. He's a dream. And, Addie, it's not fair. It's not fair for him. You know what I'm like and I'm not worth it. He doesn't deserve a low life woman like me. He shouldn't love me… he shouldn't."

"Doesn't he deserve to have the woman he loves?"

"I… I guess, but loving me will only bring him complications."

"Love is always complicated, child… amazingly complicated. That's why I have a rule. Never have one single man at a time. I love complications, and one man is never enough!" Addie exclaimed with a comical gesture, which made Lou laugh for the first time. "Louise, follow my advice. Stop that pretty head from thinking too much. Enjoy the gift the Good Lord has sent you and stop questioning yourself."

* * *

After leaving Lou and her friend, Kid headed for the stables. Bob were busy with another mare that was about to give birth and Paul was seeing to the colts that had been born lately. Things were under control in the stall, so Kid decided to see to the rest of the horses, refill the troughs and muck out the stalls that needed cleaning. This time of the year was hectic and being understaffed they had to shoulder an extra workload. As Kid poured feed in the mangers, he thought that he really needed to find a replacement for Daniel. It wasn't fair for Paul and Bob to have so much work every day. The place was growing bigger and their customers were also increasing in number. So he should place an advertisement in the local paper, requesting somebody for the position. Kid hoped he'd find an honest worker this time because his choice with Daniel had been pathetic.

Hours later Kid emerged from the stables and walked to his house. He planned to have a bath and relieve Bob later. Opening his front door, he was surprised to find a woman who wasn't Lou in his living room. "Christine…"

"It's been a while, hasn't it, Kid?" she remarked dryly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"It was you who decided to stop talking to me," Kid replied with a pained expression. Since the day of the fair, Christine had ignored him whenever she saw him in town. Her attitude hurt him more than he could express. He missed his nephew and also Christine. She had been a good friend for years and he couldn't understand how she could act like this after all they had lived together.

"You know my reasons… and I thought that this time would help you to understand too."

"That's why you came? To enlighten my poor, ignorant soul?" he asked sarcastically.

Christine ignored his comment and said instead, "I heard you and that woman are involved."

"You heard right," Kid said between gritted teeth. "And stop calling her that woman. She has a name."

Christine let out a grunt of frustration. "Kid, I can't understand how you can be so blind! Everybody in town knows who she is, everybody but you! Wake up, Kid, please!"

"Christine, I'm not going to listen to you!"

"She's just using you. You're too naïve and she's found an easy escape. You dropped a nice, decent lady like Helen for some trollop. I just can't believe it!"

"Christine, will you stop it?" Kid exclaimed. "Stop insulting her. And I hate it when you try to act as a matchmaker! Some things just aren't meant to be. Your friend Helen is a wonderful woman but I'm not in love with her."

"Oh come on, Kid! You didn't even give her a chance!"

"A chance? What chance?" Kid retorted angrily. "Like the chance I had to give Irene? You practically forced her on me because you liked her and she was your friend!"

"Oh please don't be ridiculous!"

"You know it's the truth. One should never regret anything happening in your life, but I just know I ended up marrying a woman I just found pleasant. It didn't take us long to discover we couldn't share our lives when we weren't in love!"

"Your marriage failed because you neglected your wife!" Christine answered in the same tone. "Don't blame me for that!"

"I'm not blaming you! All I'm asking from you is to let me love whoever I choose."

Christine paused and looked at him with icy eyes. "That woman."

"Yes, Lou's that woman. I love her and I don't need to figure out what's between us because I know how I feel. We have a son and her little girl is like a daughter to me."

"I can't understand you, Kid. I really can't. You're the laughingstock of Richmond. You're bringing nothing but shame to the family. If your poor brother could see you now…"

"Stop bringing up Jed to make me feel bad! He wasn't a saint, Christine!" Kid exclaimed, cutting her off. He hated when she kept comparing him to Jed. Kid had loved his brother with all his heart but right now he was too angry. "Jed didn't care as much about family as you think. He was more interested in other things! And he never looked back when he left you!"

"He had to! He had strong beliefs and fought for what he believed in!"

"I'm also fighting for what I believe in. I believe in Lou, our love and in a future with her."

Christine shook her head. "I really pity you. I hope when she jilts you, you don't come looking for me, because you've made your choice now." Without even saying goodbye, Christine crossed the room and walked out, slamming the door behind.

Upstairs Louise had been tidying Kid's bedroom when the loud voices had started. It was impossible not to hear what they were saying. It was painful to hear so clearly what she already knew, that people despised her and thought Kid was a fool for being with her. Kid was losing his friends and acquaintances because of her. She had landed in his life like a bomb, destroying everything around them. Hearing Kid defend her so passionately had moved her but she knew he shouldn't waste his energies defending something that was indefensible. They could pretend everything was fine, hidden here in their own universe, but the world was out there and they couldn't ignore it forever.

Louise made her way downstairs when silence fell upon the house after Christine's raucous exit. When Kid saw her, he smiled nervously, aware that she might have overheard his argument with Christine. "Hey!" he exclaimed as he came to receive her at the foot of the staircase. "Is your friend gone?"

"She had to take a train," Lou simply said, and after a few seconds, she added, "You know she's right… I mean… Christine."

"Oh come on, Lou! Not again! I hate it when you talk about yourself like that."

"It's the truth," Lou replied in a very calm voice. "Ask your friends what they think about me."

"I don't care about what people think! All I care is that I love you!" he exclaimed passionately, placing his hands on her waist.

Lou sighed tiredly. "See? I can't even tell you back… I can't. It gets stuck in my throat…. Frightens me," she said, pointedly placing her hand on her throat.

"But I know how you feel… I see it in your eyes. I know you love me," he said with a smile.

"Kid…"

He placed a finger on her lips, shushing her. "Has anybody ever told you talk too much?" he asked mockingly, his eyes shining with mischief.

"Kid…"

"Yeah… definitely, you talk too much."

"But…"

"For goodness' sake, Lou. Just let me kiss you. Have mercy on this poor man!"

Louise had to give in and smiled. She didn't know how he did it, but he always managed to disarm her and undo all her intentions. Her arms came around his neck and her whole self sighed in pleasure as his lips finally captured hers in one of his kisses.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

Louise had finished cleaning the dishes and cutlery from breakfast in the main house and got ready to drive Joseph to school. As they were about to walk out of the house, Kid was on his way inside. "Pa!" Joseph squealed in delight as he hugged him. "Are you done with the baby horses?"

Kid smiled and stroked his head. "Yeah, the last filly was born half an hour ago," he said and turning his eyes to Lou, he added, "I'm dead."

"You should go to bed right away," Lou replied. "You've worked too much these days."

"Yeah, I will," Kid replied slowly. "I've sent Paul and Bob home, so you will have a very peaceful day."

"Really? I'm gonna miss all the excitement around here," she remarked ironically. Having two children didn't allow her to have a peaceful day as Kid had called it. The more Alice grew up, the less time she spent sleeping. Yet, she was such a good baby… so lively and smiling. And Joseph was a little bundle of energy.

"I promise to make it up to you tonight," he replied and couldn't help the yawn on his mouth.

Louise smiled and turning to Joseph she said, "Come on, honey. Let's leave daddy now." She picked up Alice's basket, and while Kid shuffled into the house she left the porch towards the stables, never noticing that a pair of eyes had been watching her and Kid intently from a hidden position.

* * *

After leaving Joseph at school and buying a few things in the store, Lou drove the buggy back home. Alice's basket lay on the free space on the wagon's seat next to Louise and while her left hand handled the reins, the other one held the basket safely. As she drove, Lou kept talking to Alice and the baby responded with squeals and gurgling sounds.

As Lou did a turn on the road, she noticed a woman standing next to a wagon on the side. When Louise came closer, she realized that the woman in question was Christine Blake. Despite the opinion she knew Christine had about her, Louise stopped her buggy and asked her, "Anything wrong, Mrs. Blake?"

Christine folded her arms in a defensive way. "A wheel axle broke," she simply said in a cold way.

"I can give you a lift if you want," Louise offered.

Christine wanted nothing more than to refuse her help. She didn't want to owe anything to Louise McCloud. Yet, she knew she had no other options. This was a lonely road and Louise was the first one who had come along in the hour Christine had been stranded there. Her only other alternative was to walk, but she was too far from town or Kid's place, where she was heading that morning. "Thanks," Christine replied stiffly. "I was on my way to Kid's."

Lou instructed Christine to sit on the wagon seat next to her and hold Alice's basket on her lap. Christine did so awkwardly and as Lou flapped the reins and the horse resumed trotting, she said, "Kid's been up all night and when I left this morning, he was heading to bed. He was very tired, and I imagine he must still be sleeping. You can always borrow this buggy to go home and come back to the ranch later to talk to him."

Her words didn't sit well with Christine, who was already predisposed to dislike anything about Louise. "I'll do what I want. If I want to wake my brother-in-law, I will. You're nobody to tell me what to do. You're just Kid's servant, so keep in your place, all right?"

"Perfectly clear," Louise replied in a low tone. "I have nothing against you, Mrs. Blake."

"Too bad because I do," Christine retorted. "I don't like you to tamper with Kid's life and I won't stop till you leave him alone."

"Yeah, you're right," Lou muttered softly. Christine stared at her with a surprised expression and Lou added, "Kid could aspire to somebody better than me, I know. I don't understand how he can love me."

"Why don't you leave him then?"

"Yeah, that would be the right thing to do, but apart from being rotten and selfish, as you well know I am, I'm too weak," Lou explained. "I can't leave him. I need him but I'll accept it if he decides to break up with me."

Christine stared at Louise, wondering whether she was being ironic, but her sullen face told her that she was totally serious. Her attitude surprised Christine. She had expected Louise to be insolent and saucy. Christine swore she knew what kind of woman Louise McCloud was, but in truth she had never crossed more than a few words with her. This was their first real conversation, and Christine had to admit that this side of Louise didn't agree with the way everybody had pictured her. Of course, Christine's opinion was the same. Louise wasn't trustworthy and Christine planned to do everything in her power to drive that woman away from Kid.

"What on earth is that?" Louise suddenly asked as she sniffed in the air. "It smells funny… as if something was burning." When she lifted her eyes to the sky, she saw a curtain of black smoke rising from where the ranch was. Lou's heart started to pound strongly and without a second thought, she exclaimed, "Hold tightly, Mrs. Blake, and hold my baby." And in much the same way as when she had been a Pony Express rider, she let out a loud 'ha' and flapped the reins to urge the horse more quickly. The animal responded to her orders and flashed along the road to the property.

Not sure what was happening, Christine awkwardly tried her best not to fall from the wagon seat or drop the baby and kept asking Lou roughly to stop. Lou wasn't listening. Her whole self cared about only one thing, to get to the ranch and to Kid. She was positive the smoke came from there.

When they reached the path to the property, her worst fears became a reality. Christine had quietened, realizing why Lou was driving the wagon like a lunatic. As soon as they got to the ranch, they saw the flames coming from the house and the heat slapped them overwhelmingly. Lou jumped off the wagon before the horse had even stopped. "Kid…" she whispered as her eyes fearfully stared at the burning house. "Kid!" she cried loudly at the same time as she tried to run to the place like a mad woman. Yet, she couldn't move as an arm wrapped around her waist, stopping her.

"What do you think you're doing?" Christine asked as she fought with a thrashing Louise.

"Kid's in there! He was sleeping! I need to go to him, get him out of there before it's too late!" Louise said as the tears started to cascade down her cheeks.

"Louise, you can't! It would be suicide!"

"But Kid's in there! I can't leave him! He'll die if we don't do something!"

"You'll both die if you go into that inferno!" Christine replied as her own eyes filled with tears. "Think of your children, Louise!"

Christine's words managed to crumble down Lou's intentions. Christine was right; she needed to keep alive for her babies. "Oh God!" she cried in an agonized voice as the sobs overcame her. The realization of what was coming was too much. Her legs gave way and she fell heavily on the ground as she sobbed loudly. "Kid! Oh Kid!" she kept calling desperately and every time she said his name, the pain was more acute, more intense. Kid couldn't die, not like this. He had a beautiful life and perfect future. It wasn't fair.

Suddenly, the door opened and Paul stumbled outside, dragging a weak, but alive Kid. Lou gave a loud cry of relief and as soon as they were out of danger, Paul let go of his friend and Kid fell on the ground among coughs. "Kid!" Louise screamed and rushed to his side, kneeling next to him. "Kid!"

He opened his eyes when the coughing fit passed, and smiled when he saw her. "Hey! You didn't think I was gonna leave you, did you?"

"Please don't talk," she said, brushing her hand over his cheek, as if she wanted to make sure he was actually here, that she wasn't dreaming. "I've been so scared, Kid, so scared! I thought I had lost you. Please never leave me, Kid. Please!"

"Never," Kid muttered weakly, feeling as if his throat was on fire every time he tried to speak.

Christine and Paul hovered over the couple, witnessing the scene in awkwardness. The flames still blazed behind them and after a few minutes, Paul spoke up, "Louise, let's take Kid to your cottage and I'll bring the doctor. He's inhaled too much smoke."

Louise nodded and rising to her feet, she helped Paul to lift Kid. In the same way he had managed to get Kid out of the house, Paul slid his friend's arm around his shoulders and holding him around his waist, he started towards the cottage. Louise picked up Alice from the wagon and followed the two men. Feeling her baby against her skin and thinking about what might have happened, Lou couldn't refrain herself anymore and burst out crying. She was so scared. Life could change so quickly in a matter of seconds and nobody had any control over it. Lou was so terrified that she couldn't stop sobbing.

Christine was walking beside her and studied her with big eyes. "Louise, he's all right… he's gonna be all right," the woman said.

Lou could only nod, because she couldn't stop the flood of tears. Christine sent her another look. She was starting to feel sorry for the petite woman she had claimed to hate. It was easy to despise a person who was nothing but a wicked character in her own plot. Louise had been just the horrendous, evil, immoral woman everybody talked about, but nobody really knew. Christine had never tried to find out whether all those tales were true or not. After all, Louise had been the reason for Kid's suffering for a long time, so she never doubted any of the other stories about her. Yet, things weren't so straightforward when she had approached the real person and learned something more than the caricature she had in her mind. Hating a ghost was not a big deal, but right now Christine's conscience was making her reconsider her opinions, and maybe she hadn't been totally accurate after all.

* * *

After examining Kid, the doctor concluded that he was fine and only needed to rest. Paul had also brought a few men from town to extinguish the fire before it spread to the fields and the rest of the property.

Louise never left Kid's side in all this time for one single second. She was still pretty shaken from the scare she had and even though Kid kept telling her to relax, she just couldn't. She still felt the tears pushing their way out, and she was trying her best not to show her vulnerability.

Lou sat on the rocking chair, swinging to and fro as she tried to put Alice to sleep. The girl was particularly fussy today and Lou imagined that the smoky smell hanging in the air was making the baby uncomfortable. Above Alice's head Lou kept looking at Kid who remained awake despite her insistence he had to rest.

A knock resounded in the bedroom and Lou turned her eyes to find Christine under the threshold. Kid told her to come in and Lou rose to her feet, placing the baby in her cradle. "I'm leaving now, Kid," Christine announced. "I've made some stew for you two."

"You shouldn't have bothered," Louise replied.

"It wasn't a bother, honestly," Christine said with a smile. "It's been a hard day for all of us. And… would it be all right if Joseph stays with us tonight? I can pick him up from school. You know he likes to be with Matt."

"Thanks, Chris," Kid replied and Lou nodded in agreement. Joseph was easily excited and seeing Kid's home in a mess and Kid in bed would surely worry him. It would be better for them to spare him from all this today and Lou would then explain things more calmly tomorrow.

"I'll borrow your buggy. Mine's still on the road," Christine said and as she was on her way out, Paul was coming inside. They exchanged an awkward look and a few words, and Christine scurried away as if she couldn't get out of the place soon enough.

When Paul stood before the bed where Kid lay, Louise came closer and to everybody's, especially Paul's, surprise, she planted a kiss on the man's cheek. "Thank you, thank you so much. I owe you my life," she exclaimed, meaning every word. If Paul hadn't noticed the fire from his hut and run to Kid's rescue, they would all be lamenting his death. The mere idea made Lou shudder. She didn't want to think about it; it was too scary.

Paul blushed at Lou's spontaneous display and noticing his friend's red cheeks, Kid chuckled, and said, "Careful, Mr. Vaughn. She's my woman and I'm not dead."

"Don't be silly, Kid!" Lou scolded him. "And stop talking and let your throat rest!"

"I was joking and I'm fine," Kid replied in a rough voice, coughing at the same time.

"Yeah, you sound perfect," Louise replied sarcastically as she sat down on the edge of the bed. Kid quickly stretched his hand and brought her closer to him.

"Just came to tell you that the fire is out," Paul explained. "I'm afraid you'll have to build a new house."

"That bad, uh?"

"There's only rubble left… and," Paul carried on, but stopped as he tried to choose his next words carefully. "Kid, I had a look and it seems the fire wasn't an accident."

"What do you mean?" Kid asked.

"It was somebody's doing," Paul replied. "I found the lamp who started it and I found a suspicious bottle of kerosene nearby… there are no doubts."

"But who might want to harm Kid?" Louise exclaimed. "It's too strange."

"I don't know, Louise, but the facts are the facts. We should tell the sheriff to have a look. What do you think, Kid?"

"Yes, call him," Kid said without hesitation. If someone was responsible, they'd have to pay. He had lost the house he had built with so much effort and love. At least, he had managed to save his life. If Paul was right, the arsonist must have been watching him and found the perfect moment to deliver his blow, intending to finish off with his life.

* * *

Kid finally fell into a deep slumber and didn't wake up for the rest of the day. It was in the middle of the night that he woke up and immediately he felt a strong pressure on his neck and chest. He opened his eyes to the darkness and smiled as he recognized Lou's body against him. She was sound asleep but her arms wrapped around his neck tightly and her naked legs were entangled between his. The feeling of her body didn't leave him indifferent and as his own body reacted to her closeness, he thought he'd better do something to avoid temptation. He moved and on doing so, Louise woke up.

"Uh… what is it? Is it Alice?" she muttered in a husky voice, feeling disoriented for a moment, and surprised to find Kid in her bed. And then she remembered the fire and how Kid had stayed in her bedroom.

"No, she's fine. Go back to sleep," Kid replied, placing his hand on her neck and tried to lie him down.

Louise rubbed her eyes as she rolled over and rested on her side. "How are you, Kid?"

"Fine, but let me tell you that having you so close is not good for my heart or my sanity," he replied teasingly as he stroked her arms.

Louise smiled, pleased. "Do I tempt you then?"

"You can't imagine how much."

"I'm here, Kid, and you can do whatever you feel like," Lou replied in a flirtatious voice, coming closer to him.

"Lou…"

"I know, I know," she cut in. "We have to wait."

"For the right moment," Kid finished for her. "Lou, I promise you that it will be special… very special."

Louise smiled and her lips brushed his as softly as the caress of the breeze on a naked body. "Remember the last time we made love, Kid?" she whispered and at Kid's nod, she carried on, "We were back in Rock Creek after we got engaged. That night we sneaked into the hayloft and we fell asleep after we loved each other." Lou paused and let out a sigh. "I sometimes wished I could wake up and find myself in your arms back in those times. We were so happy. I was so happy."

"Lou, you left me."

"Yes, I did," she replied in a very sad voice. "The worst mistake I've ever made in my life."

"But we are back together, Lou, and we can mend our mistakes, or at least, learn from them."

Louise nodded and they both lapsed into silence. "Kid?" she called after a few moments, and when his eyes turned to her, she whispered, "I love you." Kid smiled and after sighing morosely, Lou said, "I know I have no right to tell you, but I do. I love you."

"And I love you too," he replied. "And we'll make it work this time, Lou. Nothing will spoil it."

Lou smiled timidly, wishing she had his eagerness, his optimism, his confidence, because acknowledging her feelings didn't make her see the world in a better light. Everything looked too dark and even though she knew she had him, she was still scared.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

The left side on the bed was empty and cold as Kid opened his eyes to a brand new day. He removed the quilt from his body and got up. After getting dressed and washing up, he opened the door. "Good morning," he greeted with still a rough voice.

Louise smiled and as soon as the baby in her arms saw Kid, she started to squeal and move her legs on Lou's lap. "My, my," Louise exclaimed. "This little tyke already recognizes you. Can you believe it?"

"That's because we are the best friends, aren't we, sweet Alice?" Kid replied as he took the baby from her mother. "Besides, I've always had something with the McCloud girls, don't you think, Lou?"

Louise simply chuckled as she rose to her feet. Kid came closer to the window and peeked out. The view was so different now; where there used to be his house was just a pile of rubble and charred wood. His home was gone and he'd have to start thinking about rebuilding a new house. Maybe he should be positive and take things from the good side. Now that Lou was back in his life, he'd have to make a family home for the four of them. One day Lou, Joseph and Alice might live with him and he wanted to have the perfect place for them.

As Kid kept looking out of the window, he noticed some strange horses tethered nearby, and a few men around the site where his house had been. "Do you know if Sheriff Culpepper has been here long?" he asked when he recognized the lawman and his deputies.

"No, he came some ten minutes ago."

"Then I'd better go and talk to them," Kid said and came to give the baby back to Louise.

Lou folded her arms. "No, sir. You won't. First, it's breakfast time and then you'll be free to do whatever you want, all right?"

Kid smiled and had no other option than to obey. He sat down at the table and placed Alice on his lap. When Lou returned, she placed the food in front of him and took the baby. "I want you to clean the plate, understood, Mr. Carmichael?" she ordered teasingly as she walked to the door with Alice resting on her hip. Somebody had knocked, and when she opened the door, she found Christine. "Hi," Louise greeted her awkwardly.

"How is Kid?" Christine asked.

"He's fine. Would you like to come in and say hi?" Lou offered, moving away from the door, but Christine kept still.

"Joseph asked about you and Kid last night and today. I can bring him back here when I pick him up from school if that's all right with you."

"Thank you, Mrs. Blake," Lou replied.

"Please call me Christine. We don't need to be so formal around each other. We are kind of family, aren't we?"

"I don't know. I'm trying to keep in my place. After all, I'm just a servant," she added, echoing Christine's words from the day before.

"I guess I deserve that," Christine replied. "Louise, I'm vey fond of Kid, he's like a brother to me, and sometimes I get carried away… well, quite often, to be totally honest. I don't want him to get hurt."

"I understand that."

"I don't know you, Louise, and I'm really sorry for my behavior as of lately. I really hope we can get to know each other," Christine continued. "We might hate each other after all, but at least we'll have real reasons to do it."

Louise nodded and smiled timidly. Christine finally went into the cottage, but Lou remained outside, wanting to give Kid and Christine some privacy.

"How are you, Kid?" Christine asked as she sat down opposite him.

"Fine. And you?"

"Good too," she replied and after a few moments of awkward silence, she added, "Kid, I'm sorry. I was wrong to tell you all those things about you and Louise."

"Christine, I'm not against you because I love Lou."

"Yesterday when I saw you two together, I realized that you were a real couple. I've never seen you so… so smitten before."

"She's the one, Chris, the only one. Lou's not perfect, but does that mean we have no right to love each other?" Kid said and as he spoke, he saw through the open window that Sheriff Culpepper had approached Lou, who was sitting on the rocking chair on the porch. Without waiting for Christine's answer to his comment, Kid rose and marched out of the door, followed by Christine. "Anything I can do for you, Sheriff?" he asked when he came out to the porch.

"No, it's okay, Mr. Carmichael. I just want to ask Miss McCloud a few questions about the fire on your property," the lawman explained.

"What questions?" Kid insisted with a frown.

"Kid, it's all right. I don't mind," Lou said and rose to her feet.

Kid didn't like the way the sheriff was assessing Lou with his eyes, but he opted for keeping quiet. He didn't know what the sheriff wanted from Lou, and when the lawman started, Kid had to bite his tongue to keep calm.

"Can you tell me where you were when the fire started, Ma'am?"

Louise didn't move a muscle to the question even though it was crystal clear where that led. It was natural that an ex-convict and murderer like her was liable to raise suspicions when something fishy took place. "I was in town. I took my son to school and bought a few things from the store."

"Did you know Mr. Carmichael was sleeping in his house?"

"Yes, sir."

"And did you go to town straightaway, Miss McCloud?"

"Yes, I did."

"Didn't you stop somewhere on the road for some reason?"

"No, sir."

"One of my men have found some wagon tracks going from here and then changing direction to come back here at a few yards," Sheriff Culpepper continued.

Lou stared at the sheriff for some seconds in silence and then it dawned on her what he was talking about. "Oh yes! It slipped off my head completely. Joseph, my son, had forgotten his books and just remembered about them when we had started off. You know what children are like," Lou explained with a smile.

Sheriff Culpepper remained serious. "And you drove back here?"

"Yes, that's right."

"So you got into the house again and in those minutes you…"

"What the hell are you up to with all those stupid questions?" Kid asked with evident irritation. He had remained in silence, listening to the sheriff, but he couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"Please, Mr. Carmichael, stay put. Somebody set fire to your house and you might have been killed. I'm just trying to find out the truth."

"Then do that and stop bothering us. Miss McCloud has nothing to do with all this," Kid said in a loud voice.

"In that case, she won't have any problems answering my questions."

"Kid, please, it's all right," Lou said, trying to appease him. "The sheriff is just doing his job and we all want to find the person who tried to attempt against your life."

Kid wasn't satisfied, but decided to heed Lou. Sheriff Culpepper continued with his questioning. "So tell me, Miss McCloud, did you get into Mr. Carmichael's house?"

"I picked up my son's books, yes."

"You drove back to pick up some books," the sheriff repeated with an edgy voice. "Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

"Because I had forgotten about it."

"It was just yesterday. Do you have such a weak memory?"

"Too much happened yesterday. I've been worried sick and… I don't know," Louise replied as she shared an agonized look with Kid.

"Tell us the truth, Miss McCloud. It will be better for you. You set fire to the house because you wanted to kill Alistair Carmichael."

"No! Of course not!"

"What the hell are you saying?" Kid exclaimed at the same time Lou was denying the accusation and in an impulse he took a step towards the sheriff, flinging his arms to him, but the deputy drew his gun and Kid stopped dead in his tracks.

"Mr. Carmichael, I told you. Stay out of this or I'll have to arrest you for disorderly conduct."

The deputy kept aiming his gun at Kid when Louise spoke up, "Why would I do something like that? That's totally insane!"

"For money," Sheriff Culpepper replied. "I've been informed that Mr. Carmichael changed his will last week, in which your son has become his major heir. Did you know that?"

"Uh… yeah… he told me," Lou replied awkwardly. "But…"

"So if Mr. Carmichael died," Culpepper continued, cutting her off, "all his money and properties would go to your son and consequently, to you."

"Culpepper, stop it!" Kid ordered gruffly.

"That's not true! I couldn't hurt him! We are in love!"

"That's not a very feasible justification, don't you think?" Sheriff Culpepper replied. "I heard you were also in love with Gareth Travers and you killed him."

"No, that's not true! That's a lie!"

"I'm done talking," the sheriff announced. "Miss McCloud, you're under arrest."

"No, please, no!" she cried and at the same time Kid lunged forward. The deputy tried to stop him and punched him unawares, making him fall. Christine quickly crouched next to him and helped him back to his feet.

"Kid! Alice!" Lou called and it was then that he saw one of the deputies taking the baby while Sheriff Culpepper was dragging Lou away. Kid was torn, not sure where to go, but finally he ran to the man who held a crying Alice in his arms. Kid straightaway took the baby and as he tried to calm her down, his heart fell when he saw Lou on the sheriff's wagon. He started to run but it was too late. The carriage was becoming smaller and smaller in the distance and Kid just caught sight of her sad eyes before he couldn't see her anymore.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

Lou couldn't believe what was happening. It was as if her worst nightmare was taking place again. This was insane. How could anybody believe she could try to kill Kid? She'd rather die than cause him harm. Yet, nobody would believe her. Everybody would be eager to buy all those lies about her. It didn't matter that the real culprit was free. She was the perfect suspect and they'd try to make her pay for something she had no part of.

With her hands tied, Lou walked between the sheriff and one deputy, and she could see the passers-by staring and pointing at her. Apparently, she had been judged and sentenced without a trial. Lou only hoped that Kid didn't believe that accusation. He must know she couldn't do anything against him.

Why were they so unlucky? Lou wondered as the barred door closed in front of her. They were trying to live in peace and quiet, start anew. Who was trying to harm them? Who would want to see Kid dead? Lou couldn't think of anybody. Kid was an honest businessman, and had no enemies. Lately he had had some disagreements with his friends because of her. Would somebody go to the extreme of setting fire to the house, just to have her locked up? That didn't make sense.

"I always say the same, Bert," Sheriff Culpepper said. "A jailbird will always be a jailbird."

A shiver coursed over Lou's body. Sheriff Culpepper had been against her since her problem with his brother, and Louise was sure that this matter had become a satisfaction for the lawman. His words and conjectures surely carried great weight. If things continued like this, she might be convicted, sent to jail again or sentenced to death. The idea was enough to make the tears appear in her eyes. Louise didn't want the men to see her so crumbled, so she turned around towards the wall. The men kept talking but their voices didn't reach her understanding as the fear of what might happen was too overwhelming.

She didn't know how much time had passed when a voice managed to go through the mist her mind had become. "What have you done this time, Louise?"

Lou turned around and made a subtle grimace when she saw the owner of the voice. Henderson. "What do you want, Fred?" she asked in a curt tone, folding her arms over her chest.

Henderson took a few steps closer to the cell and Louise stepped back instinctively. "That's a question I should be asking you," Henderson said, his eyes sweeping over her body. "Why can't you keep out of trouble, sugar?"

"I didn't do anything."

"You sure?" Henderson insisted. "Maybe Carmichael drove you up the wall and you thought it would be a good idea to move forward his encounter with the good Lord."

"Leave me alone," Lou spat angrily.

"Louise, don't be angry with me! I only want to help you."

"I don't need your help," she replied scornfully.

"You ungrateful minx! After the way you treated me the last time, I shouldn't care what happens to you!" Henderson barked. . He couldn't forget the humiliation Lou had inflicted upon him. After her clear willingness a couple of months ago, Henderson had gone to her cottage like a lovesick puppy, with flowers and everything, hoping to enjoy more passion from the best lover he had ever had. And then she had turned him down flatly, laughing at him mockingly. "Who do you think is gonna help you then? The man you tried to kill?"

"Go to hell!" Lou exclaimed as she turned around, unable to stand the lawyer's presence any longer. Henderson sneered, but didn't move. No matter what had happened between them, he still found Louise McCloud a fascinating woman. After having more than one taste of her, Henderson daily dreamt about having her again. Maybe it was his chance now and regardless of what she said, he could wait for the right moment.

The door opening raucously followed by heavy steps drew Lou's attention and as she turned back around, to her relief she saw Kid. He asked the sheriff for permission and then came closer to the cell, his eyes looking at her eagerly. "Lou!"

"Kid!" she cried as she grabbed the bars and pressed her face against them. Kid's hands came to cover hers and Lou said, "I didn't do anything. I had nothing to do with the fire. I swear. You have to believe me!"

"Of course I believe you!" he replied. "And I'm going to get you out of here!"

"I can't go back to prison, Kid!" she continued, trembling as she thought of the black possibility she might have to face. She'd rather be executed than face prison again. "I can't do that again! I'll die if I have to go back there!"

"You aren't going to! I won't allow it!"

Despite everything, Lou smiled, really believing what he was telling her. "Where's Alice?"

"She's with Christine. But Lou, you needn't worry. We four will be together soon. This is a mistake and I'll prove it!"

"And how, may I ask, do you intend to do that, Mr. Carmichael?" Henderson asked behind them.

Kid turned his head and realizing who had talked, he stiffened. He had been so intent on going to Lou that he had never noticed the lawyer till now. "What are you still doing here, Fred?" Louise said in a curt tone.

"I'm your lawyer, beautiful," Henderson said with a crooked smile. "Remember? I've always taken care of your… matters and you were always satisfied."

Lou cringed at Henderson's words, and hoped Kid didn't believe she wanted anything from the lawyer… and least of all, what he was implying. "I told you, Fred. I don't need your help. Tell him to go, Kid, please."

"You heard the lady, Henderson. Go."

"All right, all right, I'll go," the lawyer said, lifting her eyes in mocking surrender. "But I don't know who you are talking about, Carmichael. I don't see any ladies around here."

As soon as the words were of the lawyer's mouth, Kid delivered a strong blow and sent Henderson to the floor. Before Kid knew what was happening, he found himself yanked forward and out on the street. One of the deputies cried that he wasn't allowed to come to the jailhouse or he'd be arrested.

Kid cursed himself for losing his temper. He needed to remain calm if he wanted to help Lou. He hadn't even been able to say good bye to her, or tell her not to worry. Maybe he'd better be locked up as the deputy had said. At least, he'd be near her, but on second thought he had to admit that he was no use to Lou inside a cell. He needed to pull some strings and act quickly to help her get out of that unfair situation.

Before anything else, Kid went to see his friend and lawyer, Luther Davis. When Kid told him that he wanted to hire him for Lou's defense, Luther was reluctant to take the job and kept making excuses. The lawyer had questioned whether Lou had actually done the deed. Fortunately, after much discussion, Luther understood that Louise was indeed arrested under very weak evidence, and he had accepted her case. Luther was one of the best lawyers in Richmond and if somebody could take Lou out of this mess, it was him. Besides, Kid didn't want that rat Henderson to linger around Lou.

After talking to his friend, Kid rode back to his place. Luther was going to talk to those who had seen Lou in town the day of the fire. Some of the customers at the store or even Mr. Andrews could confirm that Louise was actually in Richmond that day and if she had really set fire to the house before she left the property, the house would have to have been totally destroyed by the time she returned. Luther had asked Kid to see if he could find something on his property that the sheriff had overlooked. So when he got to the ranch, he asked Paul and Bob to give him a hand in his investigation. Luther was right; there must be something from the real arsonist among the rubble. As Kid looked among the charred wood, he kept thinking of the shameless way Lou had been arrested. They had nothing against her but her reputation and that feeble evidence that Lou had driven back to the house. That didn't mean anything, but a jury might not think the same.

Christine had also talked to the sheriff, explaining how Lou had been beside herself with fear and had even tried to venture into the burning house to save him. Yet, Sheriff Culpepper's questions had turned Christine's support into evidence against Louise. When the sheriff had questioned why Christine hadn't noticed the burning smell before getting near the property, she had nothing to say.

A couple of hours passed and they had found nothing about the real culprit or to prove Lou's innocence. Kid felt frustrated. There must be something, he repeated over and over again. Yet, he knew there was nothing left to do and all he had to do now was to trust justice could do its job.

* * *

The sun was shining hot in the sky and Henderson stopped to breathe. This heat was suffocating and the weight he had gained over the years added up to the sensation his body was suffering from. He should go back home and remain in the cool shade. Yet, he had no desire to return to his house. Right now he couldn't endure Susanna's ramblings or his children fussing around. He needed some peace and quiet to think about Louise McCloud, his sweet obsession. Although he loved and respected his wife, Louise was a different story, somebody he couldn't shake off his mind. Since the moment he had met her years ago, she had settled in his inner self like a barnacle.

Time had taught him that everything was possible if he was patient. Louise had been an impossible dream at first, but surprisingly, she had finally been his regardless of the reasons. He didn't mind whether she had only used him for her own benefit. Actually, he didn't want her love, just her passionate body. So Henderson hoped that one day she'd want to become his regular lover, his mistress, as he had suggested months ago. She had refused his proposition in the same way she had turned down his advances years before, but one day she might want to change her mind. Henderson would never abandon his family… that was unthinkable but he wanted to enjoy the pleasures Louise made him experience. And he was positive he could manage to fulfill his dream… someday.

"Henderson…"

The lawyer turned his eyes down and saw Daniel Parker sitting on a ledge and holding a bottle of whisky. "What do you want?" he asked, contracting his nose in disgust.

"Cheer up, man. We did it. We had our revenge on those two," Daniel drawled with a crooked smile.

"What are you talking about, Parker?"

"Carmichael, you know. It's a shame he didn't die in the fire, but the blow was more powerful than I thought. They arrested that harpy, something I didn't count on," Daniel explained, letting out a loud guffaw.

"You set his house on fire? Was it you?"

"Of course. Who else? And now I need your help, Henderson. I need to get out of this city," Daniel said as he rose in unsteady legs.

"I won't have anything to do with this business!" Henderson exclaimed with indignation. "I'm not going to get mixed up with a criminal like you. I won't be an accessory in this crime. You made your own bed, so you must lie in it."

"Henderson, you enjoyed listening to my plans in the same way I enjoyed seeing that house burning! It won't take Carmichael long to figure out who's behind all this."

"I'm not going to listen to you any more! I'm going to report you this minute!" Henderson continued and as he was about to turn, Daniel grabbed him by the arm.

"Careful, Henderson. You have as much to lose here as I do. If I'm caught, I'll say you paid me to kill Carmichael."

"You're crazy. Nobody will believe you!"

"Try me! I have nothing to lose and it will my word against yours. Are you gonna help me or not? It's your decision. We can share a nice little cell. What is going to be?"

Henderson stared at Daniel in silent shock. He knew Parker was out of his mind and would do what he was threatening. If Daniel wanted to do him ill, he would. Henderson had too many enemies, and if Daniel accused him, many would be ready to support that he had been seen in Daniel's company lately. Henderson felt trapped and there was no way out. So much to his chagrin, he ended up nodding while Daniel guffawed loudly in satisfaction.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

_Note of the author: This chapter is not entirely my creation. Part of it has been done by Ellie and thanks to her superb knowledge of the legal system, it is much better. Thanks, Ellie._

The night had been too long and arduous, and Kid had been unable to sleep a wink, thinking that Lou had to spend another night in a cold cell. It had been a week since she had been arrested, and she was still there. He hadn't been able to do anything for her release and his only hope was that the jury didn't convict her since they had no real evidence against her. That was what Luther kept saying, but then if that was so, why then didn't they let her go free? Kid was very scared. With each passing day Lou looked more bitter and hopeless. She kept saying that people had already convicted her, and there was nothing they could do. Kid rebelled against that. He had to believe that justice did its duty, and Lou would be free soon. Otherwise, he didn't know what all this would mean for her… and for them as a family.

Kid got up from the bed he had been sleeping in for the last seven nights. Since he had no home and being in the cottage without Lou didn't feel right, Christine and Malcolm had let him and the children stay at their place. After getting ready for the day, Kid came close to the cradle and picked up little Alice, who was already awake. He changed her diaper and dressed her as he kept cooing to her in a more enthusiastic tone he actually felt. Christine looked after Alice most of the day while he was on the ranch or visiting Lou, but Kid took care of the baby at night or in the moments he found himself in the house. He felt that Alice was his responsibility to Lou, and actually, he liked to be with the baby. She made him feel closer to Louise and as he had told Lou once, he loved her baby.

Kid made his way downstairs with Alice in his arms. Today was the trial and the day could become a glorious joy or a terrible outcome. Lou might be released or the jury might decide that she was guilty. Kid had to testify today even though there was little he could say to help Lou. He hadn't seen anything. If only he had a little hint, a little clue… but there was nothing.

Kid reached the dining room and immediately Christine approached him, or rather Alice. "Hello, beautiful!" she exclaimed, spreading her arms to the baby. "How is the prettiest baby in Richmond this morning? Come on, come with Auntie Christine!"

Alice let out a delighted squeal when she was in Christine's arms. "How are you, Kid?" the woman asked worriedly.

Kid shrugged his shoulders and added bitterly, "How do you think?"

Christine smiled sympathetically. There was nothing she could say to make him feel better. "Sit at the table and I'll make breakfast for you and give Alice her bottle," she said. "Malcolm had to go to the office early and he told me to let you know that he'll try to make it for the trial."

Kid nodded somberly and Christine left for the kitchen. He sat at the table where Joseph and his nephew were having their breakfasts already. Matt greeted him cheerfully, but Joseph kept quiet, staring at the plate before him without eating. "Joseph?" Kid called.

The boy looked up and then Kid saw his red, puffy eyes. "I miss Ma," he said in a thick voice.

"I know. I miss her too," Kid admitted in a soft tone.

"Pa, is Ma going back to prison?"

"I hope not," Kid replied carefully. There was a much more somber possibility: Lou might be sentenced to death. He needed to be careful with everything he told his son. If the worst came to worst, he had to be strong for the children, especially for Joseph. "I hope she can be with us soon."

Joseph nodded and remained thoughtful for a few minutes. "Pa?" he called.

"Yes, buddy?"

"Is Ma a bad person?" Joseph asked, his lower lip trembling and his eyes filling up with tears.

"No! Of course not!" Kid exclaimed as he rose from his seat and squatted down next to his son. "Listen, Joseph! Your mother is a caring, kind woman. She loves you. This is a mistake, that's all."

"And why don't we tell the sheriff, Pa? We can tell him Ma didn't do it."

"Things don't work that way, Joseph. It's complicated. Only the jury can set your Ma free."

"And will they listen to you, Pa? Will they let Ma go?"

Kid sighed. "I hope so, son. I really hope so."

* * *

Kid and Christine were already sitting in the second row of seats in court when the sheriff walked in, leading Lou along. She was dressed all in black, and her sullen, pale face contrasted dramatically with the darkness in her dress. Louise sat down next to Luther in the front and rubbed her wrists when the sheriff released her from the shackles. Louise looked around the crowded room and her eyes stopped when she spotted Kid. He smiled, voicing a silent _'I love you'_ and when she saw Alice in Christine's arms, she couldn't help the tears from shining in her eyes. Her baby. She missed her children so much and in just a week, Alice looked so different, so big. What if she was torn from her children forever? What if she was forced to depart this world? And worse yet, what if she had to go to prison again? How could she accept that? She hadn't done anything. It wasn't fair.

Everybody stood up when the judge appeared. He announced the beginning of the trial and soon witness after witness was summoned to the stand.

Lou wasn't sure how things were developing for her. She had the feeling that she was at a losing end and when the jury retired to deliberate, she was brought back to her cell. Those minutes seemed endless and she thought she was going to faint from pure worry and fear.

Pacing up and down her cell, she stopped when she heard a murmur of voices. Louise almost shouted when she saw Kid, carrying Alice to her. "Oh my love!" she cried as she reached to touch her baby's soft face between the bars. "Oh I miss you so, so much!"

"She misses her mama as well," Kid remarked as she locked eyes with Lou. "Joseph too… and me."

Louise stared at him with a frightened, pained expression. "Kid, I'm so scared! What's going to happen to me? Things aren't going well, are they?"

"Lou, we need to have faith. You are innocent and can't be convicted."

"And what if I am? I shouldn't be here in the first place! What if they send me to prison again… or worse?"

"Lou, please, don't be so negative! Luther says there's no evidence against you!"

Louise wasn't listening as fear made her blind and deaf to everything. "I can't go to prison again! I'd rather die! If I have to go, I'll kill myself. I'll be a dead woman, Kid. I can't set foot there again. You and the children will have to go on without me."

At her words Kid felt a shiver course over his body and the tears pushed behind his eyes. "Please Lou don't say that! If the verdict is against you, we'll appeal and…"

"Kid, aren't you listening to me?" Lou cried. "I can't go there… not even for a day. Don't you remember what I told you… what happens there?"

Kid was about to reply, but Sheriff Culpepper talked behind them. "Carmichael, your time's up. The jury's back."

Lou stared at Kid with terrified eyes. "Everything will be all right, trust me," he said before walking out, hoping he was telling the truth. He was as scared as she was… even more. He couldn't lose her, not now. They were finally walking the same road together and this came as a terrible curse. Kid wanted to believe that the truth would win over the silly theory that Lou had tried to kill him. Lou would be free soon, she had to.

Ten minutes later they were back in court. People's voices filled the room and the judge had to bang his gavel for silence several times. When people quietened, Judge Grey cleared his throat and started, "Bring in the jury, officer."

Lou and the attorneys rose when the twelve somber looking men filed in to the jury box and took their seats. Lou gulped when she realized that the jurors were not looking in her direction but some stole glances at the prosecutor. After a moment, Judge Grey asked, "Gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?"

The elderly foreman rose and answered, "We have, your Honor." The verdict sheet was handed to the bailiff, who handed it to the judge. Judge Grey perused it briefly, nodded, and handed it back to the bailiff to deliver back to the foreman.

"What say you in the matter of the Commonwealth of Virginia against Louise McCloud?"

"We, the jury find the defendant - - "

"One moment!" a voice rose loud and clear. Everybody turned their attention to the far end of the room and murmurs rose when they saw Frederick Henderson walk in. "I have evidence this lady is innocent."

In the distance Kid and Lou shared a confused look while, annoyed by the interruption, Judge Grey said, "Mr. Henderson, the evidence and closing arguments have been heard already, and you're not an attorney for the defendant in this matter. I'm holding you in contempt and fining you $100. It's fortunate for you the jury has already reached its verdict and your behavior cannot create grounds for a mistrial. Now remove yourself from this Courtroom before I have you removed."

Henderson came close to the bench. "Your Honor, what is more important? Procedure or justice?"

Judge Grey eyed Henderson coolly; despite the lawyer's successes in the courtroom he was not well respected among the bench or the bar, as he was the type of unscrupulous and shady character that gave the entire profession a bad name. "As you well know, Mr. Henderson, there can be no justice without proper process; the law and its "procedures" exist precisely for the orderly administration of justice."

Luther stood up. "Your Honor, I respect your position, but if Mr. Henderson as an officer of the Court assures us he has evidence that is important for this tribunal to consider in the interest of justice, I respectfully move this Court for permission to reopen the defendant's case and have it considered by the jury."

Furious, the prosecutor stood up. "Your Honor, I object to this ridiculous grandstanding. The defendant is Mr. Henderson's former client and mistress," he spluttered. "For him to come in here only after the trial is complete with what he says is exculpatory evidence is completely outrageous and prejudicial to the Commonwealth. If he had information, why didn't he give it to Miss McCloud's lawyer before the trial was over?"

"It's you who's grandstanding now, Mr. Smith," the Judge remarked. "The jury will retire to the jury room, please."

The jury was led out, looking at each other bewilderedly. The kindly old judge sighed, rubbing his face. The jury's verdict, incredibly, was guilty; as a judge he had the power to overturn the verdict if it was against the weight of the evidence, and he fully expected to do so in this preposterous case, where the evidence was insufficient on its face. But it would be preferable if the jury came to the correct conclusion on its own, as the power to overturn a jury verdict was seldom exercised and never popular with the voting public. If there was anything to Henderson's evidence, he decided, the jury would hear it, as he was not in the business of jailing young mothers on such flimsy evidence. Finally, he spoke. "The jury's verdict will be held in abeyance until I hold a brief voir dire as to the relevance and admissibility of this new evidence. Your exception is duly noted, counselor. Mr. Henderson, step up to the witness stand and be sworn in for my voir dire."

Once sworn, Mr. Henderson started his testimony. "Miss McCloud has nothing to do with this crime. Mr. Daniel Parker should be the one on trial, not her."

"Who is this Daniel Parker?" the judge asked.

"He used to work for Mr. Carmichael, but was fired a couple of months ago. He set fire to his house for revenge," Henderson continued explaining.

"And how do you know all this, Mr. Henderson?"

"He confessed it to me," the lawyer replied in a low voice.

"And where's Mr. Parker?"

Henderson didn't reply right away. He cleared his throat nervously and then said, "He's in my lodge on the outskirts of town. He asked me for help and I… I accepted." He had grudgingly let Parker use his place for the last few days but things had got too far when Daniel had started to blackmail him.

"I'm sure you already realize what this confession means to you, Mr. Henderson?"

"Yes, your Honor. I'm ready to face the consequences," he said in a low voice.

"Judge, he's her lover," Mr. Smith tried again. He's so obsessed with her he's willing to risk a few months in jail for aiding and abetting just to save her from the gallows. That's all this is, it's common knowledge what their association is."

"I know," Judge Grey said, and Lou went scarlet, her humiliation complete. Did everyone know her shame? Was there no end to how her mistakes would haunt her?

"But there's more than a few months' jail time," Judge Grey said, thoughtfully. "He'll be disbarred, of course, lose his livelihood, for his part in this mess. That's a big sacrifice to make." He considered for a moment more, and then said, "I've made my decision. I'm issuing a warrant for this Daniel Parker, and holding the trial open for another day so that both counsel can interview him, and if the Commonwealth still feels it wishes to pursue this case against this defendant, we will reconvene and continue the trial. Court stands adjourned."

Kid and Christine waited outside the sheriff's office once they had left the court. Luther was in the jailhouse with Lou and had asked him to wait outside. Kid kept pacing up and down the sidewalk, unable to be still for more than a few seconds. He couldn't wait for Lou to come out, because she was sure she'd be with him and the children today. Kid kept cursing himself for his foolishness. Why hadn't he thought of Daniel as the wrongdoer? He had threatened him when Kid had dismissed him, but he had never thought Daniel could do something so low.

It was half an hour later that they saw the sheriff and one deputy appear, pushing Daniel along. With his hands shackled behind his back, Daniel kept fighting the two lawmen and crying that he hadn't done anything. When they came closer to Kid and Christine, Daniel made his two guardians stop forcefully and he barked, "This is not over, Carmichael! I swear! Take care of that pretty baby and that boy of yours, because you never know where the danger might be!"

Christine automatically pressed Alice against her bosom in a protective fashion and one of the deputies had to step in before Kid lunged against the man. "Mr. Carmichael," Sheriff Culpepper said as his men forced Daniel away from the place towards the jailhouse. "I wouldn't worry. He's likely to spend a long time in prison for this affair."

Kid lifted his cold eyes to the lawman. Since the beginning the sheriff had been set to accuse Lou with feeble arguments. Because of him, they had to go thorough hell and now he couldn't believe this role of the good guy the sheriff wanted to play. "I won't have my peace until Miss McCloud is with me."

Sheriff Culpepper nodded seriously, and getting the hint, he walked into his office. Not long had passed when the door opened and Luther and Lou stepped out. As soon as his eyes fell on her, Kid ran to her and engulfed her in his arms, lifting her petite body above the floor. "Oh Lou! Oh Lou!" he kept repeating as his arms squeezed her frame, realizing at the time how scared he had been for the last week.

"I'm free," she whispered as he released her and looked into her eyes. "The prosecutor's agreed to drop the charges."

"Yes, you are free… forever."

Louise smiled, and holding hands, they started towards where Christine and Luther were talking. "Look who's here, Alice!" Christine exclaimed. "It's your mama!"

Christine passed the baby to Lou, and she almost let out a cry when she felt Alice's small body in her arms. She had longed for her children so much that it hurt, and now she couldn't wait to see Joseph. "How are you, Louise?" Christine asked.

"Good now," Lou replied with a smile. "And thanks for looking after my family."

"It was a real pleasure. I'm going to miss them, but let me tell you this big boy was the worst to handle, honestly," Christine said as she patted Kid on the back.

Louise giggled, looking at her man sideways. "Yeah, he can be a handful."

"Are you ladies done putting me down? Remember I'm here," Kid replied in mock irritation.

"Don't get upset, Kid. You know we love you," Lou replied, and pushing herself on her tiptoes, she planted a kiss on his cheek. Kid moved his face and cupping hers in his hand, he brought her closer and kissed her again, a soft kiss, this time on her lips. The baby in Lou's arms protested on feeling pressed between their two bodies and the couple quickly pulled away.

"I think this calls for a celebration," Luther suggested.

"Let's go to my place and have a nice meal. How about that?" Christine added.

"I think that's a great idea, Chris," Kid replied.

"And I'm so looking forward to seeing my boy. It feels like ages," Lou breathed sadly.

The group started walking along the street when they saw Henderson being led by one of the deputies towards the same place Daniel had been taken to. On seeing Lou, he smiled and she stopped before the lawyer. "Thank you, Fred."

"I should have spoken up before," Henderson added.

"Yes," Lou agreed. "But you might have chosen not to say anything."

"Justice needed to be done, and I couldn't let you pay for something you had no part in."

"What's going to happen to you now?" she asked.

"Nothing I can't cope with. A few months in jail and I'll be disbarred, but I think it's time for me to start a new career." He paused for a second. "Maybe when all this finishes, we can…" At his words Lou looked at him with an expression of utter horror and even took a step backwards. Henderson chuckled, "I was joking, for Pete's sake. But I had to try, didn't I?"

Lou didn't find his joke amusing at all, and tried to keep calm. "Take care of yourself, Henderson."

"Lou!" Kid called from where he stood, running out of patience. He still didn't like Henderson being near Louise.

"I have to go, Fred," Louise said. She turned around and walked on. Henderson kept looking back and as the deputy pushed him forwards, the lawyer muttered in a low voice, "One day, Louise McCloud. Maybe one day."


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

Louise laughed gleefully as floods of water attacked her. Despite being the last day of September, the weather was unnaturally hot for this time of the year. They were having a very long Indian summer and the rain was still absent. Since it was such a scorching day, Lou and Christine had decided to take the children to the river for a swim. Christine had remained on the bank, looking after Alice. Lou had stripped down to the blue and white swim suit she had bought and joined the boys in the water. Joseph and Matt had grown very close this summer and whenever they came together, they made all kind of mischief. So as soon as Lou got into the river, the two cousins hadn't missed their chance for a good laugh and started splashing water over her.

"Boys, that's enough!" Lou squealed among giggles as she tried to protect himself by turning her back to the children. When Joseph and Matt finally stopped their attack, Louise started back towards the bank.

"Are you going already, Ma?" Joseph asked in a disappointed voice.

"Yeah, honey. I just wanted to freshen up and you boys have cooled me enough," Lou explained. "You stay and play together, but be careful."

Louise reached the bank and removed her cap, which thanks to the boys' cooling 'techniques', was drenched as well as her hair. She accepted a towel from Christine and as Lou started drying herself, Christine said, "Your boy and mine are a dangerous combination."

"Yeah, they're terrible," Louise agreed with a smile as she sat down on the blanket next to Christine, Alice lying between both of them. "But they're lovely boys."

"I hope the coming baby will be too," she said as she caressed her unnoticeably pregnant middle. She had found out she was with child at the beginning of the summer, and they had all celebrated the news with great glee.

Christine looked down at Alice and let out a sigh. "Something wrong, Chris?" Lou asked.

Christine shook her head. "It's just that… I'm happy about the baby, but I can't help feeling nervous. I was last pregnant eleven years ago… and… and everything is going so fast, me getting married and now on my way to become a mother again. It kind of beats me."

"But you have nothing to fear. It's different now. You are not alone as when you were expecting Matt," Lou replied. "Malcolm is a good man and he won't let you down."

"I know that. He's absolutely nuts about his child," Christine replied. "He can't wait for its birth."

Lou nodded. "I know that having Kid with me when I was having Alice made a world of a difference even though he's not her father."

"Isn't he?" Christine replied and when Lou gave her a strange look, she added, "As far as I've seen, he acts more like a daddy to Alice than many fathers I know."

"Yes, you're right. Kid's wonderful with my baby."

"He told me he wants to make her his legal daughter and adopt her," Christine continued.

"Yeah, we talked about that and Luther's preparing all the paperwork already," Lou replied and noticing Christine's unclear expression, she asked, "Do you think it's not right?"

"Why, of course I think it's right. What I find totally unnerving is Kid's passiveness. When on earth is he going to propose to you?"

Louise kept a serious expression. "I'm not in a hurry."

"You've been courting for months now. It's high time he popped the question," Christine exclaimed and after a paused, she asked when Lou remained quiet and subdued, "Louise, what are you so scared of?"

Lou glanced at her friend sharply. That was what Kid had asked her a couple of months ago when they had started their special romance. It seemed she was so obvious because Christine had rightly guessed the apprehension behind her silence. Since the fire, she and Christine had grown closer and it was true that they had many things in common. Lou was glad to have a girl friend to talk to. Christine understood her in many aspects but it still surprised Lou to realize how well her friend could read her. "If Kid married me, he would be tied to me forever," Louise replied to the question after a few seconds.

"Well, that's the point of marriage, isn't it?" Christine remarked matter-of-factly. "You know, till death do us part."

"But… it's _me_! He'd be joined to _me_!" Louise exclaimed.

"I don't understand what the problem is."

"Don't you? I think it's crystal clear," Lou replied in a low voice, directing her eyes to the two boys who were still playing in the water. "You know the reasons very well. You tried to keep Kid away from me for those same reasons, remember?"

"I was wrong to judge you so harshly. I didn't want Kid to suffer, but he loves you and I've never seen him so happy before," Christine said. "And Lou, you and I are not so different. And I learned to accept love in my life."

Louise shook her head. "I don't know. I still feel I'm not good enough for him. I have too much baggage… too much shame to be fully happy. I haven't led a good life. To start with, I have two illegitimate children."

"Well, Matt was also born out of wedlock but he's a son for Malcolm. That wasn't a problem for us. And Kid has an illegitimate child too, since Joseph is his… and Alice, well, she will soon be his legally… he's crazy about this little girl," Christine replied approaching her hand to the baby and Alice grabbed her thumb playfully.

"I lied to him for a long time."

"I also lied, Lou. I made everybody think I was Jed's widow and even my friends still think I really was."

"And I've been with other men… dozens," Lou continued stubbornly.

"I've been with other men too," Christine replied and at Lou's frown, she added, "You know, Jed and … well, Paul." She sighed and carried on in a soft tone, "It began strangely. One day he was there, I was feeling kind of wretched, and we started talking. He made me laugh and well, we ended up comforting each other. We did for a while… it wasn't just one-time thing. I liked to be with him, but it wasn't love. I guessed I used him. And when Malcolm appeared, I stopped things with Paul. I know Paul had real feelings for me. I'm not proud of myself, but I can't feel guilty and miserable my whole life."

Louise nodded. She knew part of Christine's story from Paul himself, but she wouldn't tell her friend. "I guess you're right."

"So when Kid proposes to you, what are you going to say?" Christine asked.

"Well, Mrs. Blake, that is something only my man will know," Lou replied teasingly, in an attempt to shush her fears away.

Christine smiled and after a second, she continued, "You know what I think? Kid's waiting to finish building his house before he asks you to become his wife. He's practically homeless now, living at my place all this time."

"Please, can we drop the matter?"

Naturally, Christine ignored her request and carried on regardless, "But can you imagine it? You walking down the aisle, dressed beautifully in white, lilies and roses embellishing the church and the reverend's wife playing the wedding march. And then we'd have a celebration in the beautiful house Kid's building." Christine let out a sigh. "I wish he could hurry up."

Louise couldn't quite see herself in that dreamy setting Christine had described. She couldn't have a white wedding. She was far from being pure and virginal. She had two children and a long history, and dressing in white would be nothing but a ridiculous joke. Louise, though, didn't voice her reticence and simply said, "Kid's too busy and his job takes up most of his time. He's doing his best to see to everything. We don't even have time to talk or spend together."

Christine nodded. Having his house burned down had spoiled all Kid's plans. Christine knew that he had wanted to go to Rock Creek in the summer and had even persuaded Louise to tag along. So been forced to build a new house, Kid had to call off that trip and used any free time he had to work on his new house, which looked bigger and more beautiful than the one that had perished in the fire.

About an hour later, the ladies were driving back to the ranch. Exhausted, the boys had fallen asleep at the back of the wagon while six-month-old Alice kept making gurgling sounds as she sat on Christine's lap. "Louise, I'm having a dinner at home next week. I've invited a few of our friends and I'd love you and Kid to be there as well."

"I don't think I can," Louise replied. Even though she and Christine got on perfectly well, Lou was still wary of social occasions and meeting new people.

"Why not?" Christine asked in disappointment. "It will be just Luther and Margaret and a few others. You'll like them."

"I have to look after my children," Louise replied, not wanting to get into a discussion about Christine's friends or her real reasons to refuse her invitation.

"But that's not a problem. They can sleep in the house that night… and after dinner, you can stay too. And… you can then sneak into Kid's bedroom," Christine said with a wink.

Louise chuckled. "Kid and I are trying to be proper. Not much activity in that field, you know."

"You serious? You and Kid are not…?"

"Nothing. We're focusing on other things. To tell you the truth, it was more his idea than mine, but I think we're doing good."

"So what is he waiting for? For your wedding night or what?" Christine asked in surprise. He knew Kid always acted gentlemanlike, sometimes a bit too much, but he was a man after all, and he had his share of women over the years. It was odd that he kept this kind of non-physical relationship with the woman he loved and the mother of his child. It was true that their society disapproved of what was considered immoral behavior before marriage, but those rules of society were often broken. Christine herself had known her husband in the biblical sense before they were blessed in holy matrimony. "And doesn't that bother you?" Christine asked.

"Oh it drives me up the wall," Louise exclaimed dramatically and both women laughed amused. "I'm learning to value other things. But … I'm happy, Christine. I feel very happy after many years, and that's what I care about."

"And you'll be happier when you become Mrs. Carmichael." Christine stated with a smile.

Louise rolled her eyes. Christine wouldn't let the matter rest and Lou was getting edgy with all this talk about her possible wedding. Even though most women dreamt about becoming a wife to the man they loved, Lou had too many reservations. The idea in itself was enticing, but the image of her as a bride was actually scary. Years ago she had run away from a wedding because she had feared to lose the freedom she had back then. Her refusal hadn't been for lack of love because she had loved Kid as much as she did now. Yet, the notion of becoming a wife, submissive and obedient, had been abhorrent to her. Years, though, had taught her that freedom was more than having no ties. Many other elements had enslaved and imprisoned her, and the funny thing was that she had been the first one responsible for her lack of freedom. Lately she was learning to break all those chains; in a way she felt freer but she was still unable to let go of the last and most worrying prison. It was like a dark cloud hovering over her head and she was afraid that a storm would fall and drown her.

The ladies reached the ranch and as soon as he saw them, Kid left the work at hand to receive them. He gave a Louise a welcoming kiss and took the baby from Christine. Alice squealed in delight when she found herself in his arms. Kid smiled and placed a soft kiss on her head. Christine remained in the middle of the yard, her hands resting on her hips and her green eyes intently watching the unfinished house.

"When do you think you'll be done with this, Kid?" Christine asked after a few minutes.

"Soon, I imagine. I just need to finish the roof. I've already ordered some of the furniture," he explained.

"Then you're moving in here very soon, aren't you?" Christine asked again, wiggling her eyebrows to Louise meaningfully. Lou shook her head, glad that Kid was glancing at Alice and didn't notice Christine's obvious expression.

"What's up, Christine? You already tired of having me as your guest?" Kid replied teasingly.

"Uh no… but I imagine you must be looking forward to have your own home again." Christine paused and after a few moments, she added, "Well, I'd better go. Louise, why don't you let Joseph sleep at my place tonight? I'd hate to wake him up and Kid can always bring him back tomorrow."

"Actually, he's been asking us to let him sleep at his cousin's for a while now," Lou said, sharing a look with Kid. "I guess it's okay as long as it's no trouble for you, Christine."

"It's fine. And Matt needs to learn there's soon gonna be somebody else at home," Christine replied, caressing her middle meaningfully.

Lou and Kid bid Christine good-bye and when the wagon got lost on the horizon, they turned to each other. "Are you done with work today?" she asked.

"I think so. Actually, I feel like spending some time with you," Kid replied as they walked to the cottage and stayed on the porch. Kid placed Alice on the high chair he had built for her and immediately he came closer to Lou and engulfed her in his arms. His lips claimed hers and they kissed. "I love you," he breathed as they pulled away slightly, their cheeks caressing each other.

"I love you too," Louise whispered.

"You know what I'd like?" Kid continued and as Lou stared at him questioningly, he added, "I'd love to take you to town, have dinner in one of those fancy restaurants and spend all the evening, just the two of us together. We could ask Christine to look after the children one day."

Louise eyed him warily. After Christine's insistence about marriage, Lou wondered if there was something beyond Kid's words. Had Christine gone on and on about the same because Kid had told her something about his intentions? There didn't seem to be anything different in Kid; he was just looking at her with as much love and passion as usual. Lou told herself to stop her silliness. She knew that sooner or later he'd ask her the dreaded question. It was something she couldn't shun and she simply needed to forget about her fears and focus on his love.

"I'd love that too, Kid," she finally said.

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, a powerful roar startled them. The couple turned their attention to the yard and to their glee they saw a strong downpour before their eyes. "Oh Kid, it's raining! It's raining! Finally!" Lou exclaimed happily.

As if they were a couple of children, Kid and Lou jumped off the safety of the porch and started bouncing and dancing under the powerful rain. Their arms clasped on each other as they spun around, laughing and getting totally drenched. This water felt like a blessing, like ambrosia from the gods. They had gone through many months of drought and this past summer had been especially hard. The rain put an end to all calamities and shortages in town and somehow they felt this was a bright perspective, a new beginning, a divine gift. Nothing could go wrong from now on. After a terrible year, things needed to spark up, they had to.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

"Ma, I'm bored," Joseph complained for the umpteenth time as he stared through the window. The rain kept falling non-stop. It was the third week in a row that the sky poured all the water they had lacked the rest of the year, so it was natural that a lively boy like Joseph would feel sick and tired of being cooped inside the house all day.

"Why don't you play something, honey?" Lou offered.

Joseph turned towards his mother, who was feeding Alice her purée, and exclaimed, "Play what, Ma? If only Pa was here…"

Kid and Paul had left a few days ago to deliver some horses to an important customer and Joseph missed his father terribly. The men should have been back by now, but the bad weather was surely delaying them.

Louise gave Alice the last spoonful of her food and after wiping her mouth with her bib, Lou scooped the baby up in her arms to let her burp and came closer to her son. From behind the boy, she looked at the same scene as for the last three weeks, rain and rain and more rain. Across the yard, Kid's house remained untouched. A large scrap of waterproof material covered the unfinished roof, protecting the inside of the house. "Honey, why don't we play that puzzle game your father bought you?" Lou said after a few seconds.

"Oh yes!" the boy exclaimed happily, and ran to find the game right away.

Louise and Joseph played together for the rest of the evening while the rain kept drumming above them. They had dinner and when it was time to sleep, Lou helped her son to get settled in bed and read him a tale until he fell asleep. Joseph was growing up very quickly, reflected Lou. A month ago he had turned nine, but he was still a young child in many aspects. Lately he did anything to draw attention to himself. Lou knew her son was simply suffering some fraternal jealousy. Naturally, being just a baby, Alice required extra care. Joseph's mischief and relapse to old habits was simply a call for attention. Lou had to admit that she found her son's attitude endearing but at the same time she was trying her hardest to show him that he was her special boy and had nothing to be jealous about.

Louise quietly walked out of his bedroom and her eyes opened in shock when she saw water spreading through half her living room as it seeped from under the front door. Hurriedly she opened it and to her horror she realized all the yard had become a lake and as far as she could see in the dark, the level of the water was rising quickly. Some people had been saying for the last days that the River James ran the risk of overflowing with the abundant precipitations of late. Christine had offered to let Lou stay at her place when Kid left, but Louise had declined. Her cottage wasn't so close to the river and she liked to be in peace and quiet in her own place. Apparently, she had made the wrong decision and now she regretted refusing Christine's invitation.

Louise walked back to her son's bedroom, and sitting on the bed, she swept her hand over his face and called him, "Joseph! Honey, wake up!"

The boy sat up and rubbed his eyes with his small fist. "Is it day already?" he asked in a husky voice.

"No, honey. But we need to get out of here. There's a flood and we have to leave the house," Lou said nervously as she removed the bedding and helped him into his trousers, shirt and jacket. They were not safe in the house. If the water kept rising, the cottage was in danger of being overflowed.

Sleepy, Joseph followed his mother into the living room. Lou tied a rope around her waist and turned to her son. "Listen to me, Joseph. We're going out of here and I want you to hold the rope very, very tightly and stay close to me, understood? It's very dark outside and we need to be very careful."

"Why can't we wait till tomorrow, Ma?" Joseph asked while Lou tied the rope around his waist. "Maybe Pa will be back tomorrow."

"There's no time, honey," Lou replied as she picked up the baby. She placed her on her right hip while she took a lamp in her other hand. "Let's just get going."

As they ventured out of the house, Joseph did as Lou had instructed him and held the rope fearfully as his eyes stared at the blackness before him. They carefully descended the already submerged porch steps; the water reached Lou's thighs and Joseph's waist and the boy said, "Ma, it's too cold."

"I know, my love. It won't take us long, I promise," Lou replied, hoping that they could get to the stables safely. Trying to get out of the property would be crazy, since she wasn't sure if they would get into worse conditions. All Lou knew was that they needed to stay somewhere high where the water couldn't reach. The only place around was the hayloft, so if they managed to get there, they would be safe. It was a long way especially since they couldn't see where their feet stepped. The only good thing was that it had stopped raining, at least momentarily.

"Ma, I'm scared," Joseph said, his teeth chattering with cold.

"I know, honey, I know," Lou muttered sadly. Her arms hurt from holding the baby and the lamp, and she was afraid she would stumble and fall. "Let me tell you your favorite fairy tale and then you won't be so scared, all right, my love?" Lou started the tale of the three little pigs, which Joseph loved so much, as she kept walking with very slow steps. It was hard to concentrate on the tale, the terrain her feet touched and holding Alice and the lamp at the same time.

Suddenly, Lou felt a strong tug in her waist, followed by a splashing sound. "Joseph!" she cried in horror and without thinking about it twice, she let go of the lamp that fell into the water and with a trembling hand, she pulled at the rope around her waist. Joseph appeared from under the water and Louise brought her hand around her dear son eagerly. "Oh Joseph! Oh Joseph!" Louise repeated over and over again, as tears of terror trickled down her cheeks. The boy hugged her tightly as he kept coughing and his eyes also moistened. "Everything's gonna be all right, my love," Lou kept saying over and over again like a mantra as she held her two children against her in the middle of the darkest night of her life, praying to God that He guide them because now more than ever, she couldn't see.

* * *

"I can't wait to get home and see Lou and the children," Kid exclaimed as he and Paul saw the first buildings of Richmond raise in the distance.

"I thought you still had no home," Paul replied jokingly.

"You know what they say. Home is where the heart is," Kid carried on with a smile.

"Yeah… I can imagine where your heart is… and not only that part of your body," Paul continued the teasing.

Kid chuckled in agreement. "In any case, I'm glad the rain seems to have stopped. I want to finish my house once and for all. Isn't it the most beautiful sky you've ever seen?" Kid exclaimed, looking upwards. After days of nothing but overcast skies, that morning's clear landscape above them was really a sight for sore eyes.

"You know what I think, Kid?" Paul added. "All you need to do is to marry her and move to the cottage. Then you can finish that mansion you've been building for your lady."

Kid laughed. Paul could always read what was behind his intentions. It was true that it was taking him longer to build his new house because he wanted to have the best for Lou and the children. He was sparing no expense, and if the rain hadn't stopped him, he'd have finished it by now. "I need to take things with Lou slowly. Marriage is a delicate matter between us, but who knows? I might give her a surprise one of these days."

When they entered the town, they noticed that there was something strange in the atmosphere. People were rushing around, carts and carriages flocked before the stores, and everybody's sullen expressions showed an unusual perspective.

"Something's happened," Paul said, voicing his friend's own feelings.

"Kid!" a voice called urgently above the sounds of the crowd of horses and carriages in the street. Then they saw Christine dash towards them, avoiding the obstacles on her eager run. Kid and Paul stopped their horses and as the woman reached them, she exclaimed, "Oh Kid! Thank God! I'm so glad you're here!"

"What's going on, Chris?" Kid asked.

"The river overflowed last night and flooded all the properties in the north," Christine exclaimed.

Kid knew that her reference included his place. "How bad?"

"We don't know. Malcolm tried to get there this morning, but it's impossible to ride further than the Millers' farm. Everything looks like a huge lake, dead animals and rubble floating around."

"Where are Lou and the children?" Kid asked again.

"I… I don't know."

Kid swallowed as worry got hold of his soul. "Are you saying that she's out there with two small children and nobody else?"

"Malcolm is trying to get hold of a boat from Mr. Chapman. It's the only way to reach the place."

As soon as Christine finished, Paul and Kid galloped away. As they rode outside the town, they realized how true Christine's words were. They had to change the direction several times when they reached a dead end that water had created. It took them almost double time to get to Mr. Chapman's boathouse. There was a small crowd there as everybody tried to reach their properties and dear ones trapped because of the flood.

Malcolm waved at the two men when he noticed them. Paul and Kid dismounted and approached him. "This is the boat," Malcolm explained, pointing at it. "I had to wait for almost an hour to get one. No wonder, everybody's desperate."

"Thanks, Malcolm. Let us handle this now. Go to Christine and tell her not to worry," Kid explained in a serious voice.

"Are you sure you don't need my help?" Malcolm asked. Kid simply nodded and noticing his expression, Malcolm added, "Kid, I'm sure they're fine."

"Yes," Kid replied, forcing a fake smile on his lips. He was worried beyond comprehension despite his own words. He knew that this wasn't the first time the river had flooded and he had heard of people who have drowned on those occasions. Kid had no clue how deep the consequences this time were and his ignorance was making him have all kinds of scary thoughts. He wouldn't have his peace until he saw Lou and the children, and made sure they were safe and sound.

Kid and Paul got on the small boat and started off. The ranch was about five miles away, which would take them longer than usual to cover. Paul took charge of the oars while Kid tried to remove all the objects, trunks and dead animals floating on their way. With each minute Kid felt his heart thump in terror more and more powerfully as he thought about what might have happened to his family. He was terrified and cursed himself for being away when Lou had been surprised with this new incident.

When they sailed into the place, Kid blanched when he saw the condition the cottage was. It was almost covered in water, except for the top part and the roof. Everything else had been invaded by the river and as they looked around, the ranch didn't look anything like the place they had left a few days before. The area was eerily silent in clear contrast to the normal activity that had been the usual routine. "Kid… I… maybe she managed to get out," Paul tried, breaking the silence, as he noticed Kid's petrified expression as he stared at the underwater cottage with total horror.

"Lou!" Kid suddenly cried at the top of his lungs as tears pricked his eyes. "Lou!"

Paul joined his friend's desperate summons and they kept calling Lou's name over and over again while pushing the boat forward. The seconds seemed endless and as only silence responded their calls, Kid felt a terrible pain take a grip of his self. Suddenly, they made out a little voice in the distance. The two men kept quite and the weak voice was heard again. "Daddy!"

"Joseph! Joseph! Where are you?" Kid called as the pressure he had been feeling softened. The relief was so immense that he felt the urge to jump off the boat and swim to wherever Joseph was. Yet, his peace of mind wouldn't be complete until he saw Lou and the children were all right.

"Here in the hayloft," the boy responded. It took the two men three tries to understand what Joseph was saying. When they managed to make out his words, Kid turned his eyes towards the stable and saw his son's figure standing on the big opening in the hayloft. The men steered the boat towards the place right away. What used to be his yard was covered and different objects floated on its surface. The water reached half the height of the stables and Kid realized with great regret that all his animals had drowned in the flood.

"Where are your mother and sister?" Kid asked as Paul tied a rope round a high post to secure the boat.

The boy automatically flashed his eyes inside and then looked back towards Kid, "They're sleeping. Ma hurt her leg with a wire and can't walk very well. But she's fine," the boy explained and after a short pause, he added, "Pa, I've been so scared."

"Joseph, listen to me," Kid replied, looking up at the boy. "I'm gonna help you out of here, all right?"

Joseph nodded and kept staring at his father with big eyes. Without delay, the two men got down to action. Kid rested his left foot on Paul's hands, joined as if they were a stirrup. When Paul pushed him upwards, he managed to reach the entrance of the hayloft. As Kid finally scrambled to his feet, he quickly threw his arms around his son, hugging him tightly. "Where's Ma?" he asked when he let go of the child.

"There," Joseph replied, pointing out at the far end. As the boy had previously said, a sleeping Lou sat up, leaning her back against one of the walls and Alice was also asleep in her arms.

Followed by Joseph, Kid marched towards Lou decidedly and knelt in the hay in front of her. For a moment he simply looked at her, staring at her peaceful face. The child sent his father a strange look, which prompted him to act. Kid then caressed her face and called her name. "Lou…"

Louise's eyes fluttered and opened slowly to find Kid's blue pools looking at her. For a few seconds she felt totally disoriented, but when she remembered the previous night's events, she cried, "Oh Kid!"

"Sh! It's all right, honey! I'm here," he replied. "Tell me, how are you?"

"My right leg…" Lou said and as she slid the material of her skirt off, he saw her calf was covered in blood and the flesh around the ugly gash was turning into a bluish color.

"A doctor needs to see that before it gets infected."

Louise nodded. "Before coming up here, I opened the stall doors, but I'm not sure if the horses managed to get out."

"Don't worry about that, Lou. What matters now is that you and the children are all right," Kid replied. "We'll worry about the rest later."

Louise nodded and very carefully Kid scooped her up in his arms. Lou held the baby securely against her chest, and smiled at Joseph even though her leg hurt unbearably. It had been a horrible night. Never before had she been so scared and not because of what might have happened to her but her children. They had taken refuge in the hayloft even though she was not sure they'd be safe there. All night long Louise had been terrified, wondering how or when they'd be able to get out of the place. They had no food, no means to escape and the wound in her leg prevented her from moving. Thankfully, they had survived. Kid had come to their rescue and right now all her fears vanished because they were all together again. And having Kid with her, she had nothing to worry about.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

"Will you stay still for a moment?" Christine scolded in a serious tone when Louise stood up from the sofa once again.

"Alice's crying. I'm sure you can hear her," Lou replied sarcastically as she hobbled towards where her baby was protesting loudly and lifted her in her arms.

"Has anyone told you that you're impossible, Louise McCloud?" Christine replied in a mocking tone. "You know I'm here to help you and if Alice needs her mama, I can bring her to you."

"Chris, I can't expect you to be at my beck and call as if you were my servant. You're already putting up with too much inconvenience by letting us invade your home."

"Don't be silly. I'm glad to have you here. We're family, remember? And you know what the doctor said. Your leg needs to rest," Christine replied as she took the baby from Lou and made her friend sit back on the sofa. Louise made an unhappy gesture, but didn't try to protest, because she knew Christine was right. Three days had passed since the flood and she was getting frustrated and bored from lazing around all day long. "And you know," Christine continued, "having Alice here is giving me good practice for when my baby is born."

"Alice is not really a baby anymore," Lou replied in a nostalgic tone. She truly missed those times when her little girl was a tiny pea and the special bond joining them together. Because of the week Lou had spent in the jailhouse, Alice had to be weaned and be bottle-fed. The natural course of life was making her grow up too quickly for Lou's taste and with each passing day Lou missed the baby her daughter had been just yesterday.

The front door opened and Kid and Malcolm appeared. "Hello, gentlemen," Christine greeted them with a smile as the men uncovered their heads and left their hats on the rack. Malcolm came to kiss his wife, but Kid stood motionless behind. From her position on the sofa, Lou sent him a curious look and asked, "What do you have to tell us?"

Kid didn't open his mouth to talk, and it was Malcolm who piped up. "Things don't look good. There's still water covering the property and of course mud everywhere."

The two men had ridden out to Kid's place that morning to assess the damage the flood had caused. At first sight the property looked like a swamp and even when the water finally drained off, the perspective wasn't much better. Besides, all the animals were either dead or gone. All the buildings had been flooded and Kid would need good money and a lot of work to give the place its splendor back.

"Is there anything we can do to help you, Kid?" Christine asked after a pause.

Kid shook his head. "I'm afraid not," he finally spoke up. "I already spent too much on the new house. I don't have enough to start again and I don't want to get into debt with the bank. I guess I'll have to sell the place to Rush."

"Rush?" Lou echoed questioningly.

Kid nodded as he elaborated, "He's a well-to-do cattle dealer. He's been after my land for years… you know, as land for pasture. Of course, now he'll get a bargain if he's still interested. The land's now worth half of what I paid."

"I…I'm sorry, Kid," Lou muttered, unsure what to say. She felt clumsy and awkward and wished she had the solution he needed.

"Yeah, me too," Kid replied. The room remained in uncomfortable silence for a couple of minutes and then Kid said, "If you excuse me, I think I'll go to bed now."

"To bed?" Christine exclaimed surprised. "What about dinner?"

"I'm not hungry, just terribly tired," Kid muttered and without waiting for an answer, he headed for the stairs.

Louise stared at his retreating figure until disappeared up the staircase. Suddenly, she felt very sad and lonely. She hated to see him look so down and distant. It was natural for him to feel downhearted after losing his home and the business he had fought so hard to make succeed. Lou could sense his pain, and she wished he didn't shut her out, he wanted to share his heartache with her. Yet, he had isolated himself from her, keeping her away, and his attitude hurt more than if he vented his frustration against her. Louise wished he could shout to her and accuse her of being guilty of everything wrong in his life. His silence killed her and the pain was such that tears pricked her eyes, and when Christine and Malcolm left the room, she let out a deep sigh and closing her eyes, she had to bite her tongue so that the cry of her soul didn't get out.

* * *

Kid didn't know how long he had been lying in the same position, resting on his side and looking at the empty wall in front of his eyes. He couldn't sleep as his head didn't stop thinking about the same over and over again. As he had lain like this for hours, he made out the sounds of the house: the boys' cheerful voices, Alice's cries, and the adults softly conversing. Then the rituals of every night followed. The children were put to bed and an hour later the lights in the house went off, meaning that everybody had finally turned in. Kid had recognized Lou's hobbling gait as she went to the bedroom she slept in, and even though he had a burning desire to go to her, he remained still in the bed. Apart from the sour mood he was still in, he felt horrible for the way he had treated Lou before. She didn't deserve that cold reception he had bestowed upon her, but he hadn't been able to help himself. He was angry with the world and in moments like this he wasn't the best person to keep company with.

Suddenly, he heard the door open and he knew straightway it was Lou. He didn't move as he heard her bare feet cross the room. The mattress squeak under her weight and when her arm slid around his torso from behind, he said, "What are you doing here, Lou?"

"I can't sleep without you," she muttered, her mouth very close to his ear.

Kid rolled over so that he could look at her and his arms came to encircle her. "Well, you've been doing quite well so far, haven't you?"

"Because all the other times I've got at least a little goodnight kiss," she replied playfully, but actually being serious about what she was saying.

"You're right. Sorry for acting like a jackass and neglecting you," Kid said, and placing his hand behind her nape, he brought her lips closer and they melted in a long, soft kiss. "Better now?" he asked when they pulled back.

"Much better," Louise stated with a big smile. They relapsed into silence and remained in the same position, holding each other closely. "Kid," Louise started after a lengthy pause, "I wanted to tell you that I'm very sorry."

"Sorry?" Kid echoed in obvious confusion.

"Yeah… for everything you've lost," Louise filled in.

"I could've lost something far more valuable," Kid replied, caressing her shoulder. "It's nobody's fault, anyway."

"I…I sometimes feel it's my fault," Lou muttered, lowering her eyes.

Kid placed his finger under her chin and made her meet his gaze. "What are you saying, Lou? Your fault? Is it your fault that it poured torrentially for weeks? Is it your fault the river overflowed?"

"No… I guess not, but I often think I'm some kind of jinx," Louise replied. "Since we parted years ago, I've come across nothing but bad luck. You know, I've tried hard to survive and fight, but there's always been something that blocked me, that threw me. And now all this bad luck is also rubbing on you."

"That's silly, Lou!" Kid replied. "You're not jinxed. Anyway, I plan to kick out all black clouds that come our way. We're going to have a good life, Lou. This was just an incident, but we're stronger."

Louise inhaled deeply. "What are you going to do now, Kid?"

"I've been thinking about you, the children… about us," Kid carried. "Maybe it's time to move on… to leave."

"You mean leave Richmond?" Lou asked in surprise.

"I know you're not happy here," Kid said and Louise lowered her eyes in admission. Things were a bit better now, but people in town still told tales about her morality or rather her lack of it. Lou never complained but what she feared was that all this would end up affecting Kid and the children more than it was already doing. "I want us to live where you can feel free and as happy as you deserve," Kid carried on. "Maybe all this, you know, the flood, is some kind of sign telling us to start somewhere else afresh. Nothing ties us down here and I feel this is something we should have done before."

"And where do you think we should go?" Lou asked. She wasn't going to try to change his mind or question his decision because going away was something she had desired to do for too long.

"To the beginning," Kid replied and at Lou's frown, he smiled as he said, "Rock Creek."

"Rock Creek?" Lou echoed with a hesitating tone.

"I have some money in the bank that can get us going for a while," Kid explained. "I can find a job there, get a small place first, and then who knows… Lou, you know the children will be happier in Rock Creek, and we both love the open spaces, the wildness. You always say how happy we were there and moreover, we won't be alone. Our family is there."

Louise sighed. "Are you sure they're my family too?" she asked bitterly. "I doubt they have good memories about me."

"Don't say that! They love you and never forgot about you. I know that," Kid exclaimed. "When I write to Rachel, telling her we're going, she's going to be as happy as a child on Christmas Day."

Lou stared at him with a serious expression as fear gripped her soul. "Kid, please don't say anything about me when you write to her."

"Why not, Lou?"

"Just because."

"I… I don't understand," Kid replied. "What on earth are you afraid of?"

"Nothing."

"Lou…"

Louise sighed tiredly once again. "I just don't want you to get into trouble with them because of me. I'm sure Rachel will be happy to have you back, but I'm not sure if she will when she learns we're together."

"Lou, you're not making any sense. It's Rachel, Teaspoon and Buck. You can't really be serious if you think they might turn you down. And in the very far-fetched case they did, they'd be refusing me too. Lou, you're my one and only. What happens to you happens to me."

"I… I know," Lou replied awkwardly. "But I'd rather you not tell."

"All right. I won't say a word," Kid answered as she brought her closer and hugged her. "You know something? After all, I reckon it would be nice to hide you like a big surprise to throw in the last moment. When they see you appear, they will be doubly pleased. And Lou, please, don't worry about anything. We're going to start a new life and I'll work my fingers to the bone to make you and the children happy. I promise."

Louise nodded against his neck, and couldn't help the tears from shining in her eyes. She looked forward to leaving town, but the idea of facing the past and herself terrified her. A powerful pressure squeezed her chest and an irritating, nagging voice kept shouting within her. Yet, she tried to ignore all the signs. This was a new beginning and like Kid said, they would be happy. But then why couldn't she share his enthusiasm? Why was she so afraid? There was something wrong in all this, something that came from inside her and sooner or later it will come up to the surface.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

Kid and Lou decided to set their departing date two weeks later. That way Lou's leg would heal completely and besides, there were lots of things to sort out before they could set off for the west. The property had to be sold and as Kid had foreseen, he had got half of what he had paid for it five years ago. At least, that money would help them to get by until they could settle down in Rock Creek. In a way, all this was like a strange dream. Their circumstances weren't too good, but Kid was really dreaming of starting from scratch in such a dear place as Rock Creek. It was there where he and Lou had lived many beautiful and unforgettable moments, where they had learned to love each other and where they had planned to settle down after the wedding that never took place. This felt like a second chance, and Kid swore to himself that things would be different this time.

Instead of a letter, Kid decided to send Rachel a telegram, briefly telling her about his intentions. After too many attempts, he had been unable to write a letter without mentioning Lou's name because right now his whole life revolved around her and their children. There was nothing that didn't have her essence, her stamp. Things had changed so much since she came back to him that Kid could hardly remember how he had been before. So writing a letter without mentioning her sounded too fake, like a lie, so after all those failures, he had finally given up and decided to send her a wire.

Rachel had reacted to his telegram as expected. Kid had received another one from her just the following day, and even though the message was short and to the point, he could read her mood behind the words. Kid knew that Lou's fears were ridiculous and once Rachel and the rest learned that Louise was fine and they were in love, they'd be overjoyed. Lou's name had always been brought up in the few times Kid had seen Rachel, Teaspoon, Buck or even Cody and Jimmy. They had always wondered where she was and Kid knew that they longed to learn about her.

The news of their plans to move west hadn't been received in the same way by everybody. On learning about his friend's decision, Paul had been the first to be glad for him and after talking to Kid, he had opted for joining him and would be travelling west with him. Kid was happy that Paul had decided to tag along; it was a long and difficult way to Rock Creek and he'd feel more reassured having another man with him when crossing those insecure lands. He knew Lou was a perfect travelling companion, one he could trust, but with two children, Kid thought that two men would dissuade highwaymen from attacking an apparently easy target.

Apart from Paul, few seemed happy with their decision. Since Christine learned about it, she had been in a moaning mood. She kept saying she didn't want them to go and how much she was going to miss them. Naturally, she understood the reasons they were leaving, but that didn't prevent her from expressing her unhappiness about it. Likewise, Joseph got a bit upset when his parents had let him know they were going to depart from Richmond. He didn't understand why he had to go away, leave his friends, his school, everything. Yet, Louise had talked to him and little by little the boy was coming around. Despite everything, he seemed to like the idea of travelling west where the cowboys and the Indians his favorite books were full of lived, and he was also eager to meet the family his father was always talking about.

The departure day finally came and that morning Christine's house became a whirlwind of activity as everybody moved around the house, helping to load the wagon with everything they needed for the journey. Actually, there wasn't a lot, just clothes, the bedding, some personal objects they had been able to save from the flood and some dry food. Everything else had been lost in either the fire or the flood, and as Kid usually said, they were literally going to start a new life from scratch.

Over a thousand miles separated Richmond from Rock Creek. It would take them more than two weeks to reach their destination, especially at this time of the year as the bad weather might make roads impassable and they might have to look for alternative routes. Travelling on train would be faster but also more expensive, and now more than ever they needed to look after cent by cent with extreme care.

"You ready?" Kid called as he craned his neck into the bedroom.

"Yes, just let me get Alice and we can go," Lou replied as she slipped into her coat and when he was about to turn, Kid's voice stopped her.

"Lou, wait. There's something I need to ask you." Louise looked at him with a clueless expression and Kid walked closer. He took her hands in his and brought one to his lips, kissing it. Lou smiled and Kid grinned nervously. "Lou, will you marry me?" he blurted out. Her eyes widened in surprise and her heart started to beat so strongly that she thought Kid could hear it from where he stood.

"Kid, I…" she started, but he stopped her flow of words by placing a finger on her lips.

"Lou, I know this is kind of sudden," he continued. "Probably this isn't the way a man should propose to the woman he loves. You know I am clumsy in these things, but nobody will ever love you as much as I do."

"I… I know," Louise managed to say.

"I could give you a whole list of reasons why we 'should' marry but I won't. I want you to marry me because you love me, only for that. Lou, I don't expect you to give me an answer right now. I just want you to know that whenever you're ready, I'll be waiting for you. It doesn't matter how long it takes… a week, a month, a year. You have my proposal and it'll be open until you say yes."

"What if I'm never ready?"

Kid hesitated. "I know you will be. One day. We're meant for each other, don't you think?"

Lou was about to reply when Joseph burst into the bedroom. "Ma! Pa! Mr. Vaughn wants to know when we are leaving."

"Very, very soon," Louise replied as she picked up Alice from the bed. "We were on our way downstairs."

Kid took a last bag and followed Lou out of the bedroom. Down in the living room Christine and her family were waiting to bid them goodbye. Luther had also come to see his friend off. Hugs and heartfelt words were exchanged between them as soon as Kid and Lou showed up.

"I hate goodbyes," Christine whined as she approached Louise.

"Yes, me too. But this is not a goodbye, this is a see-you-later. I can't really say when we'll see each other again, but we won't be strangers to the baby you're expecting."

Christine smiled despite herself. "Louise, you're a good woman," she said softly. "Don't listen to what people say. Believe in yourself and your family. Nothing else matters."

"Thank you," Lou replied, a lump of emotion forming in her throat and tears shining in her eyes. The two women joined in a hug and in a very low voice, Louise whispered, "Kid just proposed to me."

At the revelation, Christine quickly pulled away and stared at her friend with big eyes and an ample smile. She wanted to know more, but the men interrupted her intentions as they urged the ladies to move. Louise was already on her way out and Christine followed her hurriedly. Paul was helping Lou and the children settle in the back of the wagon and when Christine tried to get closer, Kid intercepted her.

"Aren't you gonna say goodbye to your brother-in-law or what?" Kid asked in a teasing tone.

"Of course, silly," Christine replied, giving him a warm embrace. "Thank you for everything, Kid. I don't know where I'd be now if it hadn't been for you."

"Please, Chris, don't mention it."

"Do me another favor. Live a happy life. You deserve it, Alistair Carmichael."

Kid blushed as he muttered, "I'll try."

"There are rumors in this part of the country that wedding bells might peal for you in Rock Creek."

At her comment Kid chuckled. "Chris, she hasn't answered yet."

"But you know she will. And I really wish you both the best."

"Thank you, Christine," Kid said. "I'll miss you and Matt, and well… it's time to go now." Christine nodded and he nodded onto the wagon seat. He'd be driving and Paul would ride, and then they'd change places during the journey. Kid turned his head inside the wagon and smiled when he saw Lou and the children. "Everyone all right in there?"

"Yes, pa!" Joseph exclaimed enthusiastically and Louise simply nodded in reply.

"And my little girl?" Kid asked again.

"Your girl is fine too," Louise replied with a smile as she turned Alice to Kid. The baby squealed happily and the two adults and Joseph laughed.

"Then let's go to Rock Creek," Kid announced.

"Yeah, let's go," agreed Lou. Kid then flapped the reins on the horses and the carriage finally started moving. From her position Lou waved at Christine and the rest with a heavy heart. Despite all the suffering and bad memories, she was going to miss Richmond, where she had re-met Kid after so many years and where she had started to have a family again. Life was rewarding her…maybe unjustly and there was a strange sensation in the pit of her stomach which told her that this wasn't her place. Lou was trying her best to ignore her black thoughts and focus on the present. She wanted to believe that this was really for her and she wouldn't spoil things this time. There were three people who counted on her and for them she would do anything, even pretend that she was comfortable with the new life they were about to begin.

**THE END**

**If you want to read what happens to Kid and Lou in Rock Creek, you'll be able to do soon in the sequel "Unbury My Spirit" which I'll start posting tomorrow. **

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**Thanks to those who have followed this story and left feedback, especially AA, brankell, and Gina. It means the world to me since I've always felt this little story of mine was kind of snubbed. he he Once again thanks to my beta-reader, Ellie, who made this dark plot better with her wise advise. **


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